Chapter Twenty Seven

Helen's lawyer, Marion stood alone looking every bit the consummate professional in her wig and robe at the top of the staircase, waiting patiently to greet her client who was running ten minutes late.

"I'm sorry, Marion." Helen took two stairs at a time and breathless paused at the top. She had been rushing around like a blue-arsed fly all morning and she felt as harassed as she appeared. "I've had a hell of a night and I slept in." Helen's dry, bloodshot eyes backed up her story. She hadn't even gone to bed after she had got home from the hospital. She had taken an forty-five minute nap on the sofa and slept through the alarm on her phone. It was only by stroke of luck that the postman had a parcel for her or she would still have been sound asleep.

"Not a problem. There's not much to report yet. But I am assured that session will start on time." Helen looked around.

"No Claire yet?" Claire had always been the one there to greet her but she didn't seem to be around this morning.

"Ah, no. Claire won't be here this morning. She's asked that I deal solely with the case today as she feels she can't be partisan when she has feet in two camps. She said you would understand what she meant." Helen felt her spirit sink at the news her best friend had backed out on helping her on what could quite possibly be the most difficult day of her life. Yet she fully understood and accepted why Claire had to remain impartial and, in a way, she was thankful for the detachment. She was also thankful for the friendly stroke of Marion's hand on her arm. "Don't worry, Helen. I know this case inside out. I probably know more than you do." The barrister offered a friendly smile that put Helen immediately at ease. She may have been a ball breaker by reputation but it didn't show. "I don't have time to brief you on much. Ellidah is with Lord Henderson now for an informal chat - legal protocol to make sure the child understands what is happening and to see how well adjusted she is and how much of this situation she understand."

"She's three years old! How well adjusted should she be? How much is she supposed to understand?" Helen's voice seeped of agitation. "And she's ill…she shouldn't be out, she should be home and in bed." Helen's concern earned her a new crease-line on her forehead.

"Stop getting worked up, it's fruitless. By law, we have to follow strict procedures. No one said we had to like any of them…we just get on with it as best we can. I am sure it's the same in your profession." Helen had to agree that it was exactly the same. Nine times out of ten, the protocol's put in place by the Home Office angered her to bursting point. She was sure half of them breached human rights but her hands were tied, and so, she had to acknowledge, were Marion's.

"I'm just terrified about how today is going to play out. Up until now all the sign posts have been there and it's all been rather civilised, but knowing I'll have to take to the stand shortly and bear my soul…it's unnerving me a little." Her stomach involuntarily flipped at the though. "Well, a lot actually…"

"You have nothing to be unnerved about!" Marion sounded like a chastising school headmistress.

"No? I've escorted prisoners to court umpteen times and watched them cross examined by the legal teams. Present company excluded but, your lot are like coyotes with a corpse when you get going. I just have an awful feeling I'm going to be torn to shreds and left as a bleeding carcass in there." Marion laughed at the description of barristers that really wasn't far off the mark. The chase and hunt in the court room had never intimidated her though, far from it in fact; it excited her. The buzz from the verbal sparring with the opposition was better than any illegal high she had come across. Although, Helen's allegory did make her wonder what it would be like to be on the receiving end of legal interrogation …that may have been a different kettle of fish entirely.

"Nicola Wade's lawyer, Jonathan, is a corporate solicitor. He has had absolutely no litigation experience before this trial. He's a glorified accountant. When you're up on the stand, think of him as a snappy little Chihuahua rather than a coyote." Marion winked at her and from the grin that formed on Helen's lips, it looked as though her placating seemed to be working. "Today will be over before you know it and your life will return to normal. But for now… come on, let's go win this thing."

A pristinely suited and booted Nikki stood alongside Trisha who was dressed far more casually in linen trousers and a light v-necked blouse as they waited on Ellidah and Jonathan to return to them from the Judges chambers.

"I thought this would only take ten minutes." Nikki snapped. "I need a fag." She paced back and forth with her hands in her trouser pockets toying with her lighter.

"It's a sleep you need by the look of you." Nikki shot her a dirty look and took a cigarette from the packet, only to have it snatched from her hand. "It has only been fifteen minutes and you can't leave now. Ignore the craving." The court clerk looked over in their direction. Their heated exchange had echoed her way and she didn't look pleased at the distraction.

"What's she looking at?" Nikki hissed tersely as she made eye contact with the older, pompous looking woman at the desk.

"Nikki!" Trisha widened her eyes and took her by the arms. "I know you, and I know when you are about to go off on one. As your closest friend, I am begging you to take a deep breath and calm down. I can't be with you in that court room today and I know Jon has no control over you. So please, Nikki, for me…wind your neck in."

"I'm wound up!" Trisha followed Nikki's eye line and she could see she had locked her gaze on Helen Stewart and her barrister. "Where's your girlfriend? Not showing up today, eh? You must have worn her out over the weekend!" Trisha had never hit a single person in her life but right now she felt like Nikki warranted a slap. The only thing that saved her from receiving one was her location and the number of witnesses.

"Your petulance knows no bounds, does it? God, you are infuriating!" The blondes piercing blue eyes creased in derision.

"She thinks so, as well." Nikki nodded in the direction of Helen. "Can't stand the sight of me."

"What have you done now?" Trisha chided Nikki like she were a child and it was warranted, for she was acting like one.

"Always my fault, isn't it?"

"Well, yes, normally it is!" Trisha took a deep breath and in order to try and placate Nikki, she softened her voice. "Want to talk about it?"

"Nah. No point now. I've fucked everything up. The funny thing is, she said this would happen and she was right."

"You're talking in riddles, Nik." Trisha looked perplexed at her ex's ramblings. "Are you talking about Helen?" She presumed that was the case, considering Nikki had yet to take her eyes from where the small Scot was standing.

"The one and only Helen bloody Stewart. Who else?" There was a slight slur to Nikki's bitter words that worried Trisha.

"Have you been drinking?" The accusation hung tensely in the air until Nikki shook her head.

"Not nearly enough." She answered, flippantly.

"Nikki!"

"Calm down. I got a little tipsy last night and now I am 100% sober. I just haven't slept, that's all." Trisha wasn't entirely sure that there wasn't still some alcohol in Nikki's bloodstream. All she could do was hope by the time she was called to be cross-examined, she would have dropped the bitter Betty routine and her aggression would have simmered down enough for her to win the appeal and not be held in contempt of court.

As Trisha was about to give Nikki a piece of her mind on appropriate social behaviours, the heavy wooden oak door to the judges chambers opened and a sprightly three year old ran towards her and into her open arms, with Jonathan lagging behind.

"That was fun!" Ellidah's enthusiasm dampened down any anxieties Nikki had in regards to the child's welfare. Despite her still only being a mere toddler, Nikki's greatest fear was this whole situation would have some lasting psychological affect in later years. But by the sounds of it, she was worrying for nothing.

"Yeah? Well, how about you tell Trisha all about it on the way home?" Ellidah nodded enthusiastically, gave Nikki a sloppy kiss on her cheek and jumped down from Nikki's arms to take the blondes hand. In the process she spotted Helen across the hallway talking to Marion.

"Look, Mummy, it's 'len!" She jumped on the spot excitedly, her gap-toothed grin wide as she tugged forcefully at Trisha's hand to try and break free. "I want to go see her."

"Helen's busy just now, baby. You can see her later. I promise." For the first time that morning Nikki spoke some sense. She bent down to try and rationalise with the child but it was no use. Ellidah wanted Helen and that was the end of it.

"No, now!" She stamped her right foot against the marble floor and burst into unashamed tears that echoed around the acoustically-challenged building. She was only a few screams away from causing a scene when Trisha lifted her up tightly into a hug, the childish wails muffled against her shoulder. The outburst was a sure fire sign she was tired, and it was really no wonder given the weekend she had endured. She looked ok on the outside but as she cried, her chest rattled painfully, reminding everyone how sick she really was.

"I'll get this little madam home and into bed. Call me when it's over. And good luck!" With her free hand she crossed her fingers and swiftly left before she was told to leave by the clerk of court.

"You look tense." Jonathan made the obvious statement and he was lucky that Nikki was so dog-tired that she had no energy left to offer back a sarcastic retort.

"Yeah, well, I am tense. I'm shit scared if you must know." She bit her bottom lip as hard as she could in order not to cry. She wasn't one for public displays of emotion if she could help it. She liked to keep a hard façade of unconscious self-protection.

"You'll be fine." Jonathan, never one for a comforting word, didn't seem to be paying all that much attention to her wellbeing. If he had been good with people he would have become a psychiatrist but his chosen profession said everything you needed to know about him. "There's no time for last minute nerves. The clerk has opened the doors and they're going in. Let's go get seated."

Everything in court was slow, even the coffee machine took its damn time. Procedures made everything drag along painful and if you didn't have the patience of a Saint, then you had better quickly learn fortitude.

QC, Lord Henderson, in his expensive black, silk robes, took to the bench and the court rose to its feet, both out of protocol and out of respect, until he was comfortably seated and ready to proceed. At his request, everyone sat back down, except Jonathan and Marion. Briefly they glanced at each other, a curt yet amicable nod affirming they were each content to continue.

"Council for Stewart vs. Wade, please approach the bench"

While Marion and Jonathan quietly conversed with the judge, Nikki took the opportunity to take a chaste look over to Helen. The woman looked exactly how she felt. Browbeaten and worn out. Her head was bowed solemnly as she absentmindedly toyed with the button on her suit jacket. Suddenly she looked up, aware she was being watched and Nikki snapped her head back around to face the front. But not before she noticed that the sparkle that normally twinkled in Helen's eyes was gone. Now they emanated the same fear she felt.

The silence was deafening. No one dared speak and interrupt the intense discussion of the legal team; not even a whisper was heard in the gallery.

The whole process was monotonous, to say the least. Unlike the fast-paced excitement of a Television Courtroom drama, things tended to be a lot slower and far less exuberant in real life.

Nikki eagerly eyed the two barristers in front of her. Jonathan was nothing but a plodding bureaucrat and what Nikki needed was a maverick to whom rules were only made to be broken. She needed a legal representative who had as much fire in his belly as she did. She silently admonished herself for listening to Trisha at the beginning of the trial when she proposed firing Jonathan and representing herself. But it was all far too late for what if's and coulda, woulda, shoulda's. She would have to fire with the best bullets she had.

"Can I please have Miss Nicola Wade take the stand." Nikki broke free from her thoughts and stood, her body language rigid with willpower and determination yet inside she shook. Her long legs wobbled yet surprisingly they took her to the stand without buckling beneath her.

The shrill scraping of the chair legs dragging across the floor as she pulled out her seat echoed in the stilted silence, followed by the tapping of Marion's heels clomping towards her. Nikki could tell by the indomitable determination in her eyes that she meant business. Marion was ready to cut right through the bullshit.

"Miss Wade, can I cut right to the chase and ask if it is correct that yourself and your partner, Miss Patricia Harris, who you originally jointly adopted Ellidah with, have now parted ways and are living separate lives?" Marion's opening sentence spoken in a crisp, refined Scottish accent that was far more subtle than Helens reverberated around the room. She had gone straight for the jugular. Nikki had been right - she wasn't going to mess around.

"That is correct, yes." Nikki's jaw tensed immediately. She wanted to scream that her private life was no ones damn business but Trisha's words of wisdom from before echoed in her inner ear. She couldn't take the risk of such a virulent outburst. Ellidah was worth so much more than her self-esteem and her pride.

"And one would assume you are now bringing the child up on you own. That must be difficult, considering you run a well-established business where the hours are rather nocturnal." There was no direct question yet Nikki felt the implications put forward warranted a reply.

"Yes, I am raising her on my own, like many thousands of parents do. However, unlike many of them, my business, anti-social hours or not, allows me to afford luxuries in life that most other children could only dream of."

"Good parenting is not about money, Ms Wade. Good parenting is about love, and certainly not love that you have to buy." Marion knew the buttons she was pushing and she didn't have to second guess if her goading was working. Nikki's eyes shone of vehement rage. She wanted to pull the barrister across the bench and throttle her until she recanted every word that defamed her character. "Would I also be right in then assuming that one of these luxuries is an expensive, professional nanny?"

"I don't believe in childminders - certainly not strangers from a "dial a babysitter" company." Nikki scoffed.

"But surely you have someone in place to take care of the child when you are at work or have important business?"

"I have friends!"

"Friends?" Marion's tone was scathing. "And these friends have been professionally background checked?"

"They've been vetted by me and that's plenty!" Nikki's hackles had risen and she dug her short fingernails painfully into the palms of her hands to stop herself from lashing out further.

"And you think that is safe? To leave your child with a friend, who in reality could be just about anyone? It is known fact that most convicted child sex-offenders start out as friends of the family, Ms Wade."

"The friends that take care of Ellidah for me when I need it are women!"

"Lesbian women?" Nikki didn't like where this implication from Marion was going.

"Actually, no. The one person who takes Ellidah in the evenings I work is Heterosexual - not that it matters one bit who she sleeps with!" Nikki shot back, enraged that she should even have to justify her friends sexual preferences.

"This woman you refer to; that would Mrs Yvonne Atkins? The same Yvonne Atkins who spent eighteen months in Larkhall prison awaiting the manslaughter trial of her gangster husband, Charles Atkins?" Marion almost smirked as she spoke.

"She was cleared of all charges! Yvonne is an innocent woman." Nikki knew Yvonne's history all too well. She knew about the dodgy business deals, the underhand tactics, the bribery, the intimidation - and she knew Yvonne was at the top of the tree barking out the orders, but none the less, the woman had been an amazing friend to her for decades. During times when no one else was there, Yvonne had never left her side. The ball-busting, five foot tall red head may have ran some very questionable services but at the crux, she was a staunchly loyal, marshmallow hearted sap who Ellidah had wrapped around her little finger. Not for one second would she have put that child's safety in jeopardy and if for one second Nikki though she would have, she would have terminated the friendship.

"According to you she is innocent but I very much doubt the Metropolitan Police would agree with you. But, irrespective of whether she is blameless or not, Ms Atkins has a long history of violence and gangland activity on her record. If this is the kind of people you associate with and are happy to leave your daughter with, I question your ability to parent and I think Lord Henderson should, too!" Nikki didn't know how to respond. A lump formed in her throat blocking all sensible formation of words. The doubts about her ability to parent that had been chipping away began to resurface. It was the same doubts that had led her to take Ellidah to Helen's home the previous evening. "You don't seem to discount my claims."

"Why bother. You'll just turn everything I say around on me. I'm surprised he haven't accused me of sleeping with Yvonne!"

"Have you been?" Marion countered and Nikki rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Of course I bloody haven't. I'm not interested in her in that way, and neither is she. I told you, she's straight, we are old friends and she's been good to me. Nothing more, nothing less!"

"But you are an attractive woman, and now that you're single…surely there's been ample opportunity for you to have a little carnal fun. You were in a relationship with Ms Harris for almost a decade. Don't tell me that now you are free you haven't been sampling the delights your nightclub has to offer."

"There's been no one special." Nikki shrugged and let her eyes drift over to Helen's side of the room as she spoke. She knew she was not being entirely truthful. There had been someone - perhaps not so much in deed, but most certainly in thought. "Ellidah is my primary focus. I don't need a string of one night stands or to sew my wild oats, thank you very much. Maybe you would shag anything that walked but I'm rather picky myself." Helen briefly smiled at Nikki's retort. Initially her heart had sank when Nikki had said there been no one special but something deep down told her the words were mere self-preservation and no more.

"And in the future? Will there be a revolving door of women flitting in and out of your daughters life? I would imagine she will have a tough enough time at school being the adoptive child of a lesbian, without also having to cope with adapting to your new life partners."

"Ellidah will do just fine at school because by then, I will have explained to her just how natural two women being in love is and she will be armed for the questions that arise from the children raised by bigots. And as for me introducing her to innumerable women…I can say with certainty, it will not happen. When and if I do bring home a woman, singular, it will be because I am in love with her and I am in no doubt it will be lasting forever."

"Forever is for fairytales, Ms Wade." She stared at Nikki briefly before breaking eye contact. "That will be all, your honour."

Marion shuffled back to the table were Helen was still seated and Nikki, after taking a moment to calm herself, followed suit. As she placed herself back in the uncomfortable wooden chair she inhaled deeply and looked skyward in an act of relief that the gruelling bit was over. But for Helen it was all still to come.

Nikki cast another glance across at the Scot who was engaged in thoughtful conversation with Marion, who was undoubtedly briefing her client on what not to say on the stand. Even when she looked concerned and concentrated, Helen had an air of beauty about her that bowled Nikki over. The woman had an unmistakable presence that, as much as Nikki tried to fight against it, she was incontestably besotted.

"You did great up there." Jonathan tapped her hand reassuringly and it brought her back to earth. His tone had a smidgen more enthusiasm about than it had done previously and she was sure there was a fleeting twinkle of happiness behind his grey eyes.

"I feel like I've ballsed it up. That woman's a viper!" Nikki couldn't help but sneer in bitter disapproval for the way she had just been spoken to. Marion may have been doing a job but it was a lecherous one as far as she was concerned.

"You kept calm, yet you most certainly gave as good as you got. I am proud of you, Nicola." He patted her hand again and stood. "But now it's my turn to be a snake."

Helen was already seated in the chair Nikki had kept warm for her when Jonathan Myer's approached her.

"Miss Stewart," He formally greeted Helen with a curt acknowledgement before turning away from her. "Can I start by asking - Would it be fair to say you were compos mentis at the time your daughter was handed over to an adoption agency?" He addressed the room instead of looking directly at Helen.

"I was of sound mind in the literal sense, yes, but…" Helen started to answer his first question but was rudely cut off as Jonathan continued. She was about to tell him that despite not being what would have been classed as certifiable at that point, she certainly wasn't in any coherent frame of mind to be decision making.

"Okay. And would it be accurate of me to say that you never intended to keep your daughter?"

"No, it would not be accurate!" Helens normally mild Scottish brogue thickened as she angered. "Not once did it even enter my mind that I would not be the one to take care of and raise my child." She wanted to grab hold of the lawyer and make him look at her as spoke. His theatrical nonchalance was irritating her.

"So why then did you give her up?" Jonathan looked bored as Helen sat in silence for a considerable amount of time after he asked the question. He was about to put the question to her again when he heard a muffled response.

"I didn't" Helen finally answered in a sad whisper that barely audible to the room.

"Well surely you must have or none of us would be here today!" Jonathan bit back, his impatience growing.

"I did not give Ellidah up for adoption." There was no mistaking Helen's words this time for they were almost shouted out in anger.

"Miss Stewart, I ask on behalf of myself and Lord Henderson that you cease from playing games."

"I'm not playing games." Helen's wing governor alter-ego pushed through and snapped sternly the way she would have with a hostile prisoner in her charge. Work was the only place she ever felt she had a modicum of power when every other part of her life left her vulnerable. To get through this she would have to channel that personae.

"Well if you did not take your daughter to the adoption agency; who did?" Jonathan jeered haughtily in his cut glass English accent but didn't expect the sudden and surprising answer.

"My father!" Helen bowed her head and her steely alter-ego faded to dust and in it's place, Helen Stewart the fearful little girl who grew up under the dictatorship of a man who ruled with an iron fist emerged. Without pause she burst into tears. She had blocked out all memories of that man and now she was being made to remember him and remember the agony she had been through throughout the years. Now, as a 32 year old woman she sat in a room packed full of strangers about to bear her bleeding soul and it pained her.

Helen wasn't the only one feeling the emotional pain. Nikki felt a knife pierce the centre of her heart as she watched Helen sob uncontrollably, knowing she couldn't just go over and offer her the comfort she needed. She had seen Helen well up before but this level of heartbreak from the normally staunch Scot was new to her. She willed Helen to make eye contact so she could at least offer her a look of sympathy but she didn't raise her head.

Jonathan quickly looked down at his notes, taken aback by information that he, nor anyone else in the courtroom seemed privy to.

"Your Father?" Jonathan questioned as he turned to look at Nikki who signified with her gestures that she was just as bamboozled as he was by the sudden revelation. "Can you elaborate for me?"

It took Helen a moment to compose herself and look up towards the sea of faces staring intently at her. All eyes were on her, expectantly and impatiently looking for an explanation and as she began her story, she drifted back three years, right to the beginning.