Lookie here: I wrote something without any angst! It's a miracle, guys, you should all be very proud.

It was great that Dean and Cas had gotten together. Really, it was! Sam was glad they had finally stopped dancing around each other and having intense eyefucks where everyone could see.

Although he'd appreciate if they'd stop actually fucking in motels with really thin walls, or at least get Cas to soundproof their room before they did the deed. Seriously. It was only common courtesy.

But noooooo, they just had to have really loud sex whenever Sam was trying to sleep. Or read. Or eat. Or do anything, really. With a scowl, Sam threw down the book of lore he'd been distractedly flipping through, running his hands through his hair.

"Fuck, Cas, right there."

To make it all worse, his brother was really freakin' loud during sex. Like, all the time. Dean literally never shut up.

"Oh, holy fuck," the words were more of a groan than anything.

Childishly sticking his fingers in his ears, Sam closed his eyes and rested his head against the bed's headboard, trying to block out the obscene noises from next door.

His attempt at blocking his hearing was half-decent, as he didn't even hear Gabriel pop in. "Heya, kiddo, what's goin'—"

"Ooooooh~"

Sam's eyes snapped open only to come face to face with a raised eyebrow from Gabriel. "I guess that answers that question," the archangel murmured, looking faintly amused. "Having fun?"

"If you—oh, my God—keep doin' that, I'm gonna—I'm gonna—Jesus fucking Christ, Cas."

Sam gestured to the wall frantically. "Soundproof. Please. Now," he whined, screwing his eyes shut again.

"Oh, I dunno, Sammy," he could almost hear Gabriel's smirk. Bastard. "Seems kinda funny to me. Man, maybe I shoulda just done this instead of the whole Mystery Spot thing. I guess it isn't too late to change that now . . . hm, what do you think? I could manipulate a few of your memories, if you want."

That sounded pretty great, actually. There were more than a few brain-bleachable moments in Sam's life, this definitely being one of them. In response, Sam only groaned, falling sideways onto the bedsheets and curling into a ball.

"Cas, Cas, Cas, please—"

He was not imagining actions to go with those sounds. He was not imagining his brother being fucked by an angel of the Lord. He was not imagining anything at all—whatsoever—no way, no how—nope—nada—nix—nu-uh—no.

Gabriel simply moved to sit on the end of the bed, obviously holding back a snicker. "Now, see here, there's some things in life you just gotta learn to deal with. One of them is—"

"Dean, I—ohh~"

"—definitely not listening to your brother have sex," Gabriel finished, eyes going as wide as saucers. Without missing a beat, he snapped his fingers and the room suddenly fell silent. "Well, that's one sound I'll never be able to forget," he wrinkled his nose with a shudder.

"Not so fun when you're on the receiving end, is it?" Sam taunted.

Gabriel smirked, giving him a mischievous look. "I wouldn't know much about being on the receiving end, now would I? That's really more your area, isn't it?"

"You're awful," he rolled his eyes.

"That's not what you said last night, Sammykins~" Gabriel leaned forward, fluttering his eyelashes.

With a snort, Sam pushed him away, swinging his legs off the edge of the bed and making to leave.

"Y'know," Gabriel called after him. "I could make the sound proofing one-way. We could, I don't know, give 'em a little payback. I betcha they're done by now." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, rolling over to lie on his stomach, head perched on his folded hands. "What better way to ruin their afterglow, hm? Whaddaya say, Sam? Release your inner exhibitionist? I promise I can make you scream—"

Sam was already kissing him harshly, fingers tangling themselves in his honey-hued hair.