Apartment Roulette

AN: A little one shot inspired by 5x09. Once I have more time to write, I will get back to my other stories.

Summery: 5 times Kurt and Blaine tried to share the loft with one of their friends and one time they knew it was time to move out.

Spoilers: for 5x09 and some speculation on Dantana based on Demi Lovato's contract expiring

1.) Santana

After Berry throws a hissy fit and moves out, things are weird for a bit. It's just her and the ghost boy now and she never realized how much he was pining after gel helmet when Berry was around and made sure the spotlight was always on her. In short, she can't wait for the never ending school year to end after all and the hobbit to graduate after what she is pretty sure is his sixth year of high school and move in with them.

A week after graduation, she's regretting her wishes and ready to kick them both to the curb. She's like a lizard who always needs a warm body around her and therefor the last person to tell someone to have less sex, but do they have to do it on ALL of their furniture? It took her half an hour to drag two chairs upstairs from where she found them behind a dumpster and now they are ruining them. She's actually afraid to go through the apartment with a black light and that's saying something coming from her. After all, she isn't the neatest person in the world, but! But she'd like to have a date of her own without having to remove the boys underwear from between the couch cushions and collect condom wrappers from the coffee table.

Two weeks after the hobbit moves in, she's busy getting her mack on on the couch, when the door is shoved open and Handerson – see what she did there – stumble inside. Kurt's shirt is already off and Blaine's pants are pooling around his knees.

"Oh, you are here," Kurt giggles and Santana can tell they are both drunk as hell by the lack of blushing.

"I told you I'm having company tonight," she hisses before pointing at the large reminder pinned to the fridge.

"Oops," Blaine snorts before he drags Kurt through the loft as fast as he can and behind their curtain.

Her - 100% lesbian, 'I don't need to hear two guys going at it – date flees the apartment during the second yell of 'right there, right there, oh my fucking god'.

Instead of getting an apology the next morning, she has to nurse them back to health and clean up after Kurt when he pukes into the sink because the hobbit is already hugging the toilet.

Another week passes and Santana comes home from a double shift at the dinner and grueling Funny Girl rehearsal to find every surface in the loft covered with wedding magazines and folders. She tries to ignore the fact that Bridezilla has taken over her apartment and makes her way to her 'room' for a nap, but once she pushes the curtains aside, she discovers a ginormous seating chart covering her bed.

"Hijos de puta!" she curses loudly before stomping over to their room. Unfortunately, the boys are passed out on top of the blankets and are either not waking up when she yells at them or very good at ignoring her. After debating what to do for a moment, she pushed at Kurt until there's enough space for her to squeeze in next to them.

Santana lasts four and a half weeks with gay and gayer but she concedes defeat when the hobbit surprises her in the shower during 'me time' because he confused her with Kurt.

She swears on her mother's grave that she isn't out to steal Rachel's role and even gives it to her in writing and only a day later, they trick Artie to move into the larger loft and Santana moves into the loft next door that Berry was sharing with Artie and Trouty since their graduation.

2.) Artie

When Artie begs Rachel to move back in with Kurt after only three days of sharing with Kurt and Blaine, he swears it isn't because they are bad roommates or that they really have nothing in common or he is kind of disillusioned because Blaine isn't all that great if you have to live with him. It also isn't because they both need more time in the bathroom than any girl he ever dated did and it also has nothing do to with the fact that Kurt's constant offers to dress him fucking annoyed him.

He blames it on furniture arrangement and the apartment not being wheel chair accessible like the one next door. When that doesn't work, he confides in Rachel that Kurt misses her so much but is too proud to beg her to come back. Works like a charm.

3.) Rachel

It's so great to finally live with people again who don't mind her bursting into songs but will always sing with her, Rachel decides on her first day back in her old loft. After moving out, she had wanted to get her own place in Manhattan to show them all that she was a star now who didn't need to live with her friends in Brooklyn anymore, but fortunately her dads had talked her out of it and advised her to save the money. Living with Artie and Sam hadn't been her idea of a good time, but she'd been pleasantly surprised. Now that she is back with her best gay and ex-flame though, things should be spectacular again.

Or so she thought. What she didn't think about was that she'd be faced daily with a newly engaged couple in love. It's not that they are constantly doing it – she thankfully has a great white noise machine – but it's seeing how they are with each other. How Blaine keeps his showers short in the morning if he gets up first to make sure that Kurt has enough hot water or how they keep bringing home little gifts for the other just because they can and they saw something that reminded them of the other.

Seeing them in love and happy together hurts more than she thought it would. And sometimes she even resents Kurt just a little bit. Because he's getting his happily ever after and she isn't.

She'd been so angry with Finn for dropping her off at the train station when she thought she was getting married. And then he'd gone MIA. What was she supposed to do? Sit around and pine for him? The heroine of a story didn't do that. Men fought for her and if they didn't, the heroine moved on to someone willing to do so.

It's one of her biggest regrets. That she expected him to wait around for her while she was out living her life. In her little fantasy, he would have dropped everything the moment she showed up at McKinley a star. They would have kissed in front of his glee club – who would have been in awe of her – and Finn would have forgotten all about the girl he may or may not have been dating. That detail changed a lot.

And now she is constantly faced with Kurt and Blaine rubbing it in what she could have had as well had she fought for Finn and not snuck out of their hotel room during Mr. Schue's not wedding like he was nothing more than a one night stand with a stranger. She truly believed they were meant to be – some day. But now, she would never get that some day, while Kurt, who found it in his heart to forgive Blaine for doing something much worse, is planning the wedding of his dreams.

She loves them both dearly, but having to be around all that happiness hurts too much. When she shows up next door three weeks after moving, her face wet with tears, she doesn't have to explain anything. No begging or trickery is necessary. Sam offers to switch places with her immediately.

4) Sam

Moving in with the boys is going to be awesome, Sam thinks. After all, he and Blaine are BFFS, Blam!, and now that Blaine doesn't have the hots for him anymore, he is sure that he and Kurt are cool as well. And everything is great a first. Blaine plays video games with him when Kurt is at work and twice a week they work out together. And Kurt helps him put together those awesome outfits when he is interviewing for a modeling gig. Also, he makes those awesome deserts that Sam shouldn't even be eating, but they are just that good. And the best thing, after some teasing, he makes his own costume and helps the Blonde Chameleon and Night Bird keep the scum off the streets.

After a week of living with them, he is sure his friends have been exaggerating, because he hasn't heard them have sex once and even if he did, he's sure he'd be totally cool with it. The second week he realizes they were only trying to be polite at first, because once they are all comfortable living together, all bets are off. And he sees more of his BFF and Kurt than he ever wanted to.

See, they seem to forget that he lives there as well and keep wandering into the living area without any clothes on. He's been in plenty of locker rooms so it's cool but he really doesn't need to see his best friend's junk when he is eating breakfast. And Kurt's no better, which he finds pretty ironic because he's heard all about Kurt's reaction to Brody walking around naked. Worst of all, Blaine is loud and Sam learns pretty fast that coach Sue's banner wasn't really a lie.

Sam plans to tough it out. After all the honeymoon phase has to end eventually and they'll hopefully be too busy with school come August to constantly be all over each other. When he walks in on them doing it on his bed, however, Sam knows it's time to move out. With six weeks he still lasted the longest of all his friends.

5.) Mercedes and Tina

When she and Tina visit New York at the same time, they flip a coin to see who's going to stay with Kurt and Blaine, who for some reason have one loft to themselves, while Artie, Sam, Santana and Rachel are squeezed into the other. After seeing how crowded loft 2 is already, they decide to both stay with Kurt and Blaine. Tina offers to take the couch because she's only in town for the weekend before moving into the dorms at Brown while Mercedes has plans to stay for a few weeks and check out the art scene in New York.

The weekend Tina stays with them, things are a bit weird, because apparently Kurt is still mad at Tina for something she did to Blaine. She doesn't ask because she's tried to leave the gossip in her behind at McKinley. To avoid the tension in the apartment, she drags Kurt all over town and forces him to play her tour guide. Their relationship hasn't been what it once was ever since he and Rachel grew closer, but the first weekend hanging out reminds her of why they became friends in the first place.

Also, playing tourist with Kurt helps her avoid Sam. Unfortunately, being around him is weird even though they ended on good terms. But ever since she left for L.A, Sam dated pretty much every available female in their circle of friends plus some school nurse and now it looks like he has a crush on Rachel. So, yeah, she's staying away from that drama just waiting to happen.

After two weeks of staying with her boys, Mercedes begs her parents to lend her money for a hotel room until she can get a flight back to L.A. Kurt was the first boy she had a huge crush on, but after living with him and seeing him act like a typical boy she's definitely cured for good. Before she leaves though, she tells them what their other friends should have told them some time ago. Time to get your own apartment.

+ 1. Kurt and Blaine

Whenever one of their friends had moved out, they had found a way to blame them, because he and Blaine were perfect roommates. They did the dishes, cleaned the apartment and never forgot to go grocery shopping. There always were fresh flowers to brighten the room because he and Blaine loved to bring each other gifts and they always sang or played video games with their roommates even if they rather did something else.

But Mercedes isn't wrong. They are getting married and they should have their own apartment so they won't have to constantly take their roommates' feelings into consideration. So they can be as loud as they want in bed and do it whenever they want without having to wait for their roommate to go to sleep.

With the help of Blaine's father, who's been warming up to Kurt since the engagement, they find a small one bedroom apartment a few blocks from the loft. Before the move, Artie's dad, who is an architect, talks their former landlord into letting him combine the two lofts and by the time he and Blaine move their things to their new apartment, Mr. Abrams has put in temporary walls and Santana, Sam, Artie and Rachel have taken over the now gigantic loft.

They all still hang out all the time – Blaine had to leave the piano behind in the loft - to sing together, play board games or do yoga with the girls, but now, when they want to be alone, they finally can close a door behind them and do whatever they want without worrying about roommates. It's the perfect solution, and Kurt could kick himself for not suggesting it the moment Blaine graduated.