Hi everyone! This story takes place during Mockingjay, beginning a few days after Annie, Peeta and the others have been rescued, and focusses on the evolving relationship between Katniss and Finnick as they confide in each other and help each other cope. It's a little bit altered from the books in places, because Annie in this story is a lot more unstable, and it will have a different outcome, although I do use little snippets of Collins' dialogue which I obviously don't own! I'm not sure how many chapters it will end up being yet, but please do give it a go and let me know what you think! Reviews are always, always appreciated. Enjoy! Donna xx

Chapter One

I hear the door quietly open, and huddle further into the dark corner of my favourite supply closet until it closes again. I assume whoever it was didn't notice me, and merely took what they came for and left, and so I relax, trying my hardest to drift into a numb sleep. It's only a few minutes later, when I hear the tiniest hiccup, that I open my eyes and see him through the gloom, sitting with his knees tightly to his chest and staring down at his rope.

I want to order him out like I would anyone else, but I can't. I nudge him gently with my foot, a silent acknowledgement that I've noticed him, and he lifts his head to look at me, his eyes bleary. I wait for Finnick to speak first.

"I was wrong." His voice is hoarse, the opposite of his usual smooth tone, "I should have known."

"What are you talking about?"

"What I said to you the other day. About the rescue."

I think back, and remember his words: Don't you see, Katniss, this will decide things. One way or the other. By the end of the day, they'll either be dead or with us. It's… it's more than we could hope for!

He's right now, and he was wrong then. They are not dead, which would have been the kindest outcome for them, and though they are present, the people we lost are certainly not back with us. Peeta is warped beyond recognition, drugged back into unconsciousness by Thirteen's medics because it's kinder than letting him stay awake to struggle with his restraints until he bleeds, to yell about his hatred for me until his throat is raw. And Annie…

"How is she?" I manage, and Finnick squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"Gone." He tells me bitterly, "Exactly as I was scared of. Before the Quell, she was barely keeping it together, but now? After what they've done to her? She's unrecognisable."

"At least she still loves you." I whisper, not going on to say what I really mean – that Peeta will never love me again. I know Finnick understands, though.

"I think she does," He admits with a sigh, "But I don't think she knows why, any more."

"She doesn't know why she loves you?"

"No. She's too out of it, Katniss; every time I think she's really here with me she lasts twenty seconds and slips back into her own little world. She can't tell her memories from her imagination, or the past from the present... She's clinging to me because she knows she's supposed to, but honest to god I think most of the time I could ask her my surname or what district we're from or what she's doing with me and she wouldn't have a clue."

This is it. This is why I'm certain that Finnick is the only person in this district who can genuinely understand how I've felt since they came back. We're both having to come to terms with the fact that the reunions we had hoped for, the relationships we'd hoped to rekindle, will never exist again. Annie and Peeta are what we've fought for, and though they are physically here, they've left us... So what are we left with?

Each other, I guess. Someone whose hand you can reach out for in the dark, like I do now, and know you'll find it seeking yours.

"You think she can get better?" I've never sounded less positive, and neither has his reply.

"No. No, I thought she could get better before, but not now. Not after the Capitol. They may not have hijacked her like they did with Peeta, but I think it's because they realised that they didn't need to. That just being confined would be enough to send her… To make her…" Finnick can't finish, and looks at me with tears in his eyes. "What am I going to do, Katniss?"

I don't have an answer, of course, so I look down, and see that while we were speaking he has mindlessly wrapped his length of rope around both of our hands where they clutch each other.

Without warning, images of Finnick in his games enter my head, of him using rope, trapping the other tributes in nets, and I know for a fact that I'm going to be sick. I wrench my hand away, stumble out of the closet and into a bathroom in a flash, barely registering that I've knocked down a stack of boxes on my way out.

I look in the mirror as I clean myself up, thankful that there's no ghastly makeup to smudge as I splash my face with water. Where did that come from? Finnick was at his most vulnerable, and somehow that equated in my head to him at his most powerful? Not just powerful but deadly. I can't judge him for what he did in his games; what we all had to do… No, the curse of being a Victor obviously just got the better of me.

I retrace my steps and open the door of the cupboard to see Finnick packing the stationery I knocked over back into its boxes. He is deliberate, methodical, and I guess this must help him as much as tying his rope does.

"Sorry." I gesture to the floor, "I just… I was thinking…" How can I explain to him what just came over me? I don't even understand it myself. Make an excuse.

"Thinking about Peeta. And how important it is for me to focus on him getting better so that we can go back to the way things were. "

Finnick scoffs, barely glancing up from his pencils. "If you say so, Girl on Fire."

"Girl on Fire?" I barely realise I've expressed my shock out loud until he looks up at me, eyebrows raised.

"Yep. That was your Capitol voice, Katniss. Just for a second there I thought I was watching you lie your way through an interview with Caesar Flickerman." I'm speechless, but it doesn't seem to matter because Finnick isn't finished, standing up to look me in the eye as he continues.

"You want to be that person with me? Fine!" He plants a wide, fake grin on his face, "Then I'll be Capitol Finnick as well, and the two of us can laugh about when all this war business blows over and we can get on with being whores in between mentoring the Hunger Games for the rest of our lives and marry Annie and Peeta who will miraculously recover and live happily ever after. That's what friends are for, huh, Katniss?"

He's stunned me. I walk away from him and ignore my dinner and my scheduled hunting time with Gale and go back to my compartment and sleep.

If only it were that simple. In my own little bed, I'm supposed to be able to get away from Peeta and from Gale and from Coin and from Annie and from all of their nonsense. Instead my dreams are full of them. For the second time today, I find that Finnick's words drift into my head: I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking.

It's 3am. Lying here is pointless. Sleep is pointless, and being awake is pointless. My body moves of its own accord, slipping out of the room silently without waking my mother or Prim and walking towards- Where? Where am I walking to?

I ought to want Gale right now, I realise. He has been my rock from the beginning; the person I can talk to and who won't hesitate to help. But since Peeta's warning and the bombing, our bond seems to have gone and his jealousy has increased tenfold, not only towards Peeta but Finnick, too. He must be crazy. Finnick hates me now.

And yet, I find I've walked to the door of his compartment without even registering. My subconscious tells me He understands you. He's who you need. My subconscious is obviously more mentally disoriented than I am. I stop myself from knocking on Finnick's door when I realise that Annie might well be inside too –in fact, yes, as I stop and listen, I can hear a female voice yelling wildly from inside.

I never in a million years thought I could miss anything about the Games or the Victory Tour, but right now I'd kill to be safely on the train with Peeta, his arms around me, knowing in my heart that he'd never willingly let go…

Well, he has. He's broken, and he's forgotten, and he's done with me. And me with him.

After racking my brains as to who could possibly help me right now, I begrudgingly settle on Johanna – although I know she won't be gentle or comfort me, she might at least knock some sense into me. When I arrive at the hospital, I find it unmanned, darkened and empty, apart from one bed in which a figure lies under the blanket but clearly awake and fidgeting.

"Johanna?" I move across and sit down in the chair next to the bed, only for the person to turn to me and shake his head.

"Nope." Finnick says, turning onto his side to face me fully, and I see the rope which his hands were busy with, "Not here." I'm so surprised that I forget our encounter this afternoon.

"Where is she? Is she ok?"

"She's got her own private room," Finnick sighs, "She's unconscious so they have to keep a close eye on her. Apparently she overdid it a little on the self-administered morphling this afternoon."

My eyes widen. "You mean she was trying to-?"

"No." He cuts me off bluntly, "No, I don't think she would. Johanna's strong, she… She just wants a way to forget and not to feel."

"She's not alone there," I mutter, looking down at my hands, and then force the courage to meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Finnick."

He nods, "I figured. I am, too. I don't think you're stupid enough to believe there's a happy ending here, for either of us. I just knew you weren't telling me something and I was surprised and I let the horrible background things take over me."

"I understand. I know that me and you shouldn't lie to each other." There's silence for a moment, only filled by the slight rustling of the sheet as he moves his hand to offer it to me. I don't hesitate to take it.

"Why'd you come to find me in the cavern, Katniss?"

"I don't know. Why'd you come to find me in the cupboard?"

He thinks for a moment. "Because you're the one who gets it. How it feels to be so conflicted. On the hovercraft, after the Quell, when you came in with that syringe… I'm sure Haymitch thought it was to defend yourself. But I know you were looking for Peeta. I know you understand that sometimes it would just be kinder for it to end."

I nod slowly, remembering Finnick's words by my bedside on that hovercraft. I wish she was dead… I wish they were all dead and we were, too. And then I remember my thoughts about Buttercup and the torch game in the cavern, and my metaphor of Peeta as the light and being out of reach but still there and how I thought if I only reached high enough, he could come back… But he's back now, and he's still more out of reach than ever. I squeeze my eyes shut and force the thoughts away, replacing them with something more trivial.

"I thought you'd be in your compartment. I heard Annie yelling in there," I blurt out, not caring that I'm admitting to Finnick that I listened outside his door.

"So she's still yelling." He says sadly, slightly increasing his pressure on my hand, "It's why I'm here. Once she's gone, she's gone for hours, and it doesn't make a single bit of difference whether I'm there with her or not. It's like I'm invisible to her." Finnick sighs heavily, "So I thought I'd come in here and see if I could get some sleep. No chance."

"Nightmares." I tell him, not even needing to ask. There's a couple of minutes of silence between us, and then Finnick shuffles aside to make some space, and I hop up beside him in the uncomfortable hospital bed. It reminds me of the last time we were here together, huddled in my bed with our dinner trays to watch the Capitol's interview with Peeta. I decide I need to tell him what drove me to the cupboard this afternoon.

"So they tried something on Peeta today." We turn to face each other as my voice breaks the silence, "They sent in a girl from our district, Delly, to try and bring some of his old memories back. Ones the Capitol hadn't touched. She was told only to speak about his childhood, and not to mention me at all. And…"

"And he brought it round to you on his own?"

I nod. "He called me a mutt, Finnick, he… He doesn't even believe I'm human."

"The state he's in, Katniss, he's not human." It's awful, but I can't disagree with him. Finnick absent mindedly picks up a piece of my hair from the pillow between us, examining it closely.

"So that's me. Why were you in the closet today?"

His face twitches slightly, as though he's contemplating telling me. I know he will, though.

"Annie." Finnick says, "She actually seemed quite with it, compared to other times. She was eating her dinner, and managing not to drift away, and then she turned to look at me with this smile… I can't describe it, Katniss. It was terrifying, like she was looking straight through me, and then she snapped out of it. And she looked a bit confused, and then focussed on me again, and calm as anything, asked me if I think the weather will be nice for this year's Hunger Games. Whether I think the head Gamemaker has anything good planned for the Quarter Quell, and what time her older brother will be home – this is Annie's brother who died when she was six. And then she picked up her fork, stood up, and threw it as hard as she could across the room, before asking me 'You are Finnick, aren't you? It's so nice to finally meet you in person after seeing you on TV for so many years.'"

"Well," I truly do not know what to say. "The state she's in, Finnick…"

"I know. It's just that I'm barely keeping it together myself." He extracts a single strand of my hair from the lock he's holding and ties a miniscule knot in it, "I don't know how I can stay – how I can stay with her when she often doesn't even know who I am, and not completely lose my own mind."

"I can't stay." I admit, "I've told Haymitch as much and he's looking for something for me in one of the districts. Probably Two."

"I wish I could go." Finnick says, accidentally tugging too hard on my hair as he ties it, and I swat his hand away. "They wouldn't let me, though. They want me to stay with her all the time, and they assume I'm happy to do it. They're so focussed on Peeta that they don't think her state is severe enough to warrant the same supervision he gets."

"The two of them…" My voice is thick, "God knows what they went through, Finnick. God knows what they did to them. I just need to get away. I can't be underground anymore, I need to breathe some air and see some trees."

"I'm the same. I'd give anything to go to Four and see the ocean."

"We'll go!" I squeeze his hand, and he smiles.

"Of course we will, Katniss. We can swim, and go on a boat." Suddenly, we aren't in Thirteen, and we aren't in a warzone. There is no Peeta, and no Annie, and we are just two young people making plans.

"You can finish teaching me how to catch fish! And we can go to the beach."

"The beach! Oh, you're going to love the beach. There's nothing quite like walking on warm sand, or sitting and looking out at the sea."

"Can you see it from your house?"

"Not quite, but it's close; just a few minute's walk…"

We fall asleep holding hands and talking about the seaside. Hours later, it isn't a nightmare that wakes me but the voices of two medics discussing Peeta's condition. And then Prim, looking puzzled at the sight of us but refraining from asking questions, and delivering the message that Annie has got lost looking for the dining room and has been asking random citizens if they know how to get to the best restaurant in the Capitol.

The little solace we found last night has gone. Finnick takes a deep breath, closes his eyes for a moment, looking pained, and then goes to Annie. I avoid Prim's perplexed expression, I find Haymitch, and I go to Two.