Stepping Up To Step Away

Hello reader, this is my first fanfic. I do not own or make money from R&I. I hope you enjoy my first endeavor.

Maura sat behind her desk clutching a fresh tissue in her left hand that was perched on her lap. Armed with a pen hovering over paperwork and a monitor screen filled with an unknown file she picked at random, the Medical Examiner gave the illusion of being hard at work. In reality, the only thing she was doing was falling apart. She closed her eyes pushing the tears off the tips of her eyelashes that met the quick dab of the tissue, soaking up the salty liquid before it could disturb one ounce of the perfection in which her makeup had been applied. Behind closed lids, she was blinded by the memory of the engagement ring that was now at home on the ring finger of her best friend, Detective Jane Rizzoli. The image once again nourished the haunted, hollow ache that started as soon as she saw the ring when Jane came through the CSRU Lab door way. Pushing the image away Maura opened her eyes again to carry on the ruse of being hard at work. At the sound of a gentle knock on the door frame she looked up, amazed to see no other than Casey Jones in her door way.

"Maura, may I come in and speak with you?"

Inside her mind, propriety and jealousy waged its war as to which action Dr. Isles was going to take. No matter how much she wanted to tear into this man that was threatening her whole world which was built around the one true love of her heart, the one person who she looked to for guidance in life, the one who gave her a life to live, he was going to take Jane away. Realizing she was taking too long, Maura made a vague gesture to the chair in front of her desk. With purpose, Casey crossed the office space and took a seat. After he settled he took in the appearance of his loves' best friend. As a military man he was trained to observe and read body language. Dr. Isles was good, because to an untrained eye one would only see a member of a law enforcement team who was hard at work trying to find an answer to the latest crime involving the famous Clown Kidnapper of the 1980's. To Casey Maura's body screamed heartache and misery.

"My apologies, Casey, I am not being rude, but could you make this quick? We are in a bit of an emergency mode trying to track down and catch this Clown kidnapper."

"I understand, Maura, and I will be brief as possible."

"Thank you. That would be appreciated."

"Maura, as you know, I have asked Jane to marry me."

At the motion of Maura about to interrupt him, Casey held up his hand politely indicating that the Doctor should hold her comment until he was finished saying his peace. Maura nodded her head for him to continue.

"As for asking that of Jane I had made my mind up to marry her if she said yes, because make no mistake, I am in love with her. She is my world. I would have given up everything and anything to be with her. Just to make her smile, it fills me with such a sense of purpose that if that is all I had to do in life, I would be beyond fulfilled."

"Casey, please, I know you are in love with Jane…."

"Maura, she is not in love with me! If Jane wanted to marry me, she would have said yes. She would have said yes."

The military man looked away from the sad green eyes to compose himself and to blink away the tears that were now present in his own eyes. Clearing his throat, he continued hating the quaver that was now in his voice.

"Jane is in love with you, Dr. Isles."

"Casey, you are mistaken. Jane and I are the best of friends and we do care very deeply about one another, but to say she is in love with me, is so very untrue. I do believe that Jane does love and care for me, but in love with me? I think you are mistaken."

"Come now, Maura, please be real. I have seen how you two look at each other."

"No, Casey, it can't be. Whatever you think you saw, it's just not there."

"Maura, I am not being crass, but the night you were over for dinner and after we ate we had some cocktails. We all were a little tipsy and somehow we ended up in Jane's bedroom…"

"Do not rehash that night, Casey. I know what we all did. Jane and I have put it behind us, I suggest you do as well and stop making our actions out to be more than they were. It was simple gratification for all and an experiment for Jane."

"So all that feeling and the way you two were looking at each other with so much love in both of your eyes. It was not real? It was what, just a show for me so that I could get my rocks off harder? No, Maura, I am not buying it. The way Jane looked at you while she was on top of you with her hand between your thighs pleasuring you, told me that she was and is in love with you and you with her. I felt out of place, like a voyeur watching two people in love making love."

"Casey, Jane loves you. I don't see why all this is even an issue."

"So, you are not in love with Jane? I know for a fact that Jane is in love with you."

"You can't know that for a fact, Casey. Only Jane can answer that for sure."

"No, Maura, I do know."

"How could you possibly know, Casey? Did Jane say she was?"

A swift thrill of hope burned in a bright flash in the eyes of the Medical Examiner. As quickly as it came it left as she schooled her features back into a look of politeness once again. The flare of hope, however, did not go unnoticed by the man sitting across from her.

"Maura, I am going to tell you something and just know I do not and have never talked to anyone about the physical part of my relationship with Jane, but for the sake of love and her happiness I feel I must in this one instance. Last night I made love to Jane. I brought her to an orgasm with my mouth and in the throes of passion she called out your name. Your name, Maura, that's who she called out in thanks and for protection when she was at her most vulnerable. Not mine, she has never called my name out. Jane is very quiet when she reaches the thresh hold of love. The only way I knew she had ever finished in the past is that she would open her eyes and unclench her jaws. After she fell asleep last night I could not sleep. I lay there by her side and looked at our life and what it could be from every side and angle. I asked myself, do I think she cheated with you while I was gone? No, Jane is too honorable and so are you, Maura. I came to the conclusion that neither one of you realize that the one you love, loves you in return. In the face of this fact I also realized another truth about last night. Jane has never called your name before because before all that happened she had was a well hidden fantasy and what happened that night of the dinner finally gave her fantasy a foothold in reality. After weighing out everything from all sides I feel that if I continue down this road with Jane and marriage, it will kill the person whom Jane really is."

"I do not like conjecture, Casey. No matter what you truly believe to be the situation with Jane, only she can truly know what is in her heart and mind."

"Maura, don't you see? Jane has never allowed herself to be her true self. No matter the love I have for her or the romance of a wartime military man coming home to wed his high school sweetheart, Jane is not in this with me heart and soul."

"Just what is she, then?"

"What is she? She is in love with you, Maura Isles. Jane is in love with you. After coming to terms with this, I could no longer lay by the woman I love so desperately. That is why at 4:30 am this morning you could find me out running. To come to terms with all that, I had figured out and how to make it right for Jane for once in her life. After running a few miles and drying a few tears I came up with a plan to test my theory."

"Thus the romantic picnic you invited Jane to."

"Yes, the romantic picnic and ring. I figured if Jane really was in love with me and I had read everything wrong, she would say yes. Even if we had to wait a bit before actually doing the wedding, which would be perfectly fine because we both would have to get things in order for our careers, I would have waited. When Jane looked at me after I gave her the ring, it was not a look of happiness you would expect from a woman who was just proposed to. No, the look she gave me was confusion followed closely by sadness."

"Surely, Casey, you realize Jane is under a great deal of stress today. We have a child taken by a man who is possibly a predator and a killer. You must know that her job does affect her even when she is taking a break."

"Maura, do you not love Jane as I do? Are you not in love with her?"

"Casey, don't."

"Answer me, Maura. Tell me. Either tell me you do not love Jane as a lover would and that I have read everything wrong or tell me I am right. That I am leaving the woman I love with all my heart to someone who feels the same, the woman who loves Jane as I do. Don't even try to be untruthful, Maura, Jane told me about the hives and if you are dishonest about something this important, I don't think there will be enough Benadryl cream in Boston to calm your condition."

Maura had no intention of being anything but honest to this man. This man who embodied the saying if you love a person enough, you let them go. No, no more running. No more silence. With clear eyes imploring her to say the truth, she had no choice but to do exactly that.

"I do love her as you, Casey. I do with all my heart. I have never spoken about it because she was always with men. Honestly, she has never given me any reason to hope for more between us. That night after dinner was a swan song for my love for her. I was going to shove it down, and keep it there until it wasted away and all that would be left was the love for a dear, close friend who essentially gave me the blueprint to the life I now lead. How could I not fall for her?"

"How could you not, indeed. I must say, Maura, I am not a happy man, but I do not hate you or Jane. I think I came along and all of the sudden Jane had an out. I mean an out by way of keeping with the norms of family and especially to stay in the good graces of her mother, Angela."

"Angela is not all that bad, right?"

"I will tell you this. There was a girl in school with us, her name was Sarah. She and Jane hit it off famously. Back then Jane was just my friend; we would hang out and play sports or whatever. With all the time we spent together her mother assumed that we were more than friends. One afternoon I dropped by Jane's house to see if she was free. Her mother answered the door and after yelling for Jane a couple of times she headed up the stairs to get her. Angela opened the door and gasped followed closely by Jane shouting to close the door, which Angela did. Her Mom came down and went straight to her kitchen I could tell she was very angry. A few minutes later Jane and Sarah came down the steps. Sarah's face was mottled and splotchy and poor Jane was so pale. She did not say a word, Jane grabbed my arm and we hauled tail out of her house as fast as we could. I drove us to the bay knowing the ocean always calmed her down. When we got there we got out and walked until we came to the last bench and had a seat. We sat there and for the first time I saw Jane broken. Gone was the fire in her eyes. I held her as the tears came and went. After awhile, Jane told me what happened. Angela walked in on our precious Jane getting her first kiss from her first love of her young teenage life."

"Sarah."

"Sarah. Maura, you have to understand that intentional or not, Jane's family puts an enormous amount of pressure on Jane. All of them, her brothers, her father and especially Angela, who thought the worst thing in the world was to have a gay daughter. After that night when I returned Jane back to her home I never saw the care-free Jane again. In her place was the base of who Jane is today emotionally speaking."

"What happened to Sarah, Casey?"

"Sarah, I felt so badly for her. After many attempts to get Jane to talk to her, she finally tracked me down. She always asks me to tell Jane that she is not angry with her and if her first kiss was to be her choice, she would always choose Jane."

"Did you relay the message to Jane?"

"Yes, of course, Jane was my best friend. I knew she was into girls before she did."

"What was her reaction?"

"She expressed her sadness of causing Sarah pain. She also said something that I thought really odd, and until last night I had forgotten about it. She said a hidden heart will never hurt anyone. During my run this morning it flashed in my mind and the truth and meaning behind her statement staggered me. She is still trying to make the ones around her happy by doing what the others, namely her mother, thinks is right for her. In reality now, today, what is right for Jane is you, Maura. Please do not let her run. Do not let her mother pressure her into a marriage with a man."

"Casey, you know I do not control Jane or her family."

"Maura, you have to try. Be there for her. Be with her. She will not have the strength to stand against the teachings of her mother without you to support her with the love you have for her. The love you two share is so much stronger than what we would ever have. I mean it, Maura. You have to swear to me you will tell Jane of your feelings, and be there for her. See her through the storm that Angela will cause when she finds out that Jane is for once being true to herself."

"Casey, I cannot swear to anything. Jane may not come to me; she may just end up alone."

"Maura, she values you. You are the fucking love of her life. It is not me! It is YOU! Do not make this a wasted, selfless act that I am trying to do so that you two can get together. Please, Maura, let me be her hero one more time who rides off into the sunset knowing he has left the love of his heart with the woman who Jane is actually in love with. Then you can become her hero who loves her and protects her heart from those who do not or will not understand. If I stay, she will end up hating me, then we both will have lost."

"I swear, Casey."

"What?"

I swear to you, Casey, I will be there for Jane."

"And you will tell her of your feelings?"

"Yes, I will tell her of my feelings."

Casey leaned back into the office chair, looking almost deflated. A resigned happiness filled him. He had done his best for his childhood best friend who also happened to be adult love of his life. Looking at the Medical Examiner, he remembered the night of passion he shared with her and Jane. He remembered how she said and did all the right things to pleasure him, but even then beyond the gratification he knew that with him it was an act. With Jane, the pleasure she shared with Maura was more real than anything he and Jane had ever shared. Reaching into his back pocket Casey pulled out an envelope containing a letter to Jane.

"Maura, if you could do me a favor? When you and Jane are a couple, and you will be, give her this for me. Tell her that I see her, I have always seen her. To me she is and will always be my friend. Next time, however, I will expect a pickup game with hopefully you and your children you will have with Jane cheering us on."

"Children? Really, Casey, I think we are getting a little ahead of ourselves. We are not even together yet."

"I know, but you will because you two are meant to be family. Now I have to go. I have to catch my flight."

"You are not going to leave without saying goodbye, are you, Casey?"

"No, I am heading up now. She deserves no less."

"I am sorry for your broken heart, Casey."

"I know it was not intentional, Maura. If there really is any blame, it lies with how she was raised and the pressure she has been under all her life having to hide who she really is."

Getting to his feet, Casey was surprised when Maura came around the desk and gave him a hug. Knowing how physical interactions are a rarity for people who are not Jane, Casey saw it for what it was and graciously accepted the show of kinship between them. After a bit, they let go of each other and he let go of Jane. There would be more tears and a mixed emotion in the beginning, but this was what was right and good. As a military man he was taught to start with the basics and build from there. In this case, the basics were that Jane is a lesbian and she was in love with Maura, who in return, loves Jane. Making his way to the door he remembered his gift for the two women.

"By the way, Maura, I left a good bottle of champagne for you both at Jane's condo. I would be honored to share it with you at the wedding reception."

"First kids now marriage, what next a wedding planner and a honeymoon to an unknown location?"

"Maura, you and Jane will get there. A wedding a life and kids, all of it. You both deserve to be happy. Now it is up to you to get Jane through all that might be coming. When you do that be sure to send an invite for me. Be sure to plus one it. When the ladies know I am a free agent again they'll be swarming my door."

"How lucky are we to know such a modest officer."

Looking at each other they both shared a quiet moment of equivalent wants and needs. Both joined together to as a team to help the Detective they both love to realize her true self and help her find her own happiness.

Thanks for your time and reading my first fic.