Disclaimer: I don't own dragonball z or any of it's characters

DREAMS

What happens when responsibility clashes with desire.

Slowly Videl walked toward the large gate that opened into the courtyard of her condo complex. The homes themselves were designed into a square bordering the block on which they stood, completely cutting off access to the outside with the exception of the two gates opening onto the streets on each side of the complex. Each side consisted of two homes, two stories each, with a small deck protruding out from the main bedroom to overhang the courtyard shared by the owners of each home. The courtyard itself consisted of several large trees interspersed with bushes and flowers surrounding a small fish pond set in the center. The condo had been a graduation gift from her Dad upon finding out which university she had decided to attend. Money might not be able to by you happiness, but it sure could put a nice roof over your head. Or in the case of Videl, a good place to get away from everyone for another weekend alone.

That ass, I used to not be bothered by this until he came along. I was perfectly happy to be left alone, just the occasional friend to talk to every now and then, but not now. I can't believe he would just dump me like that, I thought we had something special. Aghh, I have to get that bastard out of my head, and quit dwelling on this. The site that greeted her as she rounded the corner to approach her door was totally unexpected, and certainly did nothing to get Gohan out of her head.

"Chi Chi, what are you doing here?" she asked the woman sitting on the small bench just a few feet from her front door.

The question seemed to startle the other woman as she quickly looked up from the grass which she was focused on. Standing abruptly after she recognized the younger woman she quickly approached and threw her arms around Videl in a tight hug.

"What's going on, don't tell me you were just in the neighbor hood ChiChi." Videl couldn't quite keep the nervousness out of her voice.

" Can we go inside for a bit", Chi Chi responded as she pulled away, displaying her red rimmed eyes," I think we need to talk."

"Ok," Videl replied with a small frown as she turned toward her door and entered her security code before swinging it inward. "Come in."

Throwing her book bag on a chair by the door she called over her shoulder "Do you want something to drink?"

"Tea would be nice."

"Just a minute while I get it." As she entered the small kitchen rummaging in the cabinets for some tea, Videl couldn't help but wonder why Gohan's mom was here, she had never stopped by before. Not that she would mind talking with her, she actually missed the pushy woman. Somehow, after the whole Buu incident, they had become friends of a sort. As long as Videl didn't mind putting up with the never ending hints about grandchildren. She had actually went by a few times just to see ChiChi, the older woman offering her something she hadn't known was missing in her life. Growing up without a mother, there had been no one for her to turn to when she had questions that only a mom could answer. She had learned early on that her dad wasn't a good source of advice on any topic, she couldn't imagine talking with him about some of the things she went through when puberty hit. Couple that with the fact that all the maids in her house saw her as more of an employer that anything else, left her with only a couple of options. Either pick up on what she wanted to know at school by eavesdropping or just deal with it as best she could. She really missed the overbearing woman. She had needed someone to talk to the past few weeks about what had happened. Unfortunately, ChiChi was not an option, with her son being the reason she needed to talk with her in the first place. Maybe that's why she's here. Well only one way to find out. Picking up the two cups of tea, she walked back into her living room.

ChiChi was currently standing in front of the mantle lightly running a fingertip along it then bringing it up for inspection. Hah, little did she know with the lack of a social life she had the last month, most of her time had been spent cleaning this place to the point that she was surprised that she hadn't rubbed the finish off the furniture. There was absolutely no chance that the older woman was going to find even the hint of dust on that mantle or anywhere else for that matter. Not that she was a neat freak or anything, in fact the opposite was probably closer to the truth. Her first month here she had nearly buried herself in clutter. But with all the free time she had found herself with, she had decided to at least get this part of her life in order. Well one good thing had come out of her and Gohan breaking up, his mom would think she was as good of a housekeeper as the older woman. Bad trade off admittedly, but at least that was something.

"Find anything ChiChi?", she couldn't quite keep the mocking tone out of her voice as she sat on the couch and placed both cups on coasters on the coffee table.

The dark eyed woman quickly brought both her hands together in front of her as she walked to the couch sitting down beside Videl.

"I'm sorry, it's just a habit I guess. I'm actually quite impressed. I wouldn't have thought you had the time to maintain a home so well, with school and the training that you do."

Videl couldn't quite suppress the small laugh escaping her lips.

"Actually, I'm not nearly this neat usually, I've just found myself with a lot of free time lately". The small moment of light heartedness disappearing with her statement.

Picking up her cup of tea, ChiChi lightly blew across it before taking a small sip. "So Videl, how has school been". Taking another sip she kept both eyes locked on the younger woman.

"Fine I suppose. It took some getting used to. It's just so much different from high school." This wasn't like ChiChi at all. She obviously had something on her mind. Her trip here was proof of that. She was not a woman to make small talk when something was bothering her. Everyone within a mile radius knew when something was bothering Mrs. Son as soon as it bothered her. That thought made her a bit more nervous for some reason. And I'm not that much different. "What did you come by for ChiChi? Not that I mind, but neither of us are very good at small talk when something else is on our mind."

"You're right," the look of determination she often wore now gracing her features, "I know what happened between you and Gohan dear. That is one of the reasons I'm here."

Videl couldn't meet the other woman's look as she replied, no use letting her know how much that had hurt. "Well, I suppose it wasn't a secret." Her voice was a little softer than she would have liked, but otherwise she felt she had kept it carefully neutral.

The older woman set down her cup and reached out with her free hand to rest on Videl's knee. "I'm sorry dear, I didn't find out the whole truth until yesterday. I......I didn't know how hard this was on you until then. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it ChiChi", she said while still staring at her lap. "So it didn't work out, I'm over it." Yeah right, that's why your sight has gotten so blurry huh Videl. Get control of yourself girl, you don't want her running back and telling Gohan that he got to you this way. Turning to her right she set down her cup of tea on the small end table and tried to clear her eyes before turning back to face the dark eyed woman.

She was suddenly engulfed in a hug as the older woman pulled her into a tight embrace, forcing the younger woman's face into her chest just below her chin. "It's alright Videl, I understand."

The short haired woman pulled both hands from where they were trapped between the two women and reached under ChiChi's arms intending to push her away when the grip around her tightened and began to rock her back and forth. "I understand Videl. It's o.k. It's o.k."

She wanted to tell her that of course it was, it didn't bother her anymore, it didn't matter to her.....anything but the small sob that escaped her lips. Instead she found that her hands had moved behind the woman and were now tightening there hold as a small jerk wracked her body. Tears flowing freely into ChiChi's dress where her face was burrowed into the woman. Sobs were now coming at a much faster pace as were the tears as she continued to be rocked , words of support continually being whispered in her ear. The pain she had shared with no one flowing out in torrents now as she let her pent up emotions free. They stayed that way for a long time before Videl was finally able to once again regain control of herself. ChiChi had stopped rocking her a while ago, just lending her a shoulder to cry on as it were.

Not wanting to embarrass herself any more in front of the other woman she slowly pushed herself off the slender frame she was pressed against. Damn, I thought I was done with this. He shouldn't have this kind of effect on me. At least not when I apparently don't have the same on him. But he does. "Sorry ChiChi, I don't know what came over me."

"Quiet dear, I don't think you can tolerate a lie any better than me, so don't start." The older woman had reached into her purse and pulled out a small pack of tissues offering one to Videl before wiping her own eyes. It was the first time she had any indication that Gohan's mother had been crying as well. "There is nothing wrong with being upset, tears are nothing to be ashamed of, that's something only a man would think. Blow your nose dear, it's starting to run a bit."

A small smile briefly graced Videl's face as she dabbed at her puffy eyes with the tissue before blowing her nose as directed. This was what it would be like to have a mother she thought. Someone to tell her when she was being silly, hug her when she was sad. Someone who understood what she was feeling with out having to be told, and could make it better without doing much more than being there.

"Thanks. I guess I did kind of need that. So is that why you came by then, to give me a shoulder to cry on. I appreciate the gesture if so, but I'm kind of confused too. I bet there aren't too many mothers that go over to there son's ex-girlfriends house to console them when they break up."

"Not entirely Videl. Don't get me wrong, had I known what was actually going on, I would of been here in a second to straighten things out, but it's too late for that now." Videl couldn't help but flinch at that statement. Her chest once again tightening up.

"So they've gotten that serious huh. To think I actually thought he was lying about another girl. I hope you don't expect me to wish them the best ChiChi. I don't think I quite have it in me to do that." Once again Videl found herself staring intently at her lap as ChiChi returned to her bag rummaging inside for something. Kame, I never used to be this emotional about things. That bastard did this to me. I used to be a lot stronger than this. Crap, where the hell is the old Videl when I need her.

Once again Videl found a supporting hand placed on her knee as she glanced up into the dark eyes of her guest.

"That's not what I was referring to dear. I...(sigh) I am usually a very straightforward person as you might know Videl. I see what needs to be done and I do it. Rarely have I encountered a situation where the right thing to do was so unclear. This", she held up a flat paneled screen no bigger than a pad of notebook paper," is Gohan's. It was a birthday present from Bulma for him after the cell games. It's C.C.'s deluxe personal journal. She had just put them on the market that year, and I suggested it to her. I had him make at least one entry a week in it as part of his school work. I read somewhere that most of the great minds kept them, so it only seemed logical to me that he should too. As you know, that was a rough year for us." ChiChi was searching Videls face for indications that she did indeed know, before continuing. " As a small child, he used to run to me with each new discovery he made. When he was upset, I was the one he came to for comfort. When he was happy, I was the one who he would share it with. As he got older he started keeping more and more to himself. And after Cell, he just about shut me out altogether. As any mother would, I was worried about him, maybe more than most, but I think that was justified considering the type of life he's had. The journal is locked through a voice activated password so only the owner can access it. I had Bulma install a second one so that I could check on him from time to time. Just to see how he was doing you understand. His welfare is all I was considering . It's not like I wanted to infringe on his privacy, I was just worried about my baby. So from time to time I would read some of his entries just to see how my boy was faring. Which brings me to my visit. He took this with him when he left to come to school here, so I had no idea about how he was really dealing with things until a couple of days ago. I was torn Videl on whether or not to let you read this."

"Well I can certainly help you out there ChiChi, I have no intention of reading it. I can kind of understand in some warped sense of the word why you would. But I have no intention of violating him that way. What did you do, sneak in his dorm room and steal it. I know he's pretty easy going about most things , but if he finds out you have that, much less have read it, I think your baby might just pop a blood vessel. I know I would. Just take it with you ChiChi. I don't want anything to do with it!" Videl was standing now glowering down on the older woman.

Her guest at least had the good grace to lower her head in shame, or so Videl thought. " He was not the reason I was torn on whether to give you this or not. What's in here...... what he recorded in here might give you some peace of mind dear. It also might make things more difficult. I hope not. But it could make things worse for you. And that is why I was debating on giving it to you." The older woman was now looking Videl dead in the eyes, conveying in that look how strongly she felt with her last statement.

"Chi Chi, I could never look him in the eyes again if I read that. No matter how good your intentions, it would just make me feel to guilty. I know were no longer together, but......but I guess I can't help but hope that maybe we will be at some point. I can't betray him by reading that." Once again seated, her hand was now resting on Chi Chi's where she held the journal in her lap.

Tears were once again flowing down the cheeks of Gohan's mother, apparently unnoticed as she made no move to wipe them away. "Looking him in the eye won't be a problem Videl", While she made that statement she carefully wrapped the younger girls hand around the journal where it rested in her lap, " I won't try and make you read it, whether you do or not is up to you. Part of me hopes you will, the other hopes you won't. But the journal is yours now regardless. The back door password Bulma installed is 'mother knows best'. Use it if you want to. The choice is yours." With that said she placed the journal in Videl's lap still holding the younger woman's hand where it gripped the thin screen.

"Chi Chi, even if we don't see each other anymore", Just speaking that thought out loud seemed to tighten her chest, as the young woman once again found herself looking down, this time at the journal she now gripped rather tightly in her lap. "You can't just steal his journal like this and give it to me. I know that if it was mine I would blow my lid, and I bet he's no different."

"No dear, he won't be coming for it. It's yours now. That's all I'm going to say on the matter. The reasons are all in there for why I know this. If you don't want it then what you do with it is your business." With that the older woman abruptly stood and made her way to the front door, forcing Videl to hurry and catch up to her before she was outside.

"Do you have to leave so soon? I mean you just got here, I know it must have taken you a while to get here since Goku is not with you."

ChiChi turned and gave Videl a quick hug before holding her at arms length by the shoulders. "No dear it didn't take very long, were staying at C.C. until Tuesday." Reaching up she lightly brushed a stray strand of hair back behind Videl's ear. "I never told anyone this before but I always wanted a little girl. It's......... hard for a mother to know that she is no longer first in her son's heart. But I accepted you easily enough despite that. You are a lot like I imagined my daughter would be, strong willed, determined and beautiful. You are exactly what he needed, a perfect match if I ever saw one. If you ever need anything, or just want to talk, don't hesitate to call, or come by. I know Goten would love to see you. We all think of you as family Videl." With another quick, but strong hug, ChiChi spun and exited the small home, disappearing before Videl could even catch her breath enough to say good-bye, or question her anymore about the strange visit or even stranger gift.

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Sigh. Rolling over she glanced at her clock for probably the 200th time that night. 3:21. Exactly ten minutes later then the last time she had looked. Kame, I'm never going to get to sleep. You've got to clear your head Videl. You've got so many things buzzing around in there that it should have exploded long ago. Sigh. It's that damn journal. Why'd ChiChi have to drop that in my lap. And could she have been more vague. And what's the deal calling me family and inviting me by whenever I wanted too. Doesn't she know how hard that would be on me, especially if he was there. Is this some ploy by her to get me back with him. No, I don't think that's it. She practically said I would never see him again. Did he leave, maybe go to another school somewhere else. I know this was a compromise on both our parts to come here so we could be in school together. I haven't seen him this past week now that I think about it. Of course I purposely chose to not look at where I knew he was sitting in the one class we shared. Is that it. Has he gone to school abroad at that one he was talking about before we chose to come here. That doesn't seem right though. Mid-terms are the week after next. He wouldn't just blow off a whole semester just to get away from me...... Would he?

"Aaaagghhhh!"

At least it's the weekend. There is no way I would have been able to make one of my early classes if it was tomorrow. Sigh. 3:26. Geeze, will this night ever be over. Ok Videl. You only have one option if you ever want to sleep again. QUIT THINKING ABOUT THIS!!!!!! Ha, who are you kidding. It's that damn journal. I've slept alright the last couple of weeks. If I just smashed the damn thing maybe I could get a little rest. It's not like I would ever read it anyway. I couldn't do that...... Could I? Why didn't ChiChi just tell me what was in there. Whatever it is obviously was the reason she came by anyway. But wouldn't that have been just as bad as reading it yourself Videl. You want her to tell you but you don't want to read it. Kind of hypocritical isn't it girl. She said it would give me some peace if I read it. No that's not right, she said it might give me some peace of mind if I read it. But wasn't I already starting to get over him before I found out about this. Hmm. Don't kid yourself girl. You think about him as much now as you did the day he broke up with you. It just doesn't hurt as much now. Of course it does, you've just gotten used to the heartache. He shouldn't have that kind of power over me. He shouldn't, but he does. I couldn't betray him by reading that thing.....could I? Come on girl, you have never been this wishy washy. If you're not careful you are going to turn into a girl. Hmm. At least I can still laugh at myself. I could call ChiChi and ask her what's in there. Good plan Videl it's 3:32, I'm sure she'd love for you to give her a call. Besides, what's the difference between that and just reading the damn thing. I need to quit thinking about this. Maybe I should just get up and start reviewing for my mid-term. That should get my mind off things. It's not like I'm going to be sleeping tonight anyway.

Throwing the covers off and rising in one motion the young woman proceeded through her bedroom door and down the stairs. Flipping the lights on for her living room as she picked up her book bag heading for the couch, Videl flopped down with an audible sigh, stretching out her legs with her books now resting beside her on the floor.

"Hmmm, a little music might help me study", picking up the remote, she quickly switched through some channels until she found a station playing some lite alternative. "Now what to study, Political science should be good and boring enough to get my mind off things and maybe even put me to sleep."

Grabbing the book from her bag she placed it on her thighs as she reclined back onto the armrest of her couch. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of the current source of her insomnia resting on the table where she had placed it after ChiChi had left. Forcing the offending piece of equipment from her mind she ripped open the text book to a section she knew was going to be on her mid-term exam. It was also one of the many sections that she had completely tuned out during this class the past month. After about ten minutes of staring at the same page Videl snapped out of her comatose state and realized she hadn't reviewed the first thing in this chapter. Throwing her book onto the far end of the couch she spun her legs back onto the floor and grabbed the journal with both hands.

"Alright Videl, decision time, it either goes in the disposal right now or you read this thing. What's it going to be. Read it or trash it."

Standing with the journal still in her hands, she slowly walked toward her kitchen, her gaze never leaving the object in her grip. She walked up to the countertop and placed the journal there, now resting both hands flat on the slightly cool screen staring back at her. Lifting her eyes to the upper cabinets she reached in to pull out a rather tall mug. Moving over to the sink she rinsed it with a quick splash of hot water before filling it from the boiling tap at the sink. Opening the can of instant coffee on the countertop she put in a scoop. A few seconds later she was back from the refrigerator with the french vanilla flavored creamer, and the finishing touch of a quick spray of whipped cream on top. Sweeter was always better as far as she was concerned when it came to coffee. Leaning back against the countertop she slowly stirred her drink as her gaze strayed to the trash disposal sitting in the corner. Tossing the spoon into the sink, the blue eyed woman continued to stare at the disposal. Bringing the mug up to her lips she lightly blew across the steaming cup, before taking a sip. Shaking her head she reached out with her left hand and grabbed the journal on her way out of the kitchen. The condiments left where they were, now forgotten on the counter.

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Now what's my problem. I already decided to read the thing. So what's stopping me. I've sat here and stared at it for the past hour. Just a few little things stopping me I guess. Nervousness over what I'll find. Guilt for reading something so private. A touch of shame for not feeling more guilty about it. Just do it Videl. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder after just deciding to read it. Lifting the now cool mug to her lips she was a little dismayed to find it empty. Well I could stall some more and go make another cup. No girl, let's get this over with. Sliding her hand along the narrow black casing she found the small switch and turned the journal on. The screen quickly flashed on and the word 'password' flashed in bright green letters. Now what did ChiChi say was the backdoor code, hmmm, oh yeah. Grabbing the cordless mic where it was locked in above the screen she pressed the button and said, "Mother knows best." Placing the mic back in it's cradle, a slight smile played across her face because of the phrase, it had to be Bulma's idea to use those particular words, it was just the type of sarcastic wit that the blue haired genius would come up with. Though now that I think about it, It's not out of the question that ChiChi thought of it either, but if she did, I'm sure it was in complete seriousness. Oh well, that mystery will have to wait for another time.

The screen now presented an options menu in both red and green letters.

Preferences, New journal entry, Photo entry, Amend entry, were all highlighted in red, which Videl knew to mean were locked out from access. Read journal and Exit were the only selections highlighted in green. Pressing the touch tone screen for read journal, she was presented with a list of years dating back to the time cell was defeated. Well I hadn't thought of that. How much should I read, all of it, or just what concerns me. ChiChi said I might find some peace in here, but I don't see how reading the whole thing could do that. I guess I'll just browse from when he started school and see what I find. Selecting the right year she was then presented with a screen of months. Selecting the one where she first met Gohan, another screen emerged this one with descending dates. Well, here goes girl, one more touch and there is no turning back. Leaning back into the arm of the couch, she once again pulled her knees up toward her chest and with just a small hesitation, pressed the date to begin.

'Gosh, where to start. Today was my first day at Orange Star High School. It was great. I mean, it was kind of boring in that I already know everything their teaching. Heck, most of it I learned years ago. But to be around so many people at one time, and all of them my own age, was very exciting. I had to make a short introductory speech when I first got there, and I think my nervousness might have shown a bit.'

"Just a bit Gohan" a rare smile touched her face.

'After that though I was invited to sit by Erasa, she introduced me to her two friends Sharpner and Videl. According to Sharpner, he and Videl are, how did he put it, an item.

"That Idiot! I knew I should have kicked his ass!"

'I'm already picking up the slang and fitting in. I am so smooth.

"Right Gohan, you were so cool," It was a few moments before Videl was able to stop laughing and finish reading.

'Erasa introduced Videl as Hercule's daughter, can you imagine, her ego must be as big as his to want to be introduced that way. And that scowl she's always wearing, geeze, she must have a huge chip on her shoulder over something.

Said scowl was now making it's appearance on the readers face. "I'm not that bad"

' Sharpner is kind of hard to figure out, I can't tell if he really likes me or not. Erasa however is another story. She wouldn't quit talking to me the whole day. Of course she was the same way with everyone else within earshot. Bulma once described dad as never having met a stranger, I never quite knew what she meant until today. Erasa is like dad, she has never met a stranger. It kind of embarrasses me to say this, but she is also a lot like dad in that she might not be the quickest person in the world. I wonder if everyone like that is so open with others about themselves. And if that's true, is the opposite also true. Those we considered intelligent, are they often introverted and shy. If I think of it, maybe I'll do a little research someday to see if that's true. There I go again, jumping off topic. I tend to often do that whenever I make these entries. Oh well, back to my day. I stopped some criminals on my way to school while I was in super saiyan form. All day long I caught bits of conversations about the gold fighter, and speculation on who or what he could be. I got quite the thrill out of helping those cops out. I think I might do it again, if I can come up with some way to cover my face. I wouldn't want someone to recognize me, the questions could get awkward if they did. Maybe Bulma can come up with something. I'll ask her next chance I get. In p.e. I screwed things up and displayed some of my true strength, but luckily no one seemed to notice.

"No one but the entire class you baka. It's not everyday someone hits a baseball out of sight."

'Well, I need to hit the sack now, second day tomorrow, and I don't want to be late.'

Videl couldn't keep the grin off her face now. I miss him. I do feel a little bit of guilt for reading this. But at the same time it kind of lightens my heart too. I wonder if that is what ChiChi was talking about when she said it might give me some peace. She pushed the "next entry" on the bottom of the page.

'Bulma made me the coolest disguise. It's hooked into my watch so all I have to do is press a button and presto, I'm Saiyaman. I've worked on some really cool poses and stuff to go along with it. The first time I showed up in my uniform and did my poses, the cops were just speechless. I am just so awesome.

"Kame, he is so clueless it's pathetic, cute but pathetic"

'The down side is I seem to have intruded into Videl's territory. Turns out she helps out the police. Every time I show up she threatens to find out who I am and expose me. All I want to do is help. She must have a lot of her father in her, she could get really hurt by some of these criminals but doesn't seem to realize it. She doesn't seem, how shall I put it, slow, but she keeps putting herself in danger. That kind of shoots a whole in my theory too, that if you are not the brightest bulb you tend to be very open and friendly. Because she is certainly not friendly.

"I am not dumb Son Gohan!"

' Every time I turn around in school, there she is threatening to find out what I'm hiding. She is actually kind of scary. Who would have thought that with all I've faced, I would be scared of a little girl with pig tails. And Sharpner is really starting to get on my nerves. He seems to have gotten it into his head that I'm trying to steal Videl from him. The truth is I am not really sure anymore that they are together, she denies it often enough, but even if they aren't, I certainly don't want her.

"Maybe reading this was not such a good idea."

'I also got blackmailed this week into going on a date. I won't go into details except to say it wasn't what either of us expected from the blackmail to the date.'

"I thought I was your first date you jerk!"

'Other than that I seem to have settled in at school. Some of the teachers are a little odd and one is kind of suspicious of me for taking so long in the bathroom. But other than that every thing is great. At home is another matter. I've kind of been too busy to hang out with my little brother lately. I promised to make it up to him this weekend though. Well it's off to bed.

Videl quickly pushed on the screen for the next entry, and if it was a little harder than necessary it wasn't nearly as hard as she wanted to push it.

'Well it took me longer then usual to make my journal entry but in my defense a lot has happened. Let me say right off the bat. I am not a nerd. I've heard that quite a bit and it's not true. If the people who are saying it knew I was saiyaman then I'm sure they would change there opinion rather quickly.'

"Yeah, they'd have called you a dork too."

'I heard Sharpner tell Videl and Erasa that and surprisingly or maybe not so surprisingly Videl actually defended me. Both from the comment and the thugs who were trying to beat me up because they thought I was one too. To get knocked down by some one so weak was really embarrassing. Thank Dende none of the z-senshi know about that or I would never live it down. Anyway, back to Videl. She suspects me and Saiyaman are one and the same, but the punch from the thug has actually thrown her off I think. I'm kind of relieved that she's off track and for some reason a little sad about it too. I'll try and talk out why so that maybe I can understand it better myself. The mayor was kidnapped by some gang wanting to fight Hercule, he of course wouldn't show up so Videl took his place. I tried to intervene to save her but as it turns out, she didn't need it against the leader as I thought she might. She was amazing, the way she handled the man was quite impressive. I know I was very stimulated after watching her deal with him. I wonder if that's a Saiyan trait, or if pure humans would have been as aroused as I was while she was in action. If she had the right training she could easily be as strong as some of my friends. With a lot of practice that is. I did jump in when things started to get out of hand , especially the rocket, how do these crooks get such weapons. I hope the police are looking into that. But anyway, I think I am a little attracted to her, especially after seeing her in action. What I took to be foolishness for rushing into danger is actually a great determination on her part to succeed. She is very strong willed. That I think is what attracts me the most. She had to know when she went into that situation that the odds were against her, and that she could get hurt or worse, but she went in anyway. Because it was the right thing to do and was what needed to be done. I know what she was thinking because I've been in similar situations, and in this respect, I think Satan Videl and myself are a lot alike. I thought she couldn't stand me, until the whole nerd and getting punched out incident. In truth, I'm still not sure how she feels about me. She threatens to find out all my secrets one minute, and defends me to her friends and against thugs the next. I like her a lot more then I ever did Bulma when I had a crush on her. Of course I was just a kid then. But really that's all I have to judge the way I feel against. Maybe if I had spent more time around people my own age I would be more prepared to sort through my feelings for the pony tailed girl. But I haven't, so all I can do is try and figure it out on my own. I do know this, of all the girls I've met since I started school, none intrigue me more then she does. In her own way she is as secretive as I am. Or maybe private is a better word for it. She never talks about herself in any conversation were in. Yet when I do the exact same thing, I'm hiding things. I wonder what she would do if she knew I wanted to get to know her secrets like she wants to get to know mine. I can see that scowl now. I just wish I knew if I could trust her. Someone who puts themselves in danger like she does to be on the side of justice is surely an honorable person. Hmm, she must have gotten that from her mother. But could I trust her with who and what I am? She already suspects me as Saiyaman, maybe I should drop some hints and let her find out the truth and see how things go. After all, I could always make my alter ego disappear if it turns out I can't trust her. For that matter, who would believe her if I simply denied it, after all, every guy in Orange Star High School sees me as a nerd, surely I couldn't be the cities super hero too. I'll have to make sure there is no physical evidence. Nothing that will tie me to Saiyaman if I have to deny it. She has the most amazing eyes. I hope she at least considers me a friend. I hope I can trust her. I suppose I'll just play it by ear, but I need to work out what kind of clues to leave her if I decide to go with my plan.

"He didn't did he. Surely I figured it out on my own. He didn't lead me by the nose to figure it out did he? Even then he had a crush on me. I had one on him too. That's why I wanted to know everything about you Son Gohan, you just couldn't be as perfect as you seemed. And I knew if I could find out what you were hiding it had to be bad enough to get you out of my system. Little did I know. First Saiyaman, then the gold fighter. Neither made me like you any less, in fact it was just the opposite. All of it just made me want you more. He said I had amazing eyes. Jerk!" The small picture icon was on at the bottom of the page, indicating that he had loaded a photo in with his entry so Videl gave it a push.

It was a black and white news clipping of herself and Saiyaman outside of a crime scene. He was wearing that stupid grin of his and was bent ever so slightly backward at the waist with one hand resting on the back of his helmet and I had a finger shoved in his face. I remember that one, I really gave him hell there, I think I even lunged for that stupid helmet right after they took this photo.

"How could I have not recognized him, I mean just look at him, that grin is pure Gohan. That nervous laugh, Kame it was right in front of your face girl. That's just it. I did know, I just didn't believe." To the next entry I suppose.

'Gosh, my entries seem to be getting farther and farther apart. I guess between school, crime fighting and little brothers I don't end up with much time for my journal. I used to record everything that happened in my life in here when I was younger, it looks like from now on only the highlights are going to make it. Maybe I used to record so much detail about my life is that it was so monotonous. That is when someone wasn't trying to kill my friends family or the whole world. Well time to get back on track again. I decided to put my "get to know Videl better" plan into action. I didn't realize it would be so tough. You would think some one who works for the police would be more perceptive in picking up the clues I was dropping. No such luck there. I let my voice drop to normal who knows how many times, didn't return to class until about the same time as Videl on several occasions and several other small clues that she just didn't seem to bite on. I guess they were just a little to subtle. I was sorely tempted to just tell her before the whole Chobi incident. If she hadn't of figured it out after me practically screaming my name, and the scratch I got then I would have sorely been tempted to place her back in to the very unperceptive category with my dad and Erasa. The fact is she is very smart, she picks up on things most people would miss and is very tenacious when she is digging for answers. I think the reason it might have taken so long for her to confront me with what she knew was because it was all circumstantial evidence. It just took a lot of it to build up before she had enough to be sure. That doesn't matter anyway. The fact is she knows. And her confrontation of me with what she knew could have gone better. When did it become socially acceptable for young women to blackmail people. This is the second time since I started O.S.H. that I've been blackmailed into doing what they want. For Dende's sake, she works for the police. Isn't extortion a crime. I agreed to her terms. She could have just asked. I would have gladly taught her how to fly if she had. I would rather not have entered the martial arts championship, but mom is certainly all for it. Now I am once again left with the thought of where do I stand with her. Can I trust her? I really want to, and I think that I can, but the whole blackmail thing kind of threw me for a loop. Well at least one part of my plan worked out alright. She has no physical evidence that I'm Sayiaman. So I can always deny it if she goes back on her word. I hope it doesn't come to that. Because I think I really like her a lot. I am so nervous around her my hands actually shake a little bit. I don't think she has noticed though, I'm pretty smooth at covering it up.

"Yeah Gohan, you're a regular Cassanova." I guess he didn't notice how nervous I was when I confronted him with what I knew. Or apparently with what he let me know. I was so afraid he would turn me down. Or tell me that I couldn't learn. I just wanted to spend time with him and needed an excuse. I just knew he couldn't like me. Who would. I had spent my entire life up until then with one thing on my mind. Make daddy proud. Could I have been more un-feminine. And could we have been more different. He was quiet, I was loud. He was reserved, I was outspoken. He dressed so neatly, I was always in my loose shirt and shorts. I thought he was innocent about life, where as I was quite jaded with the way the world worked. So I did the only thing I knew would insure us some time together away from school. Blackmail. Plus, I really wanted to fly. I guess it doesn't matter, things turned out alright in the end. Well, to a point anyway. I guess I am just feeling a little guilty about it now. But I was so insecure about how to act around a boy I liked then. I guess we had something in common there Gohan.

' Most of the senshi are going to compete and dad has decided to come back for the tournament too. I can't wait to see him again. So I decided to get in some training before the tournament, I don't want to embarrass myself too bad. Today I took Goten with me to start and was totally shocked when he turned super on me. It turns out Trunks and him have been able to do it for a while now. One thing however was quite funny about the whole thing. He can't fly. I couldn't believe it. He taught himself one of the most powerful forms for fighting in the universe and can't fly. I am so proud of the little guy. I know dad will be too. He is so excited about being able to train with me. I don't think I ever received any enjoyment out of the training I did growing up. I know I've never enjoyed fighting like he does. I guess it mostly has to do with the fact that I was always training for the next fight. It was always a matter of life or death when I did it. Dad had Krillen to spar with when he was growing up, and really it was never a matter of life or death for him until his brother showed up. After all who could actually of hurt him besides master Roshi and I'm not entirely sure he could have. Goten has Trunks, the joy they get from sparring is so alien to me. The only happiness I ever got from training was just being able to spend time with my dad or Piccolo. I wonder if I am the only Saiyan in history to not enjoy training. It looks like I got off track again. Oh well. So it looks like I'm going to have two students in flying class tomorrow. I have to remember to remind Goten to not go Super around Videl.'

Once again the picture icon appeared on the bottom of the page. After the young woman pushed it. A small picture of Trunks and Goten came up. Both were still in diapers, and wrestling across the floor with huge grins on both their faces. Bulma was in the background with a tight frown on her face as ChiChi was rushing toward the two, no doubt scolding them the whole time. Hmm. The next entry is for the next day. I can't wait to see what he said about the flying lesson.

'Entries two days in a row. I must be on a roll. Well things got off to a rocky start today. Videl and my mom were practically at each others throat over some of the most insignificant things. I was afraid they might actually come to blows for a while. It's a good thing they didn't, I don't think Videl realized how strong my mom actually is. I can see her in my mind now scowling at me for thinking she couldn't handle herself against the older woman. I was really impressed with how she stood up to mom. I don't think I've ever seen anyone do that before. My mom kept on and on about us getting married and having her grandchildren. Videl didn't seem to take that to well.

"No, but I've gotten used to it."

'How did mom know I liked her in that way. I know the only time I mentioned her I specifically said she was a friend. No matter how many times I re-emphasized it today, I could tell she didn't believe it. It's kind of eerie how she knows things like that about me. I wonder if maybe she can read my mind.

"Not your mind Gohan, your journal. ChiChi you are just bad." A few seconds of laughter following that thought.

'The lessons went well, with only one minor problem. I hope. I didn't get a whole lot done with Goten at first. But he was instrumental in getting Videl over the whole tricks thing when he blew a tree to bits with his ki. She was very skeptical about what I was trying to explain to her up until my little brothers demonstration. I sent him away for a while after that and showed her a more tame demonstration of ki. We were sitting across from each other at the time, our knees just about touching. I produced a small ball in my cupped palms as I described what I was doing. The wide eyed gaze she had, the wonder in her face as she saw it and then reached out to lightly brush it with her finger tip as she leaned forward, is a memory I know I will never forget. There are several, "snapshots" I guess is the best word to describe them, that seem to be ingrained in my mind. A small moment of time that I know, as soon as I've seen it, will always be with me. Never fading. This is now one. And by far my favorite. The others all involve some form of violence or death. This one moment is something I know I will remember with fondness the rest of my life. There I go getting off track again. After I released my energy I started to talk her through the process of how to do it. Let me say here, this was the first time I ever taught anyone how to find their ki, so if this does turn out to be a problem, it was definitely unintentional. She was so tense, I tried to talk her into relaxing so she could find the source in her self, and I knew she was close. However, when she looked up at me with tears in her eyes, and stated how she could do this, how she had to do this, I knew I had to try something. Anything to get that look of fear of failure off her face. So I took a small amount of my own ki and slipped it into her own, and lightly pulled them both out into her palm. I made sure she was following my progress with her senses so that she wouldn't know I was helping her out. I didn't want to find out what her reaction might have been if she knew I helped her. She is so proud I know she would have accused me of thinking she couldn't do it on her own. That just wasn't the case. She was so close. I just gave her a nudge is all. And now I'm rambling. When the ki manifested fully into her palms I slowly let my energy slip away so that it was only hers she was now manipulating. I got a second snapshot for my mental album at the moment. The pride that shown in her eyes as she looked up at me made my heart skip a beat. When she asked if she had done well, I don't even remember if I answered her. I was still so mesmerized by those eyes staring right into mine. Her face looked so soft and innocent with the way her long hair framed it. The way those eyes asked for my approval. The smile that was so rare for her. I was so enthralled by her at that second I knew I would do anything in my power to have her look at me again like that. After a few seconds I looked away to try and regain my composure, and control my bodies reaction to the intense attraction I suddenly felt for Videl. Thank Dende that years of martial arts have given me superior control of bodily functions that are normally uncontrollable. Even then it took all my will power and a lot more time than it should have to put things back in a more "relaxed" state. After I had accomplished that is when I noticed the problem. I could now sense her. Not her ki. Her. She was happy. And confused. I tried to shake this off as just my mind playing tricks on me and told her what a good job she had done as I turned to face her. If anything, that not often seen smile got even bigger. And once again I had to perform a few mental exercises to try and control my body's reaction. Now all I sensed was happiness. Again I wrote it off as just knowing that anyone would be that way after accomplishing what she had. I told her to practice a few times on bringing her ki out. That's when I sensed it. A tiny bit of my ki was still buried inside her own. It should have just dissipated, I was no longer manipulating it. But it didn't. I thought she might pull it out with her own and then it could dissipate. Though she pulled energy from all around and even through this tiny bit of my own ki, it never budged or wavered in any way. I tried to pull it out myself to no avail. It's like a small piece of me has now taken up residence in her. I debated the rest of the day on whether to tell her about it. In my mind I could then and can still see her reaction if I told her. She'd kill me, no doubt. That's when another thought struck me, more troubling than the last. She may never forgive me. I decided then to talk to Piccolo, or Dende the first chance I got to see if either one of them know what exactly it is I have done. It's not harming her, and with just a little concentration, I can block out her emotions so that I am not invading her privacy. So before I risk losing her, I'll see if there is not something I can do to correct it first. It is kind of nice having a sense of her mood though. Like right now she is quite content. I think she must be sleeping. I should be too. Goodnight Videl.

I wonder if it's still there. Can he still sense what I'm feeling. If he can, than he had to know how much he hurt me. Or maybe he just blocked it out! I don't know whether I'm mad or not. It's kind of a nice thought to think a small part of him is with me. Then I think that it's kind of a violation, especially now that he doesn't want anything to do with me.

"Well ChiChi, I hope it wasn't something in that part you thought was going to help me. Because all it's done is give me more questions."

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