What the Gods Decide: Searching

Rated M

AN: Found this kicking around on my hard drive. Decided to clean it up and finish it. Jade Empire isn't mine; I just borrowed the characters for a while. Any original characters are mine though. Also I refuse to type out the Blade of the Broken Bough for Lian's sword so in this fic it's just called Broken Bough. Also I'm slightly altering the perspective of the romance…since we are dealing with a video game the PC has to make all the moves… but I'm pretty sure given Lian's personality she would have been a little more forward. This is really a oneshot that I've split into pieces…

Scholar Ling the Virtuous Dragon/ Sun Lian the Heavenly Lily

Slight Water Dragon/?

The Empress of the Jade Empire stared out into the darkness, her hands steepled in front of her. Nothing; her most prized informants had been searching for three years but still nothing. It was as if Scholar Ling the Virtuous Dragon had become a ghost. Lian shuddered at that thought, having known the reality of losing the Spirit Monk before. The Heavenly Lily frowned, realizing that she had lost Ling twice now. Once at the hands of her treacherous uncle Sun Li, and again under the weight of a grateful Jade Empire. When Sun Li had lain broken at her feet, a bruised and battered Scholar Ling had emerged from the palace. Lian remembered that suffocating press of relief and joy that had descended upon her as she saw her beloved smile a shaky yet victorious smile. She remembered the warmth of Ling's hand in her own just before the onrushing crowd of grateful citizens pulled them apart. Lian remembered the confusion of looking for her beloved amidst the jubilant cries of victory and finding nothing. She had learned later that sometime during the celebration Scholar Ling had slipped through the throng and disappeared from the Imperial City entirely.

Lian clenched her hands briefly as that memory brought her back to her current situation. Ling had vanished as if from the face of the earth, and Lian was always one step behind her. Every time her informants had gleaned some morsel of knowledge of her whereabouts the Virtuous Dragon slipped back into the mists of obscurity. The weight of the crown had been pressed upon Lian not long after her Uncle's defeat and the task of rebuilding the empire and securing stores of water had take precedence over the needs of her heart. Yet the Jade Empire felt her grief keenly. There was not a citizen in the Empire that did not speak of the Empress's benevolence and wisdom, yet because Lian found no joy in life she was known by many in her land as the Mourning Lily. As she gazed upon the uncaring starlit sky, Lian vowed she would allow her heart to suffer no longer. Resolute in her decision, the Heavenly Lily looked to the most trusted member of her court and her only attendant so late at night. "Shaorin, come here."

Shaorin had been trained alongside Lian all her life, much of her life from childhood on was spent swathed in bandages as shamans and surgeons worked their craft about her. Until Lian had left the palace on the adventure that would cement her rise to the throne Shaorin had been both staunch protector and perhaps the only true friend that the Heavenly Lily possessed. Moving swiftly towards her Empress the bandaged woman kneeled before her sovereign. "Yes, Highness?" Lian sighed at the title, while she may have been somewhat spoiled by her upbringing it always bothered her that closest person she had to a sister treated as the rest of her subjects did. She frowned briefly as the fog of memory stole about her. Ling had never been impressed by her title, she had known her as Silk Fox first and as such she was less inclined to exalt Lian as a divine human. Lian smiled a secret smile at the thought, that wasn't entirely true. Ling had been a loyal and tender lover; she may not have been moved by the ruler of the Jade Empire, but she would have done anything for the Empress of her heart.

For once Shaorin was grateful for the mystical bandages that swathed her from head to toe as her Empress could not see her scowl. She knew that the Heavenly Lily was thinking about the Spirit Monk again, fond thoughts judging by her expression. Yet Shaorin could not understand it, the so called Virtuous Dragon had abandoned the Empress when she needed her most and yet still she was the one most cherished within the Empress' heart. Such an unworthy creature didn't deserve the Empress' enduring love, not when she'd abandoned her to the weight of the crown. The first few weeks the newly crowned Empress had held on to hope, believing that her Spirit Monk merely had a mission to complete. As the weeks bled into months and then into years Sun Lian's soul shattered under the weight of her loss. It was only the knowledge of what her family had done in foolish pride both to the citizens of the Jade Empire and the gods themselves that kept her strong enough to rule justly. Yet Shaorin could see the anguish and the despair that twisted and battered her Empress gentle heart even as she ruled with a wise and steady hand. Still her Empress was not alone; Shaorin had always been there, as she would be until she no longer drew breath.

"For once Shaorin, can I not just be Lian to you?" Lian tried to ignore the stab of hurt as she watched the girl that had been by her side since birth bow even deeper, touching her forehead to the floor. Wanting to forestall the apology that she knew was coming the Empress moved forward quickly and touched the covered crown of her servant's head. "It's alright Shaorin. It was a foolish request. At any event I require your aid." Shaorin looked up at Sun Lian's words and the Empress moved her hand to absently stroke her cheek. "I've asked too much of you already. Yet I need you one last time…"

Hours later Shaorin stood before the full length mirror of her chambers, her bandages removed from everything but her face and neck as she stared at her reflection. Shaorin had been chosen at birth as she had been born at the same time as Sun Lian. Her family had been paid a handsome sum for her with the promise that she would live a life far grander than any farmer could ever hope to provide for her. In exchange for coin, her life was no longer her own. She had been raised alongside Lian and groomed to move as she did and mimic her mannerisms perfectly. She had also been trained to be a warrior without equal or mercy as she was to be the last blade to defend the Heavenly Lily. In addition the Royal Omyoji and the Surgeon had enchanted her body so that so long as her bandages were not present and she was under the gaze of another her body would instinctively appear to be Sun Lian. When she was alone the magic allowed her to see her own form; not even Lian was immune to the enchantment. Even her voice matched the Empress' when the magic engulfed her form.

She thought of the words that Lian had spoken to her, of the plan that she'd lain out and it took everything Shaorin had not to shatter the mirror in anger. The Empress would venture forth once more, unguarded and alone: this time not in search of answers for her people's turmoil but instead to locate a woman that had cast her aside. With a strangled cry Shaorin ripped off the final bandages, revealing her face to the cool evening air. She was not an unattractive woman, yet her sky blue eyes and her shaved head engraved with the mantra that made her flesh moldable stood out in stark contrast. It was not fair; she had been educated to be an empress and as such she should have been worthy of…no, such thoughts only led to madness.

"Shaorin! Are you alright?" The woman turned and for a moment she hoped that Lian could see her, could truly see her but she could tell by the look in her eyes that she looked like the Empress' twin. Shaorin flinched as she noticed Lian was dressed in the black garb of Silk Fox though she had not applied her mask yet. Concerned, the Heavenly Lily moved towards the woman that wore her face and body and reached out and cupped her cheek. "Are you ill, Shaorin?" The servant shook her head, her unbound hair now the only real difference between the two of them and Shaorin fought the urge to lean into the comforting touch. "The magic still burns sometimes." Shaorin did not lie. In truth she was in constant pain save when Lian touched or held her… she didn't know if it was because Lian was the template that her body emulated or some bond between them, yet she savored every touch like a treasure. "Forgive me. I ask too much of you, but I must, please forgive me." Lian pulled her twin into her arms and Shaorin had to strangle the ironic laugh that attempted to bubble from her throat.

"I live to serve, my Empress." She could not be more than this… more than a lowly kagemusha, though her heart raged at the unfairness of it all.

Shaorin was the only true regret Lian had with her plan. The Jade Empire would be in good hands until she returned; Shaorin would rule as she would. Yet she felt guilt for thrusting such a fate upon her loyal kagemusha. When she first began sneaking out of the palace as Silk Fox it had been convenient having a double that no one could tell the difference between. Yet now after age, and maturity brought on by her adventure with the Spirit Monk had given her both wisdom and perspective, Lian felt horrible for leaving Shaorin to stand in her stead. The Heavenly Lily decided in that moment that if she survived her current mission she would return and free Shaorin from her servitude. If she failed, she prayed to the gods that the luxuries of the palace would bring some measure of relief against the weight of the crown for the other woman.

The Heavenly Lily spurred her stallion on; heading for the one place she hoped would have answers. Two Rivers. Not even three years ago Lian would have ran the horse to death in her urgency, but Ling had been a diligent teacher and her first lesson had been compassion. As Lian charged through the lush expanse of her realm she kept an eye out for a place to rest and water her horse. After a few more miles of riding both rider and stallion found a secluded location that would be suitable for a night's rest. Lian attended to her horse first and then let the creature go graze as reward for the smooth ride. Relatively alone now, Lian removed the Broken Bough from her pack and began to practice sword drills. As her body moved through the familiar forms, her mind began to wander to nights she spent with Ling in much the same way. Lian had learned early on that the Spirit Monk was quite perceptive and well-read despite having never left Two Rivers prior to its destruction. They spent many evenings discussing strategy or playing mental games of Yi as well as talking about their dreams or a favored poem. Other evenings they spent training, pushing each other to their limits. Even with the inherent flaw in her style Ling had been the most gifted warrior Lian had ever faced and an encouraging teacher. Lian cherished those nights; Ling's focus would be entirely upon her, the Spirit Monk's hazel eyes alight with passion and joy.

Now, Lian could hear the echo of her beloved. The sensual trill of her laugh, the practical tone rife with dry humor, her words stern but never unkind. She could feel the sting of the Spirit Monk's staff as she corrected a mistake or closed an opening in Lian's stance. She could feel the warm press of the slightly taller woman's body as she guided Lian though a new sword form. In the beginning Ling had no clue that she was slowly driving Silk Fox mad. Though, to her own credit Lian herself didn't understand her heart at first: that discovery, Lian owed to her cousin. After one of their training sessions, Lian went to a nearby spring to wash up, but when she returned she found Ling tucking Dawn Star in before taking watch. The look on Ling's face had not been that of a friend or a sister, the tenderness with which she removed an errant lock of Dawn Star's hair spoke of a caring beyond platonic. Lian had enjoyed her conversations with Ling, as confusing as the emotions that they'd stirred had been, but seeing such caring upon the Spirit Monk's face had given her clarity. Lian longed for that adoration and tenderness for herself. For the first time the Heavenly Lily felt her heart lurch in her breast in indescribable pain. Initially, her heart knew only despair, since it was obvious Ling was quite taken with Dawn Star. Yet, such a look only reserved for sleep's embrace, along with Dawn Star's normal demeanor meant that Ling was likely alone in her adoration.

After that Lian began to test the waters. Ling was kind and respectful but she had and edge of wit and boldness that salted her words. Lian used that to her advantage getting the Spirit Monk to open up about herself and her interests and allowing the same to be done to her. Dawn Star's continued obliviousness to Ling's adoration in combination with the growing bond between them had given Lian everything she needed to cultivate the Spirit Monk's affections. Dawn Star would always be important to the Virtuous Dragon, but in time Ling stopped looking at her childhood friend with such haunted yearning. The Spirit Monk in love brought a subtle depth to their interactions. A lingering caress in passing, the hint of warm desire in her voice, darkening of her rich hazel eyes when Ling looked at her. Frustrated, Lian brought her sword down forcefully as she thought of the sweet harvest Ling's affection had bestowed upon her. Now, in a world without such vital nourishment, Lian felt as if she would go mad in longing. Letting out a ragged cry, the Empress sheathed her sword and cleaned up before throwing her weary body into her tent, heartsick and lonely.

For the past three years when Lian slept she either had nightmares about losing her Virtuous Dragon or when the gods were kind to her she didn't dream at all. Tonight, under the stars she dreamt of Dirge and sweet, beloved Ling. She dreamt of that moment when rage and despair had consumed her as she and the rest of the Spirit Monk's entourage prepared for Sun Li's assault. Lian had been certain then that she would die, yet all she could see was Ling broken at her uncle's feet… the shock of his betrayal frozen upon her face. Lian had vowed she would kill as many of her uncle's pets in Ling's name before she fell. She didn't know if she were truly a divine human, but she would show Sun Li that even a god's stolen powers would pale against her vengeance. As she argued with the others nothing that they had seen or done could prepare her for watching Ling stroll into the camp as if nothing had happened. As if she had not been killed hours earlier in the palace.

Lian dreamt of the moment that Ling had reaffirmed their love and the kiss they had shared. Lian had been so consumed by her emotions that she had been ravenous for the Spirit Monk. Inexperience be damned, when Ling picked her up and carried her to their tent, the Heavenly Lily had been determined to take her beloved until nothing could separate them again. Surprisingly, Ling who was often verbally bold had been demure, almost painfully shy as she deflected Lian's advances. The annoyingly level headed Spirit Monk reminded Lian of the battle ahead and that she refused to have their first time reduced to a frantic, desperate tryst. Ling had been more than content to hold Lian close, and the two reunited lovers had kissed and whispered their devotion to one another until sleep claimed them both.

Lian wasn't sure when she'd lost control of the dream but she startled when she realized that Ling was no longer in her arms. Anguish consumed her, and she burst out of her tent only to realize that she was in Dirge…still dreaming. Still, this was not the ruined holy city of her memories. The place was whole and beautiful, lush trees and flowers grew on the carefully cultivated grounds despite the frigid snow that fell in torrents. Lian wandered the grounds until she reached the grand temple of Dirge, the sanctuary of the Water Dragon. As she ascended the snow covered steps Lian encountered a woman draped in blue standing in the center of the chamber.

"Welcome, Sun Lian the Heavenly Lily and blessed scion of Heaven."

Lian had never seen this woman before yet she knew instinctively who she was. With a gasp the Empress kneeled and bowed until her forehead brushed the stones beneath her. "Supreme Water Dragon, you honor me with your presence." Lian solemnly intoned. The Empress of the Jade Empire did not dare look up even as she wondered why the Water Dragon had seen fit to enter her dreams… if she was even still dreaming. "You have done well child. Heaven speaks fondly of you. Under your rule the Jade Empire has the potential to enter a new golden age. But that potential is rapidly fading child."

The Water Dragon's matter of fact tone prompted Lian to meet the eyes of the Goddess, though she remained kneeling. "Fading, Exalted one?"

A delicate, taloned hand waved at the air dismissively "Your devotion is not in question child. Yet your despair is tearing you apart. And this mission to seek out the Spirit Monk, you intend to never return to your crown until you find her. And if she rejects you or if death has claimed her, what shall you do?" Lian closed her eyes against the Water Dragon's solemn words, yet she refused to accept their finality. "If she rejects me I will devote my life to earning her favor once more. If she..if she is no longer of this world…I… I shall…" Lian faded as the memory of Ling's death coiled about her soul, strangling her. "Then I will entreat you to return her to me." The Shepard of Death looked faintly amused at Lian's steadfast, mildly defiant gaze, arching an eyebrow in response to the quiet declaration.

"You would challenge me child?"

Lian did not hesitate with her response. "Yes Exalted One. I will not lose her, I shall not abandon her and she shall never feel alone again. I swear this upon my soul and upon Heaven."

"Very good. It pleases me to know my daughter is loved so fiercely. You love like a dragon; which is good, for the woman you love bears the blood of one."

Lian blinked in confusion… the Water Dragon had stated that her daughter was loved. How can that be? The Water Dragon smiled and for the first time Lian was struck by her beauty. Not because she was a perfect goddess, rather it was in that moment she looked like a mortal maiden in love. "I am one of the oldest of the gods in Heaven child. Even the Heavenly Emperor was a child under my care once. I am the Shepard of souls and the keeper of the natural balance. I ruled Dirge and the Great Wheel for eons beyond counting, content to teach the Spirit Monks that attended me and guide the souls of gods and mortals alike. In all that time I kept myself aloof from god and mortal alike…save one." The Water Dragon seemed lost in melancholy recollection for a moment before she smiled bitter-sweetly at the Empress.

"I am also aware of the absolute fates of mortals and gods. All will one day die, mortal and deity alike, for mortals only that fact is Absolute, for we gods it is more concrete. I knew that your father and uncles would be the harbingers of my destruction as well as the fact that one child of Dirge would gain the right to decide my fate. Yet, I failed both Heaven and the acolytes that worshiped me. I failed because of who was destined to bear the child. Jian Youmei."

Lian furrowed her brows' wondering if she should recognize the name. Ling did not mention her the few times they were able to speak about her journey through Dirge's Spirit Realm. The Water Dragon turned and walked further into the main chamber of her temple, forcing Lian to follow.

"After Dirge was sacked your father executed most of the survivors, even those that betrayed their brothers to fight in the Emperor's name. He took one prisoner…Jian Youmei. Seeing her strength and her devotion, he offered her a place in the Order of the Lotus. She accepted because she believed that the cornerstone to the Emperor's faith could be used to guide him back to the path of righteousness. She was wrong. The Emperor allowed her wounds to heal and then he made Death's Hand the leader of the Order and loosed him upon its members. From the Order's corpse rose the Lotus Assassins. For my Youmei, they tortured her, brainwashed her…shattered her until all she knew and loved was the Lotus. It was the Spirit Monk that brought her peace." There was a melancholy pride in the Elder Deity's voice, a lament of understanding and empathy for the mortal she spoke of.

Lian's eyes widened as it dawned upon just what the Water Dragon was implying. The Silk Fox's thoughts whirled as she flitted between concern and sympathy to wonderment and confusion at the possibility the god before her suggested. The Water Dragon chuckled softly and Lian absently noted how similar it sounded to Ling's own sound of amusement. The sound was silken and flowing like water itself.

"You are curious about the Spirit Monk's linage aren't you? I do not speak in metaphor. Youmei was my most favored and my chosen to eventually ascend to leadership of the Order of Water, the order of the Spirit Monks." The gods azure eyes closed briefly, and Lian was shocked to see a light blush tint her cheeks. "She was…beautiful, in every way that the word could be applied. Humble and kind, and yet she shone with a light that no other could match. She had a natural affinity for the scrying of the realms of Heaven and as such she was perhaps the first to see me not only as her Mistress, but as her friend as well. That simple distinction made me weak, and in time my heart yearned for her and her alone. As leader of the Order she would have taken a vow binding her to me in life and in death. Yet had she been able to take that vow I would have bound her to me as far more than my trusted attendant." A look of unbridled rage crossed the Water Dragon's face for a fleeting moment, and Lian was stuck by the dichotomy of the god's nature. The Water Dragon was both Lady and Beast, wild and terrible as she was wise and gentle.

"When Youmei's fate was revealed to me, at first I knew only despair. The thought, the knowledge that not only would she never take a vow to be mine everlasting, but that she would also bear the child that could mete out my end enraged me. Yet there was a moment of clarity or perhaps madness: I could not alter my fate, but since she was mortal Youmei could alter her own. She would bear the child…but did the child have to be completely mortal? With that thought I unbalanced the scales of my fate. A warrior, Ming Shen was chosen to be Youmei's consort, but what neither he nor Abbot Song realized was that Shen was fated to die early. I advised Song to wait allow Shen time to continue to serve as Dirge's diplomat before tying him to destiny. He was killed two months later defending a small group of Spirit Monk emissaries. No one knew this but I. So I reached out my power and took Shen's form and 'returned' to Dirge. For my beloved Youmei, I courted her in a way that I could not as her god and she knew only my love the night that I sired our daughter." The Water Dragon clenched her fists and drew them to herself as if she were trying to capture the past in her grasp. Growling softly, the Elder Deity clasped her hands behind her back, wrestling her features back to their normal serene state.

"The Heavenly Emperor cannot see his Final Fate as I can, but there are no actions taken by the gods that go unnoticed by him. I had hoped that He would punish only me, that my family would be spared…for the child was no longer the possible harbinger of my end but my daughter, and though I could not see her I loved her. I was wrong, my actions would taint my family. The Heavenly Emperor, altered the winds of her fate…Youmei was supposed to have been the only survivor of the Siege of Dirge. She was…but not as a free woman. She didn't escape with her unborn child…instead she had the child and was captured. My pride, my arrogance doomed my family. My daughter was raised an unwitting pawn and Sun Li wisely secured a piece of one of my greatest relics, keeping me unable to contact her." Lian clenched her fists at her side, knowing that once again her family had so intrusively shaped Ling's life. Perhaps that was why the Spirit Monk left her, she did not want to spend the rest of her life in the shadow of the Sun. Sensing the mortal Empress' desolate thoughts the Water Dragon placed a comforting hand upon Lian's shoulder.

"I do not tell you this to levy more guilt upon your spirit, child: you are not your father nor your uncles. I tell you this so that you will understand the woman that you love, even if she does not understand herself. She will fight your love child, just as she fights herself. Will you share the fate of the one named for my fallen city? Or will you prove yourself worthy enough to love the daughter of the Water Dragon? I cannot see your fate past this point Sun Lian, the choice is yours to make and to live with. My blessing upon you." The Water Dragon moved her hand to Lian's cheek briefly and smiled softly. Lian was overcome with warmth until her vision blurred and she knew no more.

Lian passed from the dream realm and into a deeper, restorative sleep, her soul at ease for the first time in years. When she awoke the next morning she moved hastily to pack her belongings. She had move quickly if she wanted to make it to her destination before day's end. Feeling her spirit buoyed by the Water Dragon's acceptance the disguised Empress spurred her horse to the only place that could offer her answers…Two Rivers.

Please feed the Dragon. Reviews keep me writing. Yes I know I'm taking liberty with the Spirit Monk's background, but to be honest I always got a vibe that the WD cared a bit too much for the last child of Dirge.

2014R. Niiyama