I

John wasn't quite sure how they ended up in this strange predicament. He was fairly certain it was somehow Mycroft's fault. Frankly, the former soldier wasn't too fazed by the idea of a convict Norse god taking up his former room at Baker Street. He was slightly more concerned that Sherlock would say the wrong thing and end up dead. Again. Two drama queens in one apartment was a recipe for disaster.

So the last thing John expected was to walk in on a very heated… and very noisy makeout session between Loki and Sherlock Holmes. The two didn't seem to even bother to register the man's existence, far too preoccupied with their groping hands and clashing teeth. "Oh. My. God. Literally."

"John, can you get Sherlock to- Oh." Still no acknowledgement. The doctor and his wife exchanged glances, John's one of annoyed disbelief while Mary's was one of coy maternal excitement. "I knew they'd end up together. Mrs. Hudson owes me 10 quid."

"You know, Mary, most people are uncomfortable watching other people make out."

"Why would I be bothered? They're both very handsome."

"Mary!"

"Oh fine. I'll break them up." Mary made her way to the kitchen, leaving poor John with the consulting teenager and his godly boyfriend. At this point in the juncture, Loki had Sherlock pinned underneath him, alternating between unbuttoning and just ripping the detective's shirt off. Sherlock, meanwhile, appeared to be making his best attempt at sucking Loki's lips off, peppered with a few choice swear words about the god's "stupid, uncooperative armor."

"My god. You two have to realize I'm here!" The only semblance of a response was a throaty, dare John say flirty chuckle from Sherlock. "Obviously not. Bloody teenagers."

"Alright here we go." Mary returned and proceeded to dump an entire pitcher of ice water on the pair. That did the trick.

Loki quickly shot backwards to the opposite end of the couch. Sherlock sputtered indignantly and shot a glare at the Watsons. "Hi boys!" Mary greeted, grinning like a Cheshire cat. She held up several department store bags. "I got you some new clothes, Loki. I had to guess your size though, I hope they fit." The mischief god simply grabbed the bags and bolted to the bedroom, keeping his face and hands hidden. The good doctor's wife followed like a concerned mother. "Loki?!"

Meanwhile, John and Sherlock shared quite an epic stare down as both were agitated by what had just transpired. "You really could've just ringed john. Ice was quite unnecessary."

"You put the doorbell in the refridgerator, Sherlock. Besides, you would've been too focused on swapping spit with Loki to have heard it anyway!"

"How long had you been standing there?"

"Oh about five or ten minutes, give or take. I even yelled at you to get your attention."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Hmph." The consulting detective flopped back onto the couch, rolling to face the wall. "Well obviously you aren't loud enough." John opened his mouth to argue then remembered he was arguing with Sherlock Holmes. He wasn't going to win.

"You're soaking the sofa."

"Your lovely wife's fault. It was really quite rude of her to irritate Loki's ice allergy, by the way."

"How can he be allergic to ice?"

"I'm still working on that." The blogger shook his head in exasperation.

"Go change and check on your boyfriend. I'll be expecting you in ten minutes."

"Fine." Twelve minutes later, John Watson was perched in what was nicknamed the Client Chairs, and Sherlock was making himself comfortable, having changed and cleaned himself up. "Do we have a new case then?"

"I do." When the detective's eyebrows knit together, the doctor continued, "I think I'll call it 'Sherlocked out of the closet.'" There was a short pause. "Mmm, maybe not. Terrible name."

"In other words, you want to know the details of mine and Loki's relationship."

"There you go. Now you're catching up."

"Therefore you must have quite a few questions."

"One or ten, yeah."

"Such as?"

"Oh I don't know, how about how long have you two been snogging?"

"Three weeks and we don't just 'snog'." Sherlock made quotations in the air as he said this.

"But you do snog like teenagers."

"No we don't!" Sherlock then contradicted himself by saying, "Only after lunch and before Mycroft visits."

"Are you two at least being safe?"

"John, we are both biologically male. It's highly impossible for either of us to end up pregnant. And you're really asking me that when we've only been dating three weeks?"

"Myths say he's quite… insatiable."

"They also say he had relations with a rock. They lie." John opened his mouth to make another point. "No. John. No sex." John was more than a little amused by Sherlock's discomfort on the subject. "Any other questions?" He swear he saw an anime tick mark on Sherlock's forehead.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" The detective seemed confused by the genuine hurt and concern in Watson's voice. "You're my best friend and I hope I'm yours. You could have told me."

"Ah yes, well he is an intergalactic criminal with a talent for lying, negative judgment is bound to occur. And… this wasn't supposed to happen…"

"What wasn't? Sherlock?" John could never have expected the reaction he received from Sherlock Holmes.

The detective ducked his head behind his fingers, but not before the good doctor noticed the pink tinge creeping up his pale cheekbones. Sherlock actually seemed embarrassed. "I was trying to trick him so that some information might be gathered for S.H.I.E.L.D. I began this endeavor shortly after Loki was dropped onto our doorstep."

"That was two months ago, Sherlock."

"Yes, I'm well aware of that, John."

"So what changed?"

"I'm not quite sure. Although I have narrowed it down to at least three particular instances."

"Always trying to reduce our romance to mere mortal science, my pet. I'm wounded." Loki draped himself onto the arm and back of Sherlock's chair, curling around the detective like a cat. "Surely, the all-knowing Sherlock Holmes does not need to know everything."

"Perhaps not, but I'm going to anyway. And how many times do I have to tell you not to call me your 'pet?'" John watched the flirtatious exchange with a small smirk. Sherlock Holmes in love, who would have thought it possible? The Immortal Psychopath and the High-Functioning Sociopath. Go figure.

Still, watching Loki dote upon Sherlock made John think of a cat toying with a canary. The Mischief God exuded danger. Even now as he was garbed in a simple emerald sweater and black slacks, Loki made John feel uneasy. He had no doubt Loki could and would hurt Sherlock. But Sherlock was a big boy and wasn't fooled easily. John trusted him to get himself out of it if this became too dangerous. Besides, Sherlock had taught him just how much things aren't as they seem.

"You have been very accepting of this news, Dr. Watson." The hair on the back of John's neck stood up as Loki addressed him. "Better than that annoying foppish brother of his."

"Mycroft know about you two then?"

"Yes, my irritating brother deduced us about two weeks ago and has been trying to break us up ever since."

"Sherlock, and now your wife, won't let me curse him. I think he'd better serve everyone as an ass."

"Loki, humans do not consider it polite to curse one another."

"Said the assassin."

"Shut up, Sherlock. Besides, you're supposed to be in hiding," Mary reminded him as she perched on the arm of John's chair.

"I dunno, Mary. Might do him some good to spend time as an ass," John quipped.

"Now, John, Loki can't turn Mycroft into something he already is," Sherlock explained.

"Boys, don't encourage him!"

"Why not? It's so much fun. Loki's mind is so delightfully creative if a little bit twisted."

"Oh, Sherlock, you are far too kind to me."

"Well, there's something I've never heard before," John snarked.

"You speak to the wrong people, Doctor."

"No, you have potentially terrible tastes in men. Or Sherlock does. Or both since you're both twisted in the head. That's all."

"John, we have an appointment," Mary reminded before Loki could do anything other than glare daggers at him.

"You're right. We need to get going. Boys, behave. No turning Mycroft into a donkey."

"Yes, John/Dr. Watson," was the unanimous reply.

"And remember to be safe in the bedroom," Mary added. Loki busted out laughing as Sherlock choked on his tea. "See you later, boys!"

"I like her!" Once the Watsons had left, Sherlock (having cleared his throat of the offending tea) turned to his other-worldly lover.

"You're going to use your magic on Mycroft no matter what we say, aren't you?"

"But of course! He's far too rude to leave unpunished. Now where were we?"