1.

She watched from the edge of the couch, knees glued together, hands curled around her cup of tea, as Penny crept up on Leonard sitting at his desk and gave him a sloppy kiss on his cheek.

"Honeeey," he laughed. Penny wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug.

"Get off and pay attention to me," Penny teased. "Or I'll go down to the hardware store and find someone who will."

"Okay, okay," Leonard said. "But first I have to wait out this auction. This guy is selling limited edition–"

Penny dragged his chair away from his desk as he laughed, clawing at the desk so he could pull himself back in. "Okay, fine," he grinned. "I'm turning the computer off." He swiveled his chair around and grabbed her waist. "Come here. You want attention?" He pulled her into his lap and kissed her. She clung to him, smiling against his mouth.

Amy looked away. She had a painted-on smile, like someone drew a smile on a piece of paper and taped it to her face. Inside, her heart was dropping deeper and deeper into her stomach.

"What do you say? Shall we take this to the bedroom?" Leonard asked between kisses.

"Um, Amy's still here, remember?"

"Oh, Amy!" Leonard said, a tad too brightly. "Forgot you were here for a second."

"Please," Amy spoke up. "Don't let me get in the way of your dalliances. I insist you go into Leonard's bedroom and make sweet tender love all the while disturbing the downstairs neighbors and punching bed-post-sized holes into the sheetrock."

While I sit in here and live vicariously through you.

"Oh, that's okay," Penny told her, walking over and falling into the couch. "We can at least wait until Sheldon comes home. Right, Leonard?"

"Yeah, heh heh. Sure. We can totally do that." He sat awkwardly in his chair.

Amy looked back and forth between the two lovebirds, sensing the desire between the couple, the sexual frustration. How long has it been? A day? Maybe two? Amy smirked, bringing the mug to her lips.

"So," Penny said cheerfully. "How long 'til Sheldon comes home?"

"The class should have ended at nine, so any moment now," Amy replied.

"I can't believe they asked him to do another guest lecture," Leonard said, "You know, after he gave his lecture last year on topological insulators, fifteen doctoral students dropped out of the program."

"You're kidding," Penny said.

"Can you blame them?" Amy asked, setting down her tea. "Imagine how daunting it would be entering a field knowing you'll never live up to the brilliant mastermind that is Sheldon Cooper."

Just then, they heard the knob wiggling. Sheldon stepped through the door, tossing his keys in the bowl and taking off his messenger bag.

"Hey!" Penny and Leonard said. They were standing before he could properly get inside. He eyed them suspiciously.

"You two look up to something." He startled. "Did you two touch my comic books? Amy, did you let them into my room?!"

"No, Sheldon," Amy sighed. "They just want to go have sex."

"Oh," he said dismissively, uninterested. He went over to his desk and started unbuttoning his coat. Leonard and Penny looked at each other, shrugged, then headed towards the bedroom. "I don't understand. What does my coming in the door have to do with them having sex?"

"Nevermind." Amy stood up, came up behind Sheldon. "So how was the lecture?"

He gave a dramatic sigh. "Oh, the throes of maintaining a cheerful and encouraging attitude all the while staring into the blank, uncomprehending eyes of novitiates. I'm exhausted."

Amy frowned. "I'm sorry."

He pulled irritably at his necktie. "I don't understand why I have to dress up to give a lecture. They should have to dress up for me."

"I think you look handsome," Amy said softly. "I like it when you're all dressed up."

"Well, fortunately, unlike most people, I don't have to rely on my good looks," he remarked, turning to look at her. "Be happy you're one of the few lucky ones. There are not many of us."

"Um, thank you." She followed him over to the couch and sat next to him. After waiting through a silence where he flipped through one local news channel after the other, she decided to take a chance. "So, did you think about me today?"

"Hmm, let's see," he pondered, setting the remote down and furrowing his brows, reflecting. "A brain such as this one thinks about many things. But… ah yes. I thought about you right after briefly considering supersymmetry in quantum gravity and before contemplating the optimum peanut butter to jelly ratio on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

Amy smiled privately to herself. "Really?"

Sheldon turned to her. "I'm not sure why you're surprised. Why on earth would I not think about you?"

"I don't know," she said. "Like you said, your brain thinks of many different things, and there is precious little time between the moment you wake and the moment you fall asleep that could be spent thinking about things that are of far greater importance."

"Hmm, you could be right," he said, considering this. "However, the mind unfortunately doesn't allow one to pick and choose which topics it will ultimately land on."

Suddenly, there could be giggling heard from the back room. Sheldon shook his head and picked up the remote.

"Must be difficult trying to get a moment's peace after a long day at the grind when you have to subject yourself to the agonizing wails of ecstasy only two doors away."

He stared at the television. "Kid, you don't know the half of it."

"You know, Sheldon," Amy began. "Anytime you need to get away from the… ruckus… you're always welcome to stay at my apartment."

"That's very kind of you, Amy," he said sweetly. "But I couldn't impose. Besides, where on earth would you stay?"

She sank a little. "Or if you prefer a more permanent solution, you could always… ask Leonard to move out."

That got his attention. He looked at Amy, surprised. "Do you know how long it took to groom Leonard into a decent roommate? Trust you me, Amy, I'd love nothing more than to have this place to myself. But I've spent ten years trying to train the pedestrian out of him, only to hand him off to the next unappreciative roommate that will no doubt reap the benefits of my effort?"

Amy quirked an eyebrow. "Even if it's Penny?"

"Well, I don't care who it is!"

"You don't honestly think you and Leonard will live together forever, right?"

"I figured when the time came for Penny and Leonard to share residence that the three of us would live here in this apartment together."

Amy sank even further. Her heart felt like it should have been between her knees. Another noise escaped from Leonard's bedroom and she sighed. "Sheldon, don't you ever wish you had what they have?"

He already had his attention back on the television. He frowned at her. "Who?"

"Penny and Leonard."

He gave her a look as if she'd just asked if he'd rather have a lamb kabob over an ice cream sundae.

"What could they possibly have that I would ever covet?"

She opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it. "Nothing." She was hurt. She didn't have it in her to fight anymore. Sometimes she felt like talking to him was like talking to a brick wall.

"I'm sensing some frustration on your part," Sheldon said.

"No frustration," she put on her smile. "But I am getting tired. I think I will let myself out."

She stood up and made her way to the door, saddened.

"Amy?"

She paused, her hand on the doorknob. She looked back at him, expectantly.

"Aren't you going to say goodnight?"

She smiled faintly at him. "Goodnight, Sheldon."

"Goodnight, Amy."

He watched the door close behind her, frowning. He slowly stood to lock the door and slide the chain before he bent and put one eye up to the peep hole. All he saw was an empty hallway.

He picked up Amy's empty mug and clicked the television off. In the new silence, he heard bedsprings squeaking from the other room.

He sighed, placing the mug in the sink. On second thought, maybe Amy's suggestion wasn't all that bad.