Somebody fucked up.

The thought enters Ravio's head with such force that he's immediately shocked by its ferocity, but not the message behind it: somebody fucked up telling the story. He'd snuck into Hyrule Castle looking for his counterpart, and instead had come face-to-face with a series of frescoes, and a pretty little ditty telling a messed-up version of someone else's history, but with his face carved into it.

That's the thing about higher powers, he thinks, as he slinks away, avoiding the guards. It's more fun to mess around with people than to help them. Lorule has paintings of its own, of course, collecting dust in Hilda's office and lying buried under heaps of rubble in old, old caves. Ravio has a favourite that he left mouldering in his house when he fled: a pink rabbit in a green tunic. He pulls his hood higher over his head.

Here's the thing about heroes.

So this kid in green sneaks into the princess' court. She tells him that some king from the desert is trying to sneak into the Sacred Realm, so could he please open the door first? Kid opens the door, king walks in and takes his part of the Hyrulean Triforce, covers the world in darkness. Nice. The kid comes back, all full of courage and burning for revenge, and he and the princess get their asses killed and the king gets the whole damn thing, turns the Sacred Realm into a dark world, and might have eaten his cake too if the Knights of Hyrule hadn't shut the door behind him. Cue the orchestra. Years later, another hero in green walks in and sticks a sword right through the king, then fucks off to sea and drowns in the belly of a whale.

Meanwhile, a wannabe in purple leads the Knights of Lorule against the forces of darkness, who've kidnapped the Sages. Sages have had enough of would-bes and heroes, and after a bunch of wasted effort and a whole pile of dead bodies, decide they've had enough.

See, heroes go off and die in ditches. Cowards get hired by princesses and die in gilded beds, surrounded by weeping fans.

At least in Lorule they had the decency to destroy their Triforce first.

Yuga is not especially powerful, and Ravio's not especially brave, and Hilda's not especially wise, but she's desperate — which is why she calls the three to a war council.

"It's decided, then," she says. "If we capture all seven of them, it should open up a link to Hyrule's Sacred Realm, and we'll find Ganon and the Hyrulean Triforce of Power there. Given enough time, the sages will in turn open the path to the Triforce of Courage. Yuga, deliver Zelda to me, and from her I'll claim the last piece."

Ravio idly wonders how he, just the son of a swindler from Thieves' Town, got to be sitting across from the princess. He's had enough experience with cons to know that Yuga doesn't care all that much about her — just about the promise of power and the chance to make some more godawful paintings. He wonders if she knows. She turns to him. "Ravio, there are stories of a hero in Hyrule. Find him, and stall him. I trust you can handle that?" (He's sure he can't.) "And for the Goddess' sake, take off that hideous merchant's garb. Find something more suitably heroic."

He sews the tunic and hood that night, and there are three days left.

At least he knows how to run away.

Shortly before leaving, he drops by Thieves' Town for a drink at the bar, and when he's done he's not in the mood for paying. Just his luck, someone is offended by his scarf and calls him "Mr. Hero", and someone else thought the insult — a roundabout way of wishing someone a quick and messy death, as was the fate for all would-be heroes in Lorule — was meant for them. Ravio escapes in the ensuing brawl.

He's spent a few years stealing weapons from dungeons and castles and convincing heroes to rent them again after they croak, so why not in Hyrule? Ravio is exceptionally good at three things: running, hiding, and turning a quick buck. Still, he has a moment just before he slips through the crack, when he is sorry to see his world go. (Ravio loves Lorule more than anyone. Seriously. Ask the one-eyed guy lobbing bombs next door.)

He sets up a stall in a town called Kakariko and his first customer, a bright-eyed wannabe named Osfala, mentions something about a blacksmith's apprentice that sets off alarm bells in Ravio's head. He rents out the Sand Rod, explains the contract, and gathers his things and turns towards Hyrule Castle. The downside to the cloak is the goddamned heat in Hyrule — he's not used to it being so warm — but the upside is that he can roll his eyes as much as he wants, and as Osfala goes on about heroics he wonders if Hyruleans are idiots, or if this one is particularly naive.

(There are a lot of things that Ravio knows, and a lot of things that he doesn't know, of course: to him, a rabbit represents cowardice, but it may as well have represented a sturdy and caring heart. Give it a few years and a bit of better luck, and it might turn into a wolf.)

He follows the scent of Yuga's magic to a Sanctuary, where he finds a kid with his face pressed into the ground. Drags him back to the lot where his home would have been in Lorule, and is pleased to discover a vacant house there, instead. This one must be their hero, he thinks. That's the thing about higher powers.

But of course, the troubles in Hyrule are only starting, and the kid has no idea how badly he's about to get slaughtered. Ravio is of three minds as he watches the kid sleep — the first two are how he can get away from it all, and the third is what needs to be done. When the kid wakes up and turns towards Hyrule Castle, Ravio knows it's time to make a choice.

That's the thing about destiny. It's not the big things — the kid facing down the wizard, the princess peering up at the king — that set wheels in motion, because those things had been written a long, long time ago. It's the little choices made by cowards on the run that decide how things will end up. Ravio gives Link his bracelet.

Hyrule sheds its skin every now and then, but to Ravio, Lorule is more than a pale reflection — it's a home.

"This kid, I swear," he says, to the house. "Makes a killing in the Treacherous Tower, then blows it all dodging cuccos and playing baseball. Heroes. Every world's got one."

The mask says hey, boy, if you put me on I'll give you your heart's desire.

Ravio laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

"Stay with me," Hilda says, in the light of their new Triforce. "Stay with me, Ravio. Lorule needs you. I need you!"

"Eh, I dunno," Ravio says, rubbing his neck and grinning warmly. "Knowing me, it'd suit me better to end up dying in a ditch somewhere."

And, being Ravio, he does exactly that.