Wretched Hero

BTVS Fanfiction

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of the show! But if I did own it…. oh boy (laughs devilishly) JOSS IS BOSS!

Anya's voice could be heard downstairs, along with Willow and Tara's. Giles faced Xander again.

"Xander, I need you to explain to me what happened between you and Buffy."

Xander nodded just as Willow, Tara and Anya rushed into the room.

"I'll tell you after the witches do their mojo and fix me."

Willow and Tara patched Xander up, and the rest of the Scoobies headed downstairs, leaving Buffy in her room. They didn't want to deal with her yet. Finally, Xander arrived downstairs with Willow and Tara helping him. Anya rushed forwards and pulled him into a hug.

"Oh, I thought I lost you!"

Xander smiled down at her. "Well, I'm here now."

Anya smiled and dug her face in Xander's chest. "If I lost you, no one would've been able to make me swell up with joy and passion to have such amazing sex."

Xander chuckled and patted Anya on the back. "An, I love you're enthusiasm with our passion for one another. And I love you."

Anya squealed with joy and squeezed Xander, hard. Xander grunted. Anya pulled away, mumbling "sorry". Xander walked over to the rest of the Scoobies and locked eyes with Giles.

Remembering what he told Giles before Willow and Tara fixed him; he nodded and cleared his throat.

"Um, so as you know, I was stabbed by Crazy Buffy." Okay, not his best opening for a serious explanation. He might as well have the words, "Captain Obvious" printed in bright red across his forehead.

Xander decided to start from the beginning. He told them of finding Buffy in her room, he described how she was and looked; he made sure to tell them about her eyes. He still shivered when he thought about them. He then told them what she said before she decided to stab him, and everything that happened afterwards, when Anya rushed in to save him, (he left out the part when she kissed him… that just seemed too personal to share), and when Buffy almost broke down, and Giles stopping her. When he finished explaining what happened, he expected millions of questions to attack him, but there was only silence, until Willow decided to talk.

"So, about Buffy's sudden switch in mood, and decision to have a break down, what do you think happened? I mean she seemed so determined to stab you and everyone else, but-"

"Like I said," Xander interrupted. "When Anya told her she just stabbed me, it was like something clicked inside of her, like she was just waking up from a trance."

Tara stepped forward. "Do you think she was in a trance? Someone was controlling her?"

"Who, though?" Willow asked.

Xander shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets. "The Trio, maybe?"

A laugh came from behind them. "You're all either stupid or blind," a voice said from behind them. The Scoobies turned to face Spike, who was standing at the doorway. Anya must've forgotten to lock it when Willow and Tara arrived. Spike walked towards them.

"It seems someone forgot to lock the door. Thought I'd slip in for a nice visit, see how things are, and then I hear you lot talking about Buffy and a very fascinating story of her stabbing you, Harris." Spike smirked, looked at Xander for a second, and then looked at everyone else and continued.

"Isn't it obvious? The slayer has been literally dealing with the weight of the world on her shoulders, for almost 6 years now. When she was finally at peace, lying in her coffin, the weight was lifted. But it came crashing down on her, just a few months ago."

He began pacing back and forth between everyone, smiling when he saw all of the shocked expressions. "All of that pressure she had to deal with, all of your worries, stressing over Dawn, her relationship with me, just was too much for her. Insanity seemed to grasp her mind, cling onto her after her little episode a few weeks ago, causing her to snap."

"It wasn't the Trio that put a trance on her. It was just your stupid ignorance that made her snap and cause her to almost kill one of you." Spike put on a fake frown and glared at Xander. "Too bad she didn't succeed."

The Scoobies just stared back at him, too shocked and stunned to do anything. Once again, Spike struck them with his words from a speech about Buffy. It stunned them just how much he seemed to care about her, since he didn't have a soul, unlike Angel.

Spike didn't need a soul to love.

And he didn't need to bite people to cause them pain. Even though the chip in his brain took away his ability to feed on humans, he could cause pain through his words.

And he did just that to Buffy, and to the Scooby gang.

As well as to other demons and vampires. But those he could kill.

But he could hit Buffy; he could cause her pain both physically and mentally. Maybe that was why he loved her, cause he could hurt her, like she hurt him. They could be even, matched.

They could be the same. A pair. Together.

Is that what love is? Is that what insanity is? Is love supposed to drive others insane? Did Buffy snap cause she couldn't love? Cause she was in love? Cause she was in love with him?

Is that why she trusted him? Cause they were even with their insanity?

Is that why he suddenly cared about her?

He was changing. Spike knew it.

And then it hit him.

He was changing for her.

"Spike, are you in there?" Xander snapped his fingers in front of Spike's face.

Spike shook his head and glared at Xander. He grabbed Xander's wrist and pulled him in closer.

"Yes, I'm here. And if you don't quit your bloody snapping, I will rip your hands off to stop you." Spike shoved Xander away from him.

Xander nodded quickly and wiped his palms on his pants absently, backing away to Anya.

Giles stepped forward, with a very firm expression on his face. "Spike, if you have any intention to harm Buffy in the state she is in right now-"

Spike held out his hands, in a way of showing he isn't going to do anything.

"Hey, watcher, what am I going to do? I've already proved to you that I don't mean any harm, yeah? C'mon! Don't any of my speeches inspire you?"

"How could your speeches inspire us? You were just blaming us for Buffy stabbing Xander!" Anya yelled at Spike, pointing a finger at him. "Only a dumb evil person could be inspired by your speeches. Probably inspired to kill us."

Willow crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "That's probably why they called you William the Bloody, not only for your awful poetry but also for your awful speeches."

Spike flared his nostrils at Willow and gave her the most evil glare he could muster.

"Shut up, Red."

"Hey!" Tara began, but Giles held up his hands.

"Enough!" He screamed at them. He turned to face Spike.

"Yes, Spike. You have proven to us that you are here to help. But if you ever lay a finger on Buffy in any disgusting way, I will plunge a stake into your heart."

Spike chuckled.

"Tell me where Buffy is, and I'll leave you in peace."

"Why do you want to know where she is?" Willow asked.

"To help her, of course. That's what I do now, Red. I'm part of the good guys now." He smirked at her and gave her a small wink.

Willow sighed and shook her head. Then, she pointed to the stairs and raised her eyebrows, indicating that she was upstairs.

Spike nodded at her and headed up the stairs, giving the Scooby gang a random thumbs up, to send some positivity to the group.

He found her crying, curled up on the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around herself, as if she thought that could protect herself. It hurt Spike to see her in this much pain and sorrow. And it also surprised him, he never knew how truly damaged and broken she would be. He noticed her untidy dirty blonde hair, her pale skin, and her skeletal body.

He shook his head in pity. He kneeled in front of Buffy and gave her a small smile. He wanted to see her eyes. Why did Xander sound so afraid of them? What was so bad about her eyes compared to everything else that's bad about her?

And then he knew the answer to why.

Spike was scared.

Her eyes scared him.

Could she really be saved, if she was that empty inside?

Something stirred inside of him, something that he forgot about until that moment. They were missing one person.

Dawn.

What would she think? What would she do?

What would Buffy do?