EPILOGUE

11 years later...

The roar of the engine flared as he downshift his bike and turned into the parking lot. He needed a pack of smokes. Pulling up next to the side of the gas station, Jax killed the engine, kicked down the stand, and pulled off his helmet. All the whiskey from the party at the clubhouse last night had his head pounding something fierce. He didn't know why the relatively minor age gap between 25 to 29 had made such a difference in the volume of his hangovers but there was most certainly a difference. And the bright California sunshine was doing nothing to help matters. From behind his KD sunglasses, he mentally told it to fuck off and headed inside.

Pushing open the doors, Jax welcomed the rush of cool air that subtly eased the throbbing in his skull. He headed towards the back to grab something to drink and try to find some Excederin.

His life was such a clusterfuck right now. Clay was getting the club deeper and deeper into guns and Jax was getting tired of all the runs they'd been doing lately. He was the VP now and over the last few months he'd really started to question what path his stepdad was trying to take them down. All that aside, it was a welcome distraction to everything else going on. The constant partying and loose women were usually able to keep him preoccupied from the fact that his stupid junkie ex-wife had gotten knocked up on their brief attempt to reconcile a few months back. He'd been absolutely revolted when she told him. He wasn't ready for a kid and he knew she sure as fuck couldn't handle it. She couldn't even keep herself clean. She had thought it would bring them closer (he had a strong inkling she'd done it on purpose) but all it had done was push him in the opposite direction. Wendy was a sweet girl and all but she had too many problems and he simply didn't care enough to want to work through them with her. He didn't love her. He never had and he knew that.

Loneliness was a bitch.

Jax pulled open the refrigerator doors and grabbed a bottle of water and headed back to the front. He rounded the aisle to see a moderately attractive high school girl behind the counter. These ones were always fun to mess with. She looked up from her magazine and frantically looked back down as soon as she saw him. He flashed her his best panty-dropper grin and set the bottle of water on the counter. He saw the red rush to her cheeks instantly.

"Can I get a pack of Marlboro Reds, darlin'?"

"Y..yeah. No problem," she stuttered, continuing to blush profusely and quickly turning around to grab them.

Jax couldn't help but swipe a look. Nice little figure. Still much too young for his taste. He looked away to the newspaper rack as she rang up his stuff. He didn't typically look at newspapers except to see if the MC had caught anyone's attention, but he figured it probably wouldn't help her nerves if he kept watching her either. Spinning the tall wire rack around and mindlessly skimming the cover pages, Jax almost missed it... but his heart caught in his throat on instinct. He jerked the rack around and snatched up a paper so fast he almost knocked it over. Jax quickly reread the cover story title and reread it again, staring at the picture on the page before him...not believing his eyes...

'St. Thomas Hospital Welcomes New Pediatric Surgeon'

And there, staring back at him in black and white on the front page, was the face of the woman who had stolen his heart all those years ago... even more beautiful than she had been at 18.

Tara.

He turned and walked out of the store, leaving his cigarettes and water on the counter.

"Hey!" the girl called out, "You forgot your..."

But he was already a million miles away...

She'd actually done it.

She'd become a doctor. Just like she said she always would. And now she was back. In Charming. His emotions went into chaos and instantly he was 19 years old again... he wanted to see her, to hold her, to run his fingers through her long dark hair, and taste the salt of her skin on his tongue... No! No! Jax thought, I can't! I can't go there again! He remembered how close he'd come to going over the edge and all of the dark days that had followed. Truth be told, he'd never come out of it...he'd just gotten better about burying it beneath the surface. But as he stared down at Tara's picture, her broad smiling face and her catlike eyes, still so seductive, a thousand memories came flooding back and he knew he wouldn't be able to stay away. Not for long. Even now, his brain was fighting the urge to drive past her father's house. He hadn't been that way in years but he knew he'd still be able to find it without an effort should he want to. Like an unseen magnetic force, her presence was calling to him and he could feel all his common sense sliding away.

His head rolled back and he looked up at the endless blue sky, skull still pounding but in a different kind of pain. It had been eleven years...she was probably a totally different person... how come he couldn't let her go? She was all he had ever wanted back then and seeing her face on the cover of the newspaper , he knew now that had never changed...

xxXxx

Three days later and he still couldn't get her out of his head. Laying on the bed in the back apartment of the clubhouse that he'd taken up residence in a few months ago, he stared at the ceiling and thought of Tara. He wondered what she was like and if she still thought of him the way he thought of her. Taking another hit off his joint, he let the smoke burn in his throat and down into his lungs. It was painfully obvious that they lived in two different worlds now. She was a doctor. A surgeon even! The paper said she was transferring from fucking Chicago! She'd gone out and accomplished all of the goals she had set for herself. And him? Well... he'd made it to club vice president but other than that all he'd ever accomplished was fucking a disgusting amount of trashy women, drank too much, and became a felon. For an instant, he felt ashamed. She had always believed in him. She'd wanted him to go with her so they could have a better life together. Not just for her but for him too. How could he possibly see her knowing he'd become exactly the thing she'd feared before she left?

Jax let out a heavy sigh. He wasn't good enough for her and he never had been.

He'd let an attractive croweater suck his dick earlier in an attempt to feel better and then flipped her over and fucked the shit out of her, thinking it would burn off the tension, but it had only left him feeling empty and more disgusted with himself. He only ever screwed blondes since Tara had left. The one time he had tried to fuck a brunette he'd almost started crying and had to run to the bathroom to pretend like he was throwing up. Even when they looked nothing like her, they all still looked like Tara to him. He'd been chasing her ghost ever since she'd left...

...and now she was back.

Jax knew he needed to stay away from her but he didn't know if he could. Physically, it wouldn't really be all that hard. Tara had never really done all that much recreationally other than read books and he was never at the hospital...well...not usually...but Charming was a small town and sooner or later, he knew he was bound to run into her. He'd dreamt of the day she'd come back for years but now that it was here, he wasn't sure what to do with it. He'd tried everything to get over her. But at the end of the day, the drugs didn't work, the alcohol didn't work, the pointless sex didn't work, he'd attempted marrying someone else and that didn't work either. Not even time had healed his wounds. They were just as fresh as they were back then. He just learned to turn some of that hurt to anger and then use the pent-up rage as a weapon. It had saved his ass in a fight plenty of times.

He was angry at her. Angry for not staying. Angry for not choosing him. Angry for not saying good-bye and ripping his heart out...for almost killing him...but at the end of the day, he'd always understood and he had forgiven her long ago. He knew she had to leave. He knew she'd been hurting just as much as he had that day. That she'd probably cried all the way to San Diego. And he knew that, truthfully, he'd never have been able to let her leave if she had tried to say good-bye in person. He might have deserted the club with her... he really might have... but that was then... and this was now.

Jax took one last hit off his joint before snuffing it in the ashtray and turning out the light.

xxXxx

The last couple of days had been hell...fucking Mayan pricks just can't stay in their own fucking territory. They'd been getting a lot more ballsy and the SONS did NOT appreciate their lack of boundaries. Alvarez was savvy but he was starting to get on Jax's nerves and he knew Clay was about to snap too. His head was beating the snot out of a Mexican gangbanger as he barreled around the corner by Sam's Diner and plowed straight into some poor woman going the other way. Her body ricocheted off his and started to fall back. Jax instinctively reached out and grabbing for her arms.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry, ma'am! I didn't see you!" he exclaimed, catching her against his body.

"It's...it's ok," the woman's velvety voice replied back nervously, her long chocolate-colored hair now draped over her face. Jax pulled her to her feet and watched as her long slender fingers brushed it back behind her ear, revealing a beautiful set of hazel eyes that had been haunting him for years...

But before he could react, he saw her eyes make the same connection, "Jax...?"

"Tara..?" he said in disbelief, "Oh my God!"

His face stretched out in a massive grin as he pulled her into his arms and held her fiercely. He couldn't believe it! She was real. She was really here! He could feel her hands on his kutte and her hair on his face. Within the span of a breath, his world fell into place. For the first time in years, he felt whole. But a second later, realizing how hard he was clinging to her, he quickly let her go.

"Sorry, Tara...I didn't mean to..."

"It's ok..." she smiled shyly, adjusting her hair again.

"So...how have you been?" he asked anxiously, "I hear you're a doctor now."

"Yeah, I just transferred to St. Thomas."

"Yeah, I saw that in the paper. Tara, that's great," Jax beamed at her proudly, "you went and did exactly what you said you would."

"Thanks," she smiled again. Her eyes slowly looking up into his. They still lit his soul on fire, "So, what have you been up to?"

"Oh, not a whole lot," he lied. "Charming is still Charming," he said giving her a mischievous smirk and effectively dodging the question.

"So it seems," she said raising her eyebrows and looking around with an amused smile.

"You look great, Doc."

"Thank you," she said looking to the ground quickly before meeting his eyes again, "You're still handsome as ever."

Jax let out a laugh and watched her smile in return. They just stared for a moment, each of them taking in the sight of the other. She looked beautiful. Just the same as she had then except she was a grown woman now. There was a wisdom behind her eyes and her curves had finished filling out in all the right places. The tension in the air was thick enough to cut with a knife. His body longed to have her once more...to pull her into his arms... and he thought he could see a blush starting to creep up in her cheeks as well.

"Well...I, uh, have to get back to the hospital. Need to prep for a surgery this afternoon..." she stumbled out. Jax tried to hide his disappointment, "It was really great seeing you again, Jax."

"Yeah. You too, Tara."

They both stayed where they were, eyes locked on each other, neither of them wanting to make the first move. There was so much he wanted to say, so much between them, but the moment was fleeting...

"Maybe I'll see you around."

"Yeah, that'd be nice," he said with an easy grin, brushing his long blonde hair behind his ear.

"Take care of yourself, Jax," she smiled shyly, her eyes flickering brightly between brown and green as she made her way to pass him. Just the way they had all those times they'd snuck out of class...

"You too, Doc."

Jax watched her as she walked away with is heart in his throat and wondered if she would look back. He wanted her to look back... Eleven years... eleven years and he could still feel every emotion she'd stirred in him as a teenager. She was so different yet still so much the same. He watched as Tara reached the end of the block and looked both ways before crossing the street. Then, just as he was about to turn away, he caught her glance his way with a smile. His heart skipped a beat. She turned away quickly and continued on her way but he'd seen it. It was small but it was there. He could feel his pulse fluttering in his veins and continued to watch her until she disappeared. It took everything he had not to stay where he was and not chase after her. Eleven years he'd waited for that moment and it was gone in an instant...He needed to see her again...But much like a whipped dog, his head quickly reminded him of the not so pleasant times that he barely made it through. The very reason she'd left was still who he was. She'd gone out and accomplished everything she had wanted to. She was a successful, college educated woman...a goddamn doctor! She wasn't the unfortunate little girl with the drunk daddy that she had been when she left. What would she want with an outlaw who liked to play on the wrong side of the tracks anymore? She could have any man she wanted.

It wouldn't matter though... he and Tara were connected. They always had been. Jax knew he needed to stay away. He wasn't any good for her. He didn't live a safe 9 to 5 life and had a kid on the way with his junkie ex-wife. He could only bring her heartache.

But right or wrong, it wouldn't matter.

Jax knew that one day soon, the pull would be too strong and he wouldn't be able to resist.

As he turned back towards the parking lot, he could already feel it happening...