Part 13

This is the last chapter of the story. Thank you for your support. Any comments or messages are welcome.

I was worried, knowing Alexander was assuredly using aggression in Amphipolis, so I tried turning to my love for some comfort. However, as soon as I started with my questions, my concern for her reactions only grew.

"I don't know."

It was the same grumbled response I could get from her each time, and it was very suspicious. Xena was knowledgeable on nearly every area of land to the ocean of water surrounding us. And yet, she had very little to say of Amphipolis. I started to wonder if maybe it was a place of difficulty for her. Perhaps in her older warlord days, she'd shamed herself in Amphipolis. I didn't know how to properly ask. Even as we had spent our lives together, I was still tender with her about certain issues.

"Xena ... why aren't you answering? What's wrong with Amphipolis?" I finally asked, reaching out my hand to cover hers.

"Nothing. It's a fine place, I'm sure," she insisted, getting to her feet to leave me alone at the fire. She was pacing around camp when I finally came to her again. I knew that often she needed her space, but it was time to talk for both of us. I had learned to gage her with expertise.

"Xena. Our son is there."

At last, she heard my concerns for what they were in my stern tone of voice, and she dropped her shoulders. "I ... I grew up there, Gabrielle."

The impact of her words washed over me, digging in to me until I could take hold of myself again and walk after her vanishing figure down the road.

We left all of our things behind us, just walking together. I reached my hand out and held hers. She would walk steady for five or ten minutes, and then she would stop and look down, struggling with something. And then she would start up again, as if she were walking TO something. I didn't mind all the walking - even after the long day we'd had already. I simply wanted to be there with her, knowing that she needed me to be complicit in her silent agony. She needed to sort out her feelings, and where she would go, we would go together. I knew she wasn't ready to talk.

I didn't, however, know where we'd been headed. I knew we hadn't travelled too far away since waving off to our son, but we'd been so close to Amphipolis that we'd walked there in just under two hours.

The old and rusting road sign caught my breath in my throat, and I tugged back at Xena's hand. It was an awful place in my mind, where horrible people did terrible things to little children. That was all I knew of it, and I panicked when I saw the homemade wooden sign out front of one of the smaller houses. I tugged, and finally Xena paused, then hurrying us to the side of the house.

"I'm sorry," she exhaled, shutting her eyes. "I'm sorry. I ... don't know what's happening to me. I just can't ... deal properly with this. With all these feelings inside me."

She was whispering, and I was terrified for her. I lifted my finger to her cheek, as if realizing just how teary her eyes had been. I touched her cheek just in time to wipe her tear away.

"Xena, it's okay. This is hard for you - dealing with this place."

She held my hand tighter - hurting me accidentally, but I didn't make a sound.

"My house is around here somewhere ... no, let's go."

I watched her so carefully that my heart was breaking. Her eyes were moving quickly back and forth, her hand was doing its best not to hurt mine, and her shaky posture gave me serious concern. Xena had had panicked episodes before at night in the comfort of my arms, and I worried it would happen again in the worst possible place. So I stood calmly in front of her, prying my hand out of hers to hold her face ever-so-gently.

"Xena ... Look at me."

She did.

"We're just gonna walk back ... alright? We're gonna walk back, and we're gonna get Argo, and if anything happens, we're off."

"No, no," she insisted, summoning an inner strength to settle her shaking. "No ... we can't check on Alex with Argo. We can't let ourselves be known. What if he calls to us as his mothers?"

I watched her as she continued, having calmed significantly with the mention of her son. She was always so strong for him. Her tone was so matured it was haunting.

"Gabrielle ... I'm not exactly a hero in this town. I ... I killed an entire group of men. Family names died out with some of them, and ... well. They wouldn't be kind to anyone associated with me, let's just say."

"We'll do whatever you need, but hey-" I started, pulling her back to the wall again as she tried to step away. "Listen. There will be no subjecting yourself to their hatred because you feel some sort of guilt, d'you understand me? You are a good, decent person, and I will not have you hating yourself just because no one has the full story of what happened to you."

"I don't wanna talk about it," she huffed, tugging away from me at last to slip away.

I followed her without a thought.

When I reached her again, she was listening with her eyes closed - pressed up against one of the lodgings without a breath. Keeping with her form and silence, I shadowed her at her side. She knew I was there, but she didn't open her eyes. We were both listening intently. It was Alex's voice, as enthusiastic as I'd ever heard him.

"Yeah! We'll wait here with you. There's six of us come to help."

I would have recognized his voice anywhere, and yet it sounded a little different then. In keeping with a soldier's code, he had grown so quickly. I immediately grabbed Xena's hand as he went on; Xena held it back, helping me as only she could.

"We'll do everything we can. No one will hurt your village."

"By the gods - they sent an angel!" an older woman cooed, and I heard some shuffling followed by a door opening somewhere distant, and then another voice contributed.

"Not an angel yet." It was an older man's voice - the woman's husband, perhaps. "We'll see just who's sent him after the army sweeps through our village."

But my son always was an angel. I wanted to tell it then, too, but I knew to keep quiet. It wasn't the time.

When they'd left, and when Xena was convinced that no one would hear us speaking, she turned to me. "He'll be alright. The army headed over is no army, I promise. I know what you're thinking, but-"

"You? YOU know what I'm thinking?" I whispered teasingly, half expecting her to spank me right there, but again - it wasn't the time.

She smiled in an off way that told me she appreciated my sass for what it was. But the moment was quickly gone. She was walking off, and I didn't appreciate her disregard for me, so I ran after her and pulled her arm back.

"Hey." As I had caught up to her, I readied myself for what I might say - telling her I needed her respect, and that it was rude to take off like that. Or maybe, I thought, I could tell her that I wanted to be in the moment WITH her and not behind her. But the look she had when she whipped around told me she'd heard it all in that one, sharp word. She offered her arm out to me, and we quietly walked off together.

Xena got sick only about ten minutes into our walk back to the site, and I held her hair as she heaved into the ditch. At first, I thought a tease about pregnancy might lighten the mood for her, but then I realized the probable emotional reasons for her sickness, and held my tongue.

She knew better than to ask me not to watch over her. It was so natural to us at that point that she didn't even fuss over my attentions just like I didn't fuss over her too terribly. I was simply THERE.

"You must really love me," she teased at last, bracing herself on her knees as she spat into the ditch again, and finally stood. It was a tease she often tossed my way, knowing the bond we so rightly shared. So I knew it was alright to tease back.

"I don't know ... I'm still hesitant about that ..."

She laughed because she knew how desperate I had always been for her. Needy, some would say.

"Come on - let's get back. I need to bathe, and then we need to head back to set up camp just over the hills. You won't wanna watch the battle, Gabrielle ... I won't, either. But the boy can handle himself."

I had my arm intertwined with hers as we walked, bringing my other hand to her bicep. I stared at her: "Shouldn't we ... fight? I don't think I could just stand by."

"I know it will be hard. I know." Did she ever. "But Ollie needs to fight his own battles, love. He needs to prove to himself what we already know; he will be the greatest warrior this world has ever known."

Big words coming from a warrior like Xena. She had the utmost confidence in our son, and I beamed at her attitude. I snuggled up close to her as we walked, and then stood up again with a goofy grin. We walked that way in silence back to camp, bathing and feeding Argo before ourselves.

On the way back to the perimeter of the city, I asked Xena to stop, and I pulled myself up, onto Argo. Doing so with another person already in the saddle was impossible for me at the start, but as I learned, I enjoyed showing off. And despite all of her greater efforts, Xena was impressed.

"Getting stronger, Gabrielle" was all she said as we headed toward Amphipolis.

I wondered then how Xena was always so strong. It was amazing to me that her physical strength was only complemented by her superior emotional strength to co-exist with it. I knew she could be incredibly indestructible when she wanted to be - in pieces when it suited her, but only then. I knew she could always control it.

Oh, how wrong I was. How wrong I had been in thinking she had some choice in the matter, unknowing that Xena's body and mind often took over and left her choices very much out of the conversation. She had excellent reactions, but her reactions often ran her. I still had so much to learn, and never the time.

My mind can only slip back to what I last remembered then - walking from the new camping site Xena had established to relieve myself. Then I heard something strange in a sense of panic, and then everything went black. I actually remembered the blackness that fell over me as I went limp. I knew I'd been hit hard if I lost consciousness so quickly, but I didn't know with what, or from whom. I couldn't think. I could only crumple and fall. All I knew as I woke up was that I'd been slapped awake, because they hit me once more even as my eyes opened with panic.

I gasped and coughed as I came to, everything blurry but my mirage of Xena. Or was it a mirage, I wondered.

It felt as if my eyes were not my own - blinking of their own volition. My lips were dry, and it hurt to inhale. My head was still turned aside with the blatant slap to my stinging cheek, but I tried to take in my surroundings. I wished everything hadn't been so dark, but I still squinted as my vision slowly came to me.

"Gave up quickly, didn't we, Xena?"

I didn't know that voice. It was vindictive and filled with anger, so I knew that Xena had the upper hand. Or at least I thought she did. And where was she anyway, I wondered, slowly tilting my head to catch her in my view. Was she tied up? I shut my eyes tight, and then opened them again, quickly interrupting whatever conversation had started without me: "Are you ... tied up?!"

Then I heard laughter, but it wasn't from my beautiful Xena. It was the man's voice somewhere I couldn't see. He was laughing as I finally focused for long enough to catch Xena's eyes.

"Hah! Looks like the big, bad warlord isn't quite as tough as she seems. Is she?"

Xena had come running over just as I was hit back out by our site - she'd pleaded with them to just take her, and that she would cooperate. Unfortunately, they hadn't been so good on their word after she'd been tied: arms behind her back, and ankles, too. She certainly wasn't herself. The terror in her eyes made me yearn to hold her then.

When I was better-focused on my surroundings in order to take everything in, I saw something so shocking that I called to her again. Xena was crying in front of a complete stranger!

"Xena?!"

Gentle tears streamed down her face as she looked back at me so devastated that I whimpered with fear.

"Xena! ... Xena, you're tied! Just ... break free! Xena!"

"I could say the same to you," the man mocked, filling me with fear of my own as I tugged at my wrists, and realized he was right. I was tied up, too. But what was I tied to? I tried looking around, when I heard Xena's voice across from me, in her shallow, dark corner.

"Let her go."

The man laughed, "And spare what you find most precious?!" He had seen her and I arm-in-arm the day before. He had noticed her face the other day, and had brought together others to bring us in. He had been waiting for our return with the others joined in his cause. They were ready, and we were blindsided.

"Let her go," said Xena weakly, defeated. "She has nothing to do with this."

"Oh, but she's the next best thing to blood relation, Xena ... not that you'd care about your own blood, that is."

"Stop it!" I screamed, then feeling my strength and senses rush back to me. I needed to protect her. She had obviously let herself be caught for me, but I wasn't about to let her drive herself mad. That side of Xena was one I had never seen before. She looked like a child, her eyes racing over items in the room. Her expression was void of calculation or strategy. Where had she gone? She looked so helpless: harmless.

I tried at undoing my wrists as he and Xena spoke, and I could have sworn she wanted to stay there forever, paying for what she'd done. But it wasn't wrong! Especially as a child growing up in that kind of situation, how was she to know what to do? I tugged harder with each passing moment. I was becoming frantic.

"Maybe we should take you to see your mother," the man spat to her, slapping her across the face.

I tugged harder, my breathing erratic with fear. My beautiful Xena was letting all of her terrible memories get the best of her - emotional and weak. This wasn't Xena controlling herself. This was her past coming back to haunt her, breaking her apart. And my love wasn't resisting. My wrists were red when I looked up at them, but the binds weren't relaxing with all of my flailing. They were just biting.

"Be strong, Xena!" I panted, still trying to free myself as the man turned back to me - having distracted them both from their situation. "I love you ... I love you, and I'm not going anywhere."

Her eyes picked up to watch me struggle as I spoke with her, and there was a flash of hope in them. She was with me there again for a moment, her eyes red with tears and her shoulders caved to hide her trouble. I was right there with her as I locked eyes with her, suffering alongside her. Crying as she was crying, as determined and strong as I felt.

We were so bonded in that moment that I nearly missed the conversation from my captor. But I felt his eyes on me.

"Such a waste," he muttered, tossing a jealous glare over to Xena. "Such ... a waste. It's too bad I'm not like SOME men ..." He took a handful of my hair between his fingers, as if my story was read through touch. Oddly, it felt as if he wanted to learn about me - about us and our situation. And then he growled at Xena again. "Like some people ... and you DO know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

Xena snapped her eyes up at him, as if she were angry. But I could see she was afraid.

"It's a shame I'll have to just kill her ... you know. Instead of having my fun."

Suddenly Xena's demeanor was changing, but my eyes were focused on him. Was he talking about Xena hurting others, or others hurting Xena? I think we both wondered.

"Yeah, but rumours ... I never believed in them. Not this piece of trash," he hissed at her, rushing my adrenaline so much so that I actually pulled my wrist from one of the binds - bloody and all.

"You don't know what you say!" I hissed back at him, eyes still tearing, but with no patience to cry. I wanted to wring his neck. I can't explain that feeling just as it was then, but I felt invincible. I wondered if that was how Xena always felt.

"She'd rather kill a man than enjoy his company."

Xena twitched, and I elongated myself, and kicked him in the middle of his back so that he whipped around toward me. "Pick on someone your own size, you bastard!"

"I never believed in that, but you've got this one under your spell," he said to Xena, facing me. "You killed them all for practice, didn't you?" He put out his hands to fight, one of the only men who wasn't interested in me as a woman, but as a fighter. What were the odds, I asked myself. What a situation. "Let your own father take his life ... so noble."

I was stunned, but Xena didn't flinch. She knew.

"Yeah, why don't you let the only person you care about fight for you?" he laughed - void of his earlier humor. He focused his eyes on me, and eyed the way I positioned myself. He could tell I knew what I was doing. "Your champion, isn't she, Xena? ... Some hero."

I didn't bother defending Xena to him. He was too jaded and angry. There was no use. But I could fight him. However, one-handed fighting isn't quite all it's cracked up to be. When he approached, I kicked him in the chest, and half-laid there, panting. When he came back at me, he was prepared. Xena was sitting up straight, eyes distant as the man grabbed my leg, cut the other tie, and lifted my arms with his. Disabling them as I kicked. But he backed out of the room with me, outside.

"I love you!" I screamed out to Xena, frantically promising my heart to her as I was afraid I would die. "You're stronger than you know!"

I'm certain she felt the same for me – she had confidence in my skills as a fighter.

Just as he released me in the middle of the dirt road, I spun around, and stared at the small house we'd left. All I wanted was to get in there, get Xena, and leave. I wanted to be with her and to hold her and promise everything would be alright.

"She loves no one," he said to me, as coldly as I'd ever heard it. He believed it, too.

"You don't know what she carries," I said just as raw with emotion as I felt it, approaching him with my eyes on that house. What was Xena doing in there? I prayed she was alright.

With that, he charged at me, and I fought him back, but he had fantastic technique. I wondered how he'd trained as he pursued me, matching my kicks with his. Parrying my moves with ease. I was impressed and afraid at the same time. What would happen to Xena in this state if I wasn't there to pull her back? What if I died, and she lost her mind? I thought about my son too, but only about how strong he already was, and what a wonderful young man he'd turned out to be. I didn't think of him worrying for me until I was struggling and blocking the arm at my throat – momentarily under my captor on the road with my boy screaming out to me.

"Mother?!"

I was still fighting underneath the assailant as I turned to my son, and yelled to him in-between breaths. "Help ... your mother ..."

Of course, that was the last thing my son would do as I was attacked. He charged straight ahead, leapt hard, and tackled the man off of me. They each got to their feet, and by then, a small crowd had formed. People were taking notice from their daily routine, and they were coming out to watch the spectacle.

"Xena ... is your mother?" the man muttered, his grin curling up. "Come at me, boy."

I didn't know my captor was son to one of the men Xena had killed as a child, but I had an inkling. His anger and revenge reeked of personal involvement. Still, without any answers, I called to my son: "Don't kill him, Alex ... please."

Alex was focused, but I could see that he'd heard me. I wanted to watch, I wanted to leave. Xena was still in that little house, and I worried what she was struggling with inside of it. If she hadn't come to save me, it must have been awful.

Thankfully, my son was quick to attack, and quick to hit the man's jaw with his knee, falling him to a heap on the ground. I raced over to my son, and held his face proudly in my hands, feeling thick stubble on his cheeks to remind me he was, in fact, becoming a grown man. In so many ways, he was still my little baby.

"I have to see your mother ... she's just in there," I instructed, holding him to me because I needed it, I'll admit. He held me back because he knew.

Then I drew back and tried at a smile for him. "You go get yourself safe. I'll come find you. I just ... can't be worrying, alright?"

"Alright," he smiled back, jogging off through the crowd as others watched him go.

As quickly as my son had taken off, I darted back into the little house as people had dispersed themselves, not wanting to associate with the fight. Certainly to share gossip.

Barging in the front door, I half-expected to see someone fighting Xena, but she was sitting there alone. It was like she was in a trance, and it frightened me. Her eyes were glazed over with tears, her shoulders hunched, her feet firmly planted on the ground. It was as if she hadn't noticed me there at all.

"Xena ...?" I whispered, my breaths so large that my small tunic pressed tightly to my chest. My hands were tingling. My face was flush and my heart was still racing with worry.

There was no answer.

"Xena ..." I tried again, sitting aside her, laying my hand over her bound wrists. "Love ... I'm always here for you, and I want you to talk about this." I gently picked at the knots binding her hands together as I spoke gently to her. As her eyes still looked vacant. "Xena ... no one blames you. I don't blame you ... You did what you had to do, and there's no shame in that."

She was unreadable to me then, and that was most surprising of all. My Xena - unreadable. Although she had always been one to keep to herself, I'd always been able to see beneath that thick coat of armour. But then - just that one time, in that one house - I had absolutely no idea. So I tried another tactic. I mentioned Alex.

"Guess who saved me out there? ... Poor, silly me - trying to save you. It was our son!"

But she wasn't laughing. Wasn't even smiling. She looked sadder.

"He's alright, I promise. He's a good, strong boy."

Just then, Xena started to cry again, and cupped her face and wiped her tears.

"What is it? Please talk to me."

At last, she found the power to speak, but it was with the weakest voice she had. "No one helped me for a reason ... they hated me."

"Why would you say that?!"

"Because I was too strong for a girl ..." she looked down at her hands, and dropped her head. "No one here would help me if it were happening all over again ... There's something wrong with me ..."

Just as she spoke those words, I felt their impact and it nearly knocked me off my feet. My sweet, beautiful Xena having held that in for who-knows-how-long. I just stared at her as my eyes teared up, too.

"Daughter ... there's nothing wrong with you."

We both turned to the unfamiliar voice – Xena's head turning much quicker than myself. It was Xena's mother. It was a familiarity to young Xena. The girl she'd been so long ago.

There was so much in that older woman's eyes - Cyrene, she was called. I didn't know what Xena could read in that woman's eyes, but I saw forgiveness, pain and sorrow there. The woman very slowly opened her motherly arms out to Xena, and tried to convey all she could with one gesture.

"Why don't you visit?"

Xena's body was shaking with uncontrollable sobbing just waiting to be released, but she still held them tightly in her chest. Watching her mother in disbelief. Could that woman really forgive her for all she'd done as a child, and into adulthood?

With four small words, Cyrene shed tears of her own: "I'm so sorry, child."

Faster than I could see it, Xena stood, snapped the binds from her ankles and wrists, and rushed into her mother's arms, slouching low so that she could be held like a child. Cyrene was smiling through her tears, holding Xena's cheek to her chest. Holding the baby that she'd lost for most of her life. I could see that it hurt her to be confronted with her failure as a mother, but Cyrene appeared more grateful than anything else.

"I heard ..." Cyrene whispered as she kissed Xena's head - her big warrior cradled in her smaller arms. "I heard and I went to find you, Xena ... I tried ..."

Watching Xena held like that by her mother had me crying so much that I had to cover my mouth just to be privy to their quiet conversation. One they clearly had in front of me with no uncertainty. Cyrene had seen how much I meant to Xena. She'd heard of our legendary relationship, but those moments were for Xena: her lost child.

"And now you're back to me ... my girl," she choked out, trying to be strong because Xena was letting herself out of her usually tough exterior. Cyrene stroked Xena's hair and closed her eyes as they both cried to each other. "I love you."

Not long after, I excused myself to go check on Alex, leaving before they had the chance to answer because I knew they needed some time alone. I hurried out, and looked across the long road lined with little houses to see my boy - was he speaking to a girl, I wondered. I shielded my eyes from the sun with my hand, and couldn't help the smile from forming. Alex's goofy grin was much like Xena's, and the girl was swooning. I knew better than to interrupt such an exchange, so I walked over to the man lying unconscious on the ground. I pulled him over to a horse post, and sat him up against it. Tying his hands to keep us safe from him. And I thought Xena would want to speak with him later.

I was pulling the third knot when I heard Cyrene's voice from behind me: "Gabrielle."

I whipped around, and then settled in my spot. She looked so filled with regret that I felt I understood. There were so many things I had wished I could shield Alex from in his life. So many things I wished I could have given to him. A certain amount of regret, I realized, was inevitable. But that woman held more regret than the usual parent, and I shuddered to imagine just how heavy that burden had become.

"You must think me awful," Cyrene said, watching my body language closely because she'd honed that skill in her many years as a barmaid. She put her hands on her wide hips as the old habit it was.

"No ... no, I don't."

"You must understand ... I didn't know," she said quietly, "Not then."

"I'm ... sure it wasn't common." But still not usually enough reason to have all the men killed, I knew. It wasn't so uncommon that it was a deadly sin. More often, I'd heard, it was simply ignored and forgotten. How that was possible, I still don't know.

"I would do anything to go back and change things," she said, explaining herself to me as if she had to. But I wasn't passing judgement. "I would have stopped it!"

"I believe you." I breathed out long and steady, from one mother to another. "We all would."

She understood my sentiment, and clasped her hands together nervously. She'd run out of ways to explain her inaction.

I slowly walked over to her - taller than her, and stronger too. And yet she held so much experience and wisdom that she seemed the larger of us both. I put my hand on her shoulder. "Where is she?"

Cyrene was still looking down as she spoke. "Xena needed some time alone ... maybe you should go to her." She was certainly wise enough to know that much. "Tell me," she interrupted as I walked off. "... Did she carry that child to term?"

I understood her concern: was there any way Xena could carry a child after what had happened to her? Had that been the reason for Xena's insecurity for falling pregnant herself?

As much as I wanted to soothe Cyrene's concerns, I couldn't. "I ... I did ... I was out to here," I emphasized, trying to lighten the mood of the moment with my hand reaching out as far as it could. Alex had been a big baby.

Cyrene couldn't quite pull off a smile, but she nodded to me. I explained that Alex was both of ours later, but there was someone I had to see first, so I found the little house again, and that time when I stepped in, Xena was standing. She looked almost as intimidating as her usual self.

"I ... I can't apologize enough, Gabrielle. I let you down, and I'm sorry ... I don't know what happened to me. But ... whatever blankness it was ... I think it's gone." Forever was implied.

I nodded, trying not to tear up again. "Your mother loves you ... very much." I knew it helped her so much to see that. To understand that others were in support of her, and regretful they hadn't done more to help. She wasn't the same as before, I noticed, watching her stand before me. She'd shaken something off that had always been lurking. She was a freer woman.

"This feels ... I can't quite explain how it feels."

I stepped up to Xena, and held her face in my hands again. That time, her eyes were right there with me, loving me back. They were promising with great honesty that everything would be alright.

"Your eyes are swollen," I smiled, gently tracing my fingertips over her eyes as she pulled me close.

Her smile brightened as she looked down at me. "Yeah, give me a black eye for each so I can hide it, will you?"

Such a silly woman when she wanted to be. So strong and yet so ridiculous. I wrapped my arms around her neck, stood on my toes, and kissed her. It was a slow, soft kiss that turned into a tender hug as we stood there, holding each other - each of us needing the embrace.

"If Alex hadn't been there ..." she started, as I released myself from her hold.

"Xena. Don't do this. If Alex hadn't been there, I would have been just fine on my own. I DO know how to fight, you know?" I could see that she needed the teasing. She needed to feel a little stronger to face the village after her emotional lapse. "I was trained by someone pretty strong."

"I'll bet she THINKS she IS."

That made me quietly laugh, slapping her hand away from my hip. "She's strong enough not to let me slap her hands away."

Xena grinned and tugged me in, despite my playful struggling, holding me in her big, fantastic arms. I felt so safe, relaxing in a place I knew I'd be for all my life. I breathed onto her collarbone, and felt truly at peace for once in a very long time. My Xena was back to me - body, mind and soul. The troubles that kept her up at night were settling away. Her fits of panic were soothed with resolution, and that calmed us both. Xena's past was no longer a haunting, but a reminder of what she'd come from - which atrocities had strengthened her into something new.

"I'd like to talk with your mother," I said quietly as we finally pulled away. She unsheathed her sword as we made our way over to the door, but I turned to her. "Xena ... you won't need that."

"A lot of people would like my head in this town," Xena reminded me, "Even if my mother has shown her forgiveness."

"I think people will surprise you," I said. And it was true. As we walked out together - Xena having put her word back in its sheath at my insistence - the atmosphere was a bit tense as people were watching us, but no one was trying to hurt her. No one seemed angry, just disturbed. Maybe surprised she'd escaped at all.

One woman on our journey to Xena's mother stepped out from the crowd with tears in her eyes, grabbing Xena's hand just to hold it. Xena shyly looked the woman in the eyes as she spoke.

"I don't know ... how I would have lived," she stuttered, squeezing Xena's hand. "If you hadn't done what you'd done ..." She held back from crying, but she couldn't stop from trembling - showing Xena that she, too, was affected by the same group of men. "You saved me."

That woman looked a little younger than Xena as my love and I exchanged looks. How many were affected, we wondered.

Xena picked her head up, locked eyes with the woman, and said to her exactly what I'd said earlier. "You're stronger than you think you are."

Yes, in case anyone was wondering, Xena stole that little phrase from me. I'll admit I don't mind her now-frequent use of the phrase, but I do like to bug her by insisting it every chance I get. It's such a beautiful suggestion, and that woman certainly felt its impact because she stepped back again with gratitude, and dried her tears. How many had Xena saved, I wondered. How many were there before her?

Xena had clearly put an end to it.

Having passed by strangers as we walked, we finally came to Xena's old place. It was a beautiful brick house with soundly-built windows and a fortified roof. It was unusual to have such sturdy craftsmanship in such a place, but Xena later shared with me that she'd built it with her father. That explained it.

We visited with Xena's mother who was warm enough to offer us stay for as long as we needed it, but Xena insisted we enjoyed our travels on the road. We ate dinner, talked and laughed, shared stories with her, and finally left.

On our way out, we told Alex that Cyrene was expecting him to visit, and explained their blood relation. His reaction still makes me smile, because he acted like a child on the eve of Winter Solstice. He jumped up and held our hands to question if it was really true, and we insisted it was. He had a real, normal family beyond just the two of us. He had found a piece of his history, too, and he was very appreciative. I could tell right away that he and the kind-hearted Cyrene would get along well as family should.

We never did tell Alex about Xena's horrible past in Amphipolis. He just always seemed so happy to have family there that we never wanted him to know the horrors that had once been. We made certain that Cyrene knew our wishes as well. Alex could have found out somewhere along the way, but if he ever did, it never showed.

It was difficult to leave Amphipolis after the break-through we'd had there, but Xena and I really did prefer to be on our own. We spent a week or so with her mother, but Xena never really told her much. It was more to remain in her presence, I felt. Xena was there. She was home.

Xena wouldn't have wanted to tell her mother of her shameful adventures since running from the place of such torment. She wouldn't have wanted to remind Cyrene that her darkness was created because no one stood up for her. Protected her as she made certain to protect me. Her protection over me was in fact one of the reasons we had to leave. Well, that and her zest for me didn't much suit a village mentality. I must admit that a cabin out far in the woods better suited my louder evenings with her, but as much as we teased one another, I know the reason we left: it hurt her too much to stay.

We travelled a while before stumbling across that cabin in the woods we'd built as young parents - the place we'd so enjoyed as an early family. Xena only offered a quirky expression and a gentle shrug of her shoulders when I asked if she'd led us there purposefully.

"It's been ages, Gabrielle," she'd said as she busied herself with the saddle so I wouldn't read into those telling eyes. "How would I remember?"

"Right," I'd smiled in return, glad she HAD remembered.

When we'd first entered the place, there were some small animals that had snuck themselves in, but once Xena ridded the place of pests as she called them, we made it our home again.

Xena enjoyed carving just as Alex always had, and she built us the most comfortable rocking chairs from what we used to have and all the extra wood we had around the area. Those chairs were so comfortable that many nights, we would sit by the fire in our respective chairs - mine engraved at the top with a G and hers with an X - and rock silently together. She let the rhythm calm her mind, and I liked to watch her wind down.

Fires inside were new to us after having been outside for so long again, but wherever Xena was, I was. I would reach my hand over to hers, and squeeze. She would smile in a way that told me she loved everything about me.

We were always so happy with the simple life.

We adjusted well to a life to ourselves for the most part, although we did travel for fun and visit with Alex whenever we could. I think Xena would have liked to make the place completely private, because Aphrodite and Ares showed up from time-to-time unexpectedly, and I must say that even as we aged, we always had desires for each other. So if Xena and I were kissing in bed, and Ares appeared there in the room, Xena didn't take it well. There were times she dragged him out while I ran out there to try and rein her in. There were times when I didn't, because he could be intrusive, but for the most part, things were perfect.

Aphrodite was actually with me one day as I was doing laundry outside, when Alex rode up with a young woman on the back of his horse. I had never seen him riding with anyone, and the vision stopped me in my tracks. It reminded me so much of the way Xena rode with me - shoulders back, hands always on the reins, and the girl behind him holding him tight. I could see the couple was close. But Alex had never brought a girl home before, never to be scrutinized by Xena or myself.

"Where is she?" he asked as the horse slowed beside me and the wet laundry.

Alexander had been off on his own for longer than I care to mention, but he always came back with news of his adventures or victories. This, however, was different. I walked over to the horse, patted the rough mane, and looked up at my son.

"Nice to see you too, Alex."

"Sorry, Mother."

"And who is this?"

"Yeah! ... Who INDEED," Aphrodite grinned, never knowing if it was her place or not, and never caring, either. But I wasn't focused on Aphrodite's nosy behavior. I was feeling a little nosy myself as I crossed my arms.

"It's ..." Alex started, noticing his other mother approaching from a thicket of trees. "It's complicated."

"Tell your mother what's going on," Xena shouted from her distance, always with the best hearing I'd ever imagined. I couldn't have told tall tales of her even if I ever tried, because her true abilities were always far more fetching than anything I could have thought up myself.

As Xena marched right over and stood at my side, she mimicked me subconsciously with her arms crossed over her chest. "Who is this, son? I believe she deserves to be properly introduced."

"S-sorry," he stuttered, as he only did around Xena. "This is Elena."

"And you two are in trouble?" Xena guessed, stealing a glance over at me. I could feel it.

"But we're in love!" Alex beamed accidentally, glancing over his shoulder at Elena.

"Is that so?" Xena questioned, and I gave her a gentle shove.

"Xena - be nice." Hypocritical, I know. But I knew nothing about the girl at that point. I was worried that she might be after Alexander for the wrong reasons. We both were very protective of our son.

"Why would you think we're in trouble?" Elena asked quietly, as was her feminine voice. She seemed so delicate, even sitting astride the horse as she was, in her flowing purple dress.

"Oh, I don't know," Xena grinned, "Just about the only reason I can think up for my boy to visit."

I wiped the grin off my own face, and gave Xena another nudge. "Be easy on him!"

"Don't you visit your mothers?" Elena asked with so much care that I took to her very quickly. She was being sincere. She cared for him, and by association, us.

Xena could see that too. "How long have you known each other?"

"Since I was a boy!" Alex yelled with laughter, slipping down and then helping Elena off the horse as she chimed in herself.

"It's true - I've known him since he started at school, from a visit down into Athens his first year. We got along straight away, running off and fooling around-" But she quickly corrected herself, because she could see the looks on our faces. "No ... playing tag. We played tag and looked in on the shops, and he told me that day," she beamed with her own smile, locking her arm with his as she looked up into his eyes. "He told me he wanted to marry me."

"I did," Alex laughed, "And we were just kids then. We kept bumping into each other as we grew, as if the fates would have it be ... and just as I saw her yesterday ... I couldn't let her go again out of my sight. Not even for a minute." He put his palm to her cheek, and he looked so tenderly at her, Xena and I both could see they were in love.

Xena tried not to let everything slide so quickly. She knew there was concern for something. "So is someone after you two?"

"It's my father," Elena conceded at last, squeezing my son's arm as she explained the situation to us all. She was to marry another man, but she didn't love him. It seemed so much like a fairy tale that I was skeptical of the reality, but what a tale it was. A most beautiful story.

As she finished, Xena and I looked at each other and then to the lovey two, and welcomed them inside to eat. Aphrodite was invited, too, as much as Xena usually would have insisted we have some time alone.

It was a dinner party like we hadn't had in years. There was so much talking, but even I had my fill as we all went to sleep - Elena inside on the bed, Xena and I on our firs just outside of the cabin, and Alex twenty feet past us, into the woods. He had laughed at first when Xena insisted on those sleeping arrangements, but then smartened up when she snapped him a look that ensured she was very serious. We both were.

I think Xena had a talk with him about respecting Elena's wishes and her chastity, but she never confessed it, and I never asked. Alex was always a smart boy, and I trusted him not to rush into anything. And who was I to judge, I wondered. I hadn't been so chaste in my youth when I met with Xena - a year younger than he was then. I had no doubt that Alex and Elena could have been intimate on their own if they so wished it, but I let Xena have her protective insistences. It was something I loved about her very much.

She was even up at the crack of dawn - cooking, of all things. Xena was an excellent cook, but she'd always preferred me to do it, so I gave her a smile when I saw her hunched over the slow-starting fire. We were both cool with the outside air on our arms that had just been warmly wrapped around one another, but we still could smile. She shook her head.

"What?" I asked, still smiling as I crossed my arms. I think there was something about Alex being back with us that brought out the nesting, maternal side to Xena, but I don't even think she realized that. She just shrugged.

"Just that look is all."

I chuckled, and sat next to her on the fallen tree she'd carved quite nicely back when we first had Alexander. She'd made it into this rustic and magnificent bench by the fire, and I always closed my eyes when I sat there with her. It reminded me of times when Alex fell asleep there at nights, or how we all used to play hide-away behind it. So many gentle, loving memories floated around in my mind until she put her arm over the back of the bench, and kissed my head.

"Still tired?"

I snuggled a little closer, and beamed with a contentedness I'd never felt like I did with her. All parts of me were lighted with happiness. Calm and safe.

I answered her with a long breath out: "A little."

"Hope I'm not walking in on anything," Alex teased as he rounded the bend from gathering some water. He trudged toward us with that heavy bucket easy lifted with one hand, grinning that signature 'Xena' smile.

"Watch it, young man," Xena said quite sternly, with only a hint of a tease.

"Yes, Ma'am," he smirked just the same, stepping right past us toward the cabin.

"Hold it," Xena said, watching him pivot as obediently as he always had in his childhood days. Only then he appeared to be saluting his army captain, and not bending to the request of his mother. Oh, how he respected her. Xena got up from beside me, and gestured out to take the bucket. "I've got it."

"Don't trust me in there, do you?" he called out, laughing as Xena tossed him a smile. Bringing the water inside so he wouldn't be tempted with the woman still caught in her dreams.

Xena stepped out just as quickly, slapping her hands together as Alex crossed his arms.

"Wanna go cut some firewood, Son?" she grinned, just as fond of the task as Alex.

Over the years that we lived there in earlier days, it had always been a bonding moment for the two of them, and I watched them leave with fondness as Xena glanced back at me, and then my handsome son. I watched them leave together, giggling and smiling to myself at how wonderfully they complimented each other. I knew it must have been the way Xena looked at me as Alex and I did laundry together, or any time he'd tried to teach me one of his games. I never caught on very quickly, but he was always very patient and kind with me. Very gentle-tempered. Even with his new bulkier form, he was always so gentle to hug me or lift me with his joy. I knew that with Xena, the two were better-matched physically, but with me he was a little different. Most parents have that with their children, I think.

Elena came out and kept me company as I stoked the fire and kept on with breakfast. She was a wonderful young woman, and I was very glad that she was having such a positive effect on my Alex. She sounded so considerate and positive and light. I remember I just kept on asking her questions, because I knew they wouldn't be with us for long.

"So, kids, then?"

She laughed as the topic yielded from boys to marriage to children - all with diverting from the sensitive subject of what she felt about her relationship with Alex specifically. But she knew what I meant, so she blushed. I have to admit, I wasn't used to being around other women who blushed to easily, and it really took me back to my younger days.

"Umm," she smiled - dimples overwhelming her cheeks. "Yes, I'd like children. I think I do well with them."

"I'm sure you do," I smiled back, not having meant to embarrass her in any way. I tended to the food as she was looking at me, wondering something. I could tell that much.

"How ... well, from what Alex has told of you and Xena ... it wasn't an ordinary start."

Then it was my turn to blush, but she had no idea of the reason. I didn't really, either, because I knew what she meant. But whenever I thought of first meeting with Xena, I got a rush of desire surging through me. "Yes ... it certainly wasn't."

"But somehow ... you knew? ... That you loved her?"

I loved helping others all my life, and I loved lending Elena my advice then, too. I looked right at her, and I spoke from my heart. "I knew I cared for Xena ... like I'd never cared for anyone else. But ... I don't know if love is the right word, because ... well, honestly, I was a little scared of her!"

Elena laughed, and I smiled.

"But ... there was definitely something about her. She was ... well. She was wonderful, and I cared for her right away. And then ... as we travelled together, I saw that I felt things for her I'd never felt for anyone else, either, and that it all came from love. I wanted to talk to her, to know her, to share my life with her. But it wasn't all that simple."

"Oh, love never is," she said in a way so plain that she grew on me all over again. She had a maturity to her that I hadn't had at her age, and I admired her for that. As we spoke more of love and life, I knew she would come to mean a great deal to me - like the daughter I'd never had.

It amazed me just how well Xena and I got along with Elena, and how natural it all felt. In Alexander's youth, when I had tried preparing myself for Alexander running off with some girl or another, I always felt upset about it. But as Alexander rode off with Elena only two days later, all I felt was pride. Pride that I had raised so noble and caring a son as to deserve such a beautiful soul as Elena at his side.

I squeezed Xena close, cried, and watched my son smile over his shoulder at us to inevitably start his life with the woman keeping close. They rode off down the trail just as Xena and I had rode off so many times together. I found myself wondering what sort of life they might have together, and when I might see them again.

Xena had so changed after our visit to her home, and the changes manifested themselves in different ways. At first, it was in her physical reactions to men who would bother her, and then it was her attitude, too. She had a certain humorous and airy aura that released her tensions and fears from harboring inside of her. She just ... let it all go. And it was a beautiful thing to watch.

As worried as I was to go without seeing Alex again for some time, Xena and I really enjoyed the next few weeks we had alone - in total silence. It had been so long since I'd truly put my worries away, and I felt I could do that, because I felt Alex was in good hands. Because Alex had something genuine to live for - as Xena did - I wasn't so afraid he might lose his life in battle. I knew he would be careful.

What surprised me about Alex and Elena was how quickly they were married. Xena and I had only had those few weeks together before we were invited to a royal wedding of the likes I had never even imagined.

At first, it seemed that the king had no intention of allowing his daughter to marry a nobody, but after he'd heard of that nobody's reputation and skill, he took another look at the boy - our Alex. Truth be told, Alex hated the fame that wedding gave to him, but the riches he found quite "fun." I say fun because he always said fun, even though his kids never thought that about their wealth. I suppose that mentality skips a generation.

Yes, after he was wed with Elena, it wasn't long before they started having children. I remember very clearly what my reaction was after holding that little girl for the first time, thinking back to the wedding and then the first time I had ever met Elena. There were so many memories rushing in that tears poured down my cheeks while I thought of what a beautiful future the little bundle would have. Alex was the protective type just as Xena had always been, so I knew the little baby would be safe all its life.

Xena tried not to be so affected by holding the baby for the first time, but her eyes were just as watery. She was simply better at holding back her tears. And gods be damned if that baby didn't cry once in her arms. The little infant only cooed and reached its chubby little fingers to whatever was closest. The tiny fingertips found the hard metal of Xena's breastplate, and Xena had her biggest fan from that moment on.

Iphigenia, that precious child, always looked up to Xena as her secret mentor, play fighting with her when she wasn't called for in her music lessons or etiquette. She didn't mind her scholarly classes quite as much, but she never took to words as her younger sister did - Kassiopeia. The two made quite a pair - Kassi with her head in the books at all times, and Iphi with a sword in her hand.

It wasn't until Demetrios came along that the balance was off-set, but he took well to the girls, and the three of them quickly became a famous trio around Thrace. As years passed and they grew into children, they made for quite an interesting kinship - Kassi the leader of planning and articulation, and Iphi and Demetrios the leaders of strength and physical tactic. The royal guard was unnecessary, as anyone troubling one of them troubled them all. And those little troublemakers were a force to be reckoned with, I must say!

There were a number of times I asked to have them stay with Xena and I at the cabin just south of Thessaly, and those beautiful children always surprised me. I found I was having a difficult time of keeping up with them, as a matter of fact. At night, as we slept outside of the cabin to keep watch for the kids, Xena was so exhausted too that we slept quite early. We'd been chasing them around and playing with them all day, and we weren't as youthful as we used to be.

It was hard coming to terms with age, but it wasn't as hard on Xena as it was with me. She would lay down like a sack of potatoes, and laugh at herself: "I'm getting old, Gabrielle."

I was more sensitive about fatigue in my older age, hoping Xena still saw the woman I used to be inside of me somewhere.

However, each time we were left to our own devices, she made certain to prove that to me over and over again. The things she did to me! She even taunted me as she had me, claiming things like: "I could never have done this to you then!" And in softer moments, reassuring me: "I need you just the way you are."

It never ceased to amaze me, how kind and lovingly Xena always spoke with me. She was tender even as she was holding me down or trying something ludicrous. We really enjoyed exploring each other as we had more time alone, never afraid or ashamed. Enjoying each other was something that had become tender, no matter its form. Tender, even in pain, with those eyes soothing me.

Those eyes ... I miss those eyes.

She'd left thirteen days ago to this day, in order to join Alexander in battle at Ephesus. They were to meet, plan, and head off on their journey as any other time, but this time is different, because I've heard of a terrible oversight from passersby. There is to be a surprise attack just as the battle has begun, and I'm terrified I've already lost her. If I can't make it to Xena and my son on time, I'm afraid I'll lose them forever, and I couldn't take that. I've been riding even in the dark at full pace just to catch up with them - writing only at night by the fire - but I worry that it's not enough. I worry their experience with travel overshadows my efforts. Still, I try to keep hopeful with the memories I've conjured in written word. Not that anything could compare to the love I feel for my partner and my son.

The people of Greece are counting on Xena and Alexander, I know, but I can't lose them. Other battles have been won quite victoriously, but I sit each night in fear of what might come of my family this time around. Things have changed.

The battle is to start tomorrow morning, and I am keeping awake tonight in order to head out again in a few hours to warn them. If by some miracle I do make it to see them, I fear that this will be the end. Even if that would be the case, I would gladly fall at Xena's side just to be with her in those last lively moments. To tell her that I love her one last time, just as she whispers her love to me.

I look up at the stars, and count my blessings for the family I have. Still, all I can think about is my beautiful Xena, slain just as I run to her. The image has cycled through my mind day after day, and all I wish is to see her first - to lock eyes with her. To hold her once again. To keep this loneliness from shaking me. If she were to pass away, I wouldn't wish to live on without her, and I know she feels the same way, so I pray nothing happens to me either. This feeling, though, fills me with promise that this is to be the end.

Whatever should happen to the two of us, may our son live.

Alexander, father to the three most wonderful, powerful and tale-worthy children - may he live to raise them. May he one day write about them as I have of him in other scrolls. May he look back on his life with no regrets, but love for his family. How I love my perfect son.

No matter the situation, I am with Xena till the end. Through our many years together, in sickness and in health, we have supported one another and never given up on anything. I have always fought and loved at her side, knowing it might one day come to this. And I will be there all my days, until the end of time.

Where she goes, I go.

Fin.

Eulogy, as spoken by Alexander of Thessaly.

Ladies and gentlemen ... children. I welcome you all here to honor the lives of my mothers, Xena of Amphipolis and Gabrielle of Potidaea.

... I didn't believe this world could be so cruel as to take both my mothers at once ... but it was then I realized its mercy. You see ... neither would have liked to live without the other at her side. So I speak to you today not to wrap this world in sorrow, but to explain the last moments of which they shared.

Xena and I had begun the morning's preparations for the battle, and we were headed in with our men when Xena told me something was wrong. She said she worried for Gabrielle, and so I worried, too. Still, we led the army into battle as was necessary, when out from the hilltop comes running Gabrielle like I'd never seen her before. She was fierce and assured, leaping over men and even between them as she screamed to Xena, and we both turned to her in shock.

That Xena had feared for her ahead of time ... well. I know the rumours of her godliness, but that was truly awe-inspiring. And she'd been right. There with all of her energy and purpose, Gabrielle bolted over to Xena, warning of the attack to come. She told Xena of the surprise planned just over the hill, allowing her to instruct the men to take off in that direction pre-emptively. She saved a lot of men by sharing what she heard, but I knew her reasons, and she wouldn't have wanted that glory.

*Tearing up, slowly calms himself.*

Xena told Gabrielle to please leave - to keep herself from harm, but my mother, as stubborn as she always was, wanted to be there with her till the end. She said this battle would be like no other, and that she wasn't going anywhere. She was as brave as she was eloquent with her words.

That I couldn't have saved her ... saved both of them ...

*Clears his throat and exhales raggedly.*

As we fought, up came arrows from the other side of that hill, dropping to pierce my mother - Gabrielle. I fought behind her, and roared with pain as I saw it happen. Xena turned without warning to see what I saw, and dropped everything to run to her. I'd never seen that look on my mother's face ... that look in her eyes like ...

*Quickly wipes his hand over his face, hiding any tears having fallen.*

It might have seemed that Xena tackled Gabrielle, but it was all to save her from another arrow. Xena picked up a shield from the ground, and held it up, over their heads as she laid over Gabrielle, being careful not to agitate the arrow in her side.

I fought the man before me, screaming with agony, ripped with adrenaline. All I had ever known was collapsing - even the great and mighty Xena leaving herself defenceless for the woman she loved. It was a sight like none I'd ever seen before ... touching and delicate, amidst the blood and violence of the crowd.

As our men charged ahead, having had an advance notice of the attack, they had thoroughly distracted the enemy just after another wave of arrows rippled through the air and struck Xena thrice in the back, once in her leg.

I beat the other two men off of me, and ran to my fallen mothers to sink to my knees aside them, out of sorts and in disbelief that it had come to that. Both so strong and so powerful, and yet there they lied together, unregretful of their actions. They were glad, in fact, just to have ... just to have those last moments together.

They seemed ...

*Breathes in to calm himself.*

They seemed happy, in fact.

*Looks off, past the crowd, and then re-focuses.*

I would like to call some attention to the love they shared from my childhood, and all the times they showed me that it wasn't weak to share your dreams with another - they could embrace it. It wasn't silly to chase your dreams - your true love would chase them with you. They showed me what it meant to care for someone else above yourself, and they proved their devotion to each other in their last moments on this earth.

Even as they laid there, I heard Xena whisper something Gabrielle had written long ago: "Where you go, I go." She said it in a way that proved to me they both understood that mortality was coming upon them ... she touched my mother's face as she spoke. She looked at her, and she kissed her before falling limp, cascaded over Gabrielle as they each took their last breath. And even with the blood ... even with my great sadness, I could see the poetry in their death - the two of them tangled together to escape into the Elysian Fields for an eternity of companionship and love.

*Looks back at the graves of his mothers, side-by-side.*

For those who didn't know them well, they shared a love like no other. For those who did know them well, you are comforted by the words of their final moments together. And for those writing history, may they forever remember these two honorable women by their skill ... their inspiring nature ... and most of all, the belief that love is the most important piece of life, to be treasured above all else. They would have no regrets, and I am proud to call myself their son.

This world will learn from their message of eternal love.

*Tilts his head up with a subtle smile on his lips, opening his palms to the sky.*

Xena and Gabrielle ... rest in peace.

Thank you for reading.