Do you know what I'm afraid of? Really afraid of, like just thinking about it scares me shitless?

Drowning.

Yeah, I know, typical. I mean sure, who isn't scared of being held under water until that reflex in your mind, the one that keeps your mouth shut so you don't take in any water, switches off and you finally open your mouth. You finally let the water in; let yourself succumb to complete darkness. And then you die. Just like that. One minute you're a living, breathing human being and the next minute you're… nothing. You are becomes you were. You fade into the oblivion, never able to come back to what once was. You're done, that's it, you're time is up and it's all over.

This is exactly what is going on in my head. I'm fading. Slowly and subtly. Fading. Most people don't even notice it. Hell, I didn't notice it until I had passed the point of no return. My mind is so fucked up now; I don't think I'll ever be able to go back to what I used to be. That was me, Stiles Stilinski. The happy-go-lucky kid whose mom died when he was eight and has a severe case ADD. Stiles, the werewolf's best friend. The guy who has had a crush on the same girl since 3rd grade. Stiles, whose dad is the sheriff in Beacon Hills, California. Stiles, who, yes, is still a virgin. That was me. Now, it's Stiles, the guy who hasn't slept in 6 days. Stiles, the guy who can't read. Stiles, whose hands won't stop shaking and vision won't stop blurring. Stiles, who feels like he's drowning, being consumed by darkness more and more everyday.

Stiles, who is losing his freaking mind.

I can't keep this up much longer. I can't live my life constantly feeling like something terrible is going to happen to someone I love. My friends, my family, everyone around me is in harms way because I put them there.

I'm drowning. And if I don't let go now, I'll pull them down with me and I can't do that. It's not their fault I'm insane. It's not their fault I'm not good enough to protect them. It's me, it's all me. They don't deserve this. By letting me try and protect them, they are just setting themselves up for a loss. I won't be able to do it. I'm not strong enough.

I'm drowning. I'm fading. Slowly and subtly. And they don't even notice. I guess it's better this way, knowing they won't miss me when I finally fade out and become you were.

So now I'm waiting. Waiting for my candle to burn up, for my time to run out, for the darkness to come swallow me in its' entirety. I'm waiting. And it's all just a matter of time before I give up. Before I open my mouth, and let all that water in.