Prompt: Hey Gera, as a Prompt I'm in a real mood of some Angsty Jori Smut. Work yer magic!

For lovely ana aint in china!

I feel like I've dragged it out and didn't expand it enough at the same time... Oh well.

Soundtrack for the sex scene: 'You Hand In Mine' by Explosions In The Sky

Please review and let me know! I will probably do the same but from Jade's POV.

'What goes around, comes around'. The thought is pulsating in my brain as I sweep yet another shattered wine glass from the floor with my shaking hands, a crackling fireplace the only noise in our empty house.

Well, her house. I've moved in with Jade about a year ago. I honestly still don't know why.

'What goes around, comes around'.

And if I am being completely honest, I have no idea why I still keep up with this charade of a relationship Jade and I have found ourselves in.

It's not like we're in love. Mutually, at least.

'What goes around, comes around'.

A broom falls to the wooden floor as I let out a frustrated scream, trying to focus on anything else but the stupid saying that's been in my head for God knows how long.

Probably since the beginning of our affair.

It's so true it hurts. 'What goes around, comes around'. She cheated on Beck with me. She cheats on me with everyone else. Sometimes, I like to kid myself that I had the power to not give in to her back when we were in high school, and then I remember that I didn't stand a chance.

I was in love with her long before she seduced me. And while it doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever, I think I was in love with her long before I actually met her.

She's it for me. Or was 'it' for me. Or never was anything for me.

The latter thought is new and bitter, filled with broken promises and crashed illusions as I slump to the couch, spent. The leather feels cold under my bare feet as I curl up, barely noticing blood seeping from my toes. Right. The wine glass I threw against the wall in my feeble rage as the clock struck three in the morning and Jade was still nowhere to be seen.

I guess three a.m. is the best time to get drunk and fuck a random model. Personally I wouldn't know, you have to get Jade's opinion on the matter. She's been researching in that field for years now.

The thoughts in my mind are just as shaky as my hands, trembling in them making me miss a few times before I finally manage to light up the cigarette. I welcome the burn as it trickles down my throat, reaching my lungs. She hates it when I smoke, and I find satisfaction deep inside my chest every time she catches me and fights with me over it. At least she still cares. Just a little bit. It's barely noticeable, but it's still there somewhere.

I'm so tired.

All I ever wanted was for her to notice me. To accept me. And as I discovered later, to reciprocate my feelings. Neither of those three worked out in the way I wanted them to.

All I want now is to be free. I know I never will be, of course I know that. She's a virus that's settled in my veins, she's tainted my blood and I'm never getting her out, but maybe, just maybe, breathing will get a little bit easier when I won't have to watch her sleep with the entire female population of LA.

The escape has been on the table for years, but I never thought I'd actually go with it. But now, as I blindly toss clothes into a suitcase, I catch myself thinking that maybe I'm not as spineless as I thought.

But, as I race downstairs with bags in my hands, the thought disappears, leaving me alone with Jade studying an unfinished cigarette and spilled wine.

"You smoked again," she states, not looking at me as she stubs the cigarette butt. "What happened here? Did you-" her gaze finally falls on me, and she lets out a small laugh. "Seriously, Vega?"

I shrug. There is not much I can say, really. Everything's pretty obvious.

"What are you doing," she carelessly tosses at me. "It's three in the morning."

Exactly, Jade.

"I'm leaving," I say, no emotion coloring my tone.

"Vega, cut it out," she snapped, approaching me at a leisured pace. "Lose the suitcase. C'mon, baby," she nuzzles my neck, and I just stay still, too tired to fight her, and surprised to realize that for the first time in forever I don't care much for her advances. Her lips don't make my heart race, her hands don't heat my skin up; I'm cold as a stone, and just as motionless as one.

"I'm leaving, Jade," I let out quietly, sidestepping her and going for the exit, only for her to catch my arm and draw me closer to her body.

"Vega-"

"I said I'm leaving!" I burst suddenly, sharply, feeling the fire that hasn't been here for a long time. It's empowering, making Jade speechless for once as she gapes at my anger. "I don't want to talk it out, I don't to fight, I don't want a scene, I just want to calmly walk out of this door, and I want you to stand here and do nothing," I say coolly, getting a fallen bag and once again making my way to the door.

"Wait," she hurries after me, and I sigh. Why does she insist on wasting our time? "Wait, Vega- Tori."

That stops me.

"What did you just call me?" I ask lowly.

"Tori, you're bleeding," she ignores my question, catching my arm, this time far gentler, making me face her. "Your feet are bleeding," she repeats, an unusual look of concern creasing her features. "Tori, please tell me what's going on here. Did you… did you take something?"

I laugh, I can't help it. I completely lose it, doubling over and howling with laughter at her question.

Why the fuck would I do drugs when I already have you to ruin me, Jade?

Her worried face makes me laugh even harder.

"Tori, what did you take?"

I shake my head, calming down just as suddenly as I started.

"I'm leaving," I slowly say to her. "I'm not on drugs, I haven't gone crazy – actually, I think I'm quite the opposite now. Just let me go."

"What do you mean you're leaving?" She's livid now, a much more familiar version of Jade. I find comfort in that, and it's twisted, but I welcome it anyway. "You're not going anywhere!"

"Jade," I catch her flailing arms this time, making her look at me as I wear a serious expression. "Listen to me," I begin, condescending, like a teacher trying to explain a theory to a particularly difficult student. "I am done here, you hear me? I am walking out of that door, and we never see each other again, okay? You get to fuck everyone you want, throw parties whenever you want, hell, cook meth and snort it for all I care because I am done."

"You're serious," she breaths, and I raise an eyebrow at her fake heartbroken expression. "You're leaving me."

"But can I actually leave you, though?" I question. "You were never mine in the first place."

"Tori-"

"Don't fucking call me that!" I scream out, and she actually flinches. "Don't," I repeat, breathing hard with anger. "You lost the right to call me that a long time ago. You don't get to call me anything."

"At least wait till morning," she pleads, desperation clear in her voice, and I have to forcefully remind myself that it's an act. It's all an act. "Where are you gonna go in the middle of the night?"

"I'll find my way around," I shrug. "I heard Andre was in town."

Her hand is on my forearm in an instant, squeezing painfully as she stares me down, her eyes stormy with fury.

"You don't go anywhere near him," she spits out. "You understand?"

"Why? Because he's in love with me? Because you think I'm gonna sleep with him?" I push her away. "Newsflash, Jade: I'm not you. And I'm not gonna use his feelings just to get back at you. Not that you'd care, anyway," I shrug.

"…I care," she chokes. "Of course I care."

"Really? You don't want anyone else to play with your most expensive doll, is that it?" I fire at her. "You don't want anyone to touch your prized possession, the Victoria Vega, Jade's muse," I mock her interviews. "You never cared about me, Jade," I whisper, suddenly tired and spent, struggling to stand. "All you care about is showing me off, and that's all I'll ever be to you."

"Tori, that's not-"

"No!" I scream. "I told you to never call me that."

I have to get out of here before I do something I'll regret. Well, more than I already have.

"If you do care about me," I say softly, meeting her gaze. "If you ever cared about me – you'll let me go."

She tries to say something, but I don't want to hear it. I don't want anything. I need to get away from her. She suffocates me with her presence, blanking my mind, and I need to get out of here.

The pavement is cold against my cut feet as I finally walk away, the door closing behind me with a soft click.

A week.

Seven days without Jade. Seven days of me swimming in and out of consciousness, fourteen bottles of various alcohol and God knows how many take-out boxes scattered across a hotel room – that's what it takes for me to begin to contemplate functioning like a human being.

I've been dodging everyone's calls. Friends, the studio, my agents, Jade – everyone got the same treatment of me ignoring them as I mindlessly got drunk over and over again, holed up in a low-profile hotel outside the city. I want to say I feel better, I really do, but I don't feel any different.

Well, my throat feels like a cancer patient's from the packs I smoked, but that fact only adds to my shitty state.

I attempt to remove it with a hot shower, but, sadly, you can't shower your soul. You can only consume unhealthy amounts of take-out and ice-cream, and that's exactly what I've been doing for the past two hours. I've yet to feel better.

"I knew I should've checked here in the first place."

I make no move to get up from the bed as Jade breaks into my room, softly closing the door behind her. What's the point? She's found me.

"What do you want?" I ask tiredly, placing the carton box on a bedside table.

"You."

Her gentle whisper aggravates me.

"Then you can leave right now," I state curtly. "That's the thing you're not gonna get."

"Tori- Vega," she corrects herself after my glare. "I just want to talk. Please."

"There is nothing to talk about."

"There is everything to talk about."

"Less with the cryptic, more with the actual talking," I get up, irritated. "I have things to do."

"I love you."

I see red as rage washes over me.

"Don't," I hiss at her. "I can't even- this is unbelievable," I laugh. "It's not enough that you cheat on me, and generally use me for your own selfish needs, huh? Now you decide to toy with my feelings for you? You must be really desperate if you play the 'I love you' card."

"I'm not playing," she says quietly, and now I want to punch her. "I do love you."

"Right," I drawl mockingly. "Jade, cut the crap. We both know why the hell you kept me around in the first place. I'm this shiny new toy that everyone wants, and you had to have me all to yourself. Victoria Vega is hot news, but Victoria Vega and Jade West? Power couple of the century," I laugh, the sound void of mirth. "And now you're afraid your reputation will fall apart if people find out I dumped you. So I'm gonna go ahead and save us both time. Tell everyone you dumped me, I don't care," I stand up and walk over to her, opening the door. "Now get out."

Her hand is on my arm, cautious, gentle.

"I'm not walking away from you," she whispers, and I want to scream and break things as how tender her voice is. "Tori, I fucked up so bad, and I'm so sorry. And I know I could apologize a million times and it won't make up for what I did. Nothing will make up for what I did." She's so close now, and I can't find the strength to step away from her. "I don't deserve you," her hand is slow as it strokes my cheek. "I never did, and probably that's why I constantly sabotaged my own happiness. But I'm too selfish to let you go," she finishes in a broken murmur. "Take me back, and I'll spend my life showing you how genuine my feelings are for you. Please, Tori," she breaths against my lips. "Take me back…"

(suggested soundtrack: 'You Hand In Mine' by Explosions In The Sky)

We're kissing. Her lips are so very tender on mine, and my mind screams at me to push her away, to kick her out of my life once and for all, but I'm not that strong. When it comes to Jade, I'm the weakest person in the world. She's my poison, a deadly drug slowly killing me from the inside, and God, I can't believe how much I missed her.

She's everywhere, her scent invading my nostrils, her body melting into mine, her arms around me the only thing holding me up, and I smirk inwardly at the irony. She's holding me together and yet she's the one that tears me apart, every minute of every fucking day.

"Tori," she gasps in my neck, soft, loving kisses covering my skin. "I missed you so much. I was going crazy trying to find you," she distances herself slightly to look me in the eye. "You have no idea how worried I was."

You're right, I don't. I don't have any idea, because I don't believe you. But God, how I missed you, terribly so.

She's unnerving me with this gentle pace. My skin itches at her tender touch, and I grow restless in her hold, doubt gnawing at my chest. It's uncomfortable, it's unfamiliar, and as much as I want this, I can't deal with the sudden splash of feelings from her. So I snap.

Her back hits the wall with a soft thud as I slam into her, my mouth harsh and unforgiving on hers, teeth and lips smashed together in a brutal kiss. I tear at her clothes, I dug my fingers in her skin, a bit too deep, a touch too painful, and she notices.

"No," she whispers softly, but her hold on me is firm as she stops me. "This isn't us."

"This is exactly what we are," I rebuff sharply. "Don't make it into something it's not."

Her answer is another kiss. Another soft, gentle kiss, lips barely touching as we breathe each other in. My chest is painful as my heartstrings burst.

"Let me do this, Tori," she pleads. "I beg you. Give me this one night, and if tomorrow you still want us to take a break, I will give you the space you need."

I don't miss her clever wording. That's not what I'm after. I want her gone, out of my life. No taking breaks and giving space. That's what couples do in a relationship, and we are neither.

But I don't fight, simply because I can't. I'm tired, and I missed her, and her touch is foreign and exciting in its tenderness, so I don't fight her.

One night. One night, and then I'm gone. She doesn't need to know that.

She whispers how much she missed me. How much she loves me. How sorry she is.

I want to believe every single one. I pretend I do.

I'm placed on the bed with her following suit, nestling between my legs as she peppers my neck and jawline with gentle kisses, soothing me with her hushed words. I can't help but gasp at the feeling of her body on mine, the weight calming and igniting at the same time, the familiar slow burn starting up in the pit of my stomach.

"Jade…" Her name is the first word I say that's not malicious and cold, and I feel her shiver against me at the sound of my voice.

"I'm here," she whispers between kisses and caresses. "I got you."

My robe hits the floor together with her jacket, and it's unfair how naked I am before a still clothed Jade. Nothing changed. I'm defenseless and vulnerable with nothing to cover me up from her.

But she waits. Her hands guide my arms to the hem of her shirt and the button of her pants, and my fingers are awkward as they fumble with everything. I'm tense with anticipation as I tug the clothes off her, and again she's here to slow me down, to kiss away the tension coiled in my body, and I have no idea how to react to that.

It becomes too much.

"I can't do this," I gasp, pushing at her shoulders. "Jade-"

"Look at me," she instructs softly. "Really look at me. I'm with you, and I'm not going anywhere. Trust me, Tori."

I do as she asks. There is nothing but love and guilt, radiating in waves off her, and I swallow the lump in my throat at the look on her face.

One night.

Once again, I choose to lose myself in delusions, calming down. And as she goes back to kissing me, I struggle with breathing for entirely different reasons.

Jade takes her time, mapping out my body with her hands and her lips, and I arch into her against my will, her name falling from the tip of my tongue.

The heat is unbearable, both in my body and in the air. It's heavy with unspoken words and all the hurt, my hurt; the one Jade is responsible for. I barely balance between being with her and slipping into a complete freak-out, but she's there, somehow picking up on everything I feel, ready to soothe me and put me at ease.

I pretend for her benefit. I wish I could say that the want I feel is made up, too.

She's up with me, again, her forehead against my own as she caresses me with her gaze, her hand stroking my side as another one lifts up my leg around her waist.

We both sigh as our heated cores make contact, rubbing in the most delicious of ways. It's too intimate, too honest to be real, and I physically force myself to get lost in the sensation. It's our last time. Better make it count.

"Tori," she chokes out as she settles into a slow rhythm, making me gasp as I dig my fingers in her shoulders. I moan, arching my back into her, my legs falling even more open as I take her in.

And then she goes completely over the line. She traces a line along my arm, gently taking my right hand from her shoulder and guiding it to the pillow, entwining our fingers, her gaze never leaving my face as she does so.

"God, you're so beautiful," she murmurs.

I'm scared, and she sees that. I don't know what to believe anymore.

She kisses me everywhere her lips can reach, dropping tiny kisses all over my neck, my shoulders, my chest, my jaw. She kisses all over my face, and I don't realize at first that the wetness I feel is from my tears and not from her lips.

I'm crying during sex, and that's fucked up beyond words.

She kisses away each and every of my tears, whispering apologies over and over again as she continues to gently take me, her hand tightening on mine, making my heart go up in flames.

And then it's fast. Everything spins out of control as we become a blur, and I can't stop my hips from rolling up into her as I get closer to reaching my peak with her.

"I love you," a sharp, satisfying ache fills up my chest as she whispers, rocking with me, taking us higher. "I love you…"

I cry out as I come, a quivering mess of trashing limbs in her arms, and I taste coppery as I bite down on my lip, either in ecstasy or to stop a flood of tears – I'm not sure. She's with me, again, just like she promised, my name falling from her in a sharp cry as she practically melts into me, shuddering, tumbling down from her high.

"I love you," she chokes out against my neck. Her mouth is on mine again as she pours her heart out. As I cradle her face in my hands, I realize she's crying, too.

She trembles as she tries to calm down, letting out a shaky breath and rolling on her side, facing me. I face her, too, turning just slightly, curling up as I watch her.

"I mean it, all of it," she says quietly after she gets herself under control. "Please," she begs, desperate, heartbroken, and as much as I know she doesn't deserve it, my heart reaches out to her. "You have to believe me, or at least give me a chance to make you believe me." She searches my face with her gorgeous eyes, clear blue after her tears. "I love you."

I can't stop myself even if I try.

"I love you, too," my whisper is shattered, barely audible as it makes it past my lips, but Jade hears. She lights up, just like that, like Christmas decorations we hung back in high school, when I still naively trusted her and hoped she actually loved me back. "I love you," I say, just a bit louder, almost reassuring myself.

She gathers me in her arms and rubs her face along my neck, a gesture so affectionate and caring it makes me choked up with emotion. Either she's ready for an Oscar, or I'm going crazy.

It can't be real.

"I thought I lost you," she speaks up softly, breaking the silence after a while. "I did lose you, and it hit me: I can't go on without you. I was so scared I won't find you," she breathes out in my hair, nuzzling it, leaving a sweet kiss. "Please, don't leave me again," she begs, her hands back to shaking.

I'm not ready to promise something like this, especially since I was planning on doing exactly just that. So I keep silent, instead grazing my lips on her collarbone as I snuggle further into her embrace.

One night.

"Tori, I just want you to-"

"Jade, please," I interrupt her quietly. "Can we talk in the morning?" Because then I won't be here to face it.

Another kiss falls near my temple, painfully sweet.

"Sure."

Soon, her breathing grows deeper, her hold on me tightening even more as she sleeps, afraid to let me go. Deep down, she knows I'm going to leave, and she's not making it easy for me, but I still slip away from her early in the morning. Her sleep was always the heaviest at the sunrise.

The door creaks open as I gaze at her sleeping form, her clutching my pillow, mumbling my name as she dreams, and I allow myself to dream, too. I see her cooking us breakfast at our home, and I see us cuddling in front of TV, and I see us laughing in the park or on a road trip, and my heart feels tight against my ribcage.

It wasn't real. Even if she herself thinks she loves me, it's still not real, and I have to remind that myself once again as I force myself to pull away.

I glance at her. If only everything she said were true, we would be perfect. It all could be perfect, but only if what just happened were actually true.

The door shuts with a soft click.