After the longest bout of writer's block ever, i'm back.

With what has to be the most underwhelming chapter I've ever written. It may look like it's incomplete/ cut off and that's literally because I chopped off the bottom bit and am currently trying to find a way to make it better. Otherwise i'd be sitting on this for god knows how long and I already feel like crap for leaving this so long.

I know a lot of you have been waiting for this and I can't even begin on how sorry I am that it took this long, please forgive me. but I can't bear to write/post something underwhelming and this just about passes for me.

I'm working by a schedule now (this was a resolution of mine) so I've blocked out some time for myself and writing, because this is literally my only outlet at the moment.

Read, enjoy and Happy New Year my loves xo

Sometimes, I wonder why I do the things I do.

Why didn't I just mind my business and wait for romance to find me?

Why did I put myself in this situation?

Not that I regret it really, I just...felt like everything in between was too much.

"So how have your lessons been?" asked Nel one lunch.

We were sipping milkshakes and lazing in the sun, the weather for once was amazing, so we were taking advantage of it, instead of the usual benches in the canteen we found a nice grassy spot under a huge tree and decided to hang out there for the afternoon.

I shoved my sunglasses up to cover my eyes. "We haven't had any since that last time," I said as casually as I could.

"That's strange. I thought he'd be taking every chance he can to get his rocks off," murmured Tatsuki.

"Well he was back on his shit with Rukia wasn't he?" asked Nel casually.

I stiffened. "That was clearly a one-time thing," I said before I could even stop myself.

"And how would you know that?" Tatsuki asked, sitting up and looking in my direction.

"Call it intuition," I said, suddenly way too interested in my milkshake. Why why why did I have to open my big fat mouth-

"Well things seem normal between the two of them if anything. But he doesn't really hang out with her much anymore. Which I think is good, he shouldn't choose her over his cousin." Tatsuki said, lying back down.

"Are you ever gonna spill the tea on that drama?" whined Nel.

"Nope,"

"You're awful for bringing it up then Tatsuki," I quipped, just to give input.

In reality my mind was far away back to the fact that Ichigo slept with Rukia literally less than an hour after being in my bed. Was I supposed to talk to him about it? Why did I even agree to seeing him again? Why did I decide that I should keep that we're still..."on" as a secret from my friends? It would be so easy to just say it right now and get it over with; Tatsuki would be mad and Nel would get over it and understand so why-

"Plus, Grimmjow drummed it into his head that he can't be sleeping with Rukia right in front of Kaien like that. He was in love with her for God's sake."

"Ichigo doesn't care though Nel, why are you surprised?" snorted Tatsuki.

"Do you ever wonder who hurt him?" asked Nel.

Tatsuki hummed absently and I nodded.

"Don't we all."

That night, I was sitting on my rug hugging my minnie mouse teddy, contemplating.

Ichigo said he would come over tonight, but before I could even think of getting physical with him, I needed to talk to him about...Rukia.

The ever-present thorn in our "relationship's" side.

But how exactly did I plan to do it?

Knowing me, it would come out as word vomit. A part of me hopes I hold it together.

But there was no way I was allowing myself to go further (than I already have but I digress) without talking about this. My morals are not having it.

I squeezed my teddy tighter and sighed.

Sometimes I wonder what he would say to me if I just opened my mouth and told him how I really feel about him.

He'd make great boyfriend material if he wasn't so emotionally stunted.

The door knocked, signalling his arrival and I steeled myself.

Well no matter what, this conversation is going to happen.

I opened the door and let him in.

"Hey Orihime,"

"Good evening, Ichigo,"
His hands reached around my waist and he leaned down to kiss me but I stopped him before he could- because clearly, I'm an idiot-

"We need to talk," I blurted out before I lost my will.

His brows furrowed but I felt his grip tighten around my waist.

"I'm listening."

I cleared my throat. It was now or never right?

"The last time we met like this, did not end very well and there was a lot of misunderstanding," I began. He nodded and waited for me to continue. I took a deep breath.

"You went to Rukia after."

He stiffened. "She told you?" he asked. I could hear annoyance in his voice.

"No, but Tatsuki did,"

"And how did she know?"

I scoffed and tried to push myself out of his hold, but he wouldn't relent. "Isn't it obvious? Rukia told her."

"Orihime-"

"Do you have any idea how...cheap I felt after she told me? That not even an hour after you were lying in bed with me that you'd gone to her?"

Woah Orihime.

Word vomit.

And you sound jealous.

Stop it, right now.

"I-"

"I don't want you to apologize to me Ichigo, we're just friends, right?" I said lightly, patting him on the chest. "I just want you to acknowledge that what you did was wrong. Especially after you made a promise to me."

There was a long pause and then he finally let go of me, tilting my chin up to his face and brushing strands of hair from my face.

"You're right Orihime, I'm sorry and I was wrong. It was an asshole thing to do. I did it without thinking and I should have thought of your feelings."

I shrugged him off because if I kept looking into that stare, I'd definitely lose the plot. "I don't expect anything from you, I just want you to know that if this is something you're gonna keep doing then...I can't do this,"

Because it hurt. But I didn't dare say that out loud.

"So why did you agree to us meeting still?" he asked.

Because I'm an idiot, hello?

"I don't know," I said. My mind drew me back to being in this very room after Grimmjow dragged Nel out and how he held me, kissed me...-

"I think we both know," he said, in a low voice. I fought the urge to shiver.

"I'm not done talking," I said quickly.

"Well I'm done listening," he said simply, yanking me to him again and connecting our lips almost violently.

AN:

Yea, I know forgive me.

Next chapter: lots of conversation. Squeeze of lemonade. Serious decisions being made.