What if Clary wasn't able to fend Sebastian off in the apartment before the battle (CoLS)? She couldn't bring herself to tell anyone, especially Jace - she knew he would blame himself. So how will she tell him is she's pregnant?

CHAPTER ONE - Confirmation

No. No. No. No. No.

This could not be happening.

It had to be some kind of sick cosmic joke, like the time she and Jace thought they siblings.

Siblings.

Bile rose in her throat, and she gulped, daring herself to to take one more look at the white stick in her hand - she had to be sure. Shakily, she did just that, silently praying for the news she already knew wouldn't show.

Pregnant.

Shit.

Tears of anger blurred Clary's vision, and threatened to overflow, but she tried desperately to blink them back. She wouldn't. She wouldn't cry because of him. Not now. Not Ever.

Instead she tried to calm herself, taking in deep shaky breaths. But it didn't stop the darkness.

Ever since she returned from the Seventh Sacred Sight she'd been suppressing the memories, refusing to think of them. But they weren't so easily controlled, every so often they bubbled back up, like walls around her drawing in, suffocating her. Recently it was happening more, and more frequently, and she was starting to wondering if she was the one in control at all.

It happened slowly at first, in flashes. Her, pressed between Sebastian and the kitchen counter, her trying to run, knowing it was useless anyway, but still managing to draw the rune on her door. And then they memories came all at once, like she was reliving it again.

She was on the kitchen floor, Sebastian straddling her tiny hips, her hands bound above her head by a rune. She felt him grab for the zip on her jeans, and she tried one last time to get him to stop. She spat in his face.

He laughed, damn. But at least he stopped trying to undress her. Now with his full attention she glared up at him, through her lashes, trying to put as much venom into that one look as she could muster. The black orbs stared back, uncaring, unflinching - she would have said they were emotionless, if only it weren't for the desire she could see flickering beneath their surface.

She could feel his heated breath on her face, and goosebumps rose on her neck, which only made him grin wider. He bent down. She braced herself for the kiss, the spiraling blackness, like that she had felt in Idris when they'd kissed, before she'd known she was his sister, but the kiss never came.

Instead he lowered him lips to her ear, gently nipping on the lob - and at this she had to hold back a shudder - and whispered in a sickly sweet voice;

"What would dear Jace say if he saw you like this eh? Will he still want you when you're not pure?"

His lips traveled tauntingly down her neck, biting at the skin there, and this time she couldn't hold back the strangled cry that escaped its way form her throat, as she felt his hand on her zipper once more. Zip.

"Do you know what the best thing is?" He asked again, "As he is now, Jace couldn't do anything but agree that this is a good idea."

Her blood ran cold and she realised he was right.

"You will be mine Clarissa."

After that all she could remember is blinding pain, pain that had no up or down, pain that had no end. She had no idea if she had cried out or called for help, despite the fact she knew none would come.

"Clary?"

A familiar voice snapped her back to reality, though reality wasn't her safe haven anymore. It couldn't be.

"Clary?" The voice called again.

Isabelle, Clary realised with a jolt. She willed herself to speak.

"Y-yeah?" she winced at the sound of her own voice, it sounded strained and a little too loud.

"Are you alright?" she called again, concern coloring her voice.

"Yeah, fine," she replied, a little more convincingly this time, even though she knew she was anything but.

"Good, we thought you had fallen down the goddamn toilet what with the amount of time you'd been in here. Jace was convinced you were being molested by a demon or something ridiculous like that," she laughed.

Clary gulped. Yeah something ridiculous like that.

"I guess it was just something I ate," Clary mumbled pathetically through the door.

Surprisingly Izzy believed her, it must have been the alcohol. "Well come on guurl, the night is still young, and there is a whole load of ass in this club." Izzy hiccuped.

Under any other circumstances Clary would have rolled her eyes. Yep, definitely the alcohol.

"I'll be out in a sec - oh," pain shot up Clary's right arm like a white hot poker. Confused she stared down to see it clutched onto the wash basin so tightly her knuckles were white - she must have been using it for support during the flashback.

Groaning she loosened her grip, and her arm began to tingle as the blood flow resumed its normal path.

"Well make sure you are, I need a wing man," Izzy slurred through the restroom door. And then she was gone.

Alone, Clary slumped against the counter, breathing deeply. She shook her head, though knowing it would take much more than that to get rid of her demons, splashed some water on her face, tamed her mass of red curls, and threw the pregnancy test in the general direction of the bin, not caring if it made it there or not, and headed for the door.

Hey guys, please review if you want a second chapter :) Or alternatively I'm open to criticism.

I know I haven't finished my last story, but I promise this one will be different. It was my first fanfic, and I didn't like the way it was turning out. This time, I know where I'm going with it, I have it all planned in advance and promise to keep writing it as long as you guys want to read it - assuming of course (fingers crossed) that you want to read it at all.