So this happened in my feelings after tonight's (Feb. 18 2014) episode. This was written in forty minutes, so I hope it's not too awful, this is just more along the lines of what I would have liked to see happen. Let me know what you think.

-Jen

Ezra. Ali. Trig. Aria. Toby. Ezra. A. Ezra is A.

So much to do. So much to do, so few hours in which to do it.

School, A, school, investigating A, school, protecting everyone, school, A, figuring it all out.

Her heart is racing, thinking of everything she has to do, thinking of how she gave the drugs to the girls, insisted she didn't need them. Spencer had had half of a mind to answer their questions truthfully. Was she sure she didn't need them? No, no she wasn't sure. She was sure that hours would pass and her body would crave what the medicated state gave her, but she had to make them see. She needed them on her side. She had to protect Aria, they had to protect Aria and figure all of this out.

It dawns on her, as she trying to calm her racing heart down, that she's not sure what this even is anymore. As she goes over it in her head, over and over again, Spencer recognizes that it's all become so jumbled, so unclear. It was a whole lot of what ifs and unorganized bits and pieces that they were trying desperately to piece together. At least, she was.

Ezra. Ali. Alive. Aria. Ezra's A. Toby is back, and she has to do this. Adderal, she needs it. Really needs it.

Hands shaking, she grabs her phone, dials the doctor's number, puts on her mother's voice. It's easy, and deep down she knows it shouldn't be. Spencer knows that, knows that how used to lying she is, is a problem. Hastily she hangs up the phone and tosses it down on the island, putting her head in her hands.

The tears are stinging at her eyes, and she's gasping for breath before she knows it. Is this the breakdown she'd always somehow envisioned happening?

Spencer's lost in the shaking of her body, the sobs that leave her chest, and doesn't hear the knock on the door, the door opening. She's unaware of her company until his voice pulls her back to reality, his hands on her shoulders.

"Spencer!" Her eyes lock with his, and she feels anchored again, and without words, she desperately clings to him.

"I can't, I can't," She sobs, burying her face against Toby's chest. "I need more, I need more, it's gone!"

"I know,," Toby says softly. "Emily came to me."

"Are you going to yell and call me crazy too?"

"No," He says softly, hand gently rubbing her back. He leans back to look at her, gently tilting her head back and cupping her face. "You're not crazy, and I'm not going to yell. But I'm going to say it...I'm going to say this is dangerous. And I'm worried. And I'm disappointed you didn't come to me, I'm upset," Toby says. "You need to tell me what's going on, Spence. You can't be doing all of this yourself, and you can't be going down this path. People go down this path and they never come back, and I won't let that happen to you."

In his presence, she feels like she can breathe again, she feels some sense of normalcy.

"Let me in, Spencer. I need you to tell me what is happening, please," Toby says, and she can hear the pain in his voice. He's in pain because of her, because he hates seeing her like this.

There's a quick runthrough of everything in her head, a whole sequence passing through her eyes, and before she knows it, she's blurting it all out. How Ali's alive, how Ezra is Board Shorts and might probably be A, how she started taking the drugs from Andrew so she could try to piece everything together and now it's all spiraled out of control.

She ends a sobbing mess in his arms, unable to stop, and she knows it's the drugs, or lack thereof.

"Spencer," He says softly, "Calm down, okay? We're going to figure this all out together. I'm not going to go anywhere, I'm going to be here. I'm going to help." He almost goes on about how she should have told him, but finds he can't fault her, not now at least. He worked with A and betrayed her trying to protect her. "I'm here."

He lifts her up in his arms and heads up the stairs, into her bedroom, where her bed is neat and tidy, clearly unslept in. He sets her down, kicking his shoes off and sitting beside her, pulling the covers down and over them, wrapping her in his arms. "Right now, you need to sleep. Just sleep, okay? I'm here. I won't go anywhere, I will stay with you all night, and we'll figure things out in the morning."

There's a million things running through her mind still, but she feels comfort in his arms, feels safe. Spencer's close to dozing off when she feels cool metal against her neck. Reaching up, and grabs the thing, looking down at it through heavily lidded eyes. "I got it for you," He says quietly, holding it up to help her see it.

It's a small gold square. An 'S' scrabble tile. Her eyes sting with tears again, though this time they're happy tears. "I love you," She whispers, reaching up to kiss him, though she's half asleep. She can't do much more, the darkness pulling her under, but she hears him say the reciprocal back as her eyes shut, sleep dragging her under. Toby watches as she absently grabs the pendant in her hand, curling close to him, and Spencer finally feels at ease, if only for a moment, because he was there, and he knew. He was her safe place to land.

Anyone else grossly sob when Spencer opened the Scrabble necklace? Just me?

Disclaimer: Not my characters or show. If they were, Spoby would be happy somewhere.