A/N: So, I've gotten some... let's call them strong requests to start posting this, so I figured I could go back to my old masochistic ways and have two WIPs in the pipeline. As always, I can make no promises as to updates, as it's not totally written and with two children my RL takes over at times.
For those who don't know, this is a sequel to my earlier work, 'Impossible'. At the end of that story Hermione was forced to make the decision to wipe Spencer's memory of her or stay with him. In the epilogue of Impossible I wrote it as though she decided to stay. This story is what would happen if she had tried to modify his memory (and how well that works on someone with an eidetic memory).
I'm going to explain that when I started writing this it was right before the JJ/Prentiss leaving/coming back thing, so before Blake and Seaver entered and, in Seaver's case, left. I re-worked it twice to deal with these casting changes, then decided to cut Prentiss mostly out, and put JJ in somewhat of a background role for the sake of my sanity. It was also before the whole thing with Maeve. I have thought about it, and decided to keep it the way I started writing it, just because I have a lot done and I don't feel any of those situations detracts from the story, nor would it add much to it.
Legalities: I do not own Harry Potter or Criminal Minds. I own none of the characters, nor fictional places. I am making no profit off this.
And now, on to the story.
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"There is love, of course. And then there is life, its enemy." -Jean Anouilh
"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation." -Kahlil Gibran
She didn't want to open her eyes. She knew what she would see, and the thought of it would only make her upset. There was a naked man in her bed, she knew that much. He never left after they slept together, despite the fact that neither one of them considered the relationship anything more than 'friends with benefits'. He usually wore himself out during sex and preferred not to get out of bed. If she allowed herself to sleep past six, she might be able to miss him, he usually had a morning Quidditch practice a few time zones away. Their arrangement was mutual, born from the idea that neither one could be with who they really wanted to wake up next to. Krum had been seeing a pretty Pureblood girl named Aria, who he had cheated on and who left him. He begged her forgiveness, but she moved on and started seeing another man. After that Krum was in no mood to form any type of emotional attachment to any woman, but he was more than willing to sleep with Hermione, who was trying to escape the pain of leaving Spencer behind, though she was better about hiding her reasons than Viktor was. He thought it was something about Ron, but he didn't ask. She had never breathed a word about Spencer to Krum, he didn't need to know.
Modifying Spencer's memory was the most difficult thing she ever had to do, because every cell in her body screamed at her not to. It was the thought that next time he might not be hit by only a bullet, but rather something she couldn't save him from, that forced her decision, but as the seven months since she had left Chicago passed she got the feeling that perhaps she had made a monumental mistake. Before she left she made sure that not a single person in the BAU knew anything about her, so she was secure in the knowledge that Spencer wouldn't be able to pick her from a lineup, but that thought was more upsetting than reassuring nowadays.
"Good morning," Krum muttered into her hair before he kissed her shoulder.
"Morning," she mumbled, shrinking away from the intimate gesture. As much as they slept together, Hermione was still uncomfortable with kissing, and she and Viktor hadn't kissed on the lips since their arrangement started. Viktor was happy being able to kiss her everywhere else, and she felt it kept their relationship casual.
"How are you feeling this morning?" he asked.
"I'm fine. You?"
"I am feeling like I don't vant to be leaving the bed. Perhaps you could be late for vork today?"
"Not today. Minister Shacklebolt requested a meeting with me this morning."
"Vhy are you haffing to meet with him?"
"I'm not sure. Don't you have Quidditch practice?"
"It is Monday. I am not haffing practice Monday mornings, remember?" he raised an eyebrow in concern. Hermione was not known for not remembering the details.
She used the bathroom to freshen up and do her makeup quickly. She walked back into the room and started to pull clothes out of the closet and underwear from a drawer. "Well, I do have to go in today, but feel free to help yourself to breakfast, and make sure the doors are locked before you leave?"
"Sure. Vhen vill I be seeing you again? Tonight?"
"Er, no. Tonight's a bad night for me," she said vaguely. She didn't want to tell him that she had a date that night, her ninth since Chicago. There was no point in telling him, because there was a probability that tonight would be both a first and a last date. They never lasted more than one night. They were too aggressive, too confident, too unintelligent, too not... They just weren't the one she was looking for, the one she was pining for. "You have a game Wednesday night, don't you?"
"Yes. Ve are traveling to Japan tomorrow night."
"Thursday, then? If I don't have to go on assignment. There's something brewing in Guatemala, I may have to go," she said, pulling her dress over her head and making sure it was in place before pulling a pair of shoes from her organizer.
"That is alright," he said, standing to wrap his arms around her.
"Have a nice day off," she forced a smile up at him, giving him a quick hug, then slipping away to leave.
"Who is Spencer?" he asked as she walked out of the room.
She stopped dead and turned to look at him. "Excuse me?"
"Spencer? You vere saying his name last night."
"Last night? When we were...?"
"Once, then three more times vhen you vere asleep. Who is Spencer?"
"Someone I met on a case in Chicago," she responded vaguely without looking at him.
"Vas he a friend?"
"You could say that."
His eyebrow cocked up as he looked at her skeptically. "Vas he more?"
"You don't need to worry about it, Viktor."
"You know vot happened to me. Vhy can you not be honest vith me?"
She sighed. "Yes. He was something more. And now he doesn't know I exist."
"You changed his memory?"
"Yes. To protect him. It's dangerous being with me."
"Not too dangerous," he murmured, kissing her shoulder. "You haff a nice day at vork. I vill Floo you Thursday."
"Looking forward to it," she lied. She strode through the apartment, and Flooed to the Ministry. There she took a moment to compose herself before striding across the large entrance hall to the lifts. Instead of getting off at level two she rode to level one, and was striding towards Kingsley's office as soon as the doors opened. She was welcomed by a plump, sweet secretary who handed her a cup of coffee, which she had been drinking religiously for the last seven months. All the support staff on levels one and two knew exactly how she took it, light on the cream, extra sugar first thing in the morning.
"He's waiting for you," she said, nodding towards Kingsley's door.
"Thank you," Hermione muttered, opening the ornate wooden door and slipping into the Minister's office. As soon as she entered her stomach sank. Kingsley was not the only one waiting for her. Harry was sitting on one of the two chairs set up across the desk, and he looked concerned. Without a word she walked across the room and took a seat. The silence was deafening as she stared at her cup of coffee rather than look at either man who had called her in for an interrogation.
"Good morning, Ms. Granger," Kingsley was the first to speak.
"Good morning, Minister," she replied curtly. "Potter," she added with venom.
"'Mione..." Harry looked at her with pleading eyes. "Please, Hermione. Hear us out."
"What's going on?" she said, not daring to look up.
"Hermione," Kingsley said softly, soothingly. "Harry and I have both noticed some changes in you recently. We're concerned for your physical and emotional well-being."
"What changes have you noticed?" she asked, not wanting to confess to anything they didn't know about, lest they realize how close to the edge she really was.
"Your work has slipped..."
"That's bollocks," she snapped.
"Hermione..." Harry moaned.
"No. My work has not slipped. I have solved every bloody case I have gone on since that one in Chicago, not to mention I've created over a hundred other profiles for various Ministries around the world. I get my bloody job done!" her voice grew higher the angrier she got.
"The average time it took you to complete a case was three days before Chicago," Kingsley said, sounding as business-like as possible despite the fatherly look of concern on his face. "It's been nearly double that since then."
"Have you considered that perhaps I've been taking more difficult cases?" she snapped.
"You let the one slip by you in Moscow..."
"I managed to get him before he killed again! Moscow sends me a request for assistance a month, they don't want to do their own bloody work. They're all starting to blend together, and I admit I made a mistake. But I corrected it. He's dead now."
"You wouldn't have had to kill him if you had waited for the Aurors."
"If you think my job is so bloody easy, why don't you come back to the office, Kingsley? I'm doing this whole damn load all by myself. No one wants anyone but the great Hermione Granger taking care of their cases, so I can't even delegate some of the simpler cases. Have you ever considered that I'm completely overworked?" she said, her face growing more red by the second.
"You have also been turning down invitations to spend time together," Harry whispered.
"These two things wouldn't be correlated now, would they? Incredibly large workload and less free time? There couldn't possibly be a damn connection now, could there?" she scoffed.
"Hermione, I know about Krum," he said sharply, looking her in the eye.
She set her jaw and refused to speak.
"Ginny found out. News travels fast around the Quidditch league. You're not seeing him, you would have let us know. You're just sleeping with him. That's not like you, Hermione."
"You're being awfully presumptuous about my life, Potter," she snarled.
"We all know what's going on here," he whispered, trying not to sound hurt. "You're not happy."
"I don't know what you're talking about," she feigned ignorance.
"Yes you do. You're still wearing his necklace," he whispered.
Her fingers automatically went to her neck, twisting the small pendant that she hadn't taken off in seven months.
"Hermione, you know the rules as well as I do," Kingsley spoke up. "If you were to..."
"I did what I did for a reason," she said icily, eyes staring back at her coffee. "It was for his protection."
"You know you can protect him."
"I know that I travel a lot, and that a few minutes can make a whole lot of difference."
"We'll make special precautions..."
"No. He's better off."
"Do you really believe that?" Harry asked.
She looked up at him. "He's in the same place he was before he met me, except for maybe a couple scars. He doesn't know who Hermione Granger is. That's the best thing for him."
"He was happy, too."
She bit her lip and looked away.
"What are you really thinking, Hermione?" Kingsley asked.
Her resolve finally crumbled. "That I made a mistake," she responded, barely above her breath. "That I have problems focusing because I'm thinking about him, wondering if I should have stayed."
"What do you want to do?"
"I don't know. I can't just go over there and lift the spell. What the hell am I supposed to tell him? What if he's moved on? What if he's too angry at me for what I did? We were both under incredible amounts of stress when it happened, perhaps he would have different feelings for me now that we're not chasing down a serial killer."
"Would you, perhaps, like some time off from the Ministry?"
"What do you mean, sir?"
"I mean that perhaps you have been working a bit too hard. We all need to spend some time doing something we don't normally do, just a way to avoid a burnout by experiencing something new and different. Or something close, but essentially different."
"What are you talking about?" she asked, confused.
"Would you consider joining the FBI for a little while?"
"Excuse me?" she asked in shock.
"It's something we do from time to time. To experience how the Muggles run their law enforcement agencies and perhaps bring back ideas. So you being pulled off your regular duties and spending a year shadowing, say, the BAU team wouldn't be anything but normal operating procedure for us."
"You would be able to get me into the FBI?"
"We've done it before. Normally we send someone to their training academy like any other recruit, but we're wizards and witches. We can get you in anywhere we want you to. We'll have to make up some background information, and it'll take some fake records in the right places, not to mention finding you a place to live, but you should be able to leave in three days. All I need is for you to say go."
Her mouth was hanging open, her mind moving quicker than it had been for a while. So much could go wrong with this plan, not the least of which was that she had no idea if Spencer was seeing someone else, or that he would have no interest in her without the stress-situation on their shoulders. But then again, her mind couldn't help but wander to what could go right with the plan, imagine the thought of Spencer's arms around her once again...
"Of course, I can only guarantee you a year. That's all part of a the 'exchange' program we've devised. They get your service and experience a year for the cost of any conventions or boarding for a case you may go on, we still pay your salary, you get the experience of working in a different country with a different style of team. I can only promise you that year if you expect to return to your job as it stands now. The Ministry doesn't want to pay for more training that that. If you so choose to stay you're on your own, you'll have to hand in your resignation to the Ministry and get hired by the FBI on your own merits."
"Does anyone ever take that route?" Harry asked, giving Hermione more time to think.
"More than you'd think, actually," he nodded. "It's more rare for one to settle down in a different country, but there are two former American Aurors in the FBI, one at Quantico if I remember correctly, one of our former Aurors is a detective for Scotland Yard, and you'd be surprised at the number of Squibs in the military. Some witches and wizards cannot resist the simplicity of a Muggle lifestyle, and prefer not to involve themselves in the Magical world anymore."
"I'll do it," Hermione whispered. "I want to go."
"I thought you would," Kingsley said with a smile. "I have the paperwork ready for you. But you do understand there are limitations to this. You are to assign your case files to other Aurors, or, in the case of international cases, send them back to their respective Ministries. You don't need to explain where you are going, other than an 'extended leave of absence'. After you leave you are not to use magic unless you are in the privacy of your own home or in a life-threatening situation. This means you have to live your life outside of your walls as a Muggle. Even if you start seeing Spencer, you know the rules. Unless the situation becomes... intimate," he stressed the word, looking her in the eyes, "you are not to reveal that you're a witch to him. You slipped past that rule when you were in Chicago, and I smoothed things over because of the circumstances, but don't expect me to do that again."
"I won't, sir."
"The hardest thing that you'll have to remember is that they don't," he added. "When they learn your name, it'll be the first time they've heard it in their lives. They'll have never seen your face before. You are something completely new, with a new background and a new life that they don't know anything about. And, until tomorrow, you won't know anything about, either. I expect you to fill out the forms for an extended leave of absence as soon as I leave this office to go set this up."
"I will, sir," she said, starting to feel nervous about her decision. It sounded so easy when all she could think about was seeing Spencer again.
"While you're filling out the paperwork I'll go speak to the Obliviators, the Muggle Liaison office, and Proudfoot. Together we should be able to get you into the FBI with a plausible background and enough public information that you are beyond reasonable suspicion. This is going to happen quickly, so I want you to be completely sure you're willing to commit to this. You can't go in there and change your mind, the earliest we can pull you out is a month. If you don't like what you find, you'll have to stick with it at least that long."
"Understood. I've been through a lot worse for a month, I'm sure I can tough it out here."
"I didn't doubt you would," he said, sliding a file across the table. "Get writing, I'll be back in an hour with a status update."
"Thank you, Kingsley," she mumbled, giving him a smile.
"It's no problem, Hermione," he returned with a fatherly smile of his own before sweeping from the room.
"You're really going to go through with this?" Harry asked as Hermione opened the file and reached for one of Kingsley's quills.
"You'd do it for Ginny," she said, writing her name quickly across the top.
"What are you going to do if you don't like what you see when you get there?"
"I can't think of many situations that I'd see that I wouldn't like. I'd be sad if he moved on, but at least he's happy."
"Would you fight for him?"
She shot her best friend a look. "I'm Hermione Granger. Do you think I back down from a challenge?"
He smirked. "I think you'd do everything you could to fight fair... and fight dirty as hell if that wasn't working."
"You know me so well," she smiled, her quill working furiously.
He was silent as she filled out two more pages. "What happens if things pick back up between you two?"
Her quill paused. "What do you mean?"
"If you start going out with him again, if things get serious quickly, like they did before, what are you going to do? Are you going to live like a Muggle, are you going to commute back and forth... What?"
"I think you're putting the cart before the horse here," she returned.
"Am I?" he shot back. "You're giving up a job you wouldn't even give up for Ron..."
"You know I can pick it back up when I get back. Even if the Ministry didn't want me anymore, I could do my job as a private contractor and still make enough money to live off of."
His voice dropped to a whisper, "You know, if you leave without saying goodbye to Ron, there's a good chance he's not going to speak to you for a while. Hell, he might be upset about this either way."
Her quill faltered again, but she started writing again like she didn't hear him.
"He waited for so long for you to at least cut back on your work. You never did. He understood you had a connection with Spencer, but if he hears you're willing to walk away from your job for him he'll feel like you betrayed him or gave him the ultimate rejection."
"Perhaps it's because of Ron I realized my priorities were a little askew," she whispered. "Things worked out, didn't they? He has Susan, he's marrying her in a month, they're already expecting their first little one, and he seems more love with her than he ever was with me. I think we both realized that we loved each other, but not in the right way. But neither of us were strong enough to end it romantically for the longest time, because we knew we could never go back to what we were at Hogwarts."
"He really did love you."
"When you love someone it shouldn't be conditional based on them changing a major aspect of their life. If you really love someone, you work around it. You put off your dreams of a family five years. You are willing to buy a flat or a house together. You don't assume that season tickets to the Cannons are a great way to spend our entertainment fund..."
"You just quit your job and agree to live like a Muggle for a year?" he interrupted.
"Yes. Spencer would understand my job better than Ron because he's living it as well. The BAU team spends much of their time on the road. He knows that sometimes, in a job like ours, you don't have time to put things off. Ron is a great man, but you know patience was never his strong suit. Anyone on that team understands patience with their partners, because their partners have to show them patience themselves.
Remember that you once told me you knew Ginny was the one when she waited for you that year we were on the run, and never once questioned the time you and I spent alone together? You knew it watching that little dot on the Marauders Map. I had one of those moments with Spencer, I just wasn't willing to see it for what it was."
"When was it?"
"When he was shot, and they were carrying him on the gurney to the ambulance. His entire team was standing around us, but he only asked for me, held his hand out looking for mine. He asked me to stay with him, and I'm not sure he meant just on the ride to the hospital. I hear those words all the time, they haunt me. Because if I was thinking clearly I would have said I would have stayed with him as long as he'd have me. It was my moment."
"How do you think you're going to handle it? Working as a Muggle, trying to catch Muggles, I mean."
"It's probably going to be difficult. I know how to think like a dark witch or wizard, but I doubt it translates to Muggles. I'm going to have to study a lot before I go in there, maybe a week or so."
Harry burst out laughing. "Only you could get 'a lot' of studying done in a week, 'Mione."
"I know, I know," she said with a quick smile. "But there has to be a little overlap. I'm sure I can pick things up quickly enough."
"Sure," he muttered. After a pause he asked quietly, "Do you want me to tell him?"
"Is it vital that he knows?" she replied bitterly.
"He's just trying to be friendly. To move past what happened. You two agreed you would be friends, but you haven't been doing much on that part."
"Sorry if we can't all get over things that quickly," she snapped.
"You had a shining moment where we thought you might be over it, too."
"I'm trying to get it back, aren't I?"
"Still, perhaps you should talk to him."
She filled out her final page and added her signature before nodding. "I'll go see him when I'm done here."
"Promise?"
"No."
"Hermione..."
"I'll promise to think about it," she hissed as Kingsley entered the room.
"I knew you'd have that paperwork done," the Minister smiled as he sat back down. "Proudfoot isn't happy that his most intelligent Auror is leaving, but he'll survive without you. You're going to spend tomorrow assigning your cases and preparing, and next week you'll start a week training with the American Ministry. They're already working on getting you into the FBI. Our Muggle Liaison office and the Obliviators are working on setting up a false background with you at Scotland Yard. They'll present you with that sometime tomorrow, and you can't go into the FBI until you can recite everything we give you from memory."
"I understand, sir."
"Let me know when, or if, you're coming back."
"I will, sir," she said, standing up. Harry followed her out.
"Have you thought about it yet?" Harry asked.
"No," she said sharply.
"Hermione..."
"Could you get a phone, Harry?" she cut him off.
"Excuse me?"
"A phone. Could you get one?"
"Why?"
"So I have someone to call in case I need something. If I'm on a case with the team I can't very well Floo call you, can I?"
"I would be upset if I didn't hear from you for a while," he nodded. "And it should be fun teaching Ginny how to use it. She's good friends with Luna now. If I really need a laugh I'll teach them both together."
"Could you imagine Luna with Muggle technology?" she chuckled.
"I've been trying to keep the idea of aliens away from her."
"Somehow I bet she's already got a theory about that."
"Just remember your promise to think about it," he said as she got into a lift.
"Sure. Dinner before I go?"
"Your treat?"
"Of course. I'll talk to you tomorrow," she said quickly before the lift doors shut between them. She spent the rest of the day sending case files back to different Ministries, each with a hand-written apology and vague explanation of 'taking some personal time'. She left work an hour early, and headed to Diagon Alley. She strode through with a purpose, and came to a stop in front of the brightly colored storefront of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Ron had taken a leave of absence from the Auror Department four months prior to give George some help in the shop, which was expanding more and more by the year. It had five stores throughout the western part of Europe, and George was always looking to expand. At first he tried recruiting Hermione to help run the business, but when she refused to budge he took up Ron's offer to help. Susan was thrilled his new job kept him well out of harm's way, at least, out of harm's way as long as he stayed away from the development department.
Sighing, she strode to the front door, which let off a rude noise as she entered.
"George Weasley!" she groaned, but she couldn't help but smile at his antics.
"You called, Mon Cheri?" the one-eared redhead said, popping up from behind a stack of boxes.
"I was merely expressing displeasure at your choice of entrance chime. Though it's not unexpected, coming from you, the perpetual child."
"What have I told you before, love?" he said, sauntering over to give her a hug.
"No profiling shall occur between these walls," she smirked.
"You remember everything so well."
"Part of my job."
"Speaking of which, did you manage to stop someone from blowing up a Quidditch pitch full of people? Because you're looking awfully chipper today."
"Not quite. I took a leave of absence."
"Come to work for me as well? I'd be thrilled to offer you a position on my staff," he finished suggestively with a smirk and a waggle of his eyebrows.
She chuckled. "How's little Fred?"
"Potty training's going to kill me, and Angelina's due in two months so I'm not sure how I'm going to live through the terrible twos again."
"Your mother survived you, your twin, and all your siblings, I think you can handle two."
"How come you never ask about little George?" he asked with a devilish smirk.
"Because I've had enough Weasley for one lifetime," she smiled up at him.
"You can never get enough Weasley. Why'd you leave the Ministry?"
"So I could go to America and join the FBI."
"Does this have something to do with that Muggle bloke Ginny mentioned a while back? Spencer, wasn't it?"
Her smile faltered. "Yeah. Something to do with that. Where's your brother?"
"In the back," he motioned with his head.
"Thanks," she muttered. She slid past him and started towards the back room.
"Do I get to meet him?" George called after her.
"I have to meet him first," she replied, and walked through the door to the back before he had a chance to ask her what she meant. She walked down the hallway until she saw who she was looking for through a cracked door. She knocked, and Ron looked up at her, his face breaking out in a smile.
"'Mione!" he said, standing up and hurrying around his cluttered desk to give her a hug. He motioned for her to sit in the chair across from his.
"How are you?" she asked, sliding into the chair. "And how's Susan?"
"We're good," he nodded. "Neck deep in wedding planning, so she's a bit stressed, but I tried the food and it was excellent, and the colors should be beautiful if we get good weather."
"It sounds nice," she said, and was surprised to feel a genuine smile cross her face.
"How are you? You look great."
"I'm really good. I'm in a better place today than I have been in a while."
"What's going on?"
"Harry said I should come. I'm going to be leaving for a while, and he thinks you deserve to know about it."
"Leaving?" he looked surprised. "Where to?"
"I'm going to America for a while. Kingsley gave me the opportunity to work in the FBI for a while, and I took it."
Ron was silent for a moment. "You're really serious about him, aren't you?"
"It's hard to be serious about him when he doesn't even know I exist," she replied.
"I'd call it pretty serious if you're giving everything up for him," he studied her.
She felt guilty for a second, because she was doing exactly what he had begged her for, and she was doing it for a man she had known for less than two weeks and hadn't spoken to in seven months. "I'm sorry, Ron," she whispered. "I know..."
"Everything happens for a reason, right?" he interrupted. "Perhaps you and I were meant to be best friends, like we were in school, but not lovers. I mean, after we broke up we both quickly found people we're crazy about. That can't be coincidence, right?"
"You were a little smarter about it than I was," she managed to smile.
"You did what you thought you had to," he shrugged. "You deserve to be happy, 'Mione. Even if it's someone else making you happy."
"Thanks, Ron," she said, feeling relieved. "I'm nervous. I'm not sure if this is the best plan of action. What do I do if I go there and it's not the same?"
"Just hope for the best. Things will work out for you, 'Mione. And you can always come see me if you need anything."
"Everything happens for a reason," she muttered to herself, hoping that she hadn't realized her reason too late.