Disclaimer: One Piece still belongs to his rightful owner!

Ok, I'm ashamed folks. This was actually written in August 30th, 2015… I really suck at keeping my documents organised. Sorry for the wait?

Firsts and Lasts of an Idiot's Life

Garp - First Regret

"Will you take care of him?"

For as long as he could remember, Garp had always been a man of honour. At a young age, already, he could be seen running around the village, kicking bullies' asses and always ready to lend a helping hand. He was always a big guy, proud of his stature ("Look at these muscles, boys! This is what a hardworking man looks like!" – "Garp, quit boasting! We still have more laps to run!" – "Aw, come on Sengoku, why must you always be such a killjoy?") and an easy smile for anyone meeting his eye.

Before becoming a marine (and wasn't that an odd thought, to know that Garp wasn't born in the military?), he would look at the sea, perched on the highest tree of his island, and day-dream about leaving the little village he was confined in, sailing on the rolling waves and just… be. The idea of joining the military came later, when bandits became a common sight in the defenceless town and pirates began roaming the seas with more fervour than usual. The simple thought of his beloved ones meeting their death at the end of a rusty sword was unbearable, and this is when young Garp realised that Fushia was not an isolated case, and that without people like him, strong enough to fight back and protect, innocent lives would just fade into nothingness.

As he joined the ranks, in his early teens, he vowed to never leave an innocent to fight for themselves, and to protect whoever needed his help.

He never faltered on this promise.

Even when criminals asked the impossible from him.

Garp's loyalty was to be admired, and he quickly became well respected within the Marine, earning himself monikers that always made him grin ("See Luffy, your Grandpa is a Hero! Isn't that nice?" – "I already told you, Jii-chan! I don't like heroes!" – "Why is that? Aren't you proud of your strong Gramps?" – "I don't care, I don't wanna share you, I just want you to be my Jii-chan…" – "Ah… Luffy… Bwahaha, what a selfish boy you make, sometimes!"). And with this new fame, came new matters.

Despite his actions, Garp wasn't blind. He knew how corrupted the government could get, and he was grateful that Sengoku was a fair Fleet Admiral. Most of the times, criminals were just that: criminals. But other times… Other times, Garp would see his own son, in the eyes of young pirates, and would briefly wonder if Dragon (his little boy, so bright, so loving, so much like his mother when it came to beliefs, and so much like him, when it came to stand up for them) was really in the wrong… And when that thought would flit through his mind, he'd just destroy another pirate ship, bringing to justice the petty thieves terrorising villages.

This is why when Roger (such a good friend, in spite of their constant battles – maybe a better friend than Sengoku could ever be, as he saw the world as tainted as it really was and looked beyond affiliations) asked for him to take care of his firstborn, the man didn't need long to decide on what to do (and, was it really asking, when knowing how Garp was soft and would never deny help to the needing?).

It's true that he was a marine, and would always follow orders. But his vow came first, and a baby shouldn't be punished for his father's sins. Oh, Roger was not a saint… He had his fair share of kills, as did Garp. But as a father… he understood. God, did he understand, and secretly hoped to never cross path with his own son.

Months later, Roger's bloody grin still flashing in front of his eyes from times to times, when Ace was placed in the cradle of his arms, Garp couldn't help the glistening in his eyes. This was the legacy of a man who changed the world, and Garp prayed for this boy to never know the world's cruelty and to stay as untainted as possible. He may be a dunderhead sometimes, but he was nowhere near stupid. He knew what the government would do to the boy, were they to put a hand on him. And then he remembered his hometown, so isolated and peaceful, with only a bunch of wannabe bandits who were really too cowardly to risk big assaults. They owed him big time, from the last time he set them free after one of their aborted plan.

It took him a few weeks for him to get there, what with the new-born crying from discomfort and sorrow. It'd been so many years since he last set foot in Fushia, but the island didn't change one bit, and his trek through the forest was easier than what he remembered from his wild youth. When he reached the bandit's hideout, Dadan was far from happy, but ultimately? He didn't care. They were the only ones tough enough (ha, what a joke) to protect Ace, and who would think about searching for Roger's spawn in the middle of an uninhabited jungle?

After that, he could've considered his duty done. He could've gone on with his life, without giving a damn about the little boy growing at Dadan's, and getting into whatever shenanigans he could think of. But Garp kept coming back, every time he got a chance between missions. He kept asking about Ace, how he was adapting to his life in the mountain. When visiting, he would play with the boy ("That's not playing, you old fart! Look at me, I've got bumps everywhere!" – "Come on, Ace, don't be a spoilsport! It's not a game if it doesn't hurt a little, he?") and train him, hoping for the boy to become stronger and stronger so that he could always protect himself.

He grew to love the boy as if he were his own, and if Ace, later, didn't remember all those times he came running into the man's arms, Garp didn't forget, and swore to cherish these moments until the very bitter end.

Maybe it was this fondness, born from old age perhaps, that pushed him to contact his estranged son. They mostly grunted at each other, but neither would deny how good it was to finally speak together, even if it was just to listen to the other's silence. And maybe that was why Dragon didn't think twice when it came to find a safe haven for his son, and he turned towards his father, the baby old enough to start speaking – or babbling – soon.

At first, Garp dearly wanted to keep Luffy at his sides, and to raise him to become a good marine. But the thought was only that: a fleeting idea gone like the wisps of a smoky dream, not yet fully formed and never reaching its full potential. Instead, he wandered the streets of Fushia Village, the slumbering Luffy pressed against his chest, and wondered if Ace would be happy for a newcomer, and if Dadan would be able to handle two toddlers at the same time. This is when his resolve strengthened and he made to go for the jungle that he caught sight of a young girl, maybe 16 of age, giving a sweet bun to a crying kid. Garp froze, and kept watching as she smiled brightly at the young girl who finally ran out of tears and tentatively grinned back.

He glanced at his grandson, soft rounded cheeks pudgy under his rough, squared fingers. Ace… Ace needed to be strong, needed every little trick possible to stay alive and fight back against the world if it ever came to it. But Luffy…

Luffy could grow up here and never face the outside world. He could give Luffy what he failed giving Dragon, and what he never could give Ace. He could give him a peaceful life.

"Hey! You!," he cried towards the startled woman as he approached her, a grin stretching his tan face. She would be perfect for his grandson.

Years passed, and no-one was the wiser concerning Roger's son's whereabouts or the new addition to the Monkey family. Garp sometimes wondered what would've happened if he'd asked to be allowed to raise the sons of two criminals. He wondered if they would've been allowed inside the Marine, and if he could've happily trained them no to fend off the world but to help it. Sometimes, he would sit in his office, looking out the window and thinking his choices over. But at the end of the day, he was left with no real answer and the only comfort of knowing that, for now, his grandsons were safe and sound.

It didn't mean that he couldn't see the hurt in Luffy's eyes when he would just up and leave, faking incomprehension when the boy would ask for him to stay in Fushia. And when Ace just turned away from him, dismissing him completely and refusing to speak with the old man, Garp laughed it off ("Come on, Ace, greet me properly!" – "Leave me alone, go away! It's not like you're here for anything but scaring the bandits into taking care of me!" – "Now, now, Ace, I may not visit often, but I know that you're still having fun." – "I hate it here! Go away, crazy old man, I don't need you, stop following me!"). He could just not bring himself to regret his absence when it kept his grandsons alive. It was a price he was willing to pay, even though it broke his heart to hear Luffy cries the first times he sailed away, and hurt even more when the boy just stopped weeping altogether, as if not caring anymore about his grandpa.

Even though he yelled continuously about wanting them to become Marines, he was not stupid enough to hold his breath onto that. He wasn't that surprised when Ace's bounty came out – even though he broke a chair or five at the news – although he would've wished for the boy to follow a less punishable path. At first, he blamed Dadan for the less than stellar education she gave the youth, and then he blamed Ace for wanting to prove his worth so much that he'd follow in his infamous father's footsteps. It wasn't till much later, as Ace was rotting in Impel Down, that Garp sat down in front of his first grandson and silently blamed himself for not offering the boy… more. Less. Anything, really.

"Don't look at me like that, old man…"

Garp lowered his head a little at Ace's grated voice.

"Why do you never listen to me, Ace? Why did you become a pirate, even though I tried to protect you?" he asked, exhausted. In front of him, there was no trace of the feared Fire Fist, and he could only see the stubborn boy who wouldn't bend under his power.

Ace's eyes were bright and clear in the dank cell. "Because even with these chains, I'm freer than you ever were. And I'll die free, too. You went about it the wrong way, Gramps."

"Aah…" Garp nodded, his old age so clear on his rough face. "I see."

And, really, he did.

Garp would need years before being able to forgive himself for letting Ace meet his end at Marineford, and for putting Luffy in an untold amount of misery. He never suspected that Dadan would be so shattered by the news, and he never expected Makino to side with him. His last conversation with his grandson would haunt him forever, and a grim smile would stretch on his lips at how alike father and son were.

Later, as the government would be brought to its knees and History was being rewritten, Garp would be lying in bed, in his childhood home, weather battered hands crossed peacefully on his large chest, finally ready to let go. A smile would greet his dry face, and he'd sigh with contentment, knowing the people he left behind were safer than ever.

But Garp didn't know all that, and could only bring himself to partially resign from the Marine who gave him everything and took so much more.

Being a marine had always been part of his dream.

It was also his first and only regret, when he knew what it had cost him.

"You can count on me."

A smug smile mixed with relief was his only reply as Garp turned away.

Duty was calling, after all.

A/N: is it me, or is this series getting darker and darker? It seems like any mention of Ace is tinged with angst and brings me to write awful things… Too bad, I really wanted a fluffy (or at least kinda sweet) chapter with Garp in all his glory! In the end, the sweetest moment was Garp's future death… isn't that messed up?

By the way, the one speaking at the beginning and end could either be Roger or Dragon, or both! ;)

Anyway, I liked writing this special one! I think I'll put a Special First/Last every 5 chapters, so that we can have a different insight. Next special chapter should be about Makino or Dragon, I'm still not sure!

But next time, don't worry, you'll have a chapter all about Luffy! I'm really thinking about doing a First Smile, so look out for it :)