"Ahhh Shizu-chan that was great"

Izaya and Shizuo lay side by side on the bed in the afterglow of their previous activity. Izaya had called Shizuo over to his apartment earlier that afternoon with the promise of lunch after a long week of work for both of them. One thing lead to another and before they knew it they were in that sweaty tangle of limbs they knew all too well.

"It's been too long since the last time, flea" said Shizuo panting. He looked over at Izaya wearily, reaching over to move damp strands of raven hair away from his forehead before giving him a chaste kiss.

"It really has… almost forgot how good you are in bed, Shizu-chan" Izaya wrapped his arms around Shizuo's neck while he chuckled and deepened the kiss.

"Need me to remind you again?" whispered Shizuo along the shell of his lover's ear.

Izaya shivered underneath his touch but reluctantly denied him

"Maybe later, I have a client coming in at around eight to pick up some documents and I'd like to be able to walk to get the door." He kissed him lightly on the forehead and began to untangle himself from his arms.

"I'm gonna go take a shower, what time do you have to get back to Tom?"

"Not until 4."

"Alright, after I'm done do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Yeah sure, that'd be nice." Shizuo watched Izaya get up stark naked from the bed and walk over to the adjacent bathroom. Once the door was closed, he was left alone to his thoughts. He contemplated taking a cigarette out of his pants pocket but he knew Izaya would smell it and chastise him for 'sullying the immaculate air of his apartment' as he said last time. He chuckled at the memory and began to pick up his clothes from the bedroom floor.

As Shizuo silently got dressed, the only noise coming the soft splashing of water from Izaya's shower, he took a moment to appreciate Izaya's room. It wasn't nearly as big as Shizuo thought It'd be when they first begun their relationship, and it wasn't as posh as he thought it'd be either. He had a simple queen sized bed in the middle of his room with a bit of storage underneath and a fairly large dresser and closet off to the side. Afternoon light flowed into the room through a wide window that looked over the city for miles. Besides perhaps a breathtaking view there wasn't really anything overly extravagant about his room. The only thing on his walls was a large calendar riddled with notes and some kind of abstract painting Shizuo hadn't bothered to really look at until now.

He was almost fully re-dressed in his bartender, save for his bowtie which was nowhere in sight. Frowning he got on his hands and knees to look under the bed. He spotted it quickly lying next to a silver box labeled "For when the time comes"

"Hah?" questioned Shizuo as he absentmindedly fastened his tie. Curiosity ate at him and before he knew it he had pulled the box from under the bed and fumbled with the latch. Once he was able to get the lid off, the contents of the box only served to confuse him.

"What the hell?" The box contained about ten or so non sealed envelopes addressed to different people. There was one for him, Shinra, Celty, Kadota and a couple others. Even Simon had a letter addressed to him. He picked up the envelope addressed to himself, noticing that written on the front was "Shizuo Heiwajima" and not the stupid nickname he always called him. He carefully pulled out the letter inside and began to read what it said.

Dear Shizu-chan,

If you're reading this letter, then I have some good news for you, and a whole bunch of other people. I, the great Izaya Orihara, am no longer among the living. Before this letter reached your doorstep, I ended my life with a bullet to the head. I know how much you would've loved to kill me with your own hands, but consider yourself lucky that I went ahead and did all the hard work for you! Aren't I just the best? Anyways, I'm still not quite sure what happens after death, but if I still exist to care after I'm dead, you can bet that I hope you'll meet the same fate soon. The world would be a better place without a stupid confusing monster like you around anyway. In a way, I'm going to miss the little fights we used to have together, you were such an entertaining little toy, but now you're just going to have to play without me.

Hatefully yours,

Izaya Orihara.

A cold crept into Shizuo's body that made him want to scream, vomit and cry all at the same time. He stared at the words blankly, wanting to reject them with every fiber of his being. Maybe this is just a joke… Shizuo looked through the other letters frantically, his heart sinking when his eyes ran over the same sentence over and over again

I, the great Izaya Orihara, am no longer among the living.

He frantically dug through the small box, desperately trying to find something that would convince him that this was all just a prank until he felt a cold heavy object. Underneath the pile of letters was a small revolver, the one he would use to end his life. Shizuo could feel himself shaking as he found that it was loaded with just one fatal bullet.

So he's serious…

In the next second the shower water stopped, meaning Izaya would be coming in at any second. Shizuo quickly put all the letters back in their envelopes and stashed the gun away underneath. He pushed the box back in place underneath the bed and tried to look as calm as possible when the bathroom door creaked open.

"Hey sorry for taking so long" said Izaya as he rapidly dried his hair in a towel. He walked briskly over to his closet to change into a grey hoodie and black shorts. "So what movie do you wanna watch? I know you aren't too big on educational stuff but there's this documentary on Machiavelli that just came out on Netf- Shizu-chan are you even listening to me?"

Shizuo had completely blanked out looking into Izaya's face. He didn't come across as being depressed in any way so he had no idea where this could have come from. How could someone just be so nonchalant while having the gun they intend to kill themselves with underneath their bed?

For when the time comes.

"Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo snapped out of his trance, realizing that he was probably staring. He gazed into Izaya's eyes that were now filled with concern. He felt his heart wrench gazing at those eyes. He needed to get away, he needed to think…

"Oh hey… uh sorry… I r-realized that I actually need to leave… Tom had another job for me to do… I'll talk to y-you later."

Shizuo quickly crossed the room, refusing to make any eye contact with Izaya.

"Um ok… See you later I guess Shizu-chan…" called Izaya as he watched him walking out of the door.

Shizuo exited the apartment briskly, reaching into his pocket for his cigarettes as he got onto the elevator. While descending, he couldn't help but re-read the letter over and over in his mind

I, the great Izaya Orihara am no longer among the living.

He lit his cigarette

I ended my life with a bullet to the head

He inhaled

Now you're just going to have to play without me

He exhaled

Hatefully yours

"Goddammit, Flea."

Shizuo found himself walking to a park bench a couple of blocks away from Izaya's apartment to collect his thoughts.

So the flea is suicidal… Thought Shizuo as he lit his second cigarette of the day. He couldn't believe it. Izaya thought suicide was stupid solution to a solvable problem. He would mock people on the very rooftops they wished to kill themselves off of, for fun. To him Izaya seemed he liked he loved life more than anything. He would always tell Shizuo about his day or how much he loves his humans. He was always optimistic about his own endeavors, willing to try new methods when old ones didn't work. Shizuo loved always seeing that particular glint of pride in his eyes whenever he figured something out or made a clever comment.

"THIS DOESN'T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE!" Shizuo said aloud, gripping his hands in his blonde tresses. He suddenly froze when he remembered a conversation he overheard between Izaya and Namie.

That's mean, Namie-san….Aren't you rather spiteful today?...Certainly, it may only be a matter of time till I become a middle-aged man. But you know, I really won't age. I mean could you imagine me being 40 or 50?... You can't, can you? Could it be that I… won't live that long? Or you could say I'll just stay as I am.

At the time, Shizuo just thought he was talking about his stupid "Forever 21" bullshit… He didn't think he was actually serious about the prospect of him not living too long… How could he have been so stupid not to really listen?

Shizuo pulled out his phone, gazing at the background picture. Izaya had taken it when they were in that same park once. They had even been sitting on the same bench. Shizuo wasn't really smiling in the pic, but Izaya looked beautiful, and he couldn't help but believe that they looked good together. Looking at the picture always filled his heart with a warmth that never seemed to leave, but when the thought hit him that this warmth might leave the world forever, he could feel himself shaking, his vision blurring with tears that threatened to pour.

Not today.

Shizuo pushed on his blue shades and got up from the park bench