EN: I honestly haven't proof-read this properly. It's a fun enough read, but as far as grammar/spelling goes I guess we'll have to trust Interfector on this one.

AN: I stumbled across this on an old hard-drive from 2013. I'm adding it as a bonus chapter because it doesn't really fit anywhere in the main story. I actually wrote this before I wrote the rest of Gary Stu-nning, as it was supposed to be a one off thing that I decided to expand on. It's not anywhere near as good as the other chapters but Harrowed thought it might be interesting to post it, so here it is. This is obviously set outside the main "story", if you can even call it that. Only thing I added to it was a few short sentences referencing a recent disappointment in the gaming industry. PLEASE DO NOT CONSIDER THIS A CONTINUATION TO THE MAIN STORY.

Bonus Chapter: Gary's Blasphemous Bonanza with the Breast-less Beotch

Crouched down next to the field of flowers and with the rose I had picked twirling gently in between the tree trunks some label as my fingers, I can appreciate each and every petal in all their beauty. The birds sing in unbroken melody, and the breeze nudges the sea of red before me into a soft, soothing dance. Sat atop a rock, I bring my hand up to my aircraft-carrier-sized chin in contemplation. Nearby, a player who was watching me frantically starts to cast out Sword Art Online's own take on The Thinker; albeit a far more muscular version than the original.

"AHHH! NONONONO!" it's just my imagination, of course, but may or may not hear a high-pitched shriek nearby.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Me, Gary: everyone's favorite hulking mass of masculinity, muscle, chiseled facial features, and luscious hair, doting over flowers? How absurd, you might think. You're a fool, I may reply. Like any normal teenager who needs a flaw shoehorned onto him to make him relatable, I have my brooding effeminate side. Take my best buddy Kirito as an example example: he might be a harem god, the best solo player in the game, the second most overpowered man to have ever lived, and an amazingly talented hacker, but he has his slightly girl-ish face which evens everything out. Likewise, I, in my moments of weakness, now have my newly-found and somewhat contrived appreciation for natural beauty. These are the flaws which make us human, after all!

"Oh God!" there's a slamming sound behind me, followed by a noise that distinctly resembles that of a rag-doll being brutally trashed and dragged through field of flowers. I decide to ignore it.

The rose is a delicate thing. Its thorns, like those that women carry within their hearts, are easily removed if handled gently. Once you get past those, I muse as I reach for the petals with my hands, can be handled as roughly as one wishes. As the red of the rose slowly drifts earthward, it strikes me that I am now an expert at deflowering...in every sense of the word.

Huhah!

That's right, I just need to find the nearest mindbogglingly dependent and distraught diva, and then I'll be back in the game! Hell yeah!

"Help! HEELP!" the sweet yell of a damsel in distress knocks me out of my trance, but I can't bring myself to be enthused.

Oh dammit, why am I even here?

When Kirito asked me to go help a heart-broken girl revive her dead pet I had practically pounced on the opportunity. After all, women need a man to support them in times of emotional stress, and what am I if not a provider? I had foolishly, gleefully accepted, teleporting to the 47th floor to meet a lovely lady in perhaps the most romantic spot in the entire game...and yet... and yet!

When I look at her from this angle, with the Land Anemone's tentacles keeping her tight in it's grasp, a wave of grief hits me once again. This girl, held as she is up on high, still clearly has no oppai. This display occurring before me, which would usually draw forth my chivalry, my bravery, my virility, and my masculinity does nothing for me. The monster would die in one hit if I attacked it and I feel incredibly inclined to end this sad display, but then how are the BDs supposed to sell? This needs to go on for at least another fifteen seconds of screen-time.

"Save me, Gary!" Loli Girl cries as a plant-like tentacle wraps around her body in an ill-fated and desperate attempt to find her chest. What was her name again? Silk-a, Shillka? Pettanko? Wait—no, that's not right.

"Hang in there, Shrieka! We have to pander to the Lowest Common Denominator of the otaku community for just a little bit longer!"

"Gary! Please!" the tentacle's grip tightens on her. It occurs to me that someone, somewhere within Argus, had sat down during his 8-10 hour shift and designed a tentacle monster mob by hand. And then someone else had done its animations, and then yet another programmed it into the game. All with the go-ahead from superiors. This was worrying. Perhaps it was procedurally generated? Hmm... no way. There'd be only about a dozen enemy types and 18 quintillion minor, insignificant variations on them if that were the case. This would also be a single player game, so I wouldn't have entered SAO looking for a multiplayer experience. But wow, there are so many of us playing!

Whatever, time to kill this thing.

Without bothering to draw my sword, I reach out my hand and using my little finger, I flick the side of the beast. Before I even touch it, the speed and strength of my pinkie compresses the air in front of it faster than the simulated atoms can escape, causing a sub-nuclear explosion in the air beside the Anemone. A crater a quarter of the creature's size appears on its body and it is flung off into the distance, its ravaged, limp corpse shattering into thousands upon thousands of polygons as it smashes into the ground, leaving nothing behind but a four-mile long trail of monster blood. I casually catch Loli Girl in a princess carry, more out of my manly instinct than out of the desire to do so. She is now openly in love with me, as any female is after having their life saved a single time. Or perhaps that's the radiation at work.

"Oh, thank you for helping me!" she moans out in lusty desire. Despite myself, I shoot her a half-smile, as Battle Healing hasn't quite patched up the damage the side of my face that was blown off by the explosion I just caused.

"You're welcome." I sigh the reply out. It's tough to be popular when you're trying to be a brooding, edgy anti-hero.

"You know, I was really worried you were helping me for ulterior motives, but you seem nice." Yep, super nice. The nicest guy around, unlike those jerks at school who hate me for watching anime. What do some girls even see in them? Wait.

"Ulterior motives... like what?" Holy shit, is she on to me? I legitimately don't have any with her, though. At least not anymore. Flat is not justice.

"I don't know, using me as bait or something? For Orange players around my level?" She suggests, looking somewhat lost.

"Oh please."

What a silly idea that would be, I'd lose all my likability as a protagonist. Hell, it'd be twice as idiotic if she still cared about me afterwards.

Right?

AN: Got some PM's asking for more Gary. Sorry no, this is the last of it, for sure this time. Hell, I wouldn't have even put this up if I had to write it from scratch. I also think it's painfully obvious why this chapter never made it into the main story. Gary's character changed a lot between this version(which I wrote initially) and the actual main story I released, and I think the change was for the best as far as comedy goes. If I remember correctly, the reason this very first one focused partially on Silica was because she has always been my second least favorite character in the series, with the MC unfortunately taking the number one spot. Anyways, thanks for reading this far!

As far as Living Orange goes, who knows. I've learned not to promise anything because I suck dick at actually following through on such promises. I'm re-reading it though, so there's that.