The Completely and Totally Average and Believable Life Of Gary Stunning

Chapter 1: A Stu-nning Day in Paradise

Today is the day.

Indeed, after a whole 21.5 seconds of waiting in line to get my copy of Sword Art Online, I have finally acquired it! The young lady at the counter who helped me cut my way past a few dozen eager children who had been camping for days in line certainly helped; heck, she even calmed a few people down when their fourteen-fifteen year old children started crying after I brought the last ten copies the store had. Although my explanation of 'I have to give these to my ex-girlfriends, who totally still want me by the way' didn't fly with them she did a very good job of pacifying the angered plebs. That's not the only great job she did, though...

Huhah!

Anyways, I pull into my house driving the Jaguar E-Type V12 that I brought with the prize money I got from winning my fifteenth international kendo tournament, sixth consecutive Taekwondo national competition, and netting a sponsorship from Nike for basketball. I'm a pretty average guy from a pretty average family, so I'm very lucky to have such a decent car. My younger sister bursts through the door as I step out of my ride and embraces me, practically crying into my shirt.

My Little Sister Can't Be This Cute! The awesomely otaku side of me can't help but think that, and I flash a masculine smile at the thought of all the Ecchi anime I've watched recently. Only a few losers at school have ever dared make fun of me for it, but whatever, they're just less intelligent than I am because they don't find Japanese cartoons filled with boobs and incest appealing.

"Oniii-chan!" she squeals gleefully as she tugs on my shirt. My sister, three years my junior at the age of 14, already is starting to show signs of development. Her glistening, golden blonde locks of hair flow around the body of a supermodel, and I'm proud to have such a beautiful little girl as my younger sister. I look nothing like her; my dark, enticing eyes and obsidian-colored, crew cut hair contrast sharply against hers image. This is, of course, because we're not really siblings, but cousins...

You see, a tragedy occurred to my parents when I was very young... something about a circus elephant's feces causing a performer to light the place on fire, catching them in the flames in the process. I may have died too, but my plot armor was enough to get me out of there with no injuries except for the conveniently badass scar which runs along my cheek that the fire somehow gave me. Yet, in truth: I was too young to really be affected, mentally scarred, or traumatized by the event. Hell, I don't even remember my parents. All I know is that I have a vague but tragic event in my back story which automatically allows me to be realistically flawless in every other way, shape, and form anyone could possibly imagine. Even more so than you, Jesus Yamato.

"What's wrong, Sis?" my unimaginably virile jaw cracks open as the question glides out of my mouth in perfect a capella bass, causing the gargantuan muscles in my neck to ripple from the deepness of my voice.

"Onii-chan! You were gone for fifteen minutes!" Sis whimpers. She's always like this. Once I finish scoring 100% on all my classes' online tests and playing a few hours of RPGs I go out clubbing with my friends for a few hours every night. Sis gets super-worried every single time, especially when I only come back the next day. She really shouldn't, though; after all, I'm just picking up women all night with my amazing video game skills. I push every button just right, or so I'm told by the entire female population of this town.

Huhah!

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, Sis." I reply with a level of suave that would make the entire Westboro Baptist Church go gay for me.

"I'm so glad!" she hugs me even tighter for a few more seconds and then lets go because she realizes the plot has to progress and dialogue is difficult to write.

I brush past my bombshell of a little 'Sis' and go to my room, balancing all ten copies of Sword Art Online vertically on my fingers. I already have a copy in my room because I was one of the first people selected for the Beta Test(who wasn't?) but I needed them for my exes. Whatever, they'll come over in a group to beg for me to get back with them later so I'll just play SAO for now... I can play with those girls later.

Huhah!

I put the Nerve Gear on with a small amount of difficulty as I have to fit my huge head into it. In this day and age, it's hard to be a six foot seven athlete-gamer. When I was doing the body registration in the Beta it had to double check to make sure I had actually measured the bulge of my muscles correctly. At two hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle it was almost too much for SAO to handle. On the other hand, my more famous bulge was certainly too big for Cardinal's programmed parameters.

Huhah!

With the Nerve Gear tuck snugly upon my head, I plug myself in and lie down on my enormous bed. I am forced to say "Link Start" not once, not twice, but thrice for the system to realize it is a voice making that sound and not a contrabass BBb Tuba. Damnit, this was something I asked them to fix during the beta! Oh well, you can't have everything, I suppose. Being the epitome of manliness, bravado, and brilliance has to have a few downfalls, otherwise my life would feel unreal.

Finally, the green flashing lights drag me into my favorite world: the game world.

"Welcome to Sword Art Online", Gary Stunning.

The system recognizes me as a Beta tester and I use my Beta character, which I modeled to look exactly like me because I am not a vain in the slightest and am confident with my looks, to log on. I appear in a blur of brilliant blue crystals and stare at my hands for no apparent reason. Women and men alike from all around pause to take in my dashing looks, but I ignore them. I have a game to play!

I'm in! I'm really back!

I gleefully sprint through the streets of Starting City. Today is the day where it all begins, today is the day where I, Gary Stunning, am back inside the world I love the most! I am gleeful, I am ecstatic!

...and I am mistaken. This is not only a beginning, but an end to my average, totally normal and realistic every day life.

But I don't know this yet. So I just run to the nearest monster field, where I'll be idly slaughtering Frenzy Boars until a convenient plot point lands me with a few other characters.

IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF COMPLETELY AVERAGE GARY'S AMAZINGLY AWESOME ADVENTURES:

Gary Stunning, your average teenage tender playboy, philanthropist, charity-worker, testosterone-vault, ladies-man, boy-genius, pro-gamer, and sports-prodigy will run into characters from the original Sword Art Online novels. If you can't guess who it is and the tension is killing you, watching the full length of the first episode of the anime might tip you off! God knows that's more research than I've done! But worry not, dear reader, if I screw it up I'll just put it down to AU!

Actual A/N: Before you review, make sure to read the genre of this FF. I think its pretty obvious what genre this is, but eh, who knows. I am the beta reader of this, publishing under my account because the writer, Interfector, asked me to. If you have any questions about anything, message him please.