Hello! Thanks to wisdomgirl0924 for being the first reviewer! And everyone else who reviewed as well

I will not leave Hunters of Artemis pamphlets on Reyna's desk.

Hazel looked around Reyna's quarters. A bed was in one corner, draped in purple sheets, and the simple wooden floors were worn. A desk with a reading lamp was in the opposite corner, with tidy stacks of papers and pens. She'd snuck in through the curtained window, and was now looking for a place to display the informative booklet she held.

She settled on putting it on the desk. She scurried back out the window as soon as she heard footsteps.

Reyna entered the room while Hazel watched from the window. She flicked her braid over her shoulder as she muttered about finding Jason and not giving up. She looked sad and tired.

"What?" She picked up the booklet. "Immortality and you? The Hunters of Artemis?" She threw it on the floor. "WHO DARES TAUNT ME?"

I will not sing 'shine bright like a diamond' around Hazel.

Frank followed Hazel down a road. She was fidgeting with her hands, and after a while a sparkling ruby popped up at her feet.

"Shine bright like a diamond!" Frank sang. (Or should I say Zhang? Hahaha I love my crappy puns). Hazel was startled and gems began to sprout at her feet rapidly.

Reyna is not the Queen of Camp Jupiter, even if that is what her name means. (Thanks to Adela Green for suggesting it, thanks for reading both my stories btw )

Reyna was calm now, and was headed toward a small meeting held at a meeting hall. It wasn't official, just another discussion on what to do about the lack of second praetor.

As soon as she stepped into the building, trumpets blared, and she covered her ears.

"All bow to the Queen of Camp Jupiter!" Dakota announced. Gwen curtsied to her, as did several others.

Jason is not her Prince Charming. (Also thanks to Adela Green.)

"What is the meaning of this?" Reyna demanded.

"Your Heinies," Dakota slurred, clearly drunk again.

"It's Highness, Dakota." Gwen corrected. "Heinies means butts."

"Clearly, I'm not the high one, Dakota." Reyna said, noting the koolaid in his hand.

"Right, right. Well, the meeting is about finding Prince Charming, AKA Jason." Dakota said. Reyna groaned.

I will not mock Octavian's theories about the Greeks.

"If you would settle down, we have a meeting to get on with." Octavian said. The room went quiet instantly. "Now, I have a theory about what happened to Jason. I believe he was kidnapped by the Greeks in an attempt to bring us down."

Several cries of "Ugh." "Ridiculous" and "Not this again." Were muttered in the crowd, and someone spoke up. "Augur Octavian, the Greek demigods are not real. We all know this."

"Actually, I do think Jason was abducted." A boy with wild brown hair said. "But not by Greeks, that's crazy." Reyna sighed in relief. "By aliens." A groan from the others.

I will not announce a prophecy that Octavian will die. (Suggested by both Adela Green and Finwitch1)

Hazel and Frank stood and came to stand in front of the group. "We have a most dire matter to discuss with the group." Frank said.

"Indeed." Hazel said, dramatically fanning her face. "I, as my mother before me, have a gift with voodoo and the crystal ball. I have seen the future… and it is stained with a comrade's death." A gasp emanates from the crowd. "Octavian, our noble augur, has twenty four hours to live."

"That's silly, who'd kill me?" Octavian said, but he looked nervous. "I'm a likable guy." Dakota snorts in response to that.

"Well…" Hazel said. "The Greeks, we think." Octavian started shouting how he knew it, and wasn't insane, Reyna slouched in her seat and wondered what she was doing with her life, Dakota was still getting high on Koolaid, and Frank and Hazel were laughing.

I will not say that the stuffed animal PETA is on the hunt for Octavian. (Thanks to Lieutenant Luna) (A/N: PETA is an animal rights activist group btw.)

Octavian walked away from the meeting room with a huff. He should've known Frank and hazel were bluffing, it was obvious. Of course it was clearly a prank. But he may or may not have believed them. And he may or may not have tried to request a 24/7 bodyguard service to prevent the Greeks from getting him.

"Octavian!" Hazel called to him. She and Frank were rushing toward him on the cobbled street. "We have a message for you."

"Yeah. You see, back there, that was a mistake. Sorry for the confusion." Frank said.

"Yeah. Of course the Greeks aren't after you. They don't even exist, that was silly of us." Hazel admitted. "It's a sect from PETA devoted to stuffed animal rights."

"What?" Octavian asked. An image of him being gutted like his stuffed animals popped in his mind.

I will not become Octavian's bodyguard to save him from said people.

Hazel and Frank wore full armor and walked behind Octavian. The insisted on wearing ridiculous sunglasses too.

"You know, I really do think this is just a prank, and you two are crazy." Octavian sighed.

"We cannot risk it." Frank said.

"If your life is in danger, we must prevent the unspeakable." Hazel added.

Octavian saw one of his friends in the street ahead. "Hey!" He called. The boy turned, smiling. Just when he and Octavian were about to shake hands, Frank tackled him to the ground.

"No unauthorized contact!" He yelled. Octavian rolled his eyes. Frank patted him down, took his fingerprints, and scanned him with a metal detector. All of which he pulled from his pocket.

"Dude, what are you, Mary Poppins? Hermione Granger?" Octavian asked, pointing to Frank's pocket.

"Actually, it's simple. Bigger on the inside." Frank smirked. (yes, this story has Doctor who quotes too.)

A while later

Octavian sat down for lunch. Those two clowns had been following him around all day, messing up his life for his "safety.", and now he could finally sit down and relax.

"Sir, we're gonna have to ask you to sit back for a moment." Hazel smiled. She took a spoonful of Octavian's soup. "We have to try your food for you, just in case it's poisoned."

"Oh that's ridiculous." He said. She proceeded to eat the spoonful, then drop the spoon with a metallic clatter and spit it onto Octavian's face. "What, did your attuned taste buds detect poison?" He said with a sarcastic edge.

"No, but it was hot." Hazel fanned her mouth and drank Octavian's glass of water.

"Coast is clear, Sir." Frank said. "No contamination in food supply. Now," He held up another spoonful, "Open up wide for the air plane. Nyyyyooooommmm." He shoved this spoon into Octavian's mouth.

I will not put up a Tristan McLean post in Reyna's room. (thanks to Adela Green again.)

The first thing Reyna did when she walked into her room was check her desk and drawers for more brochures. When she saw that there were none, she sighed in relief. Then she glanced at her door. The back of the simple wooden slab was plastered with a poster of Tristan McLean. She recognized him in his shirtless Greek costume from that weird movie.

She blushed slightly as she saw again, that it was a shirtless poster. Frank and Hazel giggled as they watched through binoculars (hey, it might be a stalker's thing, but binoculars are effective). She tore down the poster, but in its place was another one, this time he was sweaty and battle scarred, and yes, shirtless. She groaned in frustration as she tore down two more posters then smirked with satisfaction at her bare door. She looked at the partially torn posters on her floor and rolled her eyes. Then she noticed her ceiling.

She did a double take. Every inch of it was covered with posters. Not just shirtless posters from that movie, but photoshopped ones. They must've been edited, since Reyna didn't see how Tristan McLean could possibly have the body of Beyonce.

"Ridiculous." She muttered. She decided to ignore that for now and finish filing documents. Going to her desk, she flicked on her light. It wouldn't turn off. Aggravated, she flipped the switch again and again, to no avail. Then she found the problem. The electric cord from the lamp wasn't plugged into the outlet, instead it was dangling off her desk. She pulled it up and towards her. She noticed that some clown had put Tristan McLean's face onto Miley Cyrus's body from Wrecking Ball, and taped the finished product to her cable. She swung it a couple times like a pendulum and hummed the song to herself, too tired to go on a rampage and find whoever did this.

I will not place a life size cardboard cutout of Tristan McLean in Reyna's room.

The next day, Reyna got home from yet another meeting exhausted. She wanted to take a warm shower, wash the sweat out of her hair. She undressed, put on a bathrobe, and stepped into her small shower. Being praetor, she had her own, but it wasn't luxurious. Just a simple, dented showerhead over a small brick stall, to which she had added purple curtains with the Camp emblem.

She pulled the curtains back and stepped in, reaching for the shower handle. Instead, her hand bumped into something else. She turned around abruptly and found herself staring at a life size cut out of the guy in the posters yesterday.

"Ugh! Why does this camp hate me?" She fumed, scrambling out of the shower with Tristan McLean's figure tucked under her arm. She put it in her room, and punched at its face, hard. The cardboard dented, ripping a bit. She noticed it had a note taped to its torso where she was preparing to kick.

"Hmm?" She said, "'you know you want me'. What is this?" She kicked, breaking the cardboard. About five minutes later, she deposited a lump of ripped and mangled cardboard outside her door. Frank and Hazel scurried over to examine it.

"There's a note attached," Hazel said, "'Whoever gave me this, you're next.'"

Yay, I finally updated! Well, I know basically all of that was random, but most of these stories are. I don't own Percy Jackson or the Heroes of Olympus, Mary Poppins, Hermione Granger, PETA, or Doctor Who.

If you're looking for fanfiction like this to read, I wrote 150 things I'm not Allowed to do in the Underworld. I'd say that one's my original and best.