Hi everyone! This is an opening chapter of my fanfiction about Peeta and Katniss after the Mockingjay. This first chapter is kind of boring, because there are not many new things happening. I used part of the last chapter from mockingjay to continue in it smoothly. I promise that the other chapters will be all written by myself and they will be more interesting than this one. I hope you'll enjoy my fanfiction. I also got inspirated from a fanfiction story Grow Together (by Miss Scarlett 05) so a few situations may sound familiar... Thanks for your reviews, favorites and follows, I appreciate it greatly! :)

Chapter 1: Hard Beginning

It's night when we land on the green of the Victor's Village. Half of the houses have lights in the windows, including Haymitch's and mine. Not Peeta's. Someone has built a fire in my kitchen. I sit in the rocker before it, clutching my mother's letter.
"Well, see you tomorrow," says Haymitch. As the clinking of his bag of liquor bottles fades away, I whisper, "I doubt it."
I am unable to move from the chair. The rest of the house looms cold and empty and dark. I pull an old shawl over my body and watch the flames. I guess I sleep, because the next thing I know, it's morning and Greasy Sae's banging around at the stove. She makes me eggs and toast and sits there until I've eaten it all. We don't talk much. Her little granddaughter, the one who lives in her own world, takes a bright blue ball of yarn from my mother's knitting basket. Greasy Sae tells her to put it back, but I say she can have it. No one in this house can knit and more. After breakfast, Greasy Sae does the dishes and leaves, but she comes back up at dinnertime to make me eat again. I don't know if she's just being neighborly or if she's on the government's payroll, but she shows up twice every day. She cooks, I consume. I try to figure out my next move. There's no obstacle now to taking my life. But I seem to be waiting for something.
Sometimes the phone rings and rings and rings, but I don't pick it up. Haymitch never visits. Maybe he changed his mind and left, although I suspect he's just drunk. No one comes but Greasy Sae and her granddaughter. After months of solitary confine ment, they seem like a crowd.
"Spring's in the air today. You ought to get out," she says. "Go hunting."I haven't left the house. I haven't even left the kitchen except to go to the small bathroom a few steps off of it. I'm in the same clothes I left the Capitol in. What I do is sit by the fire. Stare at the unopened letters piling up on the mantel. "I don't have a bow."
"Check down the hall," she says.
After she leaves, I consider a trip down the hall. Rule it out. But after several hours, I go anyway, walking in silent sock feet, so as not to awaken the ghosts. In the study, where I had my tea with President Snow, I find a box with my father's hunting jacket, our plant book, my parents' wedding photo, the spile Haymitch sent in, and the locket Peeta gave me in the clock arena. The two bows and a sheath of arrows Gale rescued on the night of the firebombing lie on the desk. I put on the hunting jacket and leave the rest of the stuff untouched. I fall asleep on the sofa in the formal living room. A terrible nightmare follows, where I'm lying at the bottom of a deep grave, and every dead person I know by name comes by and throws a shovel full of ashes on me. It's quite a long dream, considering the list of people, and the deeper I'm buried, the harder it is to breathe. I try to call out, begging them to stop, but the ashes fill my mouth and nose and I can't make any sound. Still the shovel scrapes on and on and on...
I wake with a start. Pale morning light comes around the edges of the shutters. The scraping of the shovel continues. Still half in the nightmare, I run down the hall, out the front door, and around the side of the house, because now I'm pretty sure I can scream at the dead. When I see him, I pull up short. His face is flushed from digging up the ground under the windows. In a wheelbarrow are five scraggly bushes.
"You're back," I say.
"Dr. Aurelius wouldn't let me leave the Capitol until yesterday," Peeta says. "By the way, he said to tell you he can't keep pretending he's treating you forever. You have to pick up the phone."
He looks well. Thin and covered with burn scars like me, but his eyes have lost that clouded, tortured look. He's frowning slightly, though, as he takes me in. I make a halfhearted effort to push my hair out of my eyes and realize it's matted into clumps. I feel defensive. "What are you doing?"
"I went to the woods this morning and dug these up. For her," he says. "I thought we could plant them along the side of the house."
I look at the bushes, the clods of dirt hanging from their roots, and catch my breath as the word rose registers. I'm about to yell vicious things at Peeta when the full name comes to me. Not plain rose but evening primrose. The flower my sister was named for. I give Peeta a nod of assent and hurry back into the house, locking the door behind me. But the evil thing is inside, not out.

Trembling with weakness and anxiety, I run up the stairs. My foot catches on the last step and I crash onto the floor. I force myself to rise and enter my room. The smell's very faint but still laces the air. It's there. The white rose among the dried flowers in the vase. Shriveled and fragile, but holding on to that unnatural perfection cultivated in Snow's greenhouse. I grab the vase, stumble down to the kitchen, and throw its contents into the embers. As the flowers flare up, a burst of blue flame envelops the rose and devours it. Fire beats roses again. I smash the vase on the floor for good measure. Back upstairs, I throw open the bedroom windows to clear out the rest of Snow's stench. But it still lingers, on my clothes and in my pores. I strip, and flakes of skin the size of playing cards cling to the garments. Avoiding the mirror, I step into the shower and scrub the roses from my hair, my body, my mouth. Bright pink and tingling, I find something clean to wear. It takes half an hour to comb out my hair. Greasy Sae unlocks the front door. While she makes breakfast, I feed the clothes I had shed to the fire. At her suggestion, I pare off my nails with a knife. Over the eggs, I ask her,
"Where did Gale go?"
"District Two. Got some fancy job there. I see him now and again on the television," she
says. I dig around inside myself, trying to register anger, hatred, longing. I find only relief. After the breakfast, Greasy Sae leaves me alone again.
My head snaps around at the hiss, but it takes awhile to believe he's real. How could he have gotten here? I take in the claw marks from some wild animal, the back paw he holds slightly above the ground, the prominent bones in his face. He's come on foot, then, all the way from 13. Maybe they kicked him out or maybe he just couldn't stand it there without her, so he came looking.
"It was the waste of a trip. She's not here," I tell him. Buttercup hisses again.
"She's not here. You can hiss all you like. You won't find Prim." At her name, he perks up. Raises his flattened ears. Begins to meow hopefully.
"Get out!" He dodges the pillow I throw at him.
„Go away! There's nothing left for you here!" I start to shake, furious with him.
"She's not coming back! She's never ever coming back here again!" I grab another pillow and get to my feet to improve my aim. Out of nowhere, the tears begin to pour down my cheeks.
"She's dead." I clutch my middle to dull the pain. Sink down on my heels, rocking the pillow, crying.
"She's dead, you stupid cat. She's dead."

A new sound, part crying, part singing, comes out of my body, giving voice to my despair. Buttercup begins to wail as well. No matter what I do, he won't go. He circles me, just out of reach, as wave after wave of sobs racks my body, until eventually I fall unconscious. But he must understand. He must know that the unthinkable has happened and to survive will require previously unthinkable acts. Because hours later, when I come to in my bed, he's there in the moonlight. Crouched beside me, yellow eyes alert, guarding me from the night.

In the morning, he sits stoically as I clean the cuts, but digging the thorn from his paw brings on a round of those kitten mews. We both end up crying again, only this time we comfort each other. On the strength of this, I open the letter Haymitch gave me from my mother, dial the phone number, and weep with her as well.
Peeta, bringing a warm loaf of bread, shows up with Greasy Sae. She makes us breakfast and I feed all my bacon to Buttercup. When Sae is done with cooking she goes home and we're left alone. But only for a second, because in a moment someone cracks the door open loudly. I even don't have to look and I know it's Haymitch. Who else could it be.
„So I heard you're back Peeta." he says cheerfully and sits between us. „You're okay together?" he asks and examines both of us. Neither of us answer.
„Well if you have a problem, I'm just over the lawn." he says. Then he stands up and wants to leave, but he turns back at the door.
„As your mentor I have an advice for you two." he says.
„You" he points at me „be nice to him and if you feel like screaming at him, just remember our phone call, when you were on a Capitol mission." he says and gives me a strict glare. I remember that one. I know what he means. Try to do what Peeta would do if it would be the other way around. Be nice and calm. Then he points at Peeta.
„You..." he hesitates for a second. „just try not to kill her." he chuckles while going home.
And suddenly I'm afraid. Peeta is looking at me intently with those blue eyes again and I'm not sure how I feel about him being here. I'm afraid he will get some flashback or that he will bring terrible memories to me and I will lose my nerves. My heart starts beating faster and my head goes a little dizzy. I close my eyes for a moment.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.
When I open my eyes he's still there, still looking at me. He doesn't look angry, but it's also not that old kind Peeta. I stand up quickly and go to the living room, where I sit on the couch and hug the soft pillow again. I hope he will get the hint and go to his own house now. Unluckily he doesn't and he comes to the living room and sits into an armchair across from me. Again his eyes locks on mine. I try to avoid them as much as I can.
„Katniss?" he says quietly. Finally I get all my courage and look him in the eyes.
„Dr. Aurelius let me go home, because I'm not dangerous for other people any more." he says „I still have flashbacks, but they are much different than during the war. I just have a bad memory in my head, but I can control what I do." he looks at me pleadingly. I know he wants me to be okay with him around.
„I will not harm you okay?" he says.
„Okay." I say barely audible. He smiles slightly.
„You know my memories are still a mess..." he says and hesitates for a moment. I don't say anything. I have a bad feeling that he will want me to discuss something, but I don't feel for those terrible questions right now.
„...I will probably need your help." he finishes finally and keeps looking at me. I dare to look at him too.
„Okay, but not now." I say pleadingly. „I don't feel very well." I admit and look down at my bare feet to avoid his gaze.
„Could I have just one question?" he asks. I dread his questions about love, kisses, nights in the trains, interviews and not existing babies... But I can survive one question.
„Yeah." I say. He smiles at me.
„How are you? What were you doing all these weeks?" he asks and I'm staring at him in awe for a moment. I'm happy that he doesn't push on me and make me tell him about our painful past. I think about his question, but I really don't know how to answer.
„I don't know." I admit quietly, hugging the pillow more tightly. „I was kind of like my mum after my dad died. Just sitting by the fire and eating what Sae cooked for me. Nothing else." his look is worried now.
„You should do something Katniss. Hunt or something else." he says. I know he means it well, but I'm so deep in my depression that this doesn't help.
„Why?" I ask and look at him hopelessly. „I have no purpose to live any more. There is nothing for me in here. Everything what meant something for me is gone." I say, my throat tightens and I feel tears welling up in my eyes so I look down again.
„Don't speak like that Katniss." Peeta says calmly. „There's plenty of things to live for."
„No there is not!" I scream at him, tears in my eyes. It's not an hour since Haymitch was here, telling me to be nice at Peeta and I'm yelling at him already. But I can't stop it.
„Everything I loved is gone Peeta" I say desperately and those tears finally stream down my face.
„My mum is in 4, Gale is in 2... They both abandoned me." I say and a loud sob escapes from my lips. Peeta just looks at me sadly. „My dad is dead and you don't love me any more." I say quietly. „And Prim..." my voice catches before I finish and I start crying. „ She's gone forever!" I get out between my sobs and I run up to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. Peeta runs up after me, knocks on the door and calls at me to open.
„Go away! Leave me alone." I yell between my sobs.

I come back to my old habit from District 13 and I huddle in my wardrobe. Hugging my knees tightly, I cry my grief and pain out in its darkness. After few minutes Peeta gives up and he goes away. I used to hate crying. In fact I almost never cried before Hunger Games. Only when my dad died. I thought it will make me weak, but now, there's nothing else left than crying. It's the only way I can survive this pain I feel in my heart. I'm so alone. They are all gone and I'm left here with drunken Haymitch and mad Peeta. In some moment I doze off and I'm woken up by loud pounding on the door.
„Katniss? Are you in there? Open the door!" Peeta calls at me. I really don't want to speak with him.
„Katniss are you okay?" he asks and I can hear desperation in his voice.
„I'm fine." I say loudly enough for him to hear. I found out, that it's dark outside and I'm also feeling hungry. It seems that I was in that wardrobe all day long.
„Open the door. Please." he says.
„Why?" I ask.
„I brought you dinner." he says. „And I will not go away until you eat it." he says stubbornly and by the shadow under the door I can see he sits down on the floor. Finally I sight, unlock the door and sit on my bed hugging my knees to my chin. He looks worried. A lot. He lays the plate on my bedside table and he sits on the edge of my bed looking at me sadly.
„Katniss please don't do this again." he says and looks at me pleadingly.
„Please don't lock me out, I don't want you to hurt yourself." he says.
„I won't" I say finally downcasting my eyes.
„Thanks." he says and gives me a slight smile.
„Eat this." he says handing me the plate with two slices of bread and some cheese. I look at it suspiciously at first.
„Come on, I know you haven't eaten all day." he says and gives me a knowing look. I give up and start eating. „and I also know you hide in closets and small spaces. Sae told me."
„And what? Am I not allowed to do that?" I say offensively.
„You can do whatever you want Katniss. It's okay to be upset, you have plenty reasons to be. But we have to get you better. You have to get out of these depressions." he says quietly.
„I don't know how to do that Peeta." I say and I feel how my hands shake a little. I think I will loose it again when his hand touches my shoulder and I feel warm spreading all over my body from that spot. It's weird.
„For starters, you should take the pills Dr. Aurelius sent you." he says and hands me two white pills and a glass of water. I sight, but swallow them obligingly. Maybe he's right. He always used to be.
„Then you must do something, not just lay in bed. Keep busy. Go hunting, or just go for a walk to the forest. Plant a garden behind your house or come and help me bake, it doesn't matter what you'll do, just do something to occupy your mind." he says and gives me an intent look.
„I don't know if I'll be able to do that. Everything reminds me of her in here." I sight.
„It will get better, you'll see. I'll help you. We'll start tomorrow okay? Now get some sleep." he smiles at me and tucks me under the covers.
And suddenly a memory comes to my mind. My heel was injured and he tucked me into my bed just like this. Then I told him to stay with me and he held my hand until I fell asleep, promising he will be here for me. Always. Those three words are already on my tongue, when I stop myself and swallow them instead. No. He's not that boy anymore. He doesn't love me like that any more.
„Good night, Katniss." he says quietly and gives me a sweet smile before he turns the light off.
„See you in the morning." he says while closing the door.
„Good night." I say quietly wishing the old Peeta was here. Wishing he was holding me in his arms again. Protecting me from nightmares which will surely come. But he's not. Well at least I hope he's right that it will get better. I will try it his way tomorrow and we'll see if I'll be feeling better. I feel optimistic about it.