5. Internal Struggle

That evening, just like every other Sunday night, it was movie night for the Foster family. The week was over and a new one was upon them. This morning had been pretty crazy for Callie, and she'd had enough of thinking things over and over again in her brain. All she wanted to do was curl up in bed with Netflix and a huge tub of ice-cream, but unfortunately, that couldn't happen. Each week the family took it in turns to pick their movie. Callie had picked three times so far since she'd been here, and her next choice would be in a couple of weeks, but tonight it was Mariana's turn, which meant that she'd be picking the cheesiest, lovey-dovey film out there. Ugh. If it were just her and Brandon, then perhaps she'd enjoy it, but Stef and Lena would be curled up and Zac was coming over, so he and Mariana would be loved up too. She'd have to sit there and act completely normal, normal being that she wasn't completely in love with her foster brother.

The past few days at school had been a bit of a blur. Callie walked there and back with Mariana, and she spent the whole day just watching the clock. People pointed and stared as she walked back, but Talya had at least stopped talking to her. Callie just went and got the day done, and then came home to spend time with people who she knew actually cared about her, and that was something worth being happy about.

However, Callie was having her own internal struggle, on top of everything else. She couldn't deny it any longer. She was in love with Brandon Foster, completely and utterly. She'd known for a while, but she didn't want to admit it to herself. If she admitted it then that meant that it was true, which it was, but that wasn't the point. She'd heard Brandon tell her he loved her. Perhaps not directly, but the song screamed it, and Mariana had told her that he'd said it a lot when she ran away. But after this morning, in the kitchen, Callie had been reminded of how it felt to actually be with Brandon. She'd missed his touch, she'd missed him holding her and she just felt a really overwhelming sense of rightness when they were together.

Callie stayed in her room for as long as possible. She was trying to avoid Brandon as much as she could, because every time she saw him she felt herself go red and she could just about string two words together. After this morning, things had been tense. When Mariana had joined them, they didn't get a chance to be alone again at all. Jude got up, then Jesus, and then the Moms joined them, too. They hadn't even talked about it, and all they could do was steal quick glances and Callie could barely even do that. It was too risky and she knew they had to stop but it was just so hard.

It was almost 7pm, though, and Callie heard the doorbell ring and she knew it would be the pizza guy.

"Callie! Callie, can you get that please sweetie?" Callie sighed heavily and jumped up, heading down the stairs. She picked up the money from the side and paid the man before taking everything into the kitchen. She was struggling slightly, and Brandon noticed.

"Hey, let me get that!" He reached over and took it all off her, placing it onto the table before she could even say anything. She tried to say 'thank you' but all she could do was smile, and then look down when she felt heat rush to her face.

"Okay everyone, take a plate and some food and then head into the living room. Mariana have you picked yet?" Stef started to open the pizza boxes.

"I sure have. It's one of my favorites." She gave a quick wink and everyone sighed, knowing what was coming.

"I swear if we have to watch The Notebook one more time I think I'll scream." Jesus took some food and headed towards the TV. "I mean who writes letters, anyway? Especially for a year. Hasn't that guy heard of texting..." His voice trailed off as he made his way into the other room. Stef and Lena left, too, accompanied by Jude, leaving Callie alone with Brandon.

Just being in this room together alone after this morning made Callie feel both terrified and excited at the same time. They both walked over to get some pizza, and unknowingly reached for the exact same slice.

"Oh no I'm sorry -" "No it's yours -"

They both laughed and Brandon put his hands above his head.

"Take it." Brandon laughed but soon trailed off.

"But you want it.." Callie's voice was quiet.

They went silent and realized that they were no longer talking about pizza. Callie felt herself get flustered so she looked down and quickly grabbed the slice before walking out, leaving Brandon to ponder what just happened.

"Okay Mariana what have you chosen?"

Lena asked the question and anxiously waited for Mariana's response. Some of her past movie night choices had been Pretty Woman, Dear John, The Lucky One.. If it involved a boy and a girl falling head over heels in love with each other, then Mariana was bound to choose it. Unfortunately for everyone else, the first rule of movie night was that the chooser's choice was final, and no one could argue with it.

Brandon had joined everyone, and had taken the seat right next to Callie. They were sat on the small sofa with Jesus, but Brandon and Callie were crushed together so tightly that their bodies were touching. They just about had room to breathe.

"Okay, you guys ready?! Tonight, I have chosen.. The Hunger Games!"

Everyone was silent in shock. Callie sighed a sigh of relief. She could deal with a post-apocalyptic love triangle, it was fine. There was barely any kissing and romantic moments were kept to a minimum. Perhaps the atmosphere tonight would be better than she thought. Mariana had chosen well.

"Seriously?!" Jesus seemed happy.

"Wow, really Mariana? Great choice -" Stef's eyes had widened. She was relieved, too, even she and Lena weren't much for the sickly lovey-dovey stuff, but Mariana interrupted her quickly.

"Hahahaha just kidding! I chose Titanic!" Mariana stuck out her tongue and turned around to put the disc into the DVD player. Everyone sighed but Callie and Brandon remained silent. Callie looked out of the corner of her eye and she was unaware if she was imagining it, but she was pretty sure that Brandon was looking at her in the same exact way.

"Hey Mariana you know this movie makes me cry," Lena laughed as she cuddled up to Stef. The pair of them had quickly gotten over Mariana's choice, but Callie wasn't sure if she'd be able to cope with the tragic love story as she battled with her own.

This was going to be interesting.

"Open your eyes."

"I'm flying, Jack!"

Soft music filled the room as Jack and Rose stood on the mighty RMS Titanic as it sailed across the North Atlantic Ocean. Celine Dion's classic belted out in the background as the couple swayed together, holding on for dear life.

Callie sat quietly, swallowing a couple of times and she could feel Brandon breathing next to her. They hadn't made eye contact once during the whole movie, and yet right now she wished they had done. Maybe if they could joke about it, perhaps mock the scene slightly, it wouldn't hurt so badly? But no, they couldn't do that because it was too accurate to their situation. No, their relationship wasn't life or death. They weren't about to drown in the freezing cold Atlantic Ocean in the middle of winter, but they had their own struggles. In that moment, Callie felt like Rose and Brandon was her Jack. They both wanted to be together, hell, they needed to be together, but other people didn't want it, and if they were to be together, there was sure to be some kind of crash of their own, some kind of sinkage along the way.

Callie breathed slightly as Rose turned to kiss Jack, and their hands roamed around one another, despite them being edges away from the vast ocean. They could fall at any moment but they didn't care because they had each other. Callie had to get some air. She coughed quietly, and then,

"Can I go to the bathroom?"

Stef didn't even turn her head away from the screen, "sure, honey, you don't need to ask."

Callie got up and tried to push herself up by pressing down onto the sofa, but instead of grabbing the soft material of the couch she found her hand on Brandon's thigh. She felt her mistake before she saw it and pulled away, muttering apologies quietly without even looking him in the eye as she walked off hastily and made her way upstairs.

She headed straight for the communal bathroom. If she went into her room she'd lie on her bed and not want to get up, so she walked into the one that everyone shared and sat down on the side of the bathtub. She took a few deep breaths and then got up to splash her face with some cold water, but it did nothing to improve her scarlet cheeks.

There was a knock at the door and Callie's face jolted up, her eyes staring right back at her in the mirror.

"Uh, just a sec."

There was no reply from her intruder as she proceeded to dry her face with a towel and attempt to salvage small strands of her hair that the water had touched. Satisfied everything was in order, she took a deep breath and opened the door with a smile.

It was Brandon.

"Hi.. Um, are you okay?"

Callie couldn't quite figure out what to say as they stood there in the doorway. She remained silent but Brandon made a gesture, silently asking if he could come in, and she obliged, closing the door behind them.

"Look, I'm sorry if I took things too far this morning.. I just -"

Callie cut him off with a sigh, shaking her head. "No, it wasn't you who started it, it was me. But I probably shouldn't have."

Brandon looked hurt, and he suddenly found an endless fascination with his feet as he fidgeted on the spot.

Callie felt guilt run through her, "I didn't mean it like that." She shook her head and let it rest in her hands as she resumed her seat on the side of the bathtub.

"No, don't worry about it. I just didn't realize.. never mind."

"Didn't realize what?" Callie shot her head up and stared him out.

Brandon sighed. It was evident from his face that he was already regretting what he was about to say, and he hadn't even said it yet.

"It just, it feels like you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you. That's all.."

Callie felt cold run through her, and felt like she was about to throw up. The words echoed in her mind. It feels like you don't feel the same way about me that I do about you. She let her head sink again, not even dignifying what he said with an answer. She felt hurt, and stupid, and helpless. Whatever she said now would just sound like a desperate plea to prove that what he said what he said was wrong, and she wasn't going to be doing that. She was completely in love with him, but she had the common sense to know when things were edging on hot water. But instead of her carefulness being received for what it actually was, it was seen as ignorance, as her not caring.

Brandon quickly picked up on Callie's reaction. "Callie I'm sorry, look, I didn't mean that."

"Then why did you say it?!" She could feel herself getting angry. "Do you think that this is easy? Having to sit next to you on the couch and watch two people fall helplessly in love with each other when I have to act like, like.."

Callie could barely even finish her sentence as she looked up at Brandon. His eyes were fixated on her, full of warmth and care. She sniffled a little and looked down, not even bothering to finish.

Brandon cleared his throat slightly, "...like what?"

Callie sighed as she tilted her head to look up at him. Her tone got higher as she said it, "like I'm not in love with you."

Tears were streaming down her face now, and she breathed heavily, unable to stop them flowing. Brandon wrapped his arms around her without a second thought, desperate to calm her down and make her happy again.

"It's not fair... Why does it have to be like this?" Callie asked him, her voice breathy and muffled from the inside of his embrace.

"I don't know, Cal." He cradled her softly, kissing her hair, "but I wish it wasn't."

He rocked slowly on the spot for a few minutes. Her hands held onto him, as if she was proving to him silently that what he'd said wasn't true. That she loved him more than anything in the whole entire world, which she did.

"I'm sorry." Brandon could feel himself breaking, too.

"Don't be, I get it. It's hard. This kind of situation isn't exactly easy, or normal." Callie was still cuddled up in his arms, but she allowed her mouth some extra room, so at least her speech was no longer impaired.

There was a silence in the room now, apart from the gentle drops that came out of the tap. Callie pulled away fully, pulling her sleeves over her hands to use as a tissue in order to wipe her eyes.

"I guess we should go downstairs then." Callie looked Brandon directly in the eye, her words soft.

"Yeah.. I guess we should.." Brandon gave her the same look back. His words were hushed as they trailed off.

They both stood there, quietly, not moving an inch as the seconds ticked by on Brandon's watch. Their eyes were glued to the others, each of them transfixed, unable to look away. It was as though even glancing away would cause immediate death, and neither of them wanted to risk it. It seemed like an eternity since Brandon last spoke, though it had only been a few seconds. Brandon swallowed and the two of them blinked in sync, like a practiced routine. Brandon looked down and Callie looked up, their height differences being pretty much perfect in that instant. Callie licked her lips a little, and Brandon opened his mouth to speak, but he was stopped quickly. Callie leaned up and pushed her lips onto his. He didn't stop it at all, and a small smile of relief played on his lips as the kiss deepened. It was unlike this morning, unlike any of the other kisses that they'd shared. It was both sexy and sweet at the same time, but all in all it was meaningful. They kissed like it was their last, but also their first. Like their lives depended on it. Callie arched her back and Brandon moved to fit in with the motions. Their noses bumped but the pace was slow, and it was perfect.

Callie pulled away first, and coughed slightly, looking down.

"I'm sorry, I -"

"Don't be. That was, um. It was perfect."

Callie couldn't help but let the smile spread across her face. She blushed slightly, looking down, but then joined her eyes with his again as the harsh realization set in.

"Brandon, can we really do this?"

He shrugged slightly, to be honest it was barely even noticeable. "No. And yes. I want to be with you, Callie. I can't imagine not being with you. But I want this to be your choice, like it always has been."

Callie nodded, and she noticed that her eyes had welled up with tears again. "I do. I want this. I want you, I want us."

Brandon smiled widely, but Callie cut in again. "But we have to keep it a secret. We've gotta be discrete, I'm serious. Just until I figure out a way that I can be with you and have a family. It doesn't even matter for me, but for Jude.."

"I understand." Brandon linked his hand with hers, and she allowed herself to smile, and really genuinely smile, for the first time in a while.

"You should go first," said Brandon, pointing to the door, and Callie nodded. She smiled again and walked over to touch the doorknob, but Brandon spun her back around and kissed her again.

"Once more for good luck," he grinned at her, and Callie laughed as she left the room.

tbc

Soooo Brandon and Callie are officially back on! But can this work?

I'm sorry for the long wait you've had for this chapter.. Blame exams and my lack of inspiration haha! As always, reviews are greatly appreciated :)