CH 17 - God's Will

-x-

That Shinichi was back, perhaps for good this time, Ran thanked God. That Sonoko was the most exhilarated of them all, Ran silently cursed.

On the outside, Ran acted no different from before—she still called Shinichi a jerk, a deduction freak, and so on, along with loads of complaints made for good measure. On the inside, Ran wished Conan-kun hadn't moved to Agasa-hakase's house. If only she could see the real Shinichi and the real Conan-kun together one more time, she'd be able to let go of her doubts and fears and laugh, wholeheartedly, with the rest of her class.

But this time was different. Both Ran and Shinichi knew, and both were aware of each other's smiling face but unsmiling eyes. It was inevitable that, when their classmates were no longer mobbing them, Shinichi would pull Ran aside to tell her that they needed to talk. Would meeting in the café below the Detective Agency after school do? Yes, it would.

"Be careful of what you do from now on," Ai had warned him that morning. In response, he'd tried to say something funny to lighten up the atmosphere, but Ai had shot him a dark glare. "Murphy's Law holds—anything that will go wrong, will. I don't want you to become the man who, in the joke, jumped off the Empire State Building and shouted 'so far so good, so far so good' all the way down. It's not funny."

It was dangerous, even if Kudo Shinichi's name wasn't in the Organization's database anymore, because that was what he and Ai would like to believe. The Organization was capable of anything. One moment you let your guard down, and it'd be sayonara.

Whether he should tell Ran everything or not, he'd spent much time considering, weighing the advantages and disadvantages of each option. Ai's lack of opinion—voiced opinion—had made him think more than he already had or needed, but there was no turning back now. The coffee was served.

-x-

Stirring her ice coffee mindlessly and sipping it occasionally, Ran listened to Shinichi's rant on the usual things such as Sherlock Holmes. However, she was the one who brought up the subject this time, after she'd told him about school, saying that she'd like to hear more about Holmes. They were like two old friends who hadn't met up for years, Shinichi thought with a pang of sadness as he talked, unable to chat as freely and at ease as they had before but disliked the awkward moments of silence following each short conversation.

"But enough about Holmes," Shinichi said after taking a sip of his coffee. "How's your life been?"

Ran shrugged with a smile. "Same old, same old."

"Any interesting cases lately?"

Ran shrugged again and focused on stirring her coffee. It was interesting how the cream mixed with the coffee and then the two separated like oil and water when the stirring stopped. Something to do with density, for sure. "None around me. I stayed home these days, so I have no idea what cases Dad's been working on. But he doesn't seem to be doing so well. Ever since Conan-kun left, you know." She let go of the straw, which circled the glass several rounds before coming to a halt, folded her arms on the table, and looked up. This was it. "I've told you, haven't I? That I once thought you and Conan-kun were the same person..."

But Shinichi didn't seem to hear her as his cell phone started ringing at the same time. It was a call from hakase's house. Must be Ai.

"Hello," he answered the phone while Ran looked down and fiddled with her skirt. "Who!" Ran and several other people sitting nearby looked up. "What did he say? But I—what did you say? Oh. Right. When is he going to speak to me? Wait a minute. Now?" He looked out the window, scanning the streets. "Oh, I see. I know, I know." He flashed a sympathetic smile even though Ai couldn't see it. "Hey! Where am I supposed to find him? Oh. Okay. See you, then. Bye." After hanging up and putting away his cell phone, he looked at Ran, his eyes beaming and more alive than before. As if just remembering, he said quickly, "I'm sorry. What were you saying just now?"

Ran shook her head and tried her best to smile. "That call is about your Case with a capital C, right?"

Capital C? Shinichi blinked. It took him half a minute or so to realize what Ran was talking about. Then laughing nervously and scratching the back of his head, he answered, "Yeah, it's related."

Silence.

"Don't you have to go?"

"To where?"

"To the Case!"

"Oh, no. I don't have to meet up with him until I'm—later." Shinichi smiled.

Silence again.

"So. When exactly do you have to go?"

"L-later."

"How much later?"

"However much is necessary. I guess."

Ran rolled her eyes and sighed. "Why are you always so vague? It's always 'I'll be back soon,' but you never say how soon—three days, three months, three years? Then it's always 'I'm working on a case,' but what case? And you're never on the newspaper anymore. What's going on?" Ran paused and stared, partly inquiring and partly concerned, at Shinichi's downcast face. Her expression hardened as she leaned forward to ask in a low voice, "Who. Is. Edogawa Conan?"

This time, the silence was much longer than those previously—Shinichi trying to think but drawing blank, and Ran waiting patiently, knowing that she could wait it out. For once. If Shinichi was going to excuse himself for the case and leave, like always, Ran even made up her mind to beat the answer out of him with no mercy.

"Me," he croaked finally.

"I couldn't hear you." It was impossible to tell whether she was honest or not.

"I. Am. Him," he said aloud but not loud enough to arouse the attention of the people in the surroundings and looked into her eyes. "Ran."

"Now look, Shinichi." Ran leaned back abruptly and waved her hands in frustration as she continued, "When I ask who Conan-kun is, I'm not accusing you of anything. I just want to know who he is. So who is he? Tell me the truth."

"I just told you the truth," Shinichi responded, dumbfounded.

"That you're Conan-kun?"

"Yeah."

Ran laughed, as if she'd just heard something that was funny but yet offending, maybe even insulting to her, at the same time. "You're not him." The smile on her face was almost daunting. "Conan-kun is seven years old, he's short, he wears glasses, he's... he's smarter than you. A-and nicer. More considerate. And just—better than you. Not you."

"Ran-neechan." It was a different voice, deeper, but it was the same tone. Same as a concerned Conan's tone. Shinichi looked away as Ran's smile faded.

Blinking rapidly, Ran looked away for a moment before taking in a deep breath and sat up. The two pairs of eyes met. "Your mother was an actress, Shinichi," Ran said softly, never expecting that she'd use her idol against her childhood friend, her love.

"Why would I lie to you?"

"Because you always did!" Ran yelled, tears streaming, ignoring the glances from and mutters among other people. "Why would you lie to me? Yes. Why? I'd like to know. I know you love being a detective, and I respect your ambition. But why can't you take care of yourself? And why can't you trust me that I'd protect you instead of putting you in harm?"

"That's not why I didn't tell you—"

"I don't care why you didn't tell me! Does it matter? You lied and—"

"I didn't want to put you in danger and I didn't want you to worry!" Shinichi shouted over Ran's words, becoming aware that there was no more need to explain to Ran about APTX-4869, about the Organization, about everything...

"I don't care!" Ran practically screamed to shut Shinichi up. After calming herself down and drying her tears, she said in a low voice, "Reasons and excuses are different, I know. But they can't buy you forgiveness, Shinichi. I'm sorry."

"I'm not asking for forgiveness," Shinichi said quietly and looked at Ran, whose tears were beginning to swirl in her eyes again. "I just wish that you'd understand. Understand, not accept."

"I can't understand. I don't understand. I..."

"Will you try to understand, then?"

Sobbing quietly, Ran sat without looking at Shinichi. Few minutes passed, and she looked up, more in control of herself. "Are you out of danger now?" she asked gently.

"No. So keep quiet, okay?"

"Why? Why are you telling me everything now?"

He wanted to say, Because I promised. But for some reason, the words "I don't know" came out instead.

They sat in silence for a while, both submerged in their own thoughts. The couple at the next table paid their bill and left.

"Shinichi hasn't changed," Ran remarked with a smile, causing the detective to look up in surprise. "Still and always taking up all the burdens by himself." Sighing, she looked up. There was no always. Never. She nearly laughed when she suddenly remembered someone who said Never say never. "Who changed you?" Who is the God that I thanked this morning?

Staring off into a distance, Shinichi was dazed, realizing something.

"Is it Ai-chan?" Ran asked, peering into Shinichi's face.

"Huh? Yeah. What about her?"

There was a pause. Ran opened her mouth several times to ask something, but she never managed to get the words out. "Who is she?" she asked at last but added immediately, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

Shinichi frowned. "Ran, stop saying sorry. I owe you too much already. I should be the one saying it. Sorry. I'm sorry." For the lies and everything. "I'm sorry." For not loving you. "I'm sorry... I think I should go now." He stood to leave, and Ran didn't stop him as she'd thought she would. He paid his bill, exited the café, and glanced back at Ran through the large window.

Triple apologies. Did she know? Did it matter? She was crying.

Turning away, he heaved a sigh and saw Shuichi waiting across the street. Hopefully, things would go better with the FBI than it did with the Angel.

Hopefully.

-x-

"Here's what you wanted," Shuichi said and held out a black laptop case for Shinichi to take. There was a newspaper folded under his other arm.

"Oh." Shinichi blinked in surprise and took the case in his hands. No Hello, how's it going. All business right away. "Thank you." He opened the case and peeked inside. It was a black IBM ThinkPad. "Did it come with this case?" he asked as he examined the case, which was of a brand he hadn't heard of. IBM laptop cases were huge, but this one was just nice.

"We bought the case. It didn't have one."

"I see." He pointed at the laptop before zipping the case and asked, "This is Choi's laptop, right?"

The FBI agent nodded and puffed on his cigarette.

"So you're just giving it to me? On the streets?" Shinichi asked, narrowing his eyes with suspicion.

Shuichi shrugged. "There's nothing useful in it, I have to warn you."

"Do you want it back anytime?"

"Whenever you're done."

Eyebrows arched, Shinichi shot a questioning look at the agent and stared at the case in his hands as if he didn't know what to do with it. Gripping the case by its handles, he lowered his arms to his side and looked up. "Jodie-sensei called you?"

There was a pause before Shuichi replied, "Yes."

"What's she been up to these days?" asked Shinichi, referring to the numerous unanswered phone calls he'd made to Jodie days ago. "Why didn't she respond the call herself?"

"She's busy," Shuichi said simply.

His detective's guts told him that Shuichi was lying, and with the FBI, it was hard to tell. They expertise in lying, with the experiences of going undercover and all. Though in truth, he wasn't really concerned about what the FBI was doing. Hey, if they didn't want him to "interfere," he wouldn't. Do it in the way they were expecting. But right now, he had something more important at hand. "About Agasa-hakase. I'm not saying that he's innocent, but I'd like to partake in the investigation." To prove that he is innocent. If possible.

"There's no need." Shuichi looked directly into the detective's eyes for the first time since the beginning of the conversation.

Shinichi frowned. "Why not?" Had they already gathered all the evidences—solid evidences—for either side?

"Because there is no need to," Shuichi said, pronouncing every syllable for emphasis, still not taking his eyes off the teenage detective.

It sounded like an order meant for dismissal, but Shinichi realized it wasn't that Shuichi didn't want to tell him because it was none of his business; Shuichi didn't want to tell him because it had everything to do with him.

"I'm sorry. I don't understand," said Shinichi, feeling his heart rate increasing and breath becoming shallow, also keeping his eyes on the other's face.

Shuichi looked away and said softly, "He died in a car accident."

For a few seconds, Shinichi froze. "He what?" he asked, aghast.

There was no answer. There was no need to, nor was it expected. The outburst was expected, however.

"How the hell did that happen?" Shinichi yelled, attracting the attention of passersby but none of them dumb enough to stand and watch.

Silently, Shuichi handed to Shinichi the newspaper, which the latter snatched over. It was a newspaper from about a week ago. It wasn't headline news, but yes, he remembered reading about it—the car accident in front of the U.S. Embassy. At that time, he didn't give it a second thought. Why didn't he? Why didn't the news mention names? And Ai. What was he going to tell Ai?

"What were your goddamned agents doing?" Shinichi demanded. "They were the ones driving the car, weren't they?"

"Accidents happen," Shuichi said quietly.

"Bullshit! They made a fatal mistake, and now we can't even give hakase a chance!"

The FBI agent glared at Shinichi. "I'll tell you now—it wasn't an accident. Who wanted who dead, I'm sure you're clear on it."

Shinichi's eyes widened due to shock and disgust. "Are you saying that this... accident is sufficient proof that hakase was one of them? Go to Hell first! I want to see hakase. Now!"

"We can't do that." Meaning that the FBI didn't have the ability to, but Shinichi took it as that the FBI didn't want to.

"Yes, you can," Shinichi said darkly. "You have a so-called great Witness Protection Program. I don't know what your plan is, but I know he's alive!"

"He isn't."

"What do you mean 'he isn't'? What am I supposed to tell Ai? I don't want to see her hurt again!"

Shuichi shut his eyes and furrowed his brows out of pain and frustration. "Some mistakes just can't be corrected. Shouldn't you know, Kudo?" He opened his eyes and turned to walk down the street, leaving behind a stunned detective.

What went through the minds of the two who'd just met after that statement was different. Shinichi was thinking of all the cases that he'd solved, the many regrets of the criminals, and accepted Shuichi's statement as a sort of apology on part of the FBI for the failing and the helplessness. On the other hand, Shuichi's mind was on Akemi. If only he'd chosen a different task, if only he'd turned around and met Shiho first, then he wouldn't have fallen in love, wouldn't have asked for her sister, wouldn't have finalized the destruction of a family because of who he was...

Emotions. Shiho's coldness and cynicism would've contained them, and he would've known what he was doing, unlike Akemi's bubbly nature that had set them free. Cost them all.

-x-

After wandering the streets for half an hour or so, pondering what to do, Shinichi arrived at the doorsteps of Doctor Agasa's house. Even though the two of them had agreed that he'd go back to his house to live from now on since it was next door anyway, he knew he'd be staying over for a while now. Hesitantly, he rang the doorbell.

"What are you doing here?" Ai asked as she unhooked the chain on the door and held the door open for him to enter to house. "If you're here for food, it's too late."

Closing the door behind him, Shinichi stared at the floor and swallowed hard, not sure how he should break the news to her, or even if he should do it. But here he was, it was what he came here for, and the longer he kept the news from her, the more dreams—nightmares —would occur. "Ai," he began in a shaky, coarse whisper.

Ever since the door opened, Ai had kept her eyes on Shinichi's miserable-looking face, searching for a hint that would explain what she was seeing and why. Their eyes met, and something told Ai to prepare for the worst, whatever the worst might be. And many possibilities streamed through her mind.

"Hakase," Shinichi continued, in an almost breathless voice. "Hakase... He... I'm sorry." How should he put this? "He... won't be able to... come back... anymore. I'm sorry." He shut his eyes for a brief moment and reopened them to take in Ai's reaction. Really, he didn't want to say anymore than that. He was expecting a horrified expression, shocked gaze, but all he saw was the same blank face looking up at him, searching for answers. Waiting for elaboration. Didn't she understand?

There was broken glass inside of her, and layers of shield outside. It was amazing how she was still in one piece after all these years, all those experiences. Unlike Ran, who had (an equally amazing) ability to close out painful memories. Or maybe Ai truly didn't understand how damaging certain point of views could be, given the same events. She wasn't dumb, so it could be a natural protection. A different kind, but still there.

It was gone—the flicker of recognition—before Shinichi could feel relieved from the burden of saying the words. Ai's gaze was focused elsewhere, as if she was reconsidering or remembering something. Shinichi stood in silence, waiting for a sign of some sort.

Ai's face saddened, and she looked up. "Dead?"

Shinichi crouched down and nodded, looking into Ai's eyes, the pair of eyes that'd probably lost, a long time ago, the shine that normal teenagers would have. Would they become duller now? Just when they were gaining life?

"How?" Ai asked with a technical tone that threw Shinichi off balance. It was as if she was inquiring how an experiment went wrong, even though her eyes were still sad.

"Car accident."

This time Ai was thrown off balance. The shock was clear. Then the disbelief and bafflement. But these were all gone when they were replaced by understanding, which was replaced by the lack of expression. "Them."

"No," Shinichi almost shouted. "It was an accident."

He was about to say more about things such as accidents happened, but Ai cut him off. "Oh," she said softly, as if she just had an out-of-expectation revelation on something and the answer was disappointing to her. "He's dead."

Maybe it just sank in to her, Shinichi thought and reached out to pull Ai into his arms to comfort her. But she jumped, causing him to withdraw his hands, and she looked scared for some reason.

"I'm fine," she reassured, sounding, indeed, very sure of herself. "You should go. I still have things to do." She turned her heels.

"No, I'm staying," Shinichi said, even though he was aware that Ai probably wanted to grieve alone and not be embarrassed. He simply couldn't leave her alone. Shinichi was suddenly struck by said thought and knew his fears were confirmed when Ai spoke next.

"Leave me alone," she said quietly.

Shinichi shook his head and stood up. "No."

"I said I want to be alone. So leave," Ai said in a firm voice. "Please." It could've been a plea.

Shinichi shook his head again. "Never."

"You're a jackass." Ai turned and started walking away. "Fine. If you want to stay, I'm not going to stop you. Just." She threw out a frustrated wave that meant Leave me alone.

It didn't take many steps for Shinichi to catch up and spin her around. "What are you implying?"

"That you should leave a girl who wants to mourn alone."

"Should I leave a girl who wants to mourn alone? Or should I leave a girl who wants to mourn, alone?"

Ai stared, surprised. Of course, she knew the answer, but she didn't expect him to catch on so quickly. Never look down on a guy who is called the savior of the Japanese police. Or whose goal is to become the modern day Holmes.

"It's not your fault for what happened—"

"I never said anything like that—"

"Well, that's what you're thinking!" Shinichi shouted. "And it's not. It's not your fault."

Ai shrugged Shinichi's hands off her shoulders. "You don't know anything."

"Try me."

Ai didn't reply, but she was trembling, although trying very hard not to.

"I am your left hand, Ai. Tell me. Don't cut it off. It'll hurt."

Ai glared, though she was impressed and surprised, for a second time.

"Hakase was like a grandfather to me," Shinichi continued. "You're not alone. Death...can be meaningless sometimes. And random."

"It's not meaningless. And it's not random!" Ai shouted, shattering at last. "Why and how... It's them! Stop denying yourself!"

"Then it's their fault, not yours!"

"You don't understand!" She began acting like a misunderstood child and yanked her arm out of Shinichi's grasp.

"I do understand, and I can see why it's easy to think that way, but it's not—"

"It's because of me. It's because of me that I lost them. My family." Not just her blood family. "I'm not stupid! I know what's going on. I can analyze. I have a damned PhD! They lived, then they died, because I. Was. There."

Crouching down once more, Shinichi tried again and this time, she didn't resist. He held her tightly and let her weep on his shoulder. "It's not your fault," he kept muttering. "It's not your fault." As if it would undo something. "It's not your fault." And Ai pushed him away.

"Then whose is it?" Ai demanded, stopping her tears briefly as she felt anger. "I don't see any other logical alternative unless you want to take the blame for me." Shinichi only nodded. Anything. To steer her away from self-destruction. "You know? You're right. It's all your fault. You had to have a father who wrote mystery novels. You had to be so smart and so all-for-justice. You had to go on a date. You had to follow them. You had to survive APTX-4869. You had to continue pursuing them. You had to let me stay. Why?" The tears gushed out again. "Why did you have to let me stay? To let me live? To say you love me when I'm only a second choice? When you're not good enough for an angel?"

Shinichi was silent.

"I should kill you right here, right now." Ai took in a deep breath. "I don't even know why the hell I'm putting up with you. I just know I love you, I love you, I love you!" Ai flung her arms around Shinichi's neck and cried hard. Undone by her emotions, by the death, and by the thought of losing him. "Hakase is dead! Like everyone else!"

For such a long time, for so many things... she'd finally gotten rid of a tiny portion. He'd have to listen to more. Again and again. Harsh as it might seem.

She cried on his shoulder—him kneeling and her clutching onto him. She was so small.

And she did understand.

-x-

The night was long. At first, Ai kept waking up, checking to see if Shinichi was still there, if he was still alive. And each time, he'd give her a reassuring smile and a squeeze on her hand. She felt bad for disturbing his sleep (on a chair next to her bed), but even though the bed next to her was frighteningly empty, she objected to his usage of it.

In the end, he took her in his arms while they slept. Ai woke up less frequent afterwards and managed to get a couple hours of sleep without interruption by early morning. She was relieved that she could easily feel his heart thumping, being so close to him, for she knew it didn't take much for a chest to be as still and cold as a wall. Silent for eternity.

-x-

"Ai," Shinichi called out gently and touched Ai's forehead. Her eyes fluttered open and looked at him, although the gaze was unfocused due to morning sleepiness. He smiled. "How about you stay home today? I'll call the school. I'll stay, too."

"—time is it?" Ai sat up and glanced at the clock, still disoriented.

"You won't be late if you want to go to school. But are you sure? Do you feel well enough?"

Ai looked at Shinichi, as if she was having a hard time thinking straight. "You up for a while?" she asked, noticing his damp hair.

He nodded. "I even made breakfast, but I don't think it's a good idea for you to go to school. You're tired. And, well..."

"I'm fine," Ai said in a barely audible voice and climbed out of her bed, eyes fixed elsewhere.

Maybe, just maybe, it would be a better idea for her to be distracted for the day, Shinichi thought as he walked Ai to school. But there was only so much that Ai could handle right now. He looked at the strawberry blonde girl walking beside him, the girl who refused to let him carry her backpack for her or to be taken care of and who remained silent throughout breakfast, caught in her own thoughts. He wished she'd say something. Anything.

"Bye," she said softly and hurried her footsteps to join the Detective Boys at the school gate. She was smiling, but it was a pathetic attempt. Even before she reached the trio, Ayumi was wondering if Ai was ill again.

Shinichi stood afar, finally keeping in mind that he wasn't supposed to know the Detective Boys well, and watched with sadness as Ai's touch in masking herself slowly returned. It almost didn't surprised him that she managed to convince the three that she was perfectly fine. Morning sleepiness, she told them. Maybe she should go wash her face with cold water before class began.

They shouted a "Good morning" to "Shinichi-niisan" and headed toward the classroom building. The last thing Shinichi saw that morning of Ai was her genuine smile directed to him before she turned to walk up the stairs and disappeared into the building with the Detective Boys. He wanted to go in with them, to know how Ai was doing. But that was Edogawa Conan's position.

His classmates at Teitan High swarmed around him again, not believing he was attending class for two days in a row, whereas Ran sat quietly at her desk, reading and distancing herself from the rest of the class. From Shinichi. Her gaze, however, kept wandering off the page and toward the crowd by the door. When her eyes met Shinichi's, she looked away and pretended to concentrate on her reading. Sonoko took the scene in with raised eyebrows.

After his classmates left him alone, Shinichi pulled out his textbooks and notebooks from his bag, stopping the middle when his hand came in contact with Choi's laptop and a stack of paper stuffed into his bag earlier that morning. APTX-4869, he thought as he pulled out the stack of paper to study briefly before returning them into his backpack. I can do it. I am Kudo Shinichi.

-x-

They were having eel for lunch, much to Genta's delight. Mitsuhiko grumbled while Ayumi giggled at Genta's gleeful exclamation. Then Ayumi's smile dropped.

"Did Conan-kun call?" she asked. Ai didn't respond. Ayumi peered into Ai's face. "Ai-chan?"

"What?" Ai looked up, just realizing that Ayumi was talking to her.

"Did Conan-kun call?" Ayumi repeated.

Ai stared blankly at Ayumi's serious but miserable expression before fixing her gaze on her rice. "No," she said after some contemplation.

"Really?" Ayumi was skeptical, but her questioning tone wasn't harsh. Somehow, Ai-chan looked terrible today, and it didn't seem to be because of "morning sleepiness" anymore. Maybe Conan-kun really didn't call...

"He'll never call." Ai's voice was breaking. "Because he's a jerk!" she looked up abruptly and added with a bright smile.

The Detective Boys blinked and then decided it was typical Ai-behavior.

"Um," Mitsuhiko started and blushed when Ai's attention was on him. "Are you truly in love with Conan-kun?" he asked timidly, afraid of hearing the answer and afraid of not knowing the answer.

There was a pause as Ai was chewing. She shrugged. "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Genta cried out in surprise and, with this outburst, some of his food were spit out unintentionally.

"Yuck, Genta-kun," the girl sitting at the next table commented and received a glare from Genta.

"Then does Conan-kun love you?" Ayumi asked.

"Maybe."

"But he said you were his girlfriend!" Mitsuhiko said.

"He did."

"So does he?"

"And do you?"

"What?"

"Love each other!" Ayumi and Mitsuhiko said in unison.

"Why are you making such a big deal out of this anyway?" Genta asked.

Resting her head on one hand, Ai took another bite of her lunch, lost in her thoughts once again. "I don't know. Yes." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "But he's not calling."

Ayumi and Mitsuhiko exchanged a look. Ayumi frowned, scratched her head, and then smiled. "Ai-chan," she said, causing Ai to look up. "If he's not calling, then you can call him."

They didn't know what she was talking about. Ai sighed inwardly. Of course they wouldn't. But at least they didn't seem to be hating her. "Okay," she said at last, unsure of what to think. "I'll call him." Even if it was impossible. But it wasn't so bad after all, she decided when she returned a smile to the three of them. They were good people.

-x-

"Your new laptop?" Sonoko asked with her arms folded and loomed over Shinichi, who was sitting under a tree outside the building and looking frustrated.

"No, it's for the case I'm working on."

"Oh really," Sonoko bent down to examine the screen but frowned with annoyance when Shinichi brought the cover down and shut the laptop with a click. She squared her shoulders and snorted. "Fine. I could care less about the case anyway. But what happened between you and Ran?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing." Sonoko huffed. "That's what Ran told me, too, when I asked her. Would you care to elaborate, Sherlock?"

Shinichi didn't respond but continued to stare at the several people playing soccer in the field. 4869—Sherlock.

"What's this?" Sonoko pointed at the stack of paper lying on the ground and was about to pick them up to take a look when Shinichi snatched them away.

"Please, Suzuki Sonoko-san, I have work to do."

"Sonoko?" a voice came from behind and Sonoko looked up—Ran.

"Ran!" Sonoko shouted and rushed up to her best friend. "Go talk to him! Tell him all the sorrows in your heart!" She turned to Shinichi. "Hey you, jerk!"

"Do you happen to know what AI stands for, Ran?" Shinichi asked quietly, his brows creased. Ran and Sonoko were both taken aback by his question out of nowhere.

"AI?" Sonoko raised an eyebrow. "Ah! Wouldn't that spell out to be the romaji of 'love'?" Shinichi shook his head slightly. "Try English. Or French. Or Cantonese."

"Well," Ran said with a small smile while Sonoko stared at Shinichi as if he'd just lost it. "Artificial Intelligence, maybe?"

Shinichi looked up for the first time since Sonoko's arrival and stared at Ran in astonishment before resuming his work on the laptop. "Artificial Intelligence," he mumbled to himself. That makes sense! AI. Something given up for humanity. AI. He stared at the word document, which was password protected and titled 'AI.' Shuichi never said anything about a password protected document in Choi's laptop, and at first, he was frustrated that he couldn't access the document, but now... "AI... Ai..." How was Ai doing at school?

"What, are you interested in science fiction now? That's new..." Sonoko blabbed on about Shinichi's stupidity for not knowing AI, declared Shinichi's failure, denounced his insensitivity on Ran's feelings...

"Was I of any help, Shinichi?" Ran asked. "Shinichi?"

"Yes! Thank you very much!" Shinichi shut the laptop, grabbed the stack of paper that he'd stolen—borrowed from Ai, and jumped up. "Thank you!" He gave a quick pat on Ran's shoulder and rushed into the building.

Ran was happy to know that she had helped him. She didn't want to be a burden, Shinichi thought as he raced up the stairs. She believed that Ai was a detective. She still believed, she was still full of hope... What would happen if he told her the second half of the truth? After entering the classroom, Shinichi sank into his seat and reflected on everything that'd happened since he returned, imagined what would happen from then on.

AI, AI. He didn't give a damn about AI, about Choi, about the Organization... Maybe he should cook chicken soup for Ai tonight.

-x-

Shinichi found Ai sitting on the steps outside of the house when he returned. He'd gone to Teitan Elementary to fetch her, but her classmates told him that she'd already left. He wasn't surprised that she was sitting outside. Her face was buried in her hands. He took a seat beside her on the steps.

"How was your day?" He wondered afterwards why he'd wanted to pick up a conversation at all.

"I heard hakase on the way back," Ai said, words muffled. Shinichi's eyes widened. "But he wasn't there. I'm hallucinating already..."

So that was it, huh. Shinichi sighed. "You're not alone, Ai."

There was a long moment of silence. "Of course I'm not alone. There're some 15 billion people on Earth. I'm not alone."

"That's not what I meant!" Shinichi said, a little angry.

Ai lifted her head and leaned against Shinichi with her eyes shut, as if she wanted to take a nap. "Do you have water?"

"We could go inside to get some," Shinichi suggested.

Ai opened her eyes and paused. "Okay."

-x-

"Here you go," Shinichi said with a smile as he handed a glass of water to Ai when they were in the kitchen.

Ai popped something into her mouth and swallowed it with the water.

"Hey, wait a minute!" Shinichi yelled and snatched the almost-empty glass of water away from Ai. "What did you just swallow?" he demanded.

"Antidote," Ai said, sounding the same as how Shinichi dismissively told Sonoko "nothing."

"Did you think I'd let you carry out your plan to turn back into Conan? Stop messing around!"

Shinichi was stunned. "You knew." Ai made no response. "But when was the antidote made?"

Ai shook her head and was overwhelmed by the pain surging through her body.

Time moves forward, and will only move forward. But we don't.

-x-

The union that night was probably partly out of guilt. Shiho never said anything. He was still used to calling her Ai, but she didn't seem to mind. Things had been done, words had been spoken. Once was enough. He told her not to shy away from her fate. He shouldn't either. As he lied there at night, he thought, Life goes on. In the world around you. The bridge was crossed and destroyed, with two on one side. And nothing else mattered—God, Devil, them, us, him, her...

His Ai, his only ai.