Fever Dreams' Epilogue

Raballo surprised Paolo as he observed Dina run through the close combat life-fire course. "You're getting sloppy Di Tomaso."

Instinctively, he saluted, then blushed. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Raballo leaned on the railing, then shook his head slowly. "You're wrong. It will. That's the type of person you are. That was your biggest shortcoming, the thing that I had to debate the most before recommending you. You care too much."

"Sir?"

"They're not children anymore. Yes, they're young, and, worse, they're girls. It might have been easier if they were boys. Easier for us, at least."

Paolo wasn't even sure how to form the questions welling in his mind. He simply willed his mentor to continue.

After a seemingly interminable, agonizing stretch, the captain put his binoculars away and started to turn.

"Uh, sir? Could you elaborate?"

"Hm? Oh, boys? Yes, of course. Some of the soldiers under our command looked like they weren't old enough to shave, right?"

Paolo nodded. "Some didn't shave, if memory serves."

"And how did you think of them? How did you see them? How did you approach training them?"

"Uh, well, this may sound odd, but I saw myself in some of them, so it was easier to motivate them. What worked for me seemed to work for them as well."

"Not surprising. But, with girls, … I forgot – you're an only child, right?"

Paolo smiled. Raballo never forgot something like that. "I have a brother who made some bad choices, so I may as well be an only child."

"Good answer. That was a red flag for some of the reviewers, but I told them you weren't a risk in that regard. But, some of the handlers seem to treat the girls as family, as little sisters."

"Well, they call as fratelli, so it's not exactly unexpected…"

Raballo gave his signature non-committal grunt. "It's unfortunate. It's hard, but you should think of them as squad members. They're equals, they're valued, they're not disposable, but they're not family. Even if you saw them as a younger version of yourself, that's not as dangerous as seeing them as family."

"Rule seventeen."

"Yes. And worse, sometimes, the wrong emotions start to sprout. You have to be merciless about that and root them out. Remember the icebox?"

Paolo shook off an unwanted shudder, then gave a tight nod.

"That's why we do that. You need to see them as a teammate, as someone who will get into harm's way with you. In our case, get into harm's way instead of you."

"So the part about the endocrine system was—"

"Oh, that's what the girls get out of it. We have to watch so we learn to think of them properly."

"So, why not boys, then?"

"Hm?" Raballo gave him a sidelong glance.

Paolo knew his expectations. "Uh, if the Agency used boys, then… they wouldn't be as easily overlooked and underestimated."

"And…"

"Hmm. They hit their growth spurt later, so there's not as much room for the cybernetics."

"Go on."

Paolo swallowed, fighting back memories of similar conversations with Raballo. "And, when they hit their growth spurt, their emotions get the better of them?"

"Yes. It's not a biological rule, but, in general, boys have a harder time with puberty. Now, add firearms and artificial muscles."

"So, it has to be girls."

"Yes."

"And we have to be careful. They're teammates. They're not family."

"Yes."

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

"You said I care too much. What changed your mind?"

"Hmm?"

"Why did you recommend me, if you know I have this liability?"

"Because I'm able to keep it in control Di Tomaso. I expect you to, as well."

"Yes, sir."