Happy Valentine's Day, readers!

This started out as just a poem (it wasn't written for the Doctor and Master explicitly, but they were definitely the inspiration), which turned into a sonnet, which turned into...a fan fiction. And what better day to release it than this particular day?

This story will make you "awwwww". Or puke, if you're a homophobe (f**k you). For my favorite OTP of all time, the one shipping to rule them all...the Doctor and the Master. (Less than three.) Enjoy! :)

I'll be your villain, and you be the hero.

You save the day, and I'll go to jail.

You be the leading man, I'll be the zero.

You be my enemy, and I promise to fail.

You save the girl, and I'll take the fall.

Our rivalry will spread across the lands.

I'll be the greatest adversary of all.

If you promise to foil my plans.

Without you, I have no purpose or meaning.

My life would surely be a bore.

You're why I go on plotting and scheming.

Our battles are what I live for.

I promise to be the worst of your nemeses.

Won't you say that we can be enemies?

The Master smiled to himself as he put the tenderly written poem into a red envelope. He licked the edge of the flap, then stuck it down. My dear Doctor, he wrote on the back of the envelope in elegant cursive...then threw the valentine in the trash can. Laughing at himself, he walked out of his office and down to his Earth lab.

But someone was already there.

The Doctor was sitting at the table, his long beige jacket and white hat hanging on the coat rack. The Time Lord was intensely reading a familiar looking piece of paper. He looked up when the Master came in. "Master, what is this?" he asked, sounding uncomfortable.

The Master leapt practically three feet into the air. "Doctor! How did you find me? And where did you get that?!"

"It was slipped under the door of my TARDIS, along with an anonymous note with coordinates on where to find you. Master, please tell me this isn't what I think it is," said the Doctor nervously.

"It was...just a little sonnet I wrote up. I'd recently visited Elizabethan England, and this Shakespeare fellow inspired me."

"Yes, well, it was very beautifully written," said the Doctor quickly, noting at how the Master smiled at this bashfully for a millisecond, but then regained his composure. "But it was in a red envelope, with 'my dear Doctor' inscribed on it."

"Doctor, I do believe you're taking this whole thing out of proportion," said the Master, doing a poor job of hiding the fact that he was freaking out at the moment. "I simply wanted your literary opinion on my poem. I was going to send it to you, but then I decided you'd probably be too busy saving those ridiculous little human pets of yours or something. So I discarded it."

The Doctor studied the Master long and hard, making the Master even more nervous than he already was. "Are you quite sure, Master? Because this seems...this seems like a Valentine's Day card."

The Master scoffed at this. "A Valentine's Day card?" he repeated incredulously, but was seriously sweating now. "Don't be preposterous! You know I don't participate in such silly human traditions!"

"Oh really? We're on Earth, are we not? And tell me, what day is it?"

"February fourteenth. But the date has nothing to do with my correspondence. I simply wanted your professional opinion. Nothing more."

The Doctor sighed and put his hat on. "Alright, Master. If you're sure."

"I'm positive."

"Pity," said the Doctor, putting on his jacket and shoving his hands into his pockets. "I assume you won't be wanting my Valentine now."

"What?!" said the Master, completely taken by surprise.

"Good day." With a tip of the hat, the Doctor began to head for the door.

"Wait, Doctor!" exclaimed the Master quickly. "I mean...I suppose...an exchange of tokens wouldn't...be completely inappropriate."

"Oh no. I wouldn't want to make matters awkward for you," said the Doctor.

Well, you've certainly done a poor job of that! thought the Master. "Oh, come now. We're both mature adults. Surely we don't have to play these adolescent games."

Funny. I'm not the one acting like a twitterpated schoolgirl, mused the Doctor. "Well, alright. I simply came here to give you this," he said, quickly closing the gap between the two Time Lords, raveling his arms around the Master's neck, and kissing him earnestly.

The Master was again taken by surprise, but that didn't stop him from kissing the Doctor back, pulling him closer, and slightly moaning.

The Rani listened from outside the lab door, chuckling to herself triumphantly. She knew slipping the Master's valentine to the Doctor would make the romantic fool come rushing to his arms. The Rani had tired of the way the Master mooned over the Doctor, the way he made up these pathetic little schemes just to get his attention, doodling hearts all over his blueprints. Now he and his space boyfriend could snog till their four hearts were content.

Oh Master, thought the Rani, rolling her eyes. What would you do without me?