Happy Valentines day! To celebrate I am sitting at my desk, eating pretzels, writing smut and looking forward to the discount chocolate I'm going to buy tomorrow.

Ah, the life of a hermit.

Anyway, welcome to the new story. I am posting against better judgement, but then, I rarely listen to my better judgement (it's boring)

Warnings: M/M of course, missed spelling, bad grammar, Anko, psychotic stalkers, my general lack of sanity and kittens.

Enjoy.

…

Ibiki was having a horrible day.

It was one of those days where you wake up and everything just starts going steadily downhill.

First he'd over slept his alarm, and in his hurry to get ready had broken the tap of the bathroom sink, drenching himself and most of the room with water before he managed to shut the main off. Then he'd discovered that he quite literally had no clean uniforms left and not one old one he could get away with wearing and not have people know. He was now wearing a black long sleeve shirt and praying that Anko wouldn't notice.

Then, while trying to grab something to eat on the way out the door he discovered he was out of eggs, rice and pretty much everything else he usually ate for breakfast, and while Ibiki had nothing against eating 'dinner' at seven in the morning (food was food) he didn't have time to cook anything. He ended up having to settle for the remaining juice (half a glass) and the three protein bars he dug from the back of the cupboard. By then he was really late and had to leave in a rush, almost forgetting his bandanna in the process.

Looking back, Ibiki figured he should have just taken it all as a sign and called in sick.

He'd arrived at an office covered in green goo (he dragged the story from a crying intern. Details were best left unsaid but it had involved an extremely hangover Anko before her first cup of coffee and Aoba stupidly had made a comment on her bedhead) then he'd spent two hours searching for a file that was sitting on his desk the whole time. Then he'd gone down the Interrogation Room to discover all the workers playing poker, using pretzels for chips, which in all honesty he didn't mind, just not when they were supposed to be working.

He'd kicked them off their butts and off into the cells only to find out the psychotic missing nin from Mist had gotten through the bars somehow and taken out two other prisoners before sampling a few toxic formulas herself. Meaning he now got to write an 'I regret to inform the council' letter that made him and his staff look like over-paid morons.

Which was the farthest thing from the truth. He so didn't get paid enough to deal with this shit.

He'd then spent the rest of the day locked in his office, wanting to bang his head on his metal desk as he wrote form after report after signature.

His whole job sucked.

When he'd finally forced himself to man up and leave his office, returning to the front to see how much damage his staff had wreaked on it, he found himself walking into Sap Ville. Anko was mooning about Gai and the date they were going on that night (as well as giving far more information than Ibiki ever needed on Gai's physical abilities in bed) Aoba was talking about his kid again, and how big his girlfriend was at seven months pregnancy. This made pretty much everyone else start spilling about their own boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wife's, children, one night stands, blind dates and set ups.

Ibiki wanted to puke. Which didn't feel so great as the protein bars and juice had been well over seven hours ago. Not the greatest thing to realize when you're a man Ibiki's size. Especially when the only option for food in the building was the broken vending machine housing old chocolate covered raisins, moldy fruit-leather, and a bag of crisps that were about one month away from growing arms and killing someone.

Deciding he'd put as much effort in to this fuck up of a day as could be asked for Ibiki called it quits. Though he was never one for giving up, he understood there was a point where one should acknowledge it was not going to work out this time. Tomorrow might be better, but he was done trying to make this day work with him.

He had started stumbling for home, when he remembered there was virtually no food and no running water there. Hell, he was a little scared of what else might blow up in his face if he went there right now. Which made eating out the only option, though probably a good one, as it was most likely safer if it was someone else handling the knifes and hot pans on this Day that Wanted to Kill Him.

Great, he was starting to sound like Gai. Exuberance was contagious.

Sighing Ibiki slipped into the Trap Wire, Konoha's famous Ninja bar, and carefully slunk to the back. There weren't very many people in the place yet and they all were occupied with their own thoughts, so he managed to get in without being seen. Dropping into a chair in the very back, he ordered then sat back and watched as the evening rush started.

People watching was one of Ibiki's favorite pass times, and the shinobi of Konoha were especially entertaining to observe. He could tell which ones were celebrating, who was morning and which were there just for the heck of it. He could see the club goers, the regulars, the group night out crowd and those that were dragged there against their will.

Bars really did get everyone.

After a hearty meal of steak, potato and cooked greens Ibiki was starting to feel much better, physically anyway. He was still feeling pretty down in the mental area, but he could part way peg it as the awful day he'd had, though his he was being completely honest to himself, all the 'love' talk he'd heard in the main office was getting to him.

Ibiki had nothing against relationships and happy couples, he enjoy seeing them actually. His own parents hadn't been the best of role models, but considering theirs had been an arranged marriage Ibiki didn't find that surprising.

He was glad for Aoba, the guy's kid was cute, he was obviously a good father and from what he'd seem of the civilian girlfriend, she was rather sweet too. He'd also been very happy when Anko had fallen for Gai. Sure the guy was weird and a little more…perky than Ibiki liked himself, he was still a nice guy and someone who would take very good care of his girlfriend, who – despite how annoying Ibiki found her – was still very dear to the Interrogator. (Something he'd never, never, ever, admit – ever)

But it all still kind of made him – lonely. Which was annoying, because he wasn't supposed to get lonely. He was Morino Ibiki for crying out loud, Konoha's infamous Interrogation Specialist. He was as well known as Kakashi damnit, probably the most feared man in the village and-

Ibiki sighed as he swirled the water in his glass around. And nothing, he hated his reputation most of the time, it's not like he even encouraged it, he just couldn't get rid of it. Anyone who worked in T&I got a twisted rep and it didn't help that he looked the way he did.

It was hard to attract someone genuine with his scars, and his profession and baggage piled on top of it probably made him the least desirable man in the whole Village. His sexuality didn't help matters either.

Ibiki had figured out he was gay in his early teens. The realization hadn't thrown him much, but then he didn't really let anything throw him. Being gay or lesbian wasn't really a problem in a Hidden Village, in a world where people did pretty much anything to scrape through another day, finding comfort and focus with the same sex really wasn't a horrible option. There was no chance of pregnancy at any rate.

But still there were something's that were expected and the feared Morino Ibiki being into the guys – was not one of them.

Before his promotion, Ibiki would just wait until an out of village mission and pick up a guy in a small town bar. It was quick and good and he never saw them again, easy but effective. But he hadn't been out of the village in two years.

Since his promotion to Head of T&I and a rather well planned capture attempt (which probably would have gone farther beyond 'attempt' if Anko hadn't picked that night to pass out on his living room floor and gotten stepped on by the intruders, making her wake up very much like a cat wielding knifes. He could still hear the screams) Ibiki had been in lock down. He was too important and he knew too much, therefore he was treated similar to the Hokage.

It was just common sense really, standard procedure. But damn if it didn't muck up his sex life.

Sighing Ibiki rethought his decision not to drink, after the day he'd had a tumbler of something strong sounded good. Waving over the bartender, he ordered some scotch before the man left him alone again. Obviously years of working the bar taught the man when someone needed to talk and when it was best to leave them to brood.

After a couple refills Ibiki was starting to tell himself he really should stop. He was beginning to scan the crowd and rating the guys there, a sure sign he losing his self-control. He'd developed a system years ago from reading body language. It wasn't foul proof, but it worked reasonably well.

First he would find a guy he was interested in from sight alone, then figure out if he was married or dating someone. If he was Ibiki moved on then and there. He could tolerate many things, but cheating was one of the lowest things someone could possibly do to another person in his books. This was probably due to having to watch both his parents sneak around behind each other's back (sometimes even opening flaunting it) for years. There were many things an eight year old saw that people thought they didn't.

This was beside the point however. If someone was going to cheat on their partner, that was their business, but Ibiki wasn't going to be part of it.

If the guy was obviously single however Ibiki would then play 'guess the sexuality'. It was actually pretty fun in all honesty.

Ibiki had never told another of this game of his, so he had never thought about how to explain how he did it. Of course he wasn't right all the time, but that was part of the fun. Usually, if he found someone that was attractive, obviously single and possibly gay or bi he would have walked over to see how they reacted to his presence. It was a good test actually, if they backed up, or seemed frightened he changed route and picked someone else. If someone was going to judge based purely on his size, they weren't worth his time.

But if they didn't so much as twitch – or even looked intrigued - he would pull them into a conversation. He was very good at that, though it may have surprised some people. Talking was his job, getting the information he wanted, most of the time without the person knowing what he was doing. Also Ibiki had been in the undercover division when he was younger, before he'd become to famous and easily recognized. So he'd spent years in bars or clubs, at vendor carts or even theaters, chatting people up for information.

He missed it honestly, getting what he needed without the use of violence, but after he'd received his scars there was no way he could stay on and was moved to T&I.

Of course, even though he was rather tipsy at this point, Ibiki knew better than to go up to any of his 'targets'. It may have worked in small out of the way villages, but people knew him here and would talk, then Anko would find out and everything would snowball from there. He could already see her, trying to set him up on dates. It was enough to make him want to stab himself with his fork.

Shuddering at these thoughts before shoving them aside and returning to his game Ibiki found his gaze drawn to a small figure that had just crept their way to the back, largely unnoticed by the nearly full bar. An impressive feat Ibiki had to admit, as even drunk ninja were still ninja and were virtually impossible to sneak passed.

The person wedged themselves in the far back of the bar, not far from Ibiki, and huddled down in the corner of their booth. They were wearing a standard issue chuunin uniform, sans vest, but as their long hair hid their face from view that was really all Ibiki could tell. Obviously they were feeling like him, but with the added need not to be recognized.

It wasn't until one waiter went over and made them lift their head that Ibiki realized who it was, nearly falling from his stool in shock when he did.

Umino Iruka.

Ibiki had run into the small sensei a few times over the years, and not always in the good way. He had fond memories of the young brunet taking uppity ANBU and Jounin down a few pegs with his well-conceived pranks when he was a child and even now Ibiki enjoyed tails of Iruka's work in the Mission Room and the stories of parent teacher meetings with the man. Iruka was not one afraid to stand up for himself; that was clear.

Ibiki also knew him from Anko. Not many people remembered, but Iruka had been one of Orchimaru's Genin team. In fact, many people completely over looked the fact the Sanni would have had a Cell and only remembered Anko for being the one to go with him.

Ibiki however had heard many stories from the Kounichi. The third member of the team had gone crazy after and ended up killing himself while Iruka had been subjected to experiments that halved his chakra. Destroying the man's ability to move up in ranks, not that he minded, Iruka clearly loved teaching. From what Ibiki had been told, Iruka had regenerative abilities, they weren't on par with Binju healing, but for the day to day life of a shinobi, they would have been extremely handy. Orchimaru had obviously tried to harness the talent for himself, but failed. Ibiki liked to think the reason the Sanni had taken Anko and not Iruka was because the young brunet was too much for the snake to handle. According to Anko at least, this was a big factor and Iruka had always fought with Orchimaru at every chance.

Ibiki liked the mental picture that give him, of a small twelve year old Iruka laying into the Sanni like he now did to Jounin handing in reports on soggy napkins – it always made him smile.

He'd also unfortunately developed a small crush on the man, years ago when he was younger. The first time he'd really noticed the chuunin – at age sixteen then, recently promoted in the ranks – had been when he'd just nailed a group Jounin with balloons filled with neon pink paint. The gang had been harassing Anko, just recently cleared of charges. Iruka had obviously taken the strike at his ex-Cell member as a personal insult and decided the guys needed to walk around with pink hair for the next month.

It had been ridiculously fun to watch and the only ones to see Iruka dump the bucket of paint filled balloons on the Jounin had been Anko and himself. Before dropping the bucket and fleeing the scene Iruka had looked up, spotted Ibiki standing on the next roof, winked, then ran.

That was when Ibiki could say he'd fallen in love, just a little bit.

Which meant it hadn't been easy, a few years later, when he'd walked into his Interrogation room to find Iruka seated in the chair. He'd almost walked back out and told someone else to do it, but stopped himself when he realized at least this way he could control the situation. If one of the other interrogator's did it they could choose to use torture, where's Ibiki could keep it to talking.

The sensei had been there under order of an extremely paranoid council. After Mizuki's betrayal the elders suddenly remembered just how important to the village Naruto was and that Iruka had been Orchimaru's student. They'd flown into a panicked rage and since they would never admit that they were in the wrong they'd gone after the Third and Iruka.

Ibiki had wanted to set the council room on fire after that.

But Iruka had dealt with the whole thing very well, though Ibiki figured if the guy had survived his sensei he could deal with an interrogation. Nothing 'threatening' had been found (Ibiki knew Iruka could be a threat if he wanted, but that was a different topic) Iruka had gone back to his life and somehow made everyone forget about him again, something Ibiki didn't think should be possible, but Iruka did it, more than once.

He really wanted to ask how, but figured being 5'9'' good with kids and not an infamous Interrogator had something to do with it.

Ibiki had avoided Iruka for the most part after that. It wasn't that hard really, they didn't travel in the same circles (come to think on it, Ibiki didn't really travel in any circles) Ibiki had just figured the chuunin wouldn't have wanted to see him after that day in the Interrogation Room.

But now, seeing Iruka sitting alone, looking lost, with himself being more than a little drunk at this point Ibiki's crush came back full force.

Of course he wasn't going to act on it. He was a grown adult; he had more sense than to put himself or Iruka in that kind of position. Besides, the man obviously wanted to be alone right then, he didn't want help, even if he was looking like a kicked puppy, and really cute with his hair down. He was wet too, was it raining outside?

Ibiki hadn't realized he was moving until he was halfway to Iruka's booth. Startled he stopped and was about to turn around and move back to his spot when Iruka looked up, probably from the sound of his footsteps. The dark curtain of hair swinging at the movement while Iruka frowned.

"Ibiki-san?"

Fight the urge to bit his lip – a habit he'd been trying to kick for years – Ibiki took another step forward. He'd been noticed, he couldn't turn back now.

"You need to talk about it?"

"What?" Iruka titled his head in obvious confusion.

Moving the last few steps so he was directly in front of the booth Ibiki used a big hand to gesture toward the younger man. "You. You looked a bit depressed over here. Once you cut out the less pleasant aspects of my job the base fact is, I'm a good listener. So you need to talk about it?"

Iruka regarded him quietly for a moment, a small smile tugging on the dark lips, before he motioned to the seat next to him. "You wanna sit down?"

Letting his own lips tilt up into a grin Ibiki nodded and slid in, realizing Iruka wanted him on his side of the booth as it wasn't visible to the rest of the bar, while the other side was.

"So what's with the look?"

Iruka studied him again for a moment. "You're serious? You really want to hear me bitch about my day? You honestly have nothing better to do?"

Ibiki grinned, so frank, he liked that. "Nope. Would it help if I bitched about my day first?"

Iruka blinked then genially laughed. "You work with Anko, if that's not a valid reason to vent, nothing is"

Chuckling Ibiki leant back and took a swing of scotch. "Mmm, she's turned for the sappy side ever since she started dating Gai. I'm not sure whether I find the psycho who set up rain justus in my office or if the love sick girl more annoying. All I know is I now have too much knowledge of –"

"Gai's 'abilities'?" Iruka grinned impishly when Ibiki nodded. "Diddo. I haven't been able to look him in the eye after the last rant of hers, which is horrible; because I have no clue where else I should look"

Ibiki nearly snorted his mouthful of drink through his nose as he tried to stop his laughter. This was great, when was the last time someone had been this comfortable around him? Not since before he received his scars and rep he was sure.

Coughing Ibiki shook his head. "That's not going to help me at all. She's been going on an 'everyone has to be happy because I am' fling, you've noticed? She's tried to set everyone not already involved with someone up on dates to find 'true love'. It's rather terrifying"

Iruka chuckled darkly as he rolled his beer bottle in his fingers. "Oh, trust me I've noticed. It's actually the reason for 'the look' as you put it earlier"

Ibiki blinked. "What? She set you up?" he wasn't sure if he liked that.

Iruka grinned rather ruefully. "Ya. Not that it's new; she's been blackmailing me into blind dates for years, but – well." Iruka paused, thoughtful. "Before I continue, how are you with gay relationships?"

Ibiki blinked, not expecting that, before he smiled. "I have no prejudice against them what so ever" there, the truth and nicely worded at that, well giving away nothing personal. Give yourself a pat on the back Ibiki.

Iruka held his gaze a moment longer before smiling and ducking his head. "Well, she found out I was gay a few years ago, which just made her happier. She's not great with her own sex but she can hunt down a guy in ways that are terrifying. That whole 'everyone must now be happy because' has just made it worse and she redoubled her efforts. I've been forced out with guys so creepy they would have made Sens- Orchimaru look like the catch of the year."

Ibiki ignored the small slip while he honestly shuddered. This was living proof of way he was never letting Anko find out he liked guys.

Iruka took the reaction as the intended sympathy and grinned. "She ever set you up?"

Ibiki hummed as he took another mouthful of drink. "Only once, when we just first started working together. She'd dragged me to the restaurant where my 'date' took one look at me, stuttered an excuse and ran. She left me alone after that, obviously understanding my 'it's not a good idea' reasoning by then"

"That's rotten!" Iruka tone was so indignant Ibiki was startled into a smile. "So you've got scars, their nothing to run from. I don't care what the freaking rumors are; you shouldn't be treated like that"

Ibiki stared at the chuunin, stunned, while Iruka blushed for his outburst.

"Ah, sorry" Iruka grinned sheepishly and looked down again. "I just hated it when people are judged purely off rumors. You're not a bad guy, Ibiki-san, and you shouldn't be treated like one, especially not in your own home"

Pushing his shock down Ibiki felt his mouth tilt up into a huge smile as he reached for Iruka hand. The younger man jumped slightly when Ibiki's large mitt enveloped his smaller one before the big brown eyes turned up in question.

"Thank you, Iruka" Ibiki gave the hand in his a soft squeeze. "No one's ever been upset on my behalf before."

A light dusting of red spread over Iruka cheeks, making the scar stand out white while Iruka reached up to scratch at it. "It's true though" was muttered in a small voice and Ibiki smiled.

Releasing the smaller hand Ibiki leant back, missing the warmth but figuring he should dispel the tension now. He was enjoying this and he didn't want Iruka to get uncomfortable. "So, ah – you were saying about blind dates?"

Iruka looked back up, still blushing but taking the que without as much as a blink. "Ah, well a few weeks ago she sent me out with this Jounin, Moki; Oran Moki - heard of him?" Ibiki frowned and tilted his head. It sounded familiar but not much more. "Ah, anyway, it wasn't bad, especially when compared to some of the others she'd pulled outta the wood work recently, but it still didn't really spark for me. We had dinner and I figured that would be that, but Moki had other ideas. He asked me out again and I figured, well, he didn't make me want to kill him or teleport myself to the farthest country I could think of, so what was the harm?"

Ibiki let his lips tilt up into an ironic smile; he could sort of see where this was going. Trust Anko.

Iruka nodded to him, telling him the look was the correct one. "Couple more dates and I'm still not running for the hills and his not a bore, which was nice. It was after he began pushing for sex it started."

Ibiki fought a frown at those words as he shoved down a small twist of jealously at the thought of someone else touching Iruka like that before he could examine the feeling.

"The sex its self was fine, pleasant, but nothing mind blowing-" Good some small part of Ibiki muttered "- it was the possessiveness that came with it. Now I believe a little possessiveness is necessary in a relationship, but not to the point of ownership. He started popping up all the time when I was at work, and I caught him trying to take one of my house keys without permission."

Ibiki frowned again, alright, that was a little scary.

"Then I found out he'd been threatening some of the Mission Desk chuunin and a few Jounin I regularly talk to, something about 'not getting ideas'."

"He thought you'd cheat?" Ibiki barely kept the disbelief from his voice at that.

Iruka snorted. "A little of that and a little of he thought they were making a move on me. If I had wanted to be dating any of my coworkers I would have done it a long time ago. Anyway, it came to a head this morning. It was open house at the Academy today and it was going nicely. The kids were showing off and everyone was having a great time, but then, well." Iruka sighed started playing with his beer again. "There are a lot of widowed and single parents with kids in the school, and you ask any teacher, they will tell you at least one has come on to them at some point. It's a form of transference in a way."

Ibiki let his eyes slide shut. Now he really knew where this was going.

"Now if the teachers responsible, their polite and professional and they don't act on it. Its common courtesy and sense. I hadn't even thought about it until I saw Moki storm into the room. Long story short, some of the Jounin parents helped me with him before he killed the civilian mother who'd been talking to me"

Ibiki felt his jaw drop open in shock but snapped it back into place before Iruka noticed.

The chuunin sighed, a humorless smile on his lips. "So I got to spend the day in questioning and under observation. Tsuande-sama stormed into the council an hour ago and got me out, blowing off some steam at the elders while she did. Apparently, Moki had been clinically insane for a while now and I just was lucky enough to be his minds last desperate attempt at a focus point, but he was off the deep end, completely. He's in the mental ward now, probably latched onto some poor nurse"

Finishing the story Iruka turned sideways in the booth and brought his legs up to his chest, farther wedging himself into the dark corner. Ibiki watched, not quite sure what to say, all he knew was Iruka won the award for worst day.

"Anko sure can pick them"

Iruka snorted and took a swallow of his beer. "No kidding. Though, maybe it's me. I seemed to attract psychos, first Sensei, then Mizuki, hell even Anko's on the list."

Ibiki was to admit it was a good point, though not a comforting one. No wonder Iruka was looking down. "Does Anko know about Moki?"

Iruka shook his head. "Not yet, no. Which means she'll find out either tonight or in the morning, then she'll come find me and try to fix it. She always feels bad when a date crashes and she'll be really upset about this." Iruka sighed again a looked down at his hands. "It's not that I'm mad at her, she doesn't mean for things like this to happen, but, it's just that-"

"She's trying too hard" Iruka sent him a grin when he finished the thought. Ibiki sighed himself and leant back. "I know what you mean, but maybe you can use this to get her to back off for a while now."

Iruka nodded. "Maybe. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend, but I'd just prefer to pick him out myself. Least that way when it crashes and burns it will be my fault"

Ibiki remained silent, for any comforts from his would come out wrong, and possibly flirtatious, which wouldn't be good. Iruka saved him however by sighing and shaking his head.

"Ah, don't mind me Ibiki-san; I'm just sulking because I had a wonderful afternoon with the elders"

Ibiki snorted. "I can forgive that. I like older people usually, but the elders just beg people to hate them."

Iruka looked surprised for a moment before bursting out laughing. "That's actually a very good way to put it." The dark brown eyes flickered back up and Ibiki found himself very aware of the fact Iruka always seemed to look at his eyes, never his scars, the times they had talked. "Now-"the smaller man sat back and picked up his drink again. "I've vented enough; I think it's your turn"

Ibiki frowned in confusion. "Ha, I think you won for 'most suckish day' already"

Iruka grinned. "True, but that doesn't mean I'm not interested in your day."

Ibiki remained silent, not really sure how to respond to it all. "You serious? You don't mind talking to me?" He winced, that's not how he'd wanted to say that.

Iruka frowned. "Is there a reason I should mind, Ibiki-san? Because for the life of me I can think of a single reason why talking you would be thought of as a waste of time"

Ibiki sat there, stunned while Iruka coolly keep his gaze. Slowly the scarred lips twitched up. "Thank you, Sensei"

Understanding the meaning Iruka nodded before waving over a waiter. "De nada, now, I'll buy this round and you spill what crazy shit Anko's been pulling today"

….

Finally! I have had this going since last year and have been resisting putting it up. Its a good thing I did, but its nice to actually have it see the light of day.

I'm not sure when I'll post again (next week most likely) but I'm hoping you liked the first chappy!

drop a review or a follow if you liked!