Warning: A lot of self-reflection in this chapter. A lot of Tsuna thinking to himself. It might get really boring because it's so OC/Tsuna-centric. Lots of disgusting self-loathing in this chapter too.

Also, do you know what day is it

Chapter Thirteen

'Stop being overdramatic,' they say. 'I don't know what you mean,' I say as I descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist

I never really grew tired of cherry blossom viewing. I've always loved the sight of the trees dressed in beautiful pink, and the petals of cherry blossoms slowly falling to the ground like snow… I've never seen such a view in my old life before, and I treasure every moment I get to experience it with my mother.

(If only… my brother were here to see this with me.)

This year, my mother and I experienced a slight altercation in the matter of viewing spots, but it was solved quickly. Or rather, Dr. Shamal had solved it for us in a rare moment of generosity. Or at least, I chose to read it as generosity.

Please do not take my faith in the world away from me.

That being said, Hibari was now affected by a rather strange disease. Dr. Shamal had called it the 'Sakura Disorientation Syndrome' or 'Sakura-kura' for short. I had never heard of it before in my entire two lives until this day. Actually, now that I think of it, does this sort of syndrome actually exist back in my old life? Was this one of the 'Anime things'? The world may never know.

"Hibari-senpai? Hibari-senpai!" I called out to Hibari's retreating form. He didn't stop. In fact, he seemed to move faster. This was bad. Didn't he want to be cured? What if someone used this strange disease against him? Alright, maybe that was a little far-fetched. First of all, how would someone even know about this weird disease, let alone know that Hibari had it? Secondly, it would be highly impractical for someone to uproot a cherry blossom tree and plop it right in front of Hibari just before a fight. So maybe it was a slim chance that someone would be lucky (or persistent) enough to use this disease against him, and hence there isn't much of an urgency to get him cured, but… I can't help but feel that I should. I needed to. If not, something bad would happen. Something bad and terrible and–

"Tenth, are you alright?" Hayato's voice made me jump and realize that I had been staring in the direction Hibari had been for an extended period of time. I shook my head, trying to clear it, but the uncomfortable, heavy feeling in my chest didn't go away. I fidgeted.

"Yeah, I'm fine, Hayato," I said quietly. I shifted. "I just… need to go take care of something. You guys start the picnic first, I'll be right back!" Without waiting for a reply, I ran down the road. I had to find Hibari. I had to find Hibari now or something bad might happen.

"Hibari-senpai? Hibari-senpai!" I yelled out desperately. Where had he gone? I kept running until I was out of breath, slowing down to a walk. The more I looked at my surroundings, the more panicked I became. Was the area always so dark? Were there always so many cherry blossom trees? I stopped in my tracks just as a shiver ran up my spine. Something… something wasn't right here.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Be calm, be cool, be rational. There is no use in panicking, nothing can be gained from fear. When I reopened them, I found myself at the edge of the cherry blossom viewing area. A strange boy with heterochromatic eyes and the strangest hairstyle stood in front of me, staring at me in mild curiosity. The same curiosity you'd give to a particularly entertaining and interesting bug before you killed it.

Understandably, I was terrified.

"Um. Hello," I greeted awkwardly, trying to hide my fear. The boy inclined his head forward slightly in acknowledgment, but otherwise did not say anything else. His eyes were still fixed on me. I fidgeted.

"Are… you here for the cherry blossom viewing? If you are, I can lead you to a nice place." Please say no, please say no, please say no.

"What's your name?" the boy asked suddenly.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi," I replied automatically. At that, the boy's eyes lost their intensity and he looked away, obviously losing his interest in me. I gave an inward sigh of relief as he started to walk away. Hopefully I'd never see him ever again.

If I was the President, I'd probably get assassinated like 4 hours into the presidency

Fuuta was missing.

Fuuta was missing.

"Stop worrying so much, Baka-Tsuna," Reborn told me. I didn't listen to him.

One of the children (my precious little brother) is freakin' missing and Reborn expects me to not worry? He's joking right?

"Baka-Tsuna, you should be more concerned about yourself. There's been reports of attacks on Namimori students lately, and–"

"That's exactly why I'm worried! There's a gang going about targeting children, Reborn. Children! And now Fuuta's gone! It's too coincidental!" I whirled around to face Reborn, cutting him off mid-sentence. He whacked me in the head with a Leon-mallet and I collapsed onto my knees, gripping my head in pain. Alright, noted. Next time, do not interrupt Reborn.

"You are one of those 'children' yourself, Baka-Tsuna," Reborn lectured.

"No, I mean, yes, I mean—" I cut myself of with a muffled scream of frustration, too high-strung to care that I had almost given away my identity. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Be calm, be calm. Don't be an impulsive idiot.

I opened my eyes and my mind was clearer now. There was something to this; Fuuta's disappearance and the attacks on the Namimori Middle were connected, somehow. But in what way? I knew had all the pieces of the puzzle, I just had to find out what they were and how they fit.

I was vaguely aware of Reborn observing me curiously, but I didn't pay him any attention.

Fuuta disappeared. What would be the most obvious reason for his disappearance? Someone had kidnapped him. But why would someone kidnap him? He wasn't even a Namimori student!

No. Don't jump to conclusions, Tsuna. List it out. List everything out.

Okay, so why would someone kidnap Fuuta? He's just a kid, albeit a weird one who can somehow talk to a… planet…

I bolted up, as if shocked, scrambling to my feet. Rankings! That was it! They wanted his rankings!

I started pacing around, unconsciously picking Reborn up and placing him on my bed and making sure he was comfortable when he was in my way. In the back of my mind, I noted to myself that he was strangely pliant, but I filed that thought away for later.

Alright, rankings. Who would want his rankings? Mafia. But how did the Mafia connect to Namimori? It made no sense. Namimori had no connections to Mafia except… except…

Me.

I stopped dead in my tracks. That was it. Someone was attacking the members of Namimori Middle in order to draw me out. In order to draw Vongola Decimo out. But why Fuuta? As far as I know, almost no one from the underworld knew that Fuuta was staying with me. Think, think.

Rankings. Think of the people who were attacked. What was one thing they had in common? They were disciplinary committee members? No. Mochida Kensuke was attacked as well. What is something the disciplinary committee members and Mochida Kensuke had in common?

Strength.

Yes, that's right they were strong. So, maybe someone got Fuuta to rank something about strength. And maybe, they thought that Vongola Decimo would be at the top. Hah, how wrong they were. Hibari would be at the top.

Hibari…

Wait, that would mean that he would be in trouble! I had to go, I have to help him or it'd be my fault, all my fault.

(Dead because of me.)

I almost ran for the door, but I tripped over my own two feet and fell onto the ground. Fortunately, this brief pause helped to clear my mind. What was I thinking, trying to rush into the situation without knowing the enemy? But who could it be? I'm pretty sure that there was at least a hundred people out there who wanted Vongola Decimo dead. How could I single one out from the many threats?

Think, Tsuna, think. You have the pieces, you just need to put them together.

But how? There are so many, who would even stand out?

"I've received intel that Rokudo Mukuro has escaped from prison."

I stopped breathing. Rokudo Mukuro. Of course it was him. A name so familiar, as if I've heard it from a past that no longer existed, through a voice that I can never forget.

("C'mon! You can't tell me his hair doesn't look like a pineapple!")

A small smile graced my lips, although I wiped it off immediately. Focus. You can't drown in your memories.

I can't afford to drown in my memories, can't drown in self-pity, anymore.

I pushed myself up to my feet again. It seemed strangely symbolic.

"Hey Reborn."

"Have you figured something out, Baka-Tsuna?"

"… Please tell me all you can about Rokudo Mukuro."

Leon's tail broke off and fell to the ground.

Sasagawa-senpai got attacked today. He didn't want to tell Kyoko at first, but I didn't give him the choice. A younger sibling had to know why their older sibling got hurt. It would worry them and it might hurt them, but they deserve to know the truth. They deserve nothing less than the truth.

("I'm sorry, brother. I… don't think I can…"

"Don't say that! You'll live! You'll live! Please say that you'll live!"

I'm so sorry. I can't give you false hope. I won't give you false hope. You deserve better than that.)

We still didn't know Rokudo Mukuro's base of operation, and I grew tenser and tenser with each passing moment.

(All these people are hurt because of me.)

(You bring misery and tragedy to everyone you come into contact with, Dame-Tsuna.)

(I know.)

Rokudo Mukuro was using Kokuyo students to attack Namimori students, so it probably had something to do with Kokuyo.

("…Mukuro's Kokuyo Gang…")

No, it definitely had something to do with Kokuyo. However, we need more data before we attempt to get Fuuta back. We had to wait for more data. There was no other choice but to just sit there and wait while Fuuta was… Fuuta was…

No, there was another way but…

(A flash of silver, a piercing pain, a scream of total utter despair.

"I'm sorry.")

(I don't want to remember.)

I couldn't remember much of my past life. Then again, have I ever actually made an effort? Now's a good time to try. No, not try, now's a good time to do.

Failure is not an option.

Think back, Tsuna. Think back to your brother—

("Don't die! You can't die! Don't leave me!")

(I don't want to remember.)

Think harder, dammit! What had he ever said about Rokudo Mukuro?

Pineapple.

Yes, pineapple, but that's not enough!

("…losing blood… Try to stay conscious!"

"…in the lung… grazed the heart…"

"Please stay awake with me, please. Mum and dad are already gone, you can't go too!")

Kokuyo.

We already know that they have been masquerading as Kokuyo students, we need new information!

(I don't want to remember.)

I need to remember! For Fuuta's (my brother) sake! I can't let him get hurt (left him behind, I've hurt him so, so much I'm so sorry, please forgive me)!

I heard someone calling my name but dismissed it. It sounded so far away; it must be my imagination. I had to go back to thinking, to remembering.

("I love you, please don't leave me, I love you, please don't go, I need you…"

I'm sorry, brother. I'm tired. I'm trying my best but I can't. I just can't anymore.)

(I don't want to remember.)

Remember, please.

For Fuuta.

(But I have to remember.)

My eyes widened as an onslaught of memories hit me, leaving me gasping for air. Nausea overtook me and I sunk to my knees, trying my best to not throw up.

Blood, blood everywhere. Soaked through my shirt, drowning me. I can't breathe, can't breathe, blood in my lungs, blood staining the hands of my brother, no you can't touch me, you'll be dirty too, I won't taint you with this, blood is hard to clean, my brother can't do the laundry that well…

No. I can't. I can't afford to drown in those memories. I needed—

"I wonder how Kokuyo Centre looked like before it became a dump."

"Baka-Tsuna!" Reborn's sharp tone jerked me out of my daze. He was staring at me with what seemed to be concern in his black eyes. But that's impossible, right? Reborn didn't really care for me, he was just a hitman who had been hired to be my tutor.

"Kokuyo Centre," I replied him hoarsely before flinching back in shock. What was wrong with my voice? I reflexively brought my hand up to cover my mouth and noticed that my cheeks were wet. Had I been crying? Quickly, I rubbed at my eyes until they were somewhat dry, and cleared my throat. "Kokuyo Centre," I repeated to Reborn. "Rokudo Mukuro's base of operations is at Kokuyo Centre."

Reborn raised an eyebrow, black eyes glittered. "And how would you know that?"

"Not important." I stood up. I knew the location ("Kokuyo Centre"), I knew the enemy ("Trash illusionist, some weirdo with yoyos and a probably werewolf"), and I knew what they wanted. Now was as good a time as any to move out.

"Where are you going, Baka-Tsuna?" Reborn asked.

"I'm going to Kokuyo Centre. I thought that was obvious?"

"How about your Family? Aren't you going to take them along?" I paused. Hayato and Takeshi…

No. "No, I'm not bringing them along. This is dangerous, Reborn. They're only children. They'll get hurt." I didn't want to involve them in this more than they already were. Unlike the strange adventures and trainings we went through before, this was truly dangerous. They might die.

I wouldn't be able to take it if they died.

(Died because of me.)

(I'm such a selfish, selfish person.)

"You're the same age as them, Baka-Tsuna," Reborn said dryly. I gave a wry laugh.

"It's different with me." That was all I was willing to say on the matter. I walked towards the door and almost shrieked when it was suddenly flung open. I did whimper, though.

"You can't do this, Tsuna! You can't go!"

("You can't do this," my brother sobbed. You can't go!")

I felt like throwing up at the similarities. Takeshi and Hayato were at the door, staring at me with anger and some other emotion in their eyes. Takeshi pushed his way in with uncharacteristic forcefulness and Hayato followed behind, closing the door in an attempt to make sure I wouldn't slip out.

"I… have to go. This is about Vongola. It's my fault and I need to be the one to—"

"You keep telling us no to go off by ourselves, to do dangerous things on our own, but that's exactly what you're doing!" Takeshi yelled at me. I froze up, shocked. I hadn't looked at it this way. But… this is different, isn't it? They are children and I am…

(Alone.)

"Tenth," Hayato choked out. He seemed to be on the verge of tears and I instantly felt guilty. I put that expression on his face, didn't I? "Why are you trying so hard to shoulder everything by yourself? You have us! We're here for you!"

Oh.

Oh.

My vision became blurry. I was crying, wasn't I? That was embarrassing. Hayato and Takeshi would worry about me because they were my friends. They were my friends and I… I wasn't alone anymore.

That's right… I'm not alone anymore. I don't have to do all this by myself anymore.

My knees gave out from under me but Hayato managed to step forth and catch me in his arms. I cling onto him like a little child until I stop crying.

The possession bullet… The Mafia…

Somehow I had lost track of how cruel the Mafia could be while I spent time with Reborn and my friends. How was that possible?

(Silver coloured bullets, crimson coloured blood.

"…was at the wrong place at the wrong time…"

"One casualty…"

"…Mafia…")

Hayato, Bianchi, Hibari… Rokudo Mukuro had possession of all their bodies. I could only hope he hadn't had possession of Takeshi too.

"Now, why shouldn't I take over your body, Vongola Decimo?" Rokudo Mukuro asked with Hayato's body, a patronising smirk on his face. I hated it; this expression did not belong to Hayato.

I hated how Rokudo Mukuro made Hayato and Bianchi's bodies move even with the injuries they had sustained. I hated how Rokudo Mukuro made the bodies of his own friends move even when they were at the breaking point.

"You can't possess me because the actions you wish to do with it is wrong!" I yelled back, desperately trying to resist getting hit by the trident.

"Kufufu, that's just a matter of opinion. I'll ask you again. Why can't I take over your body?"

"Because…" I gritted my teeth. "Because this is my body."

The Leon-sphere on Reborn's back started glowing.

Now that I've said it, it seemed that something had changed. A small shift in viewpoint, but it made everything different.

From the very beginning of this life… this body has belonged to me.

Although I had the memories of a past life, I was still given the name Sawada Tsunayoshi from the start. Even if I wasn't the one who was supposed to have this body, I am still here. I am still Sawada Tsunayoshi.

Rokudo Mukuro was still rokudo Mukuro even after being reincarnated six times. Why should Sawada Tsunayoshi be any different?

"That's because… Because I am Sawada Tsunayoshi, and this is my body. This is my life, and I won't allow you to steal it from me!"

'It won't do you any good to dwell on have beens and could bes. What matters is where you are now, and what you are going to do from there.'

How could I have forgotten about the words in which I had once lived by?

A blinding burst of light interrupted anything Rokudo Mukuro might have to say to that, and actually startled me into screaming.

"Vongola," Rokudo Mukuro hissed. "What are you doing?"

"I'll tell you once I know!" I replied him somewhat hysterically. Holy shit, what was going on?!

The light dimmed a little, and I saw that Leon had somehow attached himself to the ceiling and was still glowing.

"He's finally emerging with his wings," Reborn told me vaguely. I stared at him incredulously. What wings? Leon was still a very smooth shiny sphere. There weren't even any bumps to signify the growing of limbs, much less the feathery kind!

Reborn explained to Rokudo Mukuro and me a few things, one of which didn't really make sense.

"What do you mean Leon gave birth to Enzo? Is that even anatomically possible? And don't lizards and reptiles lay eggs?" Of course, no one answered me. Rokudo Mukuro did look at me weirdly, though. I wished Hayato was still conscious. He'd answer me.

Leon split into two and something fell out. It landed on my face with a 'fwumph' and I moved to hold it in my hands. Rokudo Mukuro, Reborn, and I stared at the pair of woollen mittens in my hands. Rokudo Mukuro snickered.

"Even at the end, you guys are just so amusing," he commented. I nodded in agreement.

"I know right?" He looked at me strangely again. Without thinking much of it, I pulled the mittens onto my hands. There, now my hands are nice and warm, and my blood circulation has improved.

…

How the hell would that help me with defeating Rokudo Mukuro?!

Instinctively, I whirled around to block a stab from said illusionist, my flames lighting up for a first time since I've got here. Immediately, the mittens morphed into a pair of metal gloves. It shocked me so much that I almost got thrown back from the force of Rokudo Mukuro's stab.

Seriously. How.

I guess that didn't really matter at the moment, I mused to myself as I kicked Rokudo Mukuro – who was in the body of his blond haired friend – back. What mattered now would be for me to incapacitate all of the possessed bodies in the quickest, least harmful way possible.

I took a deep breath to calm myself.

And then I moved.

Rokudo Mukuro couldn't move, although he was still conscious. Apparently, I had unconsciously gone for almost every pressure point in his body.

Whoops.

"Why did you do this…?" I asked. I was kneeling down next to him. Well, there was a sizeable distance between the both of us because I was still pretty scared of him, but still.

I knew that the Mafia was a horrible, dark place. A rotten monster, containing thousands of horrid things and allowed them to do despicable deeds and remain free men. And yet, because I was going to be Vongola Decimo, I had hoped. I had retained a small amount of foolish hope.

Rokudo Mukuro destroyed the little faith I had in the Mafia world ruthlessly, all but burning it to the ground and lighting the ashes aflame once again. When he was done telling his story, I was shaking is shock and horror.

"The Mafia… is despicable," I whispered.

"It doesn't matter, Baka-Tsuna, because you'll still be the one to become the boss of Vongola," Reborn replied me. I stared at the ground. My hands were trembling. I felt like laughing, or was it crying? I didn't quite know. Everything was catching up to me now, piling up. I knew that I was going to be a Mafia boss, but the revelation hadn't quite hit me until now.

I was going to be a Mafia boss.

I was going to be a Mafia boss.

This is my life and I was going to be a bloody Mafia boss of a Family soaked in blood and established on corpses.

"Oi, Reborn, how many times do I have to tell you…?" I started softly, with a trembling voice. I got to my feet and spun around, fists clenched and eyes wide. My gaze was blurry and I knew that I was crying. I couldn't bring myself to care.

"I'm not going to be a Mafia boss! I refuse to be part of… of that thing. I… I… I hate the Mafia." The venom in my tone surprised me as well, but I didn't take back my words.

"You can force me into this position," I said quietly but resolutely. "But I promise you this.

"I will reform Vongola, or I will destroy the entire Mafia world trying."

"What's going to happen to them? To Rokudo Mukuro, to Ken, to Chikusa…"

"The Vindice will imprison them forever."

"Wh-what? Forever…? That's…"

"Don't show your enemies mercy, Baka-Tsuna. That's unbefitting for a Mafia boss."

"…" I gritted my teeth and walked out of the room without another word.

"Tenth?" Hayato's hesitant voice snapped me out of my daze. I blinked and glanced away from the window and at him.

"Yes, what is it?" I asked, still strangely detached from the world around me. I knew my behaviour was worrying the people who cared about me, but I just couldn't seem to break out of it for some reason.

(I just didn't want to face reality. I wanted to keep running away, like I have been for the past fourteen years of my life. But that isn't really a choice anymore, is it?)

"Would you like to go to the bookstore with me? A new series of UMA investigation magazines have come out and I…" I waited for Hayato to finish speaking and nodded.

"Is Takeshi coming too?" I asked out of formality than anything. It was a given that Takeshi would try to spend time with me on Wednesdays, considering that there isn't any baseball practice on that day. Sure enough, Hayato gave a grimace and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, he is," he grumbled, but didn't seem too displeased about it. I had to smile at that.

"Hello Reborn," I greeted when I felt a familiar weight settle on my head.

"Baka-Tsuna," he acknowledged. Hayato had left my side once he saw the magazines, and Takeshi drifted over to the section in the bookstore that sold comic books, leaving me alone in the middle of the store. I drifted about, trying to see if anything caught my eye. I believed I was in the spiritual section of the bookstore; there were many strange things here. Stuff like tarot cards and Oujia boards. I wasn't ever going to touch one of those.

Thinking I should move on to another section, I turned around and froze up. The title 'Theories of Reincarnation and Death' glaringly stood out from the shelves. I took an unconscious step back, hands trembling and breath coming out in quick puffs of air. This was too soon, way too soon. I didn't want to deal with this right now.

"Baka-Tsuna?" Reborn's voice sounded out from on top of me. I stiffened. Oh no, he was here, he saw my reaction, he was going to know.

"Ah, Reborn!" My voice was too cheerful to be real and I winced. Still, I pushed on. "Do you see anything that you like?"

"'Precognition and Premonition'. You seemed to have a strong reaction to that one, Baka-Tsuna," he pointed out. I wasn't listening to him, panic filling my mind and dulling my senses.

"That's impossible and absurd, Reborn," I blurted out, very aware that I was talking too quickly for it to be nature. I cursed myself in my head as I carried on. "No one has ever proven that such a thing can happen! Sure, there are theories, but no actual scientific proof, yes?" I laughed awkwardly. I felt Reborn shift on top of my head and I quickly looked for something to change the subject. "Hey look! The new volume of Gekkan Shoujo has come out! Let's go look at it!"

As I ran from the subject, I knew that it wasn't the last time I'd heard about it from Reborn.

I could only hope that I would know how to handle the situation by then.

Reborn watched in concern as his frustrating student slowly retreated into himself. He didn't want to admit it, but he was worried. Also, taking into account the whole premonition thing and how Tsuna was able to pinpoint Rokudo Mukuro's location, and he had a mess on his hands.

Reborn refused to acknowledge the fact that he was nearly out of his depth here.

He watched his irritating student as Baka-Tsuna stared out the window, taking in dead eyes, pale skin, and dark eye bags.

Perhaps… it was time for a trip to Mafia Land, and to pay a certain blond idiot a visit.

Author's note:

I skipped the fight scenes because I can't write them. Also, I am apparently incapable of actually writing serious scenes without inserting weird stuff in them.

I have some deleted scenes from this chapter on my tumblr.

Hey, should I include Naito Longchamp in this?

The part where Tsuna sees the reincarnation book and freaks out, but reborn assumes he's freakin out because of pprecognition, was taken from Tossing Stones by Princess Alexandria. A really good self-insert story in the Twilight fandom, I recommend that you check it out. Well, if you don't mind the pairing of Rosalie/Bella(who's an OC).

What day is it? I have no idea. that's why i'm asking.

Eyy, so now Tsuna knows how he died in his past life. Coolio.

Quotes

"'stop being overdramatic' they say. 'i dont know what you mean' i say as i descend from the ceiling, surrounded by mist" – the-lonely-scottish-guy on tumblr

"If I was the president I'd probably get assassinated like 4 hours into the presidency" – neelysworld on tumblr, deactivated