Your mother was the first to arrive home from her business trip. You're used to lying and pretending so acting normal in front of her seemed easy enough. Almost too easy. Though she was so excited from the events of her trip and telling you all about it, you didn't really have to try so hard.

Nodding and smiling when you had to and occasionally you'd ask a question, just to confirm that you were really paying her any attention. It is hard to focus without them, without their help and your mouth is starting dry but ironically your body is heating up and sweat you can feel pore out of your skin. But you'll be at school in no time and all will be as you hope it should be. All you want is to feel calm and collected. Ironically those pills are the one thing that brings you as close to your old self more than anything else.

Your head starts to spin and you take your cup of coffee with you to the bar to sit down. You wish the bar stool had a back to it so you could just lean back and rest but instead you lean forward on elbows that feel bruised.

"Spencer, are you alright? You don't look good."

You laugh under your breath at your mother and at the fact that she is just now truly seeing you since she arrived home. She has her eyes squinted at you and tries to look as if she's missed something or sees something maybe familiar. The bags under your eyes grow dark and red by the day and you move and reaction slower, your body seems smaller and weaker. You don't know how long you can play off your state of being as just senior stress.

Mrs. Hastings is a smart woman and you're surprised that Hanna has figured out your problem even before she has. Your mother has dealt with this dark Spencer before. And you think back to the promise you made your mother that you broke. You promised her that you wouldn't go back 'to this'. But you did and it is too late to turn back now.

"Mom, I'm good I just didn't sleep well last night." You force one of your best smiles trying to breakthrough the tiredness.

She gets up and places a soft kiss atop your head full of unruly hair, but as a mother she loves you regardless of her child's flaws. There's one flaw of course that she doesn't love, she ruffles your hair and says to don't be late for school.

You listen to your mother's footsteps ascend up the stairs before breaking out your cellphone that you've kept in you shower robe pocket. You have a few missed texts from Emily, Aria and Hanna. All asking if you want to ride with them to school. You tell them each no and got back a simple okay from all but one. Hanna's calling your phone the instant she got your 'no' text. You let out a frustrated sign, it was too early in the morning for another round with Hanna. And now that she knows about your habit she's becoming like your second shadow.

She kept sending you text after text all last night asking if you're trying to sleep and if you're trying to think of things other than 'them'. You angrily mash your phone's touch screen telling her trying is all you can do and that Rome wasn't built in a day. She would say that all she wants to do is help own night consisted of you angrily both texting back and forth until you didn't receive another reply from Hanna. Then you knew she had fallen asleep maybe unintentional but at least the fight had ended for now.

"Hey Han," You answer the phone with fake enthusiasm.

"Don't hey Han, me. What the hell is your problem?"

Even without physically seeing her you can imagine Hanna, pacing back and forth in her room. With her eyebrows draw together and eyes doing a 360 roll.

"No problem, I'm just enjoying a nice cold cup of coffee for breakfast." You realized that you never touch the cup of brown liquid and that it sat cold now and you just push it away.

"Okay well I'm coming to pick you up in like ten minutes, so be ready by then."

She hangs up the phone before you could protest and your left with your mouth hanging open forming the words you didn't get to say. All you wanted now was to chunk your phone across the kitchen and into the nearest wall. Hanna was messing with your plans. Your plan was to go to school alone sneak around campus until you found Brenda, or as a backup plan Andrew, and get what you need then sneak back off campus and back home. That's all you wanted to do but no Hanna has to complicate already complicated things for you even more. Your head is pounding now and you grab the aspirin bottle left by the cupboard and you wash the pill down along with your cold coffee.

The drive to school was awkward and very quiet. Hanna seemed really tensed as you could tell from her white knuckles gripping the steering wheel so hard. She doesn't look or try to talk to you, her main focus was the road ahead. You throw your head back against the head rest praying to any god that could hear your prays to save you, and you promised whoever answers first can keep your soul. You silent take back your words you seem to have bad luck with keeping promises and that is one promise you don't want to tempt fate with.

Hanna pulls into the Rosewood high school parking lot with a little more in her turn than usual and a few students had to dodge out of her way or risk getting hit by her bumper. When the car stops completely you immediately reach for the door handle but Hanna presses the automatic lock button before you could make your escape.

"Okay so here's the agensa for today."

"You mean 'agenda'?"

You can't help but to correct her as it comes so naturally to you and her look of pissed off nearly has you in a laughing fit.

"Whatever! The agenda, is that I'm walking you to and from all your classes and you are not to be let out of my sight at all times and send me a text during class to let me know you are still there and doing okay. Comprende? And I didn't tell Aria, and Emily why but that they just need to keep an eye out for you during the whole day."

Your speechless and you're trying to find the right words to say to her without hurting her feelings. But every word that comes to your mind is a bad as the next and it doesn't help that you see Brenda walking fast across the parking lot with her friends. All you can think about is what she's keeping in her purse.

Hanna catches your wandering eye and sees what has you so fixated on anything other than her. You still watch Brenda even after she's disappeared into the school building. Your bottom lip trembles as your source of relief vanishes, and you angrily fight with the door handle more trying to get out. Hanna pulls you away from the door and crashes both of your lips together into a searing kiss. She trying to help take your mind off 'them' and wants you to think of nothing but her. She opens her mouth inviting your tongue inside and caresses her tongue along yours.

You forget just about everything in that moment and you can't believe that even though the kiss was meant as a distraction, it was a damn good distraction. You both kiss for what felt like an eternity but was only a few minutes. You could do this forever you think and the power of kissing seemed like a more stronger addiction than anything else. The sound of knuckles rapping on glass broke you both from your dream state.

Outside Hanna's car stood your other two best friends, who didn't hide their shock from just witnessing yours and Hanna's make-out session. You could have laughed from just the looks on both their faces if it were really appropriate to laugh in this situation anyways.

"This is just fucking great." You say aloud throwing your hands up as if in defeat. The only thing that could have made this any worse was if Toby somehow dropped out the sky. You still don't know how you'll tell him of your sudden change in sexual orientation or that you're now having feelings for you best friend. Now you'll have to explain it all to Aria and Emily, but how can you explain something to your friends that you still know nothing about?

Hanna was slumped down in her driver's seat looking like a deer caught in the head lights and you think now you know you're on your own for this one. Before you could try and talk some since into Hanna you see Brenda walking fast across the parking lot back to her car. You lick your dry lips instinctively as you think of 'them' again.

You unbuckle your seat belt and reach across Hanna to jab the button to unlock the door. You're tearing the car door open and running across the lot towards Brenda who hasn't even seen you yet. Emily and Aria look on at you in disbelief at what was going on in this one morning.

The wind is hitting your ears so hard as you run and you don't catch Hanna's voice screaming your name. You don't notice much only that Brenda is becoming awfully closer to you, and then she's not but a strong soft body has knocked into yours and all you see is blonde hair and blue sadden eyes until the world spins into darkness.