And now, ladies and gentlemen, the final and most fantastical installment of How Kakashi got his Mangekyo! Thanks for reading! Please review. =)

Hit Five: The Hamster

Kakashi wanted the Mangekyou. A great new movie was coming out next week, and he was told the experience was three times as thrilling if you had a dojutsu. Of course, Kakashi already had the Sharingan, and his was evolved to two levels, but, being Hatake Kakashi, this was not good enough. He needed the highest level of the sacred bloodline limit if he was going to get the full experience.

So someone had to die.

However, he didn't want to kill any of his friends just for a movie. He really wanted to watch the movie, but that didn't mean he was willing to kill one of his friends, students, or even ex-girl friends just for the Sharingan.

This left him in a bit of a quandary. How would he get the Mangekyou and still keep his special people alive?

The answer came to him from an unexpected place.

He was walking with Iruka, who he didn't know too well, but who he talked to every once in a while anyway because of Naruto. As the boy's mother, Iruka was obviously concerned about his son's safety with Jiraiya.

Kakashi assured the man Naruto would be perfectly safe. The Yondaime had survived him, after all—well, until he died.

"The Yondaime made an honorable sacrifice for the village, Jiraiya-sama didn't kill him," Iruka said, a little bit of questioning and panic behind the recitation.

Kakashi airily waved a hand. "Yes, that's true. Minato-sensei chose to die, but Jiraiya-san probably had something to do with it. It's his fault my teacher learned the art of sealing anyway," he said, not reassuring Iruka at all. "Anyway, where are we going? I have to meet Anko at the gates when she returns from her mission, or she just might kill me."

"I have to go to the pet store. My class has begged me to get a class pet."

"You shouldn't give in to them," Kakashi advised seriously. "The little brats... once they get what they want, there's nothing stopping them. Though, you could just sign a Summoning Contract, and show the kids that."

Iruka shook his head. "No, that wouldn't work. No summon is going to want to stick around for kid's to poke him or her; they don't have patience for that and it undervalues their abilities. Also, I want a permanent pet so my students can learn the art of caring for another being."

"Right," Kakashi said slowly, after giving the man a blank look. "But if you ever want help, just ask me or Anko. I'm sure Pakkun and the others would be willing to help keep the kids in line."

Iruka looked fearful for a second. "No, no!" he said hurriedly. "There's really no need to trouble you or Anko-san that way, and I certainly d-don't want to cause your summons any hassle!"

"Are you sure?" Kakashi asked. Then he shrugged. "Well, I suppose that is the better choice. Anko has a tendency to ask her snakes to try to kill everything within sight, and the snakes are more than willing to comply."

Iruka hurriedly walked into the pet store, almost as if he was trying to get away from Kakashi.

Kakashi followed after him, chuckling evilly. "So, what type of pet are you going to get?"

"I have no clue. I was thinking of getting a fish or a bird," Iruka said.

"Boring," Kakashi replied, wrinkling his nose. "You should get a dog."

"Dogs have to be walked and fed all the time. Also, I do not think my students have the ability to housetrain a pet."

"Isn't it 'academy training' the dogs? Anyway, my dogs are self-sufficient."

"Because they're summons. Now, go play with the hamsters or something," Iruka said, waving Kakashi away.

Kakashi sniffed, then went to poke a few of the animals. "Ow, you bas-" He flung the hamster biting viciously on his finger into the wall of the cage. It made a loud slamming noise, then fell to the floor of the cage. Kakashi bent down to peer at it. "Crap, is it dead?" He turned away, and began whistling innocently. He walked over to the bird cages and wisely refrained from poking a parrot with head-feathers remarkably similar to Sasuke's hair.

The parrot soon grew boring when it proved to have around about the same speaking skills as Kakashi's former student, also. Perhaps this is where Sasuke used to hang out after training? There was no other way that parrot could have learned how to say "Hn" so well...

Iruka finally settled on three fish, and Kakashi had meanwhile poked four more hamsters, all of which attempted to bite him.

"I see you are interested in our hamsters," the salesman said.

Kakashi shrugged. "Meh. They're okay. Kind of hungry… What do you feed them?"

The man chuckled. "Hamster food, normally. But they like to nip on those who put their fingers in the cage."

Kakashi gulped. The store owner was on to him… I may have to kill him. Chidori would be too obvious. Kunai to the jugular, he decided quickly.

"Would you like to buy one?" the man asked, grinning.

Crap. Kakashi should have seen this coming. Poke a hamster, piss it off, and then you have to buy it so you don't get in trouble. Damn. "Sure," he said.

Iruka looked surprised. "Weren't you just telling me how cool your ninken are—"

Kakashi interrupted him. "Hamsters are the best," he said in what he hoped was a convincing tone. To his own ears, he sounded slightly fruity and more than a little constipated, but the salesman didn't seem to notice this, as he smiled broadly and told Kakashi the price of the hamster.

"ALL THAT FOR ONE LITTLE HAMSTER?!" Kakashi demanded. His wallet was emptier than any time he had purchased ramen for Naruto, and that was saying something.

Iruka was watching him oddly.

Kakashi sighed and paid for the damn hamster, which he took from the cage and stuffed in his weapons pouch, after carefully moving all the weapons to his jounin vest, of course.

"Are you sure you shouldn't buy a cage?" Iruka asked him, worriedly watching Kakashi's squirming weapons pouch.

"Eh, whatever," Kakashi said.

"How about this," the salesman said with a stupid smile. "I'll throw one in since you're such a good customer."

"Thanks." Kakashi grabbed a random cage and stuffed the hamster into that.

It eeped.

Iruka cradled his fish tank closer.

"Right, well, I should go meet Anko now. See you later, Iruka-san! Have fun with your brats! Don't forget my offer; if you ever need me or Anko to put those kids in line, just ask," Kakashi said seriously, before waving at the man and then disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

Iruka went back to the academy, glad he managed to escape having his fish traumatized for life before they even met his students.

Kakashi stared at the hamster through the cage walls. It appeared to be smirking at him, or at least, that's what Kakashi thought.

His ninja senses alerted him to danger, and he dodged to the right just as a kunai was thrown at the place where his head was not seconds before. "Anko!" he greeted his girlfriend happily.

"Kakashi," she greeted him back, smiling.

"How was your mission?" he said, shifting the cage aside to give Anko a kiss.

She looked at the cage and stopped just outside his reach. Damn. She always did that. "What's that?"

"This?" He indicated the cage. "My new hamster."

"Why'd you get a hamster?" she asked. "Oh, Kakashi, that's so sweet! You brought me food to feed to my snake summons!" She reached out for the cage.

"No!" he cried, quickly jerking the cage out of her reach. "This is my hamster! Not pet food! Bad, Anko!"

"What the heck, Kakashi?" Anko said, staring at him.

"Um..." he tried to explain.

"You aren't going to replace me with that, are you?" she asked, looking at the cage.

"No," said he, after considering the idea briefly. She would kill him if he said 'yes', so 'no' was the only choice left.

"Good. What's its name?"

"It doesn't have a name."

"Can I name it?" she asked.

"Uh, sure... why do you want to name my hamster?"

She shrugged. "Better than letting some brat name it. And I know you couldn't think of anything, so I'll do the honors. How about... Furrball-chan?"

"It's a guy," he said, sweat-dropping.

"Oh. Right."

Kakashi waited for her to suggest the obvious 'Furrball-kun', but she didn't say anything for quite a while. He resisted the urge to yawn, knowing it would probably result in him losing an organ or two.

"Hmm... how about Bobby?"

"Bobby?" Kakashi repeated.

Anko nodded.

"Um, okay?" he said, agreeing with her before she killed him.

He realized this was a wise course of action when she smiled at him and put her kunai away. "Let's go get something to eat, Kakashi. I'm hungry."

"Okay," he agreed as she slung her arm around him. "Dango?"

"Nah, let's get ramen. I haven't seen that blonde brat in a while, and I wanna mentally scar him for fun."

Kakashi decided to ignore that. "I should probably drop... Bobby off at home first."

"No, take him wtih us. We can feed him some ramen."

"I don't think hamsters eat ramen," Kakashi said.

Anko looked surprised. "Why wouldn't they? Don't be stupid."

"Well, when I was in the store, the guy told me that hamsters eat hamster food and sometimes nibble on people's fingers."

"Isn't ramen hamster food?"

"I don't think so."

"Let's ask Teuchi."

"Okay," Kakashi agreed, shrugging.

When they arrived at the ramen stand, Anko remembered that Naruto was still training with Jiraiya and wouldn't be back for another month or so. "Damn. I have five new techniques to show him... oh well. I suppose they can wait."

"Yeah..."

"So, what can I get you two?" Teuchi asked, smiling.

"Miso pork ramen for me," Kakashi said.

"Hmm, I'll take something with beef in it," Anko said.

"Would you like something for your hamster?" Teuchi asked.

"Hah!" Anko shouted victoriously. "I told you hamsters eat ramen!"

"Uh, I was actually thinking about giving him lettuce," Teuchi corrected, sweat drop forming on his forehead.

"Oh," Anko's face fell.

"What is the hamster for?" Teuchi asked as he passed a small plate of lettuce to Kakashi, who shoved the leaves unceremoniously through the bars of the cage. The hamster eyed him for a moment before walking over and cautiously sniffing the leaves.

"I don't think Bobby likes you," Anko said, snickering.

"Who cares? I'm going to kill him."

Teuchi dropped his ladle. "What?"

"The hamster is not for any little kid or something. I am going to kill him to get the Mangekyou."

"I see," Teuchi said, deciding to put this down as a 'ninja thing' and thus, something he did not, would not, could not, and probably should not, understand.

"Why?" Anko asked, looking at Bobby.

"I have a movie I wanna see. It's better with a dojutsu."

Anko nodded, totally getting the logic in this. The two ignored the slowly-backing-away Teuchi. "Hmm, I wonder if there are any Hyuugas I can kill to get my own dojutsu..."

Just then, Team Gai walked in. "Anko-san, Kakashi!" Gai shouted. "How youthful to see you like this!"

"Hi, Gai," they both replied without turning around.

Team Gai spread out on the remaining chairs, Gai sitting next to Kakashi, and Neji ending up next to Anko, with Lee on his other side, and Tenten next to Lee.

"Hi," Anko said to Neji, leaning over slightly to assess him.

"Hello," he said, eyeing her warily out of the corner of his eye.

"No, Anko. Bad!" Kakashi said.

"Ugh. Fine. Let me play with Bobby."

"Not while you're eating. It's unhygienic," Kakashi told her.

"And that is unyouthful!" Gai supplied.

Anko stuck her tongue out at him, then noticed out of the corner of her eye that Tenten was eyeing her... rather oddly. "Is there something up your nose, kid?"

"No. It's just... you're my hero!" Tenten said.

"Uh, what?" Anko said.

Kakashi paled. "No, Gai! What did you do to your student? Anko is not a role model. Never!" he said firmly.

Tenten looked disappointed, but recovered quickly. "You're only saying that because you're a man. But kunoichi are uncommon and we have to stick together! You're just jealous because Anko-sama is strong!" she cried passionately.

"Anko-sama... I like the sound of that," Anko muttered.

"And kunoichi are just as good as men! We are strong, we can kill, we can be leaders, like Tsunade-sama! Do not mock my heroes!" Tenten shouted, ending her speech by standing on her stool and shaking her fist angrily. She blew back her bangs and plopped back down into her chair, eating her ramen as if nothing had happened.

"Wow, Tenten! So youthful!" Lee said, giving her a thumbs up.

"Does your student have schizophrenia?" Kakashi asked Gai, who was smiling and looking rather proud.

"Of course not! Tenten just feels very passionately about the cause of the kunoichi. Her anger is righteous and very strong! This is why she respects that Temari girl; because she is a true kunoichi. No offense to your student, Kakashi my friend, but she only recently learned what being a kunoichi meant."

Kakashi shrugged. "Yeah, I didn't really have time to explain all that female stuff to her. I have places to brood and people to do. And books to read."

"I will ignore that rather perverted comment for the sake of being able to stomach my food," Gai said.

"Whatever," Kakashi said. His ramen was already finished, but Bobby was still eating his lettuce, and Anko had abandoned eating her own ramen in favor of staring creepily at the Hyuuga kid on Gai's team.

Oh. Hyuuga kid.

"Anko, I already said no," Kakashi said. "Buy yourself some dojutsu glasses or something. They give them out at the theatre anyway."

"But it's not the same!" Anko protested.

"It'll be fine," Kakashi assured her, purposefully turning her head back to her ramen bowl.

As he predicted, it worked. "Ooh, ramen!" she cheered, then promptly slurped up half the noodles in one gulp—without chopsticks.

He tried hard not to gag, and looked over to check on Bobby, making sure the hamster was at least still breathing. He would fight him like a man, in the training grounds and with no cages in sight, giving Bobby a fair fight. Kakashi wondered briefly if using his sharingan at all would be cheating or not, and concluded that Bobby was bought in a ninja village, so it was probably safe to assume he had picked up a few tricks himself. After all, he looked plump but old, meaning he'd found some way to survive. Kakashi smiled happily to himself. The new Icha Icha film was gonna be great!

"Why is Gai-sensei's rival giving that hamster the Creepy Eye?" Tenten whispered to Neji.

"I have learned not to question the actions of those from Team Seven," her teammate replied.

Tenten nodded. That was probably for the best, she realized as Kakashi leapt from his chair and grabbed the hamster cage." C'mon, Bobby! It's time… to battle!" he cried.

Anko whooped as she followed him out the door and to the training grounds, ostensibly so he could do glorious battle with a vermin.

The wind whipped through the air, lending a mighty feeling to the scene. The sun shone in the sky, beating down upon the combatants as the stench of their sweat filled the air. Their heavy breathing was the soundtrack to the battle. The trees roared their approval as the air was cut again by shuriken, slicing towards the creature darting towards the trees.

Kakashi cackled victoriously. "Hah, thinking you can get away, eh, Bobby? Foolish hamster! I shall stop ye, fiend!"

The hamster stopped in its tracks, looking back at Kakashi before sighing deeply, and returning to the circle of the battlefield. The kunai Kakashi had generously arrayed before him as his weapons were virtually useless for his little hamster hands, but he had to figure something out. This madman was going to kill him, all for a movie!

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. This was a bold move. Bobby was clearly ready to sacrifice everything for this. Kakashi took a deep breath and thought of all the motivating people in his life and the wondrous moments he had shared with them. He would not die for nothing!

"RAAAAH!" came his bellowed battle cry.

"EEEEP!" came the same from his brutal, tiny, enemy.

"Well, that was morbid," Anko said dryly, blinking a bit at the hamster guts now splattered everywhere. Somehow, Kakashi had obtained a serious injury to his knee, and was hopping on one foot, gleefully clutching his now bleeding eye.

"SUCK IT, BOBBY!" he crowed. "I got the Mangekyo—oh yeah, who's the best? Oh yeah, who's the boss?! Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah—ouch, my knee really hurts!"

A note from the author: A few hamsters were harmed in the making of this story, but don't worry, they multiply like rabbits.