Chapter Seventeen: Moment of Weakness

"The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but because he loves what is behind him."

― G.K. Chesterton, The Way of Church and Home

. . .

Utakata and I didn't return to the Academy until over a week after the sealing process had been completed. My chakra had returned a day after the fact, but Utakata hadn't fully regained consciousness until the following evening. Yagura kept us out of school for a week anyway, insisting that he needed me to keep an eye on Utakata while he conducted an espionage operation with his Anbu trackers. They left for Iwagakure the morning after Utakata woke up, leaving me with strict instructions about who to alert if Saiken was accidentally released and where I was permitted to go while Yagura was out of town. The locations on that list were limited at best and unfortunately the Hozuki compound hadn't made the cut.

Mangetsu came to visit me anyway. I'd kept my promise and told him that I would be gone until Yagura's team returned as soon as I found out. At first, he was furious, but after I granted him unrestricted access to Yagura's estate his anger began to fade into a more bearable degree of peevish concern.

Mangetsu had remained as enigmatic as ever, coming and going in between his missions like a ghost providing tidbits of affection. He didn't speak to Utakata once the entire time he was there, preferring to talk to me or say nothing at all instead. We often ate breakfast together, chatting quietly until Mangetsu had to leave for work. He would stare Utakata down as he walked out for reasons I didn't fully understand, but never once attempted to start a fight.

As unbelievable as it might have seemed, my all powerful older brother wouldn't have been able to hold a candle to Utakata. Neither could I, for that matter. Before Utakata had even woken up, his body had produced enough chakra to level buildings and torch entire villages. I could feel it thrumming beneath his skin whenever I touched him. His chakra stung me in a familiar sort of way, leaving tiny, needle-thin pricks in my skin wherever it had made contact. My body didn't seem to reject it though. Utakata's chakra hung around far longer than it should have, staining my skin with white spots for days after we brushed up against one another. Never once did it hurt me bad enough to actually keep me away though.

When Mangetsu wasn't around, Utakata could be surprisingly talkative. He told me about his grandfather, the reason he why had been selected as Saiken's next host- as far as he knew anyway- and even his parents. His mother had died during childbirth and his father had been killed by a rogue shinobi when he was four years old. Utakata now lived with his grandmother, one of the few people from the Warring States period that was still alive to this day. Her name was Sachiko and she had once been a ferocious kunoichi, but now she was confined to wheelchair and could barely speak. Old age was funny that way. It leveled us all.

In turn, I told Utakata a little about me. We spoke mostly about my mother, the famed Bloodthirsty Banshee, and my cunning yet humorous father, who was a masterful trickster in his own right. Utakata wanted to know what it was like to have parents that actually stuck around. Unfortunately, I didn't know much about that. Mine were alive but they were never anywhere near me.

More than anything, I wanted to tell him about the seal on my tongue, but I didn't want to give Madara a reason to reappear. So far, I had been carefully avoiding his wrath, but a single slip up could be the end of me and I wasn't keen on pushing the boundaries of Madara's generosity. A while back, Yagura had informed me that the only reason I was alive was because Madara had made it so. He could kill me at any time, no matter where I went. I was beginning to suspect that the seal he had placed on my tongue functioned as some sort of tracking device.

The week Utakata and I spent together was a quiet, uneventful one. I went out on patrol with Mangetsu once or twice, but we didn't encounter anything more than a few rogue shinobi. Mangetsu would cut them down before I could even react and used their blood to polish his blade. I was envious of his casual killing capabilities. Murder came as easily to him as walking had. Nowadays, he was a prodigy in both and I could hardly keep up. Whenever we fought together, I silently cursed my mother for passing her short stature down to me. I was light and fast but I didn't have enough power behind my punches to use taijustsu effectively. Close range combat forced me to rely on Mangetsu more than I would have liked. He would go head to head with whoever we encountered while I focused on generating enough water to form my newest technique.

Weeks ago, Yagura had begun teaching me how to use the water whip technique all Kirigakure Anbu were required to master. It was the first truly powerful ninjutsu technique I had been exposed to and once I had mastered it, it had become my go-to. I would ensnare the attacker while Mangetsu pounced on them, cutting them down instantly. The most shinobi I had ever captured at once ended up being three in total. Mangetsu and I had taken their heads in and collected their bounties, rejoicing when we had collected enough money to buy ourselves a hot dinner and some new weapons. I couldn't finish my meal, so I packed up the remaining half of it and took it back to Yagura's to give to Utakata.

It was probably the first real meal he'd had in weeks. Utakata didn't bother say thank you before digging in; he just started shoving it into his mouth with his hands and didn't stop until his plate was empty. He licked the crumbs off his fingers and flung his plate into the sink without another word, flicking his bangs back over his right eye as he did so.

In the waning light, I could just barely make out the white tail of a scar that sloped over his brow bone and onto his eyelid. I hadn't noticed it until now. His right eye was noticeably lighter than his left and I couldn't help but wonder if he had gone fully blind in that eye. Non-Hozuki were so intriguing. They bled and fell to pieces that their bodies couldn't put back together over and over, but many of them still chose to put their delicate bodies in danger as shinobi. I couldn't wrap my mind around it. Can't they see that resistance is futile?

"Can you see with your right eye?" I asked bluntly, scratching a pointed fingernail across my own eye as I spoke. My eye dripped right off my face and regrew, eyelashes and all, in five seconds flat.

Utakata narrowed his exposed eye. "Not well," He admitted, scowling at me as if he was expecting me to start a fight.

"That's okay," I said, "Our sensei can't see with that eyepatch on either."

Utakata didn't seem to appreciate the sentiment. "At least he gets to choose when he wants to see or not. I'm stuck like this forever."

"No you're not," I stated flatly, "All you have to do is kill someone and take their right eye. It's not that hard, you know. I might be able to get one for you tomorrow on patrol but it's not going to be anywhere near as powerful as Ao's."

Utakata grimaced. "I don't want to take a dead person's eye."

"But you want to see again, don't you?" I said, goading him more than I probably should have.

"Not that badly," Utakata muttered, looking at the floor.

I sipped my water quietly after that, not wanting to invoke his full rage. "What if I gave you one of mine?"
Utakata snorted. "It would just turn into water again, wouldn't it?"

I paused to consider his question. "I'm not sure, but my aunt would be able to tell you. She's the medic nin that performed Ao's eye transplant."

Utakata shook his head. "You don't need to do all that for me. My eye works well enough."

I made a mental note to ask my aunt about it later anyway, but let the topic drop for the time being. If Utakata wanted to be blind, I was in no position to stop him- that really didn't sit right with me though. I had assumed that becoming a jinchūriki was the closest thing to being born into my clan in terms of vitality. They had enough chakra to carry someone like me through multiple otherwise deadly injuries but didn't have the ability to regrow limbs or organs? And on top of all that, they had to deal with having a beast inside their head at all times? Talk about unfair!

If Utakata couldn't grow himself a new eye, maybe I could find a way to make him a new one. Then we could fight side by side on even terms. His weaknesses were my weakness in Yagura's eyes, and I was certain that providing Utakata with a new eye would up my chances of becoming Yagura's top pick for his successor. He wouldn't be young forever, and when he was weakened with old age like Utakata's grandmother, I could swoop in and take his place. Then, everyone in this godforsaken village would have to answer to me.

Utakata and I walked into the Academy side by side, dressed in Yagura's old clothes and reeking of sweat. He had forced us to spar as soon as he got back earlier that morning. After he had run us ragged, Yagura sent us on our way with bentos and freshly sharpened kunai in our bags. He had complimented us on our teamwork, noting that our fighting styles were almost perfectly oppositional.

Utakata was a long range aficionado. Once he learned to control Saiken's chakra properly, he would be able to maintain more powerful ninjutsu techniques simultaneously than anyone else our age in Kirigakure. My clan techniques made me the perfect candidate for mid to close range combat. Physical attacks barely phased me anymore and improving my taijutsu would make me nearly impossible to overwhelm.

My body had always been weaker than it should have been despite its self healing capabilities so I didn't pack much of a punch. Fighting Kisame had forced me to improve a great deal, but until I packed on some serious muscle Utakata could still flip me easily. During our kunoichi class, I intended to ask Kasumi how she had gotten so strong. A lot of it was obviously genetic, seeing as every Hoshigaki I knew looked like a walking tank, but I knew that my friend was a consistently hard worker and had been training with Kisame since she was Suigetsu's age. Unlike our clan techniques, strength like Kasumi's could be earned.

What I didn't count on was that she would scream bloody murder when she saw us walk in together. "Natsu! Are you and Utakata dating or something?!" Kasumi shrieked, long arms flailing in the air like a jellyfish flopping on dry land.

Utakata wrinkled up his nose, so I decked him for looking at me with disgust without pausing to consider the consequences. He probably would have plastered me to the wall using Saiken's power if we hadn't spent the past week getting to know eachother better. Even so, Utakata didn't hesitate to hit me back. Ao got in between us before I could wack him over the head with my naginata and confiscated my blade even though I hadn't even unsheathed it. I wasn't too bothered though- I still had the knives Yagura had given me hidden in my boots if Utakata wanted to continue this after class. Sparring with him was exciting.

"I guess not," Kasumi said sheepishly, taking her seat beside me after Ao had returned to his desk as the front of the classroom.

I grimaced at her. "Yeah, no thanks. Boys are disgusting."

While the guys in the class seemed mildly offended by my statement, Kasumi chose to nod sagely in agreement. She hadn't seemed interested in any of the guys in our class since Utakata had iced her out on the first day, so I doubted she would push me to go for anyone else. Ken'ichi was too loud, Chojuro was too quiet, and Masaki was just too creepy. Utakata was the most bearable one out of all of them and we fought almost every day. I didn't mind though- I liked his fire. It reminded me of Mangetsu when he was younger, back before he had been named Anbu captain and lost his best friend in the war. He had become a lot less forthcoming since then, preferring Suigetsu's company over that of his peers. He didn't spend a lot of time with the rest of the Seven Swordsmen. Maybe if I graduate in the top of my class, he'll help me kill one of them and take their place.

"Ahem," Ao said, chucking an eraser at me, "What I'm about to say is very important; You'd be foolish not to pay careful attention."

I caught the eraser easily, throwing it right back in his face as he spoke. It hit Ao's forehead and fell to the floor, leaving a white spot behind. Ao pretended not to notice.

"Class," He continued, "We are nearing the final stages of your time here at the Academy. Not all of you are destined for active duty, but I am certain that you will all make unique contributions to our village. Today we will discuss the options available to those of you that don't plan on going to war or are in need of remedial training."

Ao's one exposed eye zeroed in on Chojuro as he spoke. He had always given him a hard time for being shy, but it was cold of him to insinuate that Chojuro needed to be held back. The Kirigakure Ninja Academy operated on a tiered system optimized with the threat of war in mind. Top students like myself were placed in fast-track classes that lasted only one to two years whereas average students generally took three years to graduate. Younger students normally spent four to five years in the Academy, but the first year was essentially glorified daycare. Suigetsu would start attending the Academy once I graduated, likely on the four year track. The more gifted the student was, the faster they could be shipped out to the front lines in times of war.

Unlike the other shinobi villages, Kirigakure didn't hide its intentions when producing genin. War was a fact of life here. It came as easily to us as breathing, so age wasn't considered when a shinobi was being sent out to fight for our nation- most of them were just cannon fodder anyway. It was considered an honor to die in the heat of battle; In fact, it was something many of us looked forward to. It was way better than being murdered in your sleep because of your kekkei genkai or dying uselessly of old age. Our lives were all dedicated to the success of our village, not personal gain. That was what made us so effective in battle.

As Ao detailed the options for students interesting in becoming medic nin or intelligence operatives, I found myself staring at the floor with a tangle of anxiety weaving its way throughout my body. I clenched my fists tightly in my lap. I had been gearing up to graduate before I was even enrolled in the Academy, but now that I was here I wasn't sure I was ready to leave. I had friends for the first time in my life and I was doing better than I could ever have expected. After we graduated, I might not have the chance to see some of my classmates again until they were on their deathbeds. I was destined to outlive them all because of my clan techniques, but soon there would be a day when even I would be defeated. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever considered.

Fighting had always come naturally to me. I agitated people on purpose because I didn't know how to handle them when they were happy, so having friends was the last thing I had expected to happen when I walked into the Academy for the very first time with nothing but hatred in my heart. Until that day, I had never made anything but enemies.

Now, I had at least eight friends my age. Some of them could be horribly annoying and obnoxious, but I wouldn't trade their companionship for all the dango in the world. I was beginning to like having allies. It meant I didn't have to face Madara alone.

After Ao dismissed us, we all went running out of the Academy like hell itself was at our heels. Utakata had snagged my sword from Ao's desk and whooped, daring me to chase after him as he charged out of the classroom. I hustled after him, screaming at the top of my lungs. My blade, I need my blade!

Kasumi came charging out after me, all lean blue muscle and unbridled rage. I didn't need to ask her to come to my defense anymore. She followed me on her own, like a dog follows its master into the hunt. Utakata was the game of the day, and together we would strike him down like the seasoned hunters we were.

It didn't take long to catch up to him. He had been waiting for us, eager for the hunt to continue. I charged towards him, dodging the throngs of jealous kunoichi that were watching our every move with narrowed eyes. Utakata was equal parts broody and beautiful with his sharp cheekbones and warm amber eyes, but what made him truly enticing was his naturally apathetic, bad boy nature. He didn't hang around causing trouble with the other kids like Ken'ichi did or disappear into the shadows of the library like Masaki and Chojuro. Utakata was no man's land in human form, unbiased in his lack of interest in those he was surrounded by. It was a wonder he had chosen to play chase with us in the first place. But hey, he started it, so I'm going to finish it!

My water whip was already forming in my hands by the time Kasumi caught up to us, brandishing her twin swords and cackling with glee. Kisame had taught her well.

"Give me back my sword!" I shouted, swinging my whip towards Utakata quickly enough to set his nerves on edge but not hard enough to actually hurt him. I didn't want our little game to end too quickly.

Utakata shook his head, a rare grin spreading across his face. He had tiny, rounded white teeth, like the civilians I had seen in the commercials that sometimes played on my mother's TV. Mine were jagged and sharp like knives. If Utakata got too close, I'd be forced to use them on him.

My whip cracked through the air once again, aimed directly at the holster of my blade. If I could just yank it out of his hand…

But Utakata was fast, faster than me or even Mangetsu. He flipped backwards through the air and disappeared into the tree canopy, taking my sword with him. Wordlessly, Kasumi and I agreed to split up once again, perhaps for the last time in today's game. The forest Utakata had ducked into was thick with nettles and difficult to penetrate, making it the perfect location for an above-ground game of chase. He had wanted to seperate us, sensing that a Hoshigaki and a Hozuki on good terms were true monsters when fighting together. Utakata didn't have control of Saiken yet, so his abilities weren't beyond my own for now. I could take him on my own, but with Kasumi there this was bound get bloody.

"I'll go after him," I told her, "You take control of the perimeter and alert me if he pops out of the other side."
Kasumi nodded, sheathing her swords and breaking into a sprint efficient enough to rival Kisame's own. I could practically feel Kisame watching us, picking apart our strategies like he always had, but when I turned around to look for him he was nowhere to be found. At least, nowhere he wanted to be found.

I leapt into the thicket, clearing fallen trees and briars like landmines as I searched for Utakata's chakra signature. His was heavy and poisonous, and nearly impossible to hide. The mist in the air was getting thicker the further I got into the forest, making it harder and harder to see. I smiled softly to myself upon noticing this. It meant I was getting close.

Ever since I had discovered that Utakata was essentially blind in one eye, his battle strategy had become almost too easy to pick apart. He felt the safest hiding amongst terrain he was familiar with and had been the first in our class to successfully invoke the Silent Killing Technique for a reason. At the time, he had simply seemed talented, but now that we were facing off against one another, it was painfully obvious that the only reason he had worked so hard to learn the Silent Killing Technique was because he couldn't see. Not well enough to take down an experienced suiton user, anyway. Water was the most subtle of the elemental releases, but it could also become the most deadly in the hands of the right user. He would never be able to see me coming.

I sank into the forest floor with a smirk, sinking into the ground and cloaking my chakra in an attempt to lull him into a false sense of security. All was still for a while, and I began to think I might have made the wrong move. What if Kasumi was sparring with Utakata without me? I didn't like the sound of that and I wasn't sure why.

Thankfully, Utakata didn't walk into my trap but rather fell into it, jolting my out of my thoughts. I reformed as quickly as I could, my water whip generating in my hands before he could even react. I roped Utakata in and launched myself at him, tackling him to the nettle-covered ground without a care in the world. It was only after he popped like a balloon that I realized he wasn't as stupid as I had thought.

A shadow clone?!

The real Utakata threw himself on top of me from above, wacking me with my own sword and laughing as if I had just pulled the world's funniest prank.

"Oh Kami," He said, wiping his one good eye, "I can't believe you of all people fell for that trick."

I grinned right back at him. "And I can't believe you fell for mine."

Kasumi materialized behind me and flung a net over Utakata big enough to haul in a blue whale. The net was a surprise, but Kasumi's presence certainly wasn't. She had secured the perimeter as I had asked, but when Utakata showed no signs of budging, she had returned to back me up like always. Smiling gratefully, I liquified beneath Utakata and slipped out of the net, leaving him to gawk at us in surprise.

"But- you were- and she… HOW?!" Utakata sputtered, flustered in ways I had never imagined he could be.

I didn't respond. Instead, I reached through the webbing of the net and yanked my naginata out of Utakata's clenched fists, grinning all the while. We won.

Kasumi and I high-fived before I used my water whip to cuff Utakata's hands behind his back and lead him out of the forest like an Anbu shepherding a fugitive out of their lair. His head was bowed low in shame.

My stomach sank, and I thought back to a time when I had been in a similar position at Mangetsu's feet. Tears had fallen from my eyes, their shame stinging my skin, and I had vowed never to be defeated again. I didn't want Utakata to cry like I had. I didn't want any of my friends to.

I released Utakata from my makeshift chains with a grimace. Letting him go just like that didn't feel right, but neither did holding him hostage. He wasn't my pet or my brother. Playing with him had higher stakes.

"Good game," I said, forcing a smile, "Let's play together again soon."

Utakata eyed me warrily, but nodded once before turning around and stalking off into the forest from which we had come. Kasumi later admitted as we walked back to the Academy together that she could have sworn she had seen him smiling.

The latter half of our time in the Academy was dedicated almost exclusively to tactical training. Ever since the legendary demon that was Zabuza Momochi had slaughtered his entire graduating class, the entire structure of our education in Kirigakure had changed. Instead of reserving the killing and maiming of our classmates for the last day of class, it was now an unspoken requirement interspersed within our survival lessons and sparring sessions. We didn't have to kill per se, but it wasn't like we were discouraged from it either. The Bloody Mist was still just as bloody, but this time around we were going to have to be sneakier about it.

That meant the weaklings all had targets on their backs. Ao had posted the class ranking at the midpoint of the semester, revealing who was at the top and who was at the very bottom. Our class was more advanced, so even the lowest among us stood apart from the rest. I had managed to score the top rank with Kasumi and Utakata right behind me. Chojuro was the weakest in our class, so he clocked in at #8 out of roughly 300. Not too shabby for a kid who was too nervous to even say his own name in front of people he didn't know.

Even so, that didn't mean he was safe. Chojuro was in the most precarious position out of all of us. The students in the lower ranks would rather risk going against the weakest of the strong than coming directly at someone like me or Kasumi. Everyone knew we were best friends and that we could attack in tandem, but our combined power was nowhere near as devastating as that of our mentors'. Hoshigaki Kisame had made an name for himself as the Monster of the Hidden Mist years ago and watched over Kasumi like a hawk. The fact that we had survived sparring with him didn't guarantee that anyone else would. Likewise, my master wasn't the type to take prisoners. Yagura could kill anyone that dishonored me or his teachings without lifting a finger.

Not that I need him to fight my battles for me, but still. Admittedly, I could use the help. Now that we could all read and write, our time in the classroom was over for good. That meant the easy part was over, and from there on out the Academy would be living hell. There would be no more kunoichi classes where we learned delicate arts like flower arrangement and poison making, or lunch breaks to be spent playing tag and building sand castles. I hadn't bothered to build any sand castles and now that I wasn't going to have time to, I almost regretted it. Chojuro was a masterful sandcastle craftsman, and he had spent hours weaving delicate patterns and structures into the charred shoreline behind the Academy. It was only then that he would speak freely about himself and where him came from, so I didn't know very much about our group's weakest link just yet.

All I was certain of was that Ao had paired us together during training on purpose, and frankly, it kind of pissed me off. Utakata and Kasumi couldn't yet best me, but they always raised hell trying to and I loved every second of it.

Chojuro was more like a river than the raging rapids Kasumi and Utakata embodied in battle. He wore you down over time, unrelenting and heavy-handed with his swings until he cut clean through you. His offensive capabilities were unbelievable, even if he didn't have many flashy tricks up his sleeve. I was almost impressed. Maybe Ao isn't so stupid after all.

Sparring with Chojuro was about as easy as piecing together a puzzle without having any idea what it was supposed to look like in the end. He only had a few moves, but they were always fast and impossible to identify until he'd already executed them. It was a true guessing game.

Thankfully, I had gotten pretty damn good at gambling.

Chojuro might have been one of the finest kenjutsu specialists I had ever seen, but that didn't mean he could take me down. My big brother was the finest there had ever been in Kirigakure, and I had challenged him for his sword at age seven. So what if I didn't win? I still made him sweat!

Chojuro slashed and I lashed, both of us surging towards one another like twin tsunamis. Chojuro was the first opponent I'd had get this close to me since Kimimaro and his clan had attempted to ravage ours last year. It would be harder to justify killing him this way, when I could see his face and the nervous way he adjusted his glasses whenever my water whip got too close to his wrists. It was too personal. I had to seperate us if I wanted to take him down.

I leapt back, flailing my whip as a distraction, but Chojuro lunged forward like a shark chasing its prey. My whip hit him square in the face, knocking off his glasses, but he still kept charging forward. I had never seen him so ferocious. It might have been just a little bit terrifying.

Without thinking, I pulled three senbon out of my pocket and hurled them in his face. One hit his jugular. Another pierced his cheek, drawing blood instantly. The final senbon struck home, hitting his heart's chakra point and left Chojuro gasping for breath on the ground. I knocked him backwards as hard as I could, sending him sprawling. His glasses crunched beneath my feet and even Ao winced at the sound.

My mouth dropped open, prepared to deliver an apology, but I wasn't fast enough.

Chojuro had already torn the senbon out of his chest and was charging directly at me. He was screaming like a wounded animal, so I screamed back. The sound was so loud, it deafened even me.

Chojuro slammed a fist into my right cheek, splintering one of my teeth. I spat blood into his eyes and screamed again, tackling him to the ground. In that moment, something in me snapped.

On the ground, we were both equals. We fought like street jackals jockeying for the last scrap of meat, clawing at each other's eyes and vital organs and biting anything we could get ahold of. Chojuro managed to hook his hand into my left eye socket and tore my eye clean out of my head. Water gushed out of the wound like lava, a hot and unyielding promise of the pain that was to come.

Without thinking, I picked up a rock and smashed it down on Chojuro's head. His tiny little nose shattered beneath my unrelenting fists like a porcelain doll that had been thrown across the floor. Chojuro howled like an animal caught in a trap, tears running down his cheeks.

I could feel Yagura's eyes on my back. Finish him, he urged me wordlessly.

I didn't feel a thing. I raised the rock again, preparing to put my friend out of his misery, but Chojuro wasn't ready to let go. He caught my wrist with his hand and squeezed as hard as he could. I could feel bones snapping and crunching audibly, but I wasn't sure if they were mine or Chojuro's. All I knew was that I wanted to win, and that if I did well Yagura would be proud of me. Maybe Mom and Dad too...

So I pulled out my kunai and slashed madly at Chojuro's throat even though Ao had explicitly asked us not to. Blood gushed out of the wound I had created and Chojuro screamed one last time. It was the worst thing I had ever heard, all garbled and inhuman. My friend, a Kiri nin, was drowning in his own blood. He sounded just like Utakata when they tore out his soul and replaced it with that of a Tailed Beast's, but this time it was more painful because it was all my fault.

All around me, I could hear people gasping and whispering. Demon, demon, demon. Just like her master. Just like her mother. Just like Zabuza Momochi.

None of them came forward to push me off Chojuro, not even Kasumi who was watching me with stricken dark eyes as if she hardly knew who I was anymore. My head spun and everything hurt yet felt like nothing at all. I could feel Yagura's eyes boring into me, practically searing my skin with their Sharingan-induced heat. Madara was watching me. The whole damn village was watching me.

So I did the unthinkable. I put my hands over Chojuro's bleeding throat and screamed for help.

Ao was on us in a second, shouting something I couldn't comprehend. Everything was spinning and pockmarked with white; the screams of my classmates were little more than white noise as I collapsed on top of Chojuro.

Someone strong and heavy slammed me to the ground to get at Chojuro, performing CPR and barking orders at the instructors who stood by, idly watching us. It wasn't like they hadn't seen something like this before. Just eight years ago, Zabuza Momochi had torn through his entire graduating class with a single blade alone. If we died, that was on us. No one in Kirigakure ever truly walks free.

With tears in my eyes, I realized the person attempting to save Chojuro's life was none other than Kasumi. My best friend, my battle buddy, my only true sister… Now hates me.

She was holding his throat closed the best she could, but Kasumi didn't have the medical know-how to actually save his life. That much I was certain of- and I could tell she knew it too. Kasumi was crying as she attempted to get Chojuro to breathe again, her forehead pressed against his just in case he croaked out his last words and she was the only person around to hear them.

Guilt stabbed me deep in the gut, plunging into me like a well-aimed kunai. I leaned over to the side of Chojuro and retched, spitting up water and blood and a horrible blackness. Someone yanked me off the ground and attempted to pull me away from my best friend and the mess I had made of our kindest classmate. I wouldn't let them.

"He needs- he needs a medic," I rasped, tasting bile, "Please… I don't know what came over me."

A familiar, poisonous chakra settled over me like a cloud. My jaw went slack and I fell to the ground. Yagura was staring down at me, his pink eyes shimmering faintly with blood red Sharingan. He smiled faintly, then raised his foot, slamming it down on my face with lightning speed. I heard bones shatter but I felt absolutely nothing but white, chilling blankness.

"It seems you are finally showing your true colors," He hissed, "You are truly the Bloody Mist's youngest heir, but you are not without fault. We shall discuss your conduct later."

I knew that meant he would probably be using the seal against me for the first time. It meant I would lose another piece of myself to the blackness that had overcome me when I attacked Chojuro. The bloodlust I had felt then would only grow stronger. All of the progress I had made piecing myself back together after this whole mess had gotten started would suddenly be erased. Blankness would consume me and everything I had come to love would cease to exist once more, only this time there would be no turning back.

I looked down at my hands, seeking freedom from Madara's hellish stare. Instead, I found nothing but Chojuro's blood. It was caked deeply into my fingernails, shining brightly like a beacon announcing the fact that I was a murder. A friend killer. I was now in limbo, caught somewhere between local legend and classroom pariah. Even if Chojuro was the weakest among us all, he was still our comrade. My classmates ought to rip me to shreds for killing him.

Deep in my heart, I knew I deserved it. I was a cruel, selfish little girl and now Chojuro had to pay the ultimate price for my sins.

Before Yagura or Ao could drag me away from the mess I had made, I bent over to pick up Chojuro's broken glasses. The lenses were completely shattered and the frames had been bent beyond repair, but maybe I could find him another pair just like them to make up for what I had done. I'd put them on his grave with flowers, and maybe, just maybe he might have it in him to forgive me in the afterlife. I'd never know, but I was certain I wouldn't be welcome where Chojuro had gone to. Hell's the only place I'm going.

My punishment came swiftly. By the time the medics got their hands on Chojuro, I was already well within Madara's grasp. He was quieter this time, but no less cruel. He chastised me for choosing to value my friend's life over the victory he felt I had earned, burning my skin with a katon jutsu as he spoke. It barely felt like anything at all.

During our brief talks, Madara always had Obito restrain me while he enacted whatever punishment he saw fit for me on that particular day. Last time he had nearly shattered my jaw while applying his stupid seal. This time was a little different and I couldn't figure out why for the life of me.

Obito hadn't looked too much older than me and had been missing half his face when I last saw him. Still, I found his presence comforting in a strange, desperate sort of way. He seemed to be the most normal of the two Uchihas, even if he did look like half of his face was made out of melted candle wax and had done nothing but beat me senseless since I first met him. This time though, he was nowhere to be found. Only Madara had bothered to watch Chojuro and I brawl, and for some reason he had chosen to start wearing an ugly orange mask while he was doing it.

It was hideous, but so was Madara so perhaps his change in wardrobe was for the best. I pretended not to care when he forced my mouth open to examine his handiwork, but deep down I was incredibly disturbed. All I could see was Madara's right eye, and I had no way to figure out how angry he truly was. I couldn't brace myself for the pain I knew was coming. Madara had me right where he wanted me, all dazed and pliable with chakra exhaustion. With no one else to turn to, I was forced to look to him.

And directly into his Sharingan.

The room began to swirl. Thunder roared in my ear, deafening me more and more with every blast. The floor beneath me morphed into molten lava, heavy and weighing me down in the heat. Madara locked eyes with me one final time, his Sharingan whirling with pure fury, and pushed me down into the hellish black abyss that he had conjured up around me.

It was a genjutsu, but that didn't mean it hurt any less.

I sank to the very bottom of the murky emptiness that emerged from Madara's mind and let it envelop me. There was no way out- at least not one that I deserved. My chest seized and spasmed, sending shooting pains throughout my body as I struggled to breathe. There was no air down there, just the painful black void.

Images of Chojuro flashed all around me like a movie reel. I could see it all- his shy introduction, our shared lunches, and the blossoming of a friendship that had helped pull me out of the blackness of the curse Madara had carved into my very being six months ago. I could hear him laughing at my bad jokes and building sandcastles, then crying out for me to stop, please Natsu just stop, and screaming in pain. His screams wouldn't stop.

Chojuro clung to me like demon. He howled and clawed at me with fingernails sharper than any knife I had ever wielded. He tore me to shreds, ripping out my heart and digging into my eyes until they saw nothing but blood red.

"Stop me, stop me," He whispered, "Why couldn't you just stop hurting me? Now look what you've done to me. I'm dead and you killed me. Now I'm going to kill you too."

I opened my mouth the scream that I didn't know why and I was so, so sorry, but Chojuro tore out my tongue instead.

I screamed until his kunai was at my throat, mere centimeters away from ending it all. Do it, I urged him wordlessly, Do it and set us both free.

He slit my throat, and everything I had ever known ceased to exist. The world around me was the color of a television tuned to a dead channel, crackling with white noise and emptiness. I was alone once again in the darkness.

I opened my mouth and screamed out an apology, gagging on my own blood as I garbled Chojuro's name. Perhaps his name would be the last thing I ever said. It was only fair that he got to take my life the same way I had taken his. An eye for an eye…

The last thing I saw before the world spun off its axis was him, my poor dead friend, sprawled out on the beach. He was busy building a sandcastle bigger than his body as seagulls flew overhead and waves pounded violently at the seashore, daring him to go for a swim and challenge them. At the base of the sandcastle, there were two tiny figures brandishing makeshift sand swords. One was short with glasses and wiry hair, a shy smile etched eternally on his face. The other was even tinier, clad in a dress and brandishing three senbon in her left hand. Just like me.

Chojuro stood up and I half expected him to jump on me again. Instead, he smiled softly at me and held out his hand. It was small and pale, unblemished with innocent blood unlike mine. A bolt of lightning crackled through the air and pierced clean through me the moment we clasped hands.

I shattered like a broken mirror. Finally, I've been set free.

Somewhere out in the universe, Madara Uchiha was laughing at me. I woke up in my mother's bed with Chojuro's glasses clenched tightly in my fists and a painful sore throat. His glasses were as good as new, and part of me wondered if I had actually broken them to begin with.

No, I thought to myself, They were definitely broken.

Ao had seen me shatter them and had cried out in shock. Kasumi had probably seen me break them too. My heart ached at the thought of them, two of only people that could put up with my fiery temper and explosive, violent outbursts, looking at me with nothing but disgust. Part of me doubted I would ever be able to show my face at the Academy again.

Not that it even matters now that Chojuro's dead, I thought bitterly. Even so, something in me was too restless to be quelled by those words alone. I had to go see Chojuro for myself, so I threw off the covers and rolled out of my mother's bed.

I landed face-first on the ground, too weak to stand up. Mangetsu came bursting into the bedroom as if he had been waiting outside for any signs of life and scooped me up into his arms. He held me tightly to his chest, cradling me like a doll.

"Hey Natsu," He murmured, "You doing okay?"

I wanted to scream that no, I most certainly was not, but I knew my complaints would fall on deaf ears. Mangetsu had no idea what was really going on in this village. He was too busy cutting people's heads off half the time anyway.

"Where's Chojuro going to be buried?" I asked bluntly, bringing his glasses closer to my chest.

Mangetsu shook his head. I couldn't see the motion, but I felt it in the way that his chin bobbed and his shoulders flexed to accommodate the gesture. I truly felt like a child when I was in my brother's arms. He was as big as my father and wider in the shoulders.

"He's not dead yet," Mangetsu finally admitted, humming low in his throat. He was so casual about the idea of a six year old dying that I almost didn't pick up on his words.

"What do you mean he's not dead?" I said, sitting up and attempting to scramble out of Mangetsu's vice grip. "I slit his throat! He was bleeding all over the place and no one came to help him."

Mangetsu snorted, shaking his head once again. "You blacked out on top of him. How would you know what went down after that?"

My heart skipped a beat. "Did Yagura… Was he there watching me?" I could have sworn he kicked me in the face...

Mangetsu sighed softly. "Yeah, he manhandled you a little bit. Guess that's how he shows his affection or something."

I would have sighed with relief if not for the stupid seal in my mouth. I didn't want to risk setting it off. "So you're telling me I blacked out on top of Chojuro and got kicked in the face," I said, "And then they dragged him to the hospital and now he's okay? And no one bothered to wake me up and tell me anything about it?!"

I was fuming. I'd been stewing in my own guilt for hours alone in my mother's booze-filled bedroom. Chojuro and I had fought in the early afternoon, and by now the sun had long since settled behind the mountains, beckoning in the night. It was pitch black outside, which meant the day was over and not a single one of my relatives had bothered to come in and break the news?

Incompetent fools, I thought bitterly. If only someone had woken me up right away. Maybe then I could have gone straight to Chojuro and helped him somehow.

"Aniki," I said, putting on my sweetest voice, "Can we please go visit my friend? I want to give him back his glasses."

Bewildered, Mangetsu looked down at me with a quirked brow. "You slit your own friend's throat? Damn Natsu, that's cold."

I snorted. "That's rich coming from you, Mangetsu. Back when you were in school, you killed six of your classmates just for looking at you wrong."

Mangetsu grinned widely. "Ah, childhood memories! A word of advice though… Next time you decide you want to murder one of your buddies, you should cut deeper next time. Don't give them the chance to wake back up and come after you."

It was hard not to shudder when he got like that. Mangetsu was a lot of things I couldn't be all at once- a murderer, a prankster and a big brother. He had a good sense of humor when he wasn't decapitating people or tearing them limb from limb for his own amusement, but sometimes he blended the two together and even I found it disturbing. I faked a laugh in an attempt to get him to change the subject.

"I don't want him coming after me," I singsonged, "So please, Aniki, take me to see him. I'll do your chores for a week!"

Mangetsu cackled. "Well, when you put it like that I can't really say no."

I cheered, then immediately regretted it as my chest seized up. It seemed that the pains from Madara's punishment had affected more than my mind.

That means it was all real in a way, I thought, So maybe Chojuro won't hate me after all.

I was quiet as Mangetsu sat me down on the bed and went to retrieve his jacket. It was fall now, and the water around us was beginning to chill, blanketing the entire village in a bitter cold every night. Our clan-issued tank tops weren't going to cut it anymore. I looked down at myself and shivered at the thought of going out my pajamas. They had been sewn years ago, back when I was barely taller than Suigetsu, and now I was practically bursting out of them. I was still thin enough to practically stab someone with my hip bones, but my bones themselves had gotten so much larger since I started school. Yagura and I were now neck and neck, and I prayed fervently that I would one day be able to surpass him.

Then again, that wasn't saying much. Kasumi was already taller than Yagura and twice as broad. Her eight birthday had been just two months ago. I would be turning eight in a week or so- I was never sure. My mother had given birth to me in one of the autumn months, but we had never celebrated anything that had to do with me so it was hard to remember the exact day I was born. Sometime in October, probably. Suigetsu had been born in November, and he wanted to have a birthday party like Kasumi had this year. Begrudgingly, I almost looked forward to attending it.

It's not like I love him or anything, I huffed, Cake's just really good.

By the time Mangetsu had finally returned with his beloved leather jacket in tow, I was already up and managing to hobble around. My whole abdomen ached like it didn't belong to me, so I had to walk bent over like a grandma just to retrieve my sandals. Mangetsu forced me to sit down and put them on for me. I grimaced but accepted the help anyway, even though it made me feel a lot like Suigetsu did when he was getting his diaper changed… Invalid.

Where is that little brat anyway? I wondered. I figured he would have been slobbering all over me by now, but I hadn't seen him since yesterday morning. He always demanded a story before bedtime and would cry until he had his way, so I couldn't help but wonder where he had gone and if he was peacefully asleep by now. Not that I care or anything.

Mangetsu suddenly pushed me to the ground, jolting me out of my thoughts. I raised my firsts to defend myself. Instead of attacking me, Mangetsu simply nudged me over onto a blanket he'd laid across the floor and rolled me up in it like a piece of sushi. In a way, I guess that's who I was. A really bitter piece of sushi… Full of deadly parasites! I mused.

"What's the meaning of this?" I asked, struggling to move my arms. The blanket really did feel like seaweed. That meant it was nearly impossible to wriggle out of.

"I couldn't find your jacket and it's starting to snow," Mangetsu admitted sheepishly, "So it might be best for me to just carry you."

I grunted disapprovingly, attempting to squirm away from Mangetsu. Instead of being impressed by my mobility, Mangetsu started laughing.

"You look like a deformed worm!" He cackled, slapping his knee, "Why do you always have to do things your way?"

I turned around to fix him with a piercing stare. "My way is the best way, you know. When I'm Mizukage and I make the rules, you'll have no choice but to follow me."

Mangetsu grinned and ruffled my hair, shaking his head all the while. It was almost as if nothing had gone wrong earlier that day, but I knew better. Chojuro was holed up in some dingy hospital room while I was lounging on my mother's lush carpet making jokes about a bunch of things that didn't matter. It was so unfair, it almost made me sick.

By the time Mangetsu and I were actually out of the compound and leaping across the rooftops towards the hospital, I was too busy trying my hardest not to puke to worry about how weird I looked all wrapped up in Mangetsu's blanket. I figured I would be able to convince him to let me out when we got to the hospital.

Then again, I could barely stand on my own so maybe it would be best for me to swallow my pride for once. I'd done enough damage for today as it was.

Mangetsu touched down on the hospital roof with a wild grin on his face. He'd sprinted the entire way for no good reason, and now that he had worked up a sweat he was happier than ever. My brother was an adrenaline junkie if I'd ever seen one. That had to be why he loved fighting so much.

I hadn't fared as well. Mangetsu refused to release me from his makeshift sushi roll blanket after he watched me almost vomit all over his shoes and I was still struggling to regain my composure.

"We're going in through the side entrance anyway," He said a little too gleefully, "So hold on just a little longer please, Natsu."

I nodded weakly, silently praying that things would go smoothly with Chojuro. Instead of consoling me, Mangetsu unsheathed his sword and leaned over and smashed one of the hospital windows without saying a word. He then rather unceremoniously threw me inside, then swung down from the roof like a monkey to follow me. I landed in a pile of broken glass, still wrapped in Mangetsu's blanket. I was beginning to think it was cursed somehow.

"You didn't need to do that you know," I grumbled, "There's a door downstairs."

"Not after hours there isn't," Mangetsu said, "And besides, smashing stuff is way more fun."

I rolled my eyes. Someone get me out of here!

"Just help me find me friend and we can forget this ever happened," I muttered, holding out my hand in the hopes that Mangetsu would help me get up off the floor. He stepped over me instead, intent on surveying our surroundings. Chojuro could be anywhere and I had to find him as quickly as I could. He needed his glasses back.

"Aha! I think I found him," Mangetsu said after a long while, having gone up and down all four floors of the hospital. "Is he a little kid with fuzzy blue hair and dark eyes?"

I sat up with a start. "That's Chojuro! Where is he? Did he look okay? Was he breathing?"

"Woah there, kiddo. What's got you so riled up?" Mangetsu teased me, poking me in the forehead antagonistically.

"Well, I almost killed him and I don't want him to hate me forever, so I'd really like to know how he's doing," I said through clenched teeth, attempting to keep my temper in check. Sometimes Mangetsu pushed too far.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt to go say hi," Mangetsu mused, grabbing my hand. He stepped over the broken glass and bits of shattered window pane with the nonchalance of someone who knew exactly what to expect out of the given situation. I could barely keep up and my palms were starting to sweat with nervousness. What exactly do you say to someone you almost murdered? I wondered anxiously.

"I think I'm going to be sick again," I mumbled, "Maybe we should just go home."

Mangetsu disagreed. "Not after all the trouble I went through to get you here. C'mon, Natsu. The worst that kid can do is ask you to get the hell out, and that doesn't seem like something he'd do. So quit acting like a coward and get in there!"

Without another word, Mangetsu yanked the blanket off of me and shoved me into Chojuro's hopsital room. He slammed the door shut behind us, leaving me alone with the incarnation of every nightmare I'd ever had- a newfound friend that now probably hated my guts with a burning passion.

It wasn't hard to understand why. I had decimated Chojuro. Even after being in the hospital for several hours, his face was still mangled and splotched with deep purple bruises. A thick, dirty bandage wrapped its way around his neck like a snake preparing to suffocate its prey and he look deathly pale. All because of me and my stupid pride.

"Hi," I said softly, "I brought back your glasses."

I held out the spectacles like a peace offering. A conflicted look spread across Chojuro's face, warping his soft features into something a little sharper. A myriad of emotions flashed across his face all at once- anger, sadness, embarrassment and frustration- but he reached for his glasses anyway. I couldn't see myself, but I was certain that shame was the only emotion I was sporting.

Thankfully, the medics had managed to heal Chojuro's nose completely, so he was still mostly recognizable once he put his glasses back on. Without his glasses, he had looked almost handsome in a dazed sort of way. Not as handsome as Utakata, but certainly not ugly either. Now he was just a regular kid and I was anything but. I felt like an imposter, a wolf dressed in sheep's clothing, as I stared him down, waiting for him to give me a reaction.

Yell at me! I thought, Or hit me or something! Don't just sit there and take it!

Chojuro opened his mouth, and for half a second I expected blood to coming spewing out of it. Either that or a bunch of curses. Instead, he simply said, "Thank you," and went quiet once more.

My mouth dropped open. "You're not mad at me?"

Chojuro flopped a little bit as he attempted to shake his head. "I don't know what I feel anymore. We were fighting, and I lost so I don't know if I should complain that you showed me mercy."

"I didn't want to kill you," I said, looking at the floor, "But things got out of control and I'm… sorry for that."

It was the first apology I'd uttered since Mangetsu and I had fought. For some reason, this one was even more painful than its predecessor.

"You don't have to be sorry," Chojuro muttered. "It's not your fault I'm a weakling."

Something inside my chest sank. It felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Ao had always been hard on Chojuro, but now I knew that no one was harder on Chojuro than himself. He had taken all of Ao's criticism to heart, and the weight of his shame and self-loathing was dragging him down like an anchor does a ship. He was stuck in one place while the rest of us kept moving forward. That's why he's dead last in our class… Not because he's stupid or weak, but because he doesn't think he deserves to be up there with us.

"You're not weak," I finally said, "I'm the strongest student in the Academy and put up a good fight. You gave everything you had. A weak person would never be able to do that."

Chojuro sniffled softly, his dark eyes welling up with tears. He attempted to brush them away, but more kept coming down as if to spite him. I bit my lip. I've opened the floodgates now, haven't I?

"Then why can't I keep up with any of you? Why am I always the one that makes mistakes?!" Chojuro whimpered, looking both angry and sheepish.

"You're too kind," I said flatly, forgetting that I needed to comfort him, "We're the Village of the Bloody Mist, not the Village of Love. People here are harsh and unforgiving. You have to learn to fight that way. Until then, you and I will never be equals."

Chojuro's face fell. More tears began to run down his cheeks like raindrops sliding down a window pane. This time, he didn't attempt to wipe them away.

"But that doesn't mean you can't grow stronger," I continued, attempting to comfort my friend, "You just have to work a lot harder to overcome that side of yourself. I was born ready for this, so don't compare yourself to me."

"It's impossible not to," Chojuro whispered, "Your big brother is my idol."

My heart started to pound. "You know Mangetsu?!"

Chojuro nodded gravely. "Yes… he wields the sword I dream of having one day. The Hiramekarei."

Feeling strangely jealous, I clenched my jaw. That's my big brother's sword! And my father's before him!

"I have wielded it once before," I finally admitted.

Chojuro's eyes lit up, his tears stopping almost instantly. "You have?! How are you still alive?"

I swallowed hard, feeling embarrassed. "I challenged Mangetsu for it a while back. I was jealous of him and I wanted to make my father proud, so we fought each other for it. He won, and instead of collecting my head he collected my chakra. I was very lucky."

Now that it was all said and done, I was almost thankful for Mangetsu. He had been more merciful with me than I would have been with him. I guess that was part of the reason why he was so much stronger than me. He knew how to pick his battles.

"It was my father's before him, you know," I said, "So I thought I had a chance."

Chojuro nodded shyly, as if he had already known. "Maybe… we can take it from him together?"

I considered it for a moment, but shook my head. "My brother and I have fought enough in the past year to last a lifetime so if you really want his sword, you'll have to take it on your own. The Hiramekarei only respects one wielder."

Chojuro's soft smile faded away, and we were left to stare at each other in silence.

"It'll be hard," I admitted quietly, "Maybe even impossible. But it can be done."

I just hope it never gets that far… I don't want to lose my brother, I thought, surprising even myself. I guess I was beginning to get attached to Mangetsu too.

"If it can be done…" Chojuro said, determination evident in his dark eyes, "Then I will do it. I don't want to be the weakest in our class forever!"

I had never seen him so riled up. His heart monitor started beeping like an alarm, so I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. All that did was make him even more nervous though.

"Calm down!" I admonished him, "You're going to hurt yourself again!"

Chojuro essentially deflated like a balloon. All of the nervous yet excited energy he had been giving off disappeared, and a quiet nervousness soon replaced it. We sat in silence for a little while, just looking at each other until Chojuro's heart rate stabilized again. I could feel him breathing softly, in and out in the same strange liquidy sort of way that Utakata had been after the sealing process. With a grimace, I realized that the only reason Chojuro sounded that way was because he still had blood in his lungs leftover from the time I had stabbed him with my senbon earlier.

"I'm still sorry for what I did," I said, breaking the silence, "And I hope you can forgive me one day."

Chojuro smiled weakly. "I'll forgive you on one condition."

I swallowed hard. Does he want me to try to steal Mangetsu's sword again?

"What's the condition?" I asked, eyeing him warily.

Chojuro cracked a smile. "You have to build a sandcastle with me tomorrow once I get out of here."

I grinned back and held out my hand. "You've got a deal, buddy."

We shook on it.

Author's Note:

Finally, I've updated! It's been a long time coming and I don't have a good excuse. Just know that I'm here now and I intend to finish this story strong. I have some new plot lines drawn up and a lot of new plans for Chinatsu's future. Feel free to weigh in through a review though! I am open to criticism and suggestions alike. Some of my best ideas and improvements have come from reviews and I can't thank you all enough for your support. Like I said in the last chapter, I have revamped Chapters Ten through Seventeen after seriously reading all of your reviews. I plan on gutting the whole thing and making it shine someday, but until I get a beta I don't think I can manage that on my own.

This also is the final chapter in Chinatsu's Academy Arc, so it's the last chance you'll have to weigh in on what team you think she should be on! You can suggest any of the following characters: Utakata, Ameyuri Ringo, Hoshigaki Kasumi, Chojuro (the poor kid), and two of my OCs- Ken'ichi Hamasaki and Maasaki Akiyama. You can also make suggestions about their jonin instructors. Characters like Mei Terumi, Kisame Hoshigaki, Zabuza Momochi, other members of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, and any other Kirigakure jonin are all fair game, so fire away! Some of you (namely the lovely Curse Doll) have already given me great ideas.

-MSM-

PS: Our amazing new cover was drawn by the lovely Just-Jes on DeviantArt! If you want to draw anything for Visibility Zero, I'll gladly feature it on my page and give you credit.