Heartbreaking Confessions

by Her Pretty Smile

Synopsis: AU. They were in love only once, and it made her miserable to see him happy with his new love. "Ten years after, I bumped into you in the streets. I said hi, you said it back. I asked you how your life is. You told me about your wife and daughter. And when you did, it broke my heart." Natsu/Lucy angst.

Warning: Unbeta-ed. Mistakes may be evident.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairy Tail.

Authoress' Note: Honestly. I just adore NaLu angst. I don't know why. Maybe I'm sadistic. C:

THERE ARE NO WORDS that can express how I feel right now.

It's like I'm thrown into the middle of happiness and sadness. I'm happy because I'm finally getting married; Loke and I are now engaged and the wedding's to be in a month. However, I'm sad because he's getting married, too.

Well, actually, the fact is, he's already married. He and Lisanna had their wedding last month without even telling us. It was private. It was only for the two of them.

It's only now that they'd decided to make it official.

I feel the familiar bitterness crawling up inside my throat. It's a hard, painful feeling to experience.

And I hate it. I'm still wishing to have someone who doesn't love me back. I'm pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

While I am drowned in my own miserable thoughts, Loke comes up to me with a worried look on his face. "Lucy?" he says tentatively, as if he senses my sudden shift in mood.

I smile at him, feeling guilty. Loke's going to be my life now. Why am I thinking about some man other than him? "Yes, Loke?" I say softly. "Is there something you need?"

He blinks, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Oh, sorry 'bout that. I saw your expression earlier. I was worried, so..."

I place a hand on his shoulder, giving him a silent message of assurance that I will never, ever leave his side even if it kills me. "I love you," I say with a grin. "So you've got nothing to worry about."

He still looks slightly unconvinced, but he seems to accept my answer and pulls me to him, hugging me tightly as if he doesn't want to let go of me forever.

"Lucy..." he says carefully, and suddenly I feel that he's about to bring up a really touchy subject. "About Natsu..."

I stiffen and robotically pull away from him as gently as I can. "Loke..." I start.

"No, Lucy." His eyes look determined. "We have to talk about this now. You still love him."

"But we've talked about this," I say almost desperately, almost pleadingly.

He shakes his head, smiling sadly. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't really care if you do. All I am going to ask from you is only your loyalty. I know that you're not the kind of girl that ditches a guy for another, but I just want to make sure. If you want to dance with him right now, you can. I don't control you, Lucy. You can do whatever you want. But please... after our wedding... don't leave my side."

I understand what Loke is talking about. He has cancer, and it's in its latest stage. As much as it breaks my heart to know that he is going to leave me soon, to know that someday, he'll be taken away from me, I still can't forget about him.

Natsu's gone. If Loke's gone, too, then... I don't know what I should do.

I let out a resigned sigh, making a decision I know that if I won't do, I would regret it for the rest of my life. "Can... I dance with him? Just one last time?"

He smiles at me genuinely, and I try my best to blink back tears. "Of course you can. It's about time, actually. You two talk it out, okay? I'll be there at the buffet table with Aries."

I hug him tightly for a few extra moments before strolling over towards Natsu. He's staring at Lisanna with a heart-wrenchingly loving expression on his face.

I unconsciously clutch my chest, fearing that my heart will somehow break into pieces any minute now.

He senses me approaching and turns. "Lucy..." he says, an expression of wonder etched on his face.

I stand before him, taking a deep breath. "Natsu... I whisper softly, feeling my emotions tumble like knots as I remember that the expression he has right now is almost painfully similar to the one he'd always given me ten years ago.

"Congratulations on your engagement," he says cheerfully. "Never thought you'd end up with Loke. I'd always thought it was Gray or Hibiki. Guess I was wrong."

I stare at him. No... A long time ago... You said you'd end up with me in the future no matter what.

"Hey, is something wrong?" He peers at me worriedly.

I smile at him forcibly. "It's nothing. Care to dance?" I offer casually. "Because I think this'll be the last time we'll see each other again in a very long time. Except for the week of my wedding, of course."

He looks a bit confused. "Huh? Why?"

"Because... Loke and I are going to stay in California after our honeymoon."

He grins at me happily. "Wow, great! You know, speaking of honeymoon, I'm thinking about where Lisanna and I should go to. I want to go to Paris, but she wants to go to Hong Kong. Do you think it's better to let her have what she wants?"

"Well..." I bite my lip, uncomfortable with the conversation we are having. "Maybe it's best if you two talk it over and decide what your final decision is."

He looks at me with an unreadable expression on his face, then suddenly, he grins again, even brighter than before. "Gee, thanks, Luce. You always have the best ideas." He extends his hand towards me. "C'mon, let's dance."

I take his hand slowly, shivering slightly when we make contact. I can still feel the electricity tingling my skin. I can still feel the chemistry. Our chemistry. But why? Why doesn't he feel it, too?

And he called me Luce. It's been years since he last called me that.

"So, uh..." I say in my best cheerful voice, trying to make a conversation. "Do you have plans for another kid?"

Turns out that that isn't a very good topic to bring up at all, because Natsu immediately brightens, and it further increases the pain in my battered heart. "Whenever Lisanna's ready and whenever she wants to," he answers.

A lump catches in my throat and I try hard not to cry. "That's great," I croak out, forcing myself to smile. Why? Why am I so masochistic? "I never knew you're so considerate, Natsu," I add, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

He frowns at me playfully. "Hey, just what does that suppose to mean?"

I giggle. "Nothing, nothing."

There is silence as we continue to dance across the room, and for once in my life, I forget all about my pain and focus my eyes on the man who had, and still has, stolen my heart.

He stares back, but he has an expression on his face that I can't read. After a few moments, his gaze becomes even more intense, and I suddenly feel like melting in front of those eyes.

"W-What?" I stammer. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

I can see the conflict in his eyes as he struggles for a reply. "Nothing," he says quietly.

I frown slightly. "Natsu, is something wrong?"

"Lucy..."

"What is it?" I probe him gently.

"I have to ask you something."

"Okay..." I reply, feeling confused and puzzled at the same time.

He looks around almost hesitantly. "I think it's better if we'd take this outside."

I frown deeply. It must be serious. "Okay then."

I let him drag me towards the garden where the moonlight shines and the flowers bloom beautifully. I sit myself on a smooth rock, and he does the same.

"What's wrong, Natsu?" I ask after a moment of silence.

"What happened ten years ago?"

I am taken aback by the unexpectedness of his question. "Pardon?" I choke out, disbelief pouring over that one word.

A pained expression appears on his face, catching me off-guard yet again.

"What happened to us ten years ago?" he asks quietly, averting his gaze.

Anger and hurt pile up inside me. "You idiot. You freakin' moron!" I snap at him, the thread holding my pent-up emotions in place disappearing into thin air in an instant. "How can you expect me to tell you? After you hurt me so bad? After you ignored me? You must really be stupid!"

He has a shocked expression on his face and is about to say something, but I cut him off.

"You want to know? I'll tell you. We were going steady ten years ago. We were seventeen, and we loved each other. I really felt it, Natsu. But then one day, you disappeared. I was worried sick. You didn't come back to school. I only found out from Gray that you were studying abroad and that you had a brand new girlfriend! You never even bothered to talk to me or text me. You didn't care." Tears are streaming down my face in rivulets. "Ten years after, I bumped into you in the streets. At that time, I'd thought I'd gotten over you, but it turns out that I still haven't." I take a deep breath, ignoring the surprised expression on his face, and continue on. "I said hi. You said it back. I asked you how your life is. You told me about your wife and daughter. And when you did, it broke my heart. It wasn't because I didn't want you to be happy, because believe me, it's all I'd ever wanted." My voice breaks. "It was because ten years ago... I pictured somebody else asking you that same question years after, and you would tell him about me."

Silence fills the space between us, and only my quiet, muffled sobs are the ones that I can hear.

He isn't saying anything.

Not that I really expected him to.

"I'm sorry," I say reluctantly after a moment of pure hesitation. "I shouldn't have told you about this. You have a family now, and I'm only going to get in your way if I keep on having these feelings for you. It's better for both of us if we should just forget that we ever had this kind of conversation." The all-too-familiar bitterness piles up in the pit of my stomach as I stand up and start to walk back towards the ballroom.

"...ber," he mumbles incoherently, his gaze focused deeply on the ground.

"Huh?" I say, puzzled.

"...I remember," he says softly as he stands up, leaning over me slightly.

At our close proximity, I can smell the sweet, intoxicating scent of his perfume, and I notice absently that he's a head taller than me. I only come up to his chin.

"You... remember what?" I ask him quietly.

"I remember ten years ago," he replies ruefully as he gazes deep into my eyes. "I remember everything. I remember you."

My mind is spinning. "What are you talking about?"

"I remembered it all the moment we started dancing. It was slow at first, even blurry, but when time passed, it became much clearer."

"Natsu, I don't get you."

"That day, I was in a car accident."

My eyes widen.

He continues on. "I'd lost most of my memories that day, but I remembered who I am, what my name was. I remembered all my friends, even you, but what I couldn't remember were the memories of us together." His voice rings out with guilt and sadness. "My parents sent me abroad with the hopes of starting over, and I took that opportunity to begin a new life. Then I... met Lisanna."

I stare at him incredulously. "Then... what happened ten years ago... what happened between us... was all destroyed just because of you not remembering us?"

He nods, looking very shameful. "I'm sorry." His voice breaks, and my whole being shatters because the Natsu I know is always strong, so strong and doesn't shed a single tear in front of others. "I know that I can't make up for all the pain I've caused you by just a mere insignificant apology, but please let me try to heal your heart."

"How can you possibly heal it?" I say in a strangled whisper. "You can't show or tell me you love me because you have a wife and a daughter already. And I can't, either, because I'd sworn to myself and to Loke that I would never leave his side. So what can you possibly do?"

"I..." He is at a loss for words.

"Forget it, Natsu," I say resignedly. "There's nothing we can possibly do. Nothing can be done to make us go back together again."

"Lucy." His voice is soft. "I can give it all up for you. I can turn my own world upside-down just for you. I can leave Lisanna and my stepdaughter for you. I can show you how much I love you right here, right now." He steps closer to me until our noses touch. "That is, if you'll let me."

My breath catches up in my throat. He always does that to me. He always makes me feel warm and breathless. He always knows how to have an effect on me.

He always knows what's in my heart.

And I never knew that little Kimi is only his stepdaughter.

"You already know what I'll say," I tell him in the same soft tone he used. "But I can't let you give up the ones who need you the most."

He says nothing, but he presses his lips onto mine for a brief, tortuous second before drawing away.

It's only a chaste kiss, but it's something that I know I will always remember as a goodbye.

"I love you," I whisper.

He gives me a sad smile. "I love you too."

When he walks away from me, I slump to the ground, not caring if my dress gets dirty.

I stare up at the sky emptily, thinking about what an idiot I am for throwing away the only chance I had to get him back.

But at the same time, I know that I made the right decision.

If we really love each other, then we should sacrifice.

The End

A/N: Dum dum duuum. I sense a need for revision... next month, maybe. XD Anyway, what'd you all think of it? Did it live up to its angsty level?