Rin ran a hand through his hair, pulling at his locks in frustration. It was almost surreal, what was happening. Almost like a bad dream. The only problem was that he wouldn't be waking up.
'What the hell am I supposed to do now?' he thought in anger though he couldn't quite pinpoint what he was angry with. Those people from Sakura's home, himself, his demonic heritage, the world…..The lines were blurred, nothing was clear. He gritted his teeth.
'Is this all I can do? Am I supposed to just watch her go?'
Could he really live with that? What if these people were imposters? What if they were forcing her to leave? What if they were followers of Satan? As soon as those thoughts entered his mind he shook his head to clear it. He was being unreasonable, he knew. Sakura wouldn't have hugged them like that, wouldn't have smiled at them like that if they hadn't been important to her. He couldn't remember ever seeing such a radiant smile on her face before.
'I want her to stay here…..' he thought miserably, thrusting his fingers through his hair. 'But it doesn't matter what I want, does it?'
He should have seen this coming. He should have prepared for this moment. He should have kept himself from growing so attached to her and from feeling so strongly. She had made it clear on the day they found her that True Cross Town wasn't her home and that her ultimate goal was to find a way back to her people. And back then, he had been ok with that thought. She'd been nobody special back then.
'But it's not like that anymore, is it? She is special. She means something to me. A lot…..'
And now she was leaving, just as unexpectedly as she had appeared. Like a shooting star which's beauty you only got to see for a few seconds before it disappeared forever. Just like her, just like Sakura who had appeared out of nowhere to turn their lives upside-down and change them forever. And now….Now she was leaving. Going to the home where she belonged, back to the people with which she belonged.
'This can't be it. This can't be the end…..' he thought desperately.
The sun was beginning to set and the reddish glow of its waning light bathed the world in oranges and reds and purples.
Then a thought entered his mind and his blue eyes widened as realization dawned. 'What if she really wants to leave? What if this moment is what she's been waiting for all this time?' His fingers tightened unconsciously, his nails digging in the flesh of his palm painfully though he couldn't register the pain.
'How could I hope that she'd just abandon her previous life for us?' he wondered for the hundredth time that evening, realizing how utterly hopeless it was. Because she'd never abandon her family for them. No matter how much she cared about them-because she did, he knew she did-there was no way she'd throw her whole life away for their sake.
Realization dawned that he would really have to say goodbye. No matter how much he resented the thought, he probably only had a few more hours with her and then she would be gone, probably never to be seen or heard from again. She would disappear just as unexpectedly as she had appeared. Like a flickering flame.
'What if I'm making it worse?' he thought suddenly. 'What if I'm hurting her more by being so selfish?' The possibility was almost as terrifying as watching her go forever. 'I have to help her…..I have to make it easier for her. Perhaps that will make it easier for me as well…..' He stood from his position on the ground and watched as the last rays of the sun disappeared in the horizon and the dark veil of nightfall spread above his head.
'For the last time, I have to do this for her…'
XxxOxOxOxxX
She was trying desperately to keep her emotions under control but it was proving to be a greater challenge than she had expected. Her vision was blurry because of the unshed tears waiting to flood her eyes and her arms hugged her body weakly, trying to clutch on to something that wasn't there.
She dragged her feet, something that she usually despised doing since it reminded her of her younger self, though she didn't have the right mind to prevent it now. She took a look around, feeling the last of the sun's dying light lick her arms as it sank in the horizon. She sampled the air, breathing in the smell of True Cross Town that wasn't quite as clean and fresh as Konoha's but was unique in its own way.
Sakura sighed shakily. Guilt was clawing at her gut, tearing her insides apart. What kind of a shinobi was she? There shouldn't have been a dilemma in the first place. It should have been easy. She should have chosen Konoha right away. It was her home, her safe haven, her grip on sanity, her one remaining stronghold when everything else turned to dust.
Then why was it proving so difficult to make the decision?
Why was it so difficult to just say the words out loud? Why was it so difficult to walk away?
She was a person of emotion; that she knew and hated to an extent. That trait of hers tended to land her in situations that usually ended up in some kind of emotional conflict for her. But she had found a way to live with that. In time, she had developed her own walls of defense against it.
Then why where all those defenses crumbling piece by piece? Slowly but surely bearing her soul and making her vulnerable and leaving her defenseless against an enemy that she knew would eventually devour her….
She was no fool. She had known from that very first day that the Okumura brothers would eventually grow to mean something to her, that they'd become part of her one way or another. She had memory of every bond she had ever formed during her life, from the most fleeting ones to the ones that meant everything to her. But she had never thought that the two boys would grow to mean so much to her to the point that the thought of leaving them behind seemed more unbearable than not setting foot in Konoha ever again.
'I'm a disgrace…..I let Tsunade-sama down…..' she thought, gritting her teeth. 'Her and all those great ninjas before me that laid their lives down for the sake of the village. Perhaps all those people were right, perhaps I really shouldn't have become a shinobi.'
She was in the process of entering a second round of self-loathing when the sound of approaching footsteps interrupted her. She would recognize that stride anywhere.
"Rin?" she asked, hoping that her voice sounded normal.
"Sakura." he greeted her though he seemed unusually….detached.
'I'm not ready for this…' The young kunoichi took a deep breath. "I've been looking for you."
"Is that so?" he said and though his eyes were focused on her, his mind appeared to be elsewhere. "What can I help you with?"
Sakura was almost sure that he could hear her heart thundering in her chest. "There is something I need to tell you."
"I'm all ears."
'There really isn't an easy way to say this…' She took a deep breath. "Rin…..My friends have found me. They are here to take me back to Konoha." she said, bracing herself for the upcoming storm.
Only, it never came.
"Oh….." he simply answered, his face expressionless. "Then I'm happy for you Sakura. This is what you wanted, right?"
Sakura stood frozen in place, her wide emerald eyes staring at him and at the same time not registering anything but the coldness in his blue gaze. The evening breeze played with her pink locks, brushing her arms and ruffling her clothes but she paid it no mind. Even though the temperature was pleasantly warm outside, she suddenly felt cold. Cold and alone.
For all she was worth, that wasn't the reaction she had expected. Yelling, cursing, perhaps accusations….All those she had expected. Hell, anything would have been better than this…..aloofness. This cold detachment that was nothing like the Rin she knew and cared about.
'Is this it? Is this how much he really cares about me? After all this time and everything we went through… Is this all I'm worth to him?'
She clenched her fists, her nails digging in her flesh thought that momentary sting did little to alleviate the pain that exploded inside her. 'This is how it is then…I see…..'
The answer to her dilemma didn't seem so hard anymore. "I just wanted you to know. Thank you for everything you've done for me. I am forever in your debt."
"There is no need for that." he answered and she wished he'd look at her the way he used to. "I guess this is where our ways part."
"I guess it is….
"Take care, Sakura." he said and immediately turned his back to her as he started walking away, not realizing how much that made her chest burn.
Her eyes remained focused on his back as he moved away from her forever. On an impulse she called out to him, wishing to tell him one more thing.
"Rin, wait!"
He turned to regard her and for a moment she thought a flicker of emotion passed from his eyes before it disappeared, gone just as quickly as it had appeared.
For a moment she stared at her feet, suddenly unsure if she really wanted to look up at him and see the coldness in his blue orbs. Before long, she raised her head and allowed herself to look past the Rin in front of her and bring to memory the Rin she had grown to care so much about. The ever-smiling, outgoing boy with the beautiful blue eyes and the cute pouts and the heart of gold.
A small smile bloomed on her lips. "I'll never forget you." she said almost in a whisper though she knew that her voice had reached him. "I just needed you to know that….." Her smile turned sad but widened slightly. "Farewell, Rin."
For a moment her stared at her, the wind blowing through his thick dark hair. She couldn't read his expression and she secretly hoped that he'd say something to her.
That he'd ask her to stay.
Rin turned his back to her and started walking away without sparing her another glance. "Goodbye, Sakura."
TBC
I'M ALIVEEEE!
I know, it's been too long. But I just survived an exam period at the university so don't be too hard on me people! So, the drama continues in this chapter as the story is slowly coming to an end. Only a couple more chapters to go.
This chapter is shorter than most for the sake of getting me back on the story but also because this is exactly what I wanted it to contain. I don't fancy adding unnecessary things just for the sake of adding a few more words. I hope you enjoyed it!
Your reviews make me happy, so please READ AND REVIEW!
Until next time!
Lots of love!