A/N: Anon prompt 'Kurt and Sebastian break an important piece of furniture while having sex'. 1,084 words. Warning for mentions of oral sex.

"Fuck, Sebastian!" Kurt screamed, tossing throw pillows and blankets aside. He stomped around the sofa, surveying the damage. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

"If I recall, that's what got us into this mess to begin with," Sebastian teased, watching as Kurt's fit spiraled into a full-blown episode.

"Fuck you, Sebastian!" Kurt barked. "I'm serious! My dad's going to be here any minute! What are we going to do?"

"We'll just hide it, like we did last time," Sebastian suggested.

Kurt huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Last time it was the bed," Kurt argued. "My dad didn't see the bed. This is the fucking couch!"

"Well, don't get upset at me," Sebastian said, putting up his hands in defense. "You were the one with the bright idea to fuck my face an hour before your dad was going to get here."

Kurt turned steely eyes on his boyfriend, glaring daggers in his direction.

"Not…that I'm complaining, of course," Sebastian added.

"Yeah, well, you're the one who insisted on the couch instead of the bed," Kurt retorted. "It's a futon, for fuck's sake! It's not to meant to take that kind of stress!"

"Neither are you, apparently, and by the way…" Sebastian grabbed Kurt by the hips and pulled him towards him, rutting against him, "…you're going to need to tone down the cursing if you don't want us breaking another piece of furniture before he gets here."

"Turn it off, Smythe," Kurt said, smirking as Sebastian pressed his erection against Kurt's hip. "We have to save this futon."

"Ugh! Can't we just toss it?" Sebastian groaned.

"We can't! He bought it for us. He'll notice if it's gone."

Sebastian sighed, taking a moment to consider the forgone futon.

"Well, if the leg had broken off, we could just cut the other ones to make it level," Sebastian contemplated.

"Thank you for telling me what we can't do, genius," Kurt snapped. "But it's cracked down the middle."

"Kurt! We can't fix this. Just tell him the truth."

"And what truth is that, Sebastian? That it broke because I was bouncing on your face with my dick in your mouth?"

"See," Sebastian said, wrapping his arms around Kurt's waist, "when you put it like that, it doesn't sound so bad."

Sebastian wanted to laugh, but Kurt was beside himself trying to come up with a solution. He got down on his hands and knees, grimacing when the knees of his Louis Vuitton jeans touched the dusty wood floor.

"I don't need my father knowing I have sex," Kurt muttered, examining the damage to the underside of the futon frame.

"I'm more than 50% sure your dad already knows." Sebastian took a moment to enjoy the view of Kurt's pert, tight ass wiggling as he crawled across the floor.

"If we get a bunch of books and stuff and lodge them under the frame, maybe it will hold till he leaves," Kurt rattled off, focusing on the task at hand instead of Sebastian's witty comments.

Sebastian could have helped, but he opted instead to watch Kurt struggle to put his plan into action. The first few items Kurt chose for his job were logical – a few spare cinder blocks from those few weeks they spent living with a broken bed, and some long boards left over from Kurt's DIY reclaimed wood table project. In the end, he went to Pottery Barn and bought a brand new vintage-looking table. After he constructed a ramshackle saw horse, Kurt realized his tiny structure didn't quite reach the underside of the frame, and he panicked. He collected up every large book he could find to wedge underneath. With the help of a few oversized blankets, the futon looked passable…as long as no one tried to sit on it.

Kurt looked at his handiwork and felt sick to his stomach.

"He's going to know," Kurt rambled. "He's going to see it, and he's going to know I broke it. He's going to know I was having sex of his couch and broke it."

Sebastian shook his head, taking Kurt in his arms. He rubbed soothing circles into Kurt's back, trying hard to calm his anxious boyfriend.

"Look," he said, sounding calm and reassuring, "we're all adults here. If he notices the couch, we'll just tell him that we broke it…the two of us. We don't have to go into how, we'll just be straight with him. Alright?"

Kurt nodded, taking a deep, cleansing breath.

"Alright," he repeated. He leaned up and kissed Sebastian on the cheek. "Thank you."

"Hey," Sebastian said with a sly crooked grin on his lips, "that's what I'm here for."

A few loud raps on the door interrupted their moment of calm, but Kurt was ready to face his dad, knowing that Sebastian was by his side. Kurt slid the loft door open.

"Hey, buddy!"

Burt wrapped his arms around his son, squeezing him tight.

"Dad!" Kurt exclaimed, happy to see his father now that the anxiety of the broken couch was behind him. "I missed you!"

"Well, you know, maybe you could get on a plane and come see your old man every once in a while."

Burt looked past Kurt's shoulder and saw Sebastian standing awkwardly behind them. Burt walked past Kurt and took Sebastian in his arms, patting him on the back roughly.

"Hey, kiddo!" he said, greeting the young man he knew would someday be his son-in-law.

"Hey, Burt." Sebastian hugged Burt, genuinely happy to see him. Sebastian in particular had been looking forward to Burt's visit. He had a lot to discuss with Burt on this trip. "How was your flight?"

"Eh, you know. Long, boring, cramped. I'm beat, I'll tell you what." Burt picked up his duffel and tossed it on the futon. The couch immediately slid to one side, complaining loudly, then broke in two. Sebastian looked at Burt. Burt looked at Kurt. Kurt looked at Sebastian with pleading eyes. Here was Sebastian's chance to make good on his promise.

Sebastian took a deep breath and cleared his throat, taking in Burt's stunned expression. Sebastian could tell by the unamused look in his eyes that Burt had a pretty accurate suspicion as to how the couch broke. Those blue eyes, so much like Kurt's, stared at Sebastian, demanding an explanation.

"He did it," Sebastian said quickly, pointing at his boyfriend. Kurt's jaw dropped to his knees as he watched Sebastian grab the duffel and hurry off to their bedroom, closing the door behind him.