AN: My first attempt at crack. You have been warned. This was an idea that just hit me - it started with the bell test and it branched out into... this.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto

Naruto and Shikamaru were lounging outside the examination room. It was their Academy graduation day - provided they passed the exam. As more and more mindless little children filtered in and out of the room, Naruto turned to Shikamaru.

"...hey," he said, nudging is new friend.

"Hey Naruto," Shikamaru half yawned. The two shuffled forward another seat as the next student was called into the examination room. "You worried?"

"Nah," Naruto half yawned back. He was feeling tired just looking at his friend. A few moments of shut-eye wouldn't hurt anyone, he thought as his eyes drooped shut.

"Oh. Cool," Shikamaru intoned, "I just thought you couldn't make a… clone." The sentence was followed by a large yawn.

"Yeah…" Naruto answered back sleepily, "But turns out, that was only when I was trying real hard. Now that I can't be… bothered… my chakra just kind of... leaks out, and I can make one or two…"

The two drifted into companiable sleep.

Twelve minutes later, after Shikamaru trudged reluctantly into the examination room, Iruka nudged Naruto awake.

"…five…more….minutes…"

Iruka sighed, shaking his head bemusedly as his lips quirked into a smile. The boy had definitely changed a lot since he had first started the Academy. What was one a boy bouncing with energy was now... Iruka sighed again. Laziness abounds.

"Come on Naruto," he said, dragging the boy up, "In you go with Mizuki-sensei."

Naruto's eyes drifted open as he was flung into the room. Mizuki-sensei was waiting inside for him, testing sheet in hand. As their eyes met, Mizuki let out a low chuckle.

"Welcome to the Clone section of the Graduation exam," he said, revelling in his next sentence. "Please produce at least one clone."

Mizuki watched with beady eyes as Naruto yawned, clasped his hand into the seal, and let out his chakra. He was going to do it again, Mizuki thought, fail the graduation exam – this is his time at last! He felt for the boy's chakra, waited for it to burst out like it always did and fill up the clone with more than twice the chakra needed. This was it - he'd fail, and he'd convince him to steal-

Mizuki resisted the urge to cackle as he stared intently at Naruto, waiting for the declarations, the enthusiastic bellows-

Instead, the boy yawned again and a tiny bit of his chakra leaked out.

"….hey…" clone Naruto said with a yawn.

Trembling with hate and anger, Mizuki ticked off Naruto's name under Iruka's watchful eye.

"…so in the end, whoever has a bell passes, and whoever doesn't, goes back to the Academy."

Kakashi gestured to his two bells before pulling out Icha Icha. This would be fun.

"Ready," he said, "Set… Go."

Immediately the Uchiha retreated - a very smart decision, Kakashi noted. The girl - Sakura - took some time glancing around nervously before deciding to follow her teammate into the forest. After successfully pinning the two with his chakra, he turned his attention to his last student, readying himself for the blonde to charge, leap forward without a plan-

…Naruto yawned.

Kakashi twitched. This certainly contradicted what his file said... what strategy was the blonde playing at?

….Naruto yawned again.

Mildly confused, he averted his gaze from his book to Naruto quickly – just to see the blonde collapsed on the ground yawning – and in that second Uchiha Sasuke pounced.

He came at him with kunai, though his attack was not solely reliant upon his weapons. His jutsu use was good and smart, though most of it was of the fire elemental that the Uchiha used to be famous for. This boy was good, Kakashi soon realised, and much better than the others. Still holding his beloved book, he parried the boy's attacks, dodging them effortlessly – the Uchiha was good, but not that good. His attacks had rhythm, pattern, and predictability. There was no way he'd get to the bells if he continued-

Suddenly, Sasuke broke his pattern and lunged for the bells. Kakashi was surprised – and Sasuke's fingers had even brushed the bells – but he leapt back before the Uchiha could clasp his hands around them. Perhaps it was time to teach the Uchiha a lesson. Maybe if he-

"Sasuke!" the blonde called.

The Uchiha didn't stop.

"Sakura," the blonde tried instead. He was met with no response either.

"Okay," Naruto continued loudly, irregardless that they were all ignoring him, "Obviously Kakashi-sensei isn't just some pervert. For me, it'd be too much hassle to fight him, but on the other hand I'm hungry and I don't want to wait 'till time runs out. But since I'm not going to fight him anyway, how 'bout this. We team up, get the bells, you two pass and we finally get to eat."

Sasuke contemplated. Sakura contemplated.

Fifteen minutes later, Team 7 passed.

"I think it's time we get a C-rank," Sasuke finally said.

"Definitely!" Sakura agreed quickly.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow, averting his gaze to their sensei. Are they ready? He asked. Kakashi shrugged.

"We've been doing D-ranks for long enough," Sasuke added, "I was- we were- ready long ago."

The Hokage contemplated the missions in front of him, eyeing a simple C-rank escort mission to Wave. It had been sitting on his desk for a while now, and he hadn't planned to up Kakashi's team to C-ranks. But if they were really adamant…

"Yeah!" Sakura agreed, "Sasuke-kun's right!"

Behind his team, Kakashi shrugged then nodded.

Sighing, the Hokage singled out the file. "Very well," he acquiesced. "In that case, there's an escort mission to Wave-"

"Naaahh…" Naruto intoned. The Hokage raised an eyebrow, placing down his file as his team turned to look at him incredulously. "That's too far away!" Naruto explained quickly, "too much walking… too much hassle... too much energy for no real purpose."

Sasuke paused and thought over Naruto's words. "He's right," he acknowledged, "Do you have something else? Something more local?"

"Sasuke-kun's right!" Sakura added quickly for effect.

The Hokage shrugged and pulled out another C-rank. "If you insist. Your mission then, will be to intercept a travelling circus troupe suspected of being a gang of thieves…"

A few weeks later, Asuma went drinking with Kakashi.

"And then Haku was like- what wonderful teamwork you all have! The bonds between you are clearly strong! Then Gato was like- you kidding me byatch? And Zabuza went all rraagghh…"

"…and all you need to do is sign these forms and you'll be off to the exams with your fellow chuunin-wannabes."

Naruto eyed the paper. It seemed long… and tiring… and a waste. Why get bumped up to C-ranks and B-ranks if he could just earn his keep raking leaves? Doing D-ranks was so much less effort, plus he got to stay in Konoha near Ichiraku...

"…no thanks," Naruto decided.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "…alright then… Sasuke? Sakura?"

Sasuke nodded quickly. Sakura looked at Sasuke before nodding quickly as well.

"Great," Kakashi said, "Off you guys go now, complete those forms and give them back to me tomorrow. We'll meet at the training ground at seven." Or ten, in his case.

His three students bid him farewell and wondered away. Well, Sakura and Sasuke wondered away. Naruto simply walked to the bench nearby, sat down, and started sleeping. Shrugging at his behaviour, Kakashi left to visit the Hokage. After all, it's not like his team was the Ino-Shika-Cho trio - it really didn't matter if one of them backed out.

The Hokage didn't seem too surprised by the news, but then again, he was the Hokage.

"…Well," the old man had pondered slowly, "I guess we can put Sasuke and Sakura with a genin who would like to participate but does not have a team. I do have one in that circumstance - a new addition, an orphan - and I believe that that would work out best for the three of them. Now, where did I put... ah yes. Here he is." The Hokage pulled out a file and placed it in front of Kakashi.

"Akado Tsubasa. An orphan that came to Leaf two years ago after his village was accidently decimated by a shinobi battle."

Kakashi flipped through his file. There was little information. "Is he trustworthy Hokage-sama?"

"I believe so," the Hokage said slowly, "However you can never be too sure."

Kakashi nodded slowly, before saying cautiously,"Sasuke..."

The Hokage interlaced his fingers and paused. "Ah yes. The last Avenger..." he said slowly, "Perhaps it be best that I assign somebody to tail them, to make sure this Akado Tsubasa is not a spy. You are right. With the boy with the sharingan on the line..." he chuckled slowly. "After all, I am hard-pressed to believe that Uchiha Itachi is intent on mating."

"Of course," Kakashi agreed eloquently, "Sasuke will not die."

A week or so later, Kuromaru bounded into the Hokage's office.

"Hokage-sama," he barked quickly, "there's trouble – I smelt Orochimaru in the Forest of Death! Tsume fears he's going after the Uchiha-brat! She's staying to guard the team!"

ANBU's subsequent quick action forced Orochimaru to retreat. The curse mark accidently latched itself onto Gekko Hayate instead and Uchiha Sasuke remained completely oblivious to the entire ordeal the whole time.

With Gekko Hayate currently at Konoha hospital, his seal being inspected by Mitarashi Anko, none of the Hokage's ANBU guard was free. Thus, it had been decided that instead Danzou would send a few of his ANBU Root to the meeting between Yakushi Kabuto and Baki of the Sand.

Meanwhile, Naruto had just woken up after slumbering for most of the day. Craving some ramen, he had decided to take a quick trip to Konoha's 24 hour convenience store for some instant ramen. Clad only in his pyjamas and a jacket, he had chosen to take to the rooftops instead, lest someone taking a midnight stroll saw him in his sleepwear.

"…there are people listening in," he heard faintly.

"Yes," another voice said, "I will dispose of them."

"No need," the first voice said again, "Leave it to me."

In his sleep-fogged state, Naruto barely registered it when a young man appeared in front of him. On the other hand,Kabuto's eyes widened as he recognised the boy opposite him.

Naruto yawned.

Kabuto, filled with glee, cackled to himself. This was the kyuubi jinchuuriki! And not a shinobi either, given his current state. In fact, what if he…

He paused as he detected other presences coming towards them – the ninja that had probably been observing them. From what glimpses he had had of him, he was ANBU Root. A good luck charm for him in this case - after all, Danzou trained them to obey orders, not think for themselves, and he doubted their orders included a situation like this one. Lucky for him, for if it had been a shinobi of the Hokage's no doubt they would have already interfered.

Nevertheless, he had to act quick before he arrived. Fortunately for him, the boy seemed too tired to fight him or run away, instead choosing to simply stand in front of Kabuto as the older boy contemplated what to do.

Finally, he took out one of the scrolls Orochimaru had given to him while he was fleeing from the ANBU in the Forest of Death. It was one his master had taken from the Akatsuki base when he had fled the organisation. If this worked...

He slapped the scroll onto the boy. He waited a few seconds, but nothing happened. Kabuto wilted, shaking his head sadly. Too bad… he lamented, it seems that the Fourth's seal is stronger than anticipated…

Meanwhile, Naruto found himself transported to a sewer.

The fox, having observed his jailer for a long time now, simply said-

"The seal has weakened to the point where you can hear my voice in your head. You have two choices – you can pull down that seal on the wall or I will constantly sing in your head. Every hour, every minute, every second of the day."

Naruto paused. It was not a hard decision. Shrugging, he began to peel down the scroll, still yawning.

"You're not that bad kit," the kyuubi mused as his restraints began to weaken.

Meanwhile, in his sleepy mind Naruto noted that some man who looked like him was trying really hard to grab his attention or talk to him or something. He was also screaming, but Naruto was really too tired to hear the words. So, he continued to pull down the scroll. Then, a woman with red hair also appeared and began screaming at him.

I must be still asleep… Naruto thought. …what strange dreams I have…

Finally, he peeled away the last of the seal and the two screaming figures disappeared. The bars jailing the giant fox receded.

Said fox eyed him curiously.

…that was extremely easy, thought the kyuubi, if only my other jailors had been like this…

Kabuto had just decided to knock the boy unconscious when a red light started shining out of his pyjamas. His eyes widened – could it have worked? He thought with glee, Orochimaru-sama would be so proud!

Kabuto and the Root squad watched with fascination and morbid curiosity as a big red fox began to squeeze its way out of the jinchuuriki's mouth. When it became apparent what was happening, both escaped the scene - Kabuto to inform his master of the development and the Root ninja to inform Danzou. By the time reinforcements arrived, the houses around them and the people inside had been squashed by the kyuubi's giant size.

"With respect to my former jinchuuriki," the kyuubi boomed, gesturing with one gigantic paw to the boy who was snuggled up on the floor yawning, "I will leave this village alone for the time being and instead find those with the Cursed Red Eyes and extract my vengeance."

As Naruto fell asleep, he noted that if the kyuubi wasn't a demon, and Sasuke wasn't an Uchiha, they would have made very good friends.

And so, the kyuubi rallied its remaining free siblings, and found Uchiha Madara and Uchiha Obito. However, despite the power of the tailed beasts they were eventually caught and sealed. Luckily, with their sealing they had taken down Uchiha Madara and had injured Uchiha Obito to the point where Leaf managed waltz in and kidnap him.

In the following years, Uchiha Obito went through many years of therapy, one which eventually culminated to a heroic Yamanaka deciding to devote her life to the safety of Konoha, forever living inside the body of a Rin-look-a-like.

And so, eventually, Uchiha Obito died next to the woman he loved.

And all was as it should be.

AN: Crack. You were warned. Hoped you enjoyed and review :)