Luckily for Sasuke Uchiha, Tsunade was willing to heal him after he was nearly beaten to death. Though, in this case, "willing" meant that Naruto's sniffling and teary eyes managed to overcome her admittedly poor tolerance for his adorableness. The war ended so Madara could start planning for Naruto's wedding- a large, elaborate affair that found another eager organizer in Shizune. All of the members of Akatsuki were given pardons- even Madara when Naruto pulled out his Puppy Eyes no Jutsu 2.0- and Kurama declared himself to be Naruto's best man.

Since one of the Bijuu was invited to the wedding (not to mention a part of the wedding party), the rest, not to be outdone by their arrogant nine-tailed brother, demanded invitations as well. The former jinchuuriki got invitations too, and so did the Kages, the Daimyos, the Akatsuki, etc. It was a huge financial windfall for Konoha, who would be hosting the greatest wedding in history.

Most of the people who had been Edo Tensei-ed went back to the afterlife, with a few exceptions. Minato Namikaze, the Yondaime Hokage, decided to stick around for his only child's wedding. Asuma Sarutobi wanted to raise his kid for a little bit and achieve his lifelong dream of beating Shikamaru Nara in Shogi. Since it was Shikamaru NARA who was his opponent, everyone pretty much agreed that Asuma had achieved immortality.

Hashirama refused to die until Madara admitted that they were best friends. Against his younger brother's sage advice, the legendary Senju proceeded to stalk the man across the Elemental Nations, bugging him to allow Hashirama to join the wedding party. After three hundred and twenty-six refusals too many, the Shodaime snapped, dragged the Uchiha into an empty room, and proceeded to have his wicked way with him. The next day had Madara sulking over the Senju's superior poker skills.

Sakura Haruno learned that the love of her life was gay and promptly committed seppuku.

As for Obito, he followed Kiba's suggestion and brought Rin back to life with Edo Tensei. Unfortunately for him, his childhood crush had blinded him to many of her less attractive qualities, and after two weeks of listening to her whining and paying her exorbitant dango bills, he proceeded to kill her (in a painful and tasteful fashion). Since death had become more or less optional now, and since Rin managed to annoy everyone of consequence, Obito wasn't punished. He was, however, depressed about wasting over two decades of his life, and got wasted at a bar, before drunkenly staggering into Kakashi's apartment. A few hours of crying, the Drunken Head no Jutsu, and the discovery that his second friend was far more attractive than Rin led to a double wedding.

Sasuke's and Naruto's wedding was a wonderful affair, with Fugaku and Kushina looking on proudly as Minato and Mikoto happily cried their hearts out. Itachi gave his younger brother an approving nod, before grabbing the entire wedding cake and promptly hightailing it out of there. Neji, Lee, Kiba, Shikamaru, Sai, Choji, Haku (Edo Tensei), and Shisui were all chosen to be groomsmen. Tobirama solemnly presided over the ceremony since all of the other Kages were roaring drunk (on account of Nagato, who managed to answer the age old question of what was the best dojutsu by distilling some very high-quality sake with Chibaku Tensei).

In all of the chaos, Onoki managed to get his granddaughter, Kurotsuchi, onto the dais, where she was married to both Sasuke and Naruto, who were also married to each other (ryo may have exchanged hands). Not to be outdone, the Raikage added Yugito and the Mizukage elected to join herself. Gaara, after discretely eyeing Shikamaru, also dragged Temari up there. Hinata simply smiled serenely, knocked a contemplative Ino unconscious, and stepped into her position. Thus, Naruto and Sasuke held the dubious honor of being the first gay couple with a female harem.

Luckily, Hinata had studied medicine, and she didn't need to have sex with Naruto to bear his children.

Incidentally, this led to stable diplomatic relations and lasting peace for the entire Elemental Continent. So you see, Naruto really was the prophecy child, and he did end the cycle of hatred- all by marrying a couple of hot chicks. Jiraiya was so proud.

Of course, the entire Konoha Twelve (barring Sakura) grew up, became successful ninja, and started their own families. Naruto and Sasuke created a seal that would allow both of their genes to be carried by a baby, and then became the proud fathers of fourteen healthy and happy children, with either blonde, red, black, or dark blue hair. After a few more years as the Godaime, Tsunade stepped down and it was unanimously decided that Kiba would be the next Hokage. He was adored by the entire populace for his brilliant decisions such as starting a national holiday for hugging cute and cuddly animals and creating a female version of Icha Icha. It turned out that the real reason women hated the orange book was because they were jealous of not having their own quality porn.

Teuchi Ichiraku, once derided as the worst businessman in Konoha for extending his patronage to the demon brat, also became the wealthiest as Naruto's fame- and his own by extension- spread far and wide. His fortune was so great that the younger son of the Daimyo received permission from his father to court Ayame. Luckily it was a love match, so Teuchi had no problem with accepting the young royal into his family.

Madara went on to become even more famous with his extraordinarily successful wedding planning company, while Hashirama started a successful chain of strip poker casinos. Tobirama started a water park, followed by an ice cream company, followed by a demon-themed bookstore, and so on with his crafty business partner, Kyuubi, by his side. They were so successful that Kiba ultimately had to ban them from starting any more companies, since merchants were starting to complain of monopolies.

While this was going on, a thief by the name of The Sugar Bandit, started acting out around Fire Country. He was never caught, and generations of Konoha's children would be horrified by the tales of a red-eyed demon who stole candy from babies.

Finally, Naruto's eldest child, Hikaru, managed to kill the evil demon cat, Tora, on his first D-rank mission. And all was well.

The End

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Finally, the story is finished! This ended up a lot more silly than I had originally planned it to be, but I rather enjoyed doing it, since I usually work more towards serious fics than silly ones. I hope that everyone here enjoyed this story!