New Kid in the Cul-de-sac

Daria found herself waking up on hot pavement, her head throbbing in pain.

"Wh-what?" Daria moaned while pushing herself up, trying to get her bearings.

"Hey, look!" a boy's voice called out, Daria looked up to see a kid about her age with a bald head, a happy-go-lucky demeanor, pointing at her enthusiastically with one arm while tucked in one arm was a plank of wood with a happy face painted on it.

"Oh cool, we got a new girl!" A girl chimed in, running up next to the boy.

"What's going on?" Daria asked as she got herself oriented.

"Well you showed up, that's what!" the boy said merrily, "What else could we be talking about?"

"Jonny!" The girl chided, making him blush, she then grunted and said, "Let's start over, my name's Nazz and that's Jonny."

"Hey!" Jonny complained while holding up the plank of wood.

"Oh, sorry." Nazz replied with her own blush, "And that's Plank,"

Daria just stared at them.

Nazz just winked and mouthed when Jonny wasn't looking, "Just go with it, not worth the hassle."

Daria nodded a little before asking, "Back to my original question. What's going on? Where am I?"

Nazz and Jonny both just looked at each other nervously before Jonny said to Nazz, "Maybe we should bring her to the others? I'm not good at explaining all of this."

Nazz thought that over before replying, "Yeah... I mean no offence Daria, but this is going to be something of a shock when you do find out."

"Find out what?!" Daria asked, getting more irritated by the minute, tapping her eight year old foot, and then realized something.

The new boots that her parents had bought her, her very first pair no less, were missing and in their place were her last pair of trainers.

She then noticed that her clothes weren't the ones she remembered putting on last, but rather her favorite green shirt and black shorts that had been thrown away before the families big move to... to...

"Hey," Daria exclaimed as she looked around the eerily empty neighborhood, "I... We... My family was moving here, I... but... but we only just got here and..."

Nazz suddenly grabbed Daria and shook her a bit, which caused her to stop stuttering and go, "Hey!"

"Sorry dudette," Nazz answered quickly, "But an explanation is in order, so... Jonny, Plank!"

Jonny snapped to attention.

"Get the others over to my back yard," Nazz ordered with unusual force, "We'll hash everything out there."

"Right-o!" Jonny barked back before laughing and scampering off, unusually fast for a kid in sandals.

'I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone...' Daria thought to herself as Nazz began leading her off.

Daria was now in a situation that she hated more than anything else.

Being the center of attention.

She found herself sitting on a lounge chair with what was apparently all the local kids in a semi-circle around her.

Despite her distaste for kids her own age, Daria did her best to match faces to names, in case the situation took a turn for the worst.

"So, you're the new girl..." The short, smarmy one said with a leer, "Pray tell would you be interested in urgh!"

"Shut it, dork!" The jock-boy sneered after punching the kid in the gut, "We're not in the mood for your scams!"

"Kevin chill, it's ok." Nazz said soothingly while the smarmy kid was being comforted by his two friends.

Daria still wasn't sure if they were pulling her leg by saying that all three of those boy's had the name of 'Edward', though the tall smelly one was called 'Ed', the nervous bookish one was 'Ed with two d's', and the smarmy one was 'Eddy'.

"Ok, so..." Daria began to say before hearing a very loud voice yell, "Sorry we're late!"

Daria didn't bother hiding her irritation as a little girl that (to her) resembled a younger, evil version of her own sister pushed open the gate to the privacy fence with surprising strength and marched in, followed by a waifish looking boy that was biting his nails.

The girl grunted, "Jimmy had to change his shoes."

"Sarah!" the kid whined, "Don't tell them! It took me an hour to find a pair that I liked."

The girl's hard face softened and she replied while guiding him to a seat on the grass, "That's ok Jimmy."

Daria raised an eyebrow, "So is everybody that's supposed to be here, here?"

"Rolf is here!" The second tallest of the bunch crowed, waving an arm in the air like he wanted to answer a question.

Nazz looked around and said, "Yeah, we're all here."

"Except for the Kanker sisters." Jonny chimed in before realizing what he said and caused everyone except Daria to shiver.

"Dude!" Nazz groaned, "Don't make jokes about that!"

"Sorry!" Jonny replied sheepishly.

Daria made a note to herself to avoid the 'Kanker sisters', since everyone seemed afraid of them.

The last thing she wanted was more trouble.

"So with everyone here that doesn't scare people present," Daria began again, "Let me ask the big questions. What is this place? How did I get here? and why does this place feel so... empty?"

The kids went very quiet for a minute, their eyes getting a far-away look that very quickly began to creep Daria out.

"You have to understand," Edd began to answer very carefully, "We ourselves aren't a hundred percent about the 'why' of the Cul-de-sac." Daria's look of increased annoyance caused Edd to speed up with, "But here's what we do know."

He paused and took a deep breath, everyone else seemed to steel themselves for a punch.

Edd then looked her right in the eye said very simply and plainly.

"We're all dead."

"...Could you repeat that?"

Daria spoke this after a solid minute of staring at everyone, wondering when the laughter would commence, when they'd all chuckle at pulling the leg of the weird-o new girl.

But it hadn't come.

So she asked him to repeat that statement, just to make sure she heard that right.

Edd gave a sad sigh, "We're all dead Daria, including you."

Daria opened her mouth to deny this, but Nazz interrupted her by saying, "Daria, think back to the last things you can remember before waking up on the road."

Daria found herself doing a double-take, "Uh, what?"

Oddly enough it was Eddy who added, "Think about the day before this. It helps."

Daria felt very awkward, but decided to humor them by concentrating, however she kept her eyes open.

"Well, let's see," Daria said to herself while looking in the distance at the other houses she could spot around Nazz's pad, "My family had just gotten to Peach Creek from Texas, my parents both got new jobs so we moved here and..."

Daria squinted, "We were setting up everything, but we needed food..."

Daria's face scrunched up and her voice became quite strained, "It was raining... I remember Quinn complaining about her hair... Mom on her new carphone... Dad was driving..."

The others watched with patience and a knowing air, as if they had heard this story a million times before.

Daria began to hyperventilate, "There was- there was a four-way stop light, the light went green... But... But..."

Daria stopped speaking, but her mind dredged up the rest.

A semi with a fatigued driver didn't spot the light change quickly enough, he hit the brakes on the slick road, but the speeding mass of steel plowed past the line and right into the new SUV...

"Oh God!" Daria cried out, clutching herself while curling up into a ball in the lounge chair.

She fought back the tears for a long time, but it was a futile fight and for the first time that she could remember, Daria sobbed like a baby.

'This is why the new kid always gets the lounge chair.' Nazz thought sadly as the latest addition to the cul-de-sac broke down in front of them.

It was later in the day, once Nazz had taken her inside and gotten her a wet towel for her face and some water to drink that the others began to open up.

"We haven't always been here," Jonny said to her softly, "But I guess this place always has been, but it changes as new people show up."

He then added, "Each new person sort of brings an update of what's improved back in the living world, and we sort-of adapt with it."

Edd had then added, "But we still tend to prefer the gadgets and what have you from our own eras."

He then explained, "Eddy over here still uses record players despite having access to CDs."

"Hey!" Eddy answered with a glare, "Don't judge. Besides, Rolfy-boy over here still uses an antique plow for his farm work. He's got a perfectly good tractor in his garage!"

Rolf sniffed, "Ed-boy, you know nothing of the life of labor. A different tool for a different task, that is what my Nana always says."

Daria began to ask how his Nana was still talking to him, but a tug on her sleeve revealed Jimmy trying to get her attention.

He shook his head, "Don't pull him out of it."

"Out of what?"

"The forgetting." He answered sweetly.

"What?"

His little friend, Sarah popped up from behind Jimmy, seeming to defy the laws of physics and responded, "The forgetting is what happens after the new kid's been here a while. It's starting early for Rolf."

Daria began to tap her foot.

Sarah glared.

Jimmy began to look between the two of them, desperate to avoid a fight he blurted out, "When a new kid comes to the cul-de-sac we're forced to remember that we aren't alive anymore." Jimmy began to shake and tears welled up, "But once the new kid settles in we all forget that we have died and things go back to normal."

"Normal?"

Sarah flipped back to smiley happy, "Normal for us is a semblance of the lives we had before we died before our time. Though some of us have made improvements."

She then pointed at Kevin, "Not all our lives were good before we died, or in Kevin's case being killed by his father in a drunken rage."

Daria's eyes flew open, "What?"

"Shh!" Sarah hissed, "He really hates remembering it, but once things settle, he'll go back to the tough-independent and in charge jock that he always wanted to be." Sarah giggled, "With a rich, loving, but absent father who gives him gifts."

Daria blanched, "That is messed up."

Jimmy shrugged, "We're all kind of messed up. Look at me. I was born with leukemia and died three days shy of my sixth birthday."

Daria began to feel woozy.

Sarah however smiled wickedly, "And you and I share something in common. Along with my idiot brother Ed over there, we died in a car wreck in the 1950's."

She looked down at her clothes and said, "One thing I like about the passing of time is the change in fashion. God, I hated wearing dresses!"

Jimmy giggled, "But you look so cute in them!"

Sarah smiled sweetly, "Really?"

Jimmy nodded, the two of them now in their own little world.

Daria took her chance to walk away and get another glass of water, but on her way to Nazz's kitchen sink she noticed that the room had changed, they were somehow in the living room with the furniture pushed to the side, a few streamers and balloons were strung about with a table loaded with punch and snacks in the corner.

And Kevin was turning on a boom box.

"What the hell?!"

A laugh caused Daria snap around to stare at Nazz, who shrugged, "When it comes to how things like location, food, and other stuff, sometimes things just shift around however you want them to be."

Daria's jaw dropped.

Nazz laughed, "Relax dudette! This place is only partially tied to logic."

"How is that-?" Daria began to ask before Nazz answered with, "It's one of those things we haven't figured out yet."

Nazz then lead her to the snack table as loud music began to play, "Here Daria, have some punch."

Daria took the cup Nazz handed her gratefully.

She looked at the impromptu dance floor and saw the rest of the kids in the neighborhood dancing it up like there was no tomorrow.

"You see Daria?" Nazz asked her with a smile, "We get to do stuff like this all the time, we never grow up, we can have all the fun we want, and there are only things like tasks, or school, chores, or parents to deal with whenever we feel the need to like, have the illusion of time."

She giggled and added, "That last bit is a Double-D quote, by the way."

Nazz then pointed at the crowd, "I think they've already slipped into the forgetting, but I can tell you all about them if you'd like?"

Daria, feeling a bit calmer with her belly full of punch nodded quickly.

Nazz grinned, "Rolf was the one that got here first, now he say's this place looked way different. But it was like the 1900's when he died."

"How'd he die?"

Nazz replied sadly, "Trampled to death by his favorite horse."

Daria winced.

"Jonny and Eddy came after that," Nazz continued, "They both kind of knew each other, but it was during the Depression and Jonny died of Scarlet Fever." Nazz then sighed, "Eddy had it real rough when his rum-runner brother screwed his partner out of the cash, skipping out of town, that guy didn't like that so he took it out on Eddy by breaking his arms and legs before throwing him in the river."

Daria's eyes widened in horror, but Nazz just kept going, pointing at the kids in each turn. She reminded Daria that Sarah and Ed had died in a car accident, just like her before pointing at Double-D.

"Edd's parents were big-time business people," Nazz explained, "They left him in the care of babysitters and notes they wrote on sticky pads, now Double-D was and still is big on science, but one of his chemistry experiments accidently gave him mercury poisoning and no one realized what was wrong with him until it was too late."

Nazz then pointed at Kevin, "Kev had an abusive Dad, and while yeah Kev tends to take out his anger on other kids, he's gotten better since..."

Nazz trailed off, forcing Daria to give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"There-there." Daria intoned in an awkward monotone.

Nazz however took it as sincere and thanked her, "And Jimmy died of cancer..."

"And you?" Daria asked carefully.

Nazz whimpered, "It was July the 9th, 1969. My parents had been partying with their friends and talking about a big concert somewhere in New York State they wanted to go to..."

Tears welled in Nazz's eyes, "It was dark when my bedroom door opened and I saw a shadow... I never saw his face, or I can't remember it. But I remember what he did."

Nazz closed her eyes, "He did bad things to me, and then he laughed at me before wrapping his hands around my throat and... and..."

Daria stopped her from speaking any further by pulling her into a hug and held her for a long time.

Daria sat on a lounge chair next to the friend she had inexplicably made after moving to this boring cul-de-sac, sure the music she was playing on the boom box was loud and annoying, but it was easy to tune out in favor of her dog-eared copy of The Black Stallion.

"Say Daria?" her friend spoke up, "You hear about Kevin's party?"

"What party?" Daria asked as she leaned a bit to look at Nazz in her bikini, laying on her back on a beach towel to get some son.

"His Dad got another promotion at the Candy Factor and Kevin's throwing a bash to celebrate." Nazz explained, "There'll be free candy and soda for everyone!"

"Did he say anything about pizza?" Daria found herself asking.

"Of course there'll be pizza!" Nazz said as if the question was ridiculous, "It's a party."

"Meh, then I'm in."

Nazz beamed.

Daria couldn't help it, she smiled a little bit too.

Then Daria went back to her book and Nazz back to her tan.

Daria wasn't quite sure how they had bonded, but she just knew that out of everyone in this boring burb, Nazz had been there first and would always be there for her.

She had tried to question it, but for some reason it just seemed fuzzy so she had given up trying.

All Daria knew for sure was that things at her new home were much better, her parents had really improved since the move. 'They really seem to understand now that you prefer books to playing with lots of kids.' a voice reminded her happily.

Daria leaned back into the lounge chair, reading her book, wondering if she'd get around to borrowing Double-D's book on Quantum Physics, or managing to get Jonny to realize that Plank was just a hunk of wood.

She shrugged and muttered softly, "I'll deal with it eventually, right now relaxing seems to be the best option right now."

And so she just relaxed, even with Nazz's annoying rock music blasting on nearby.

Making sure to enjoy the moment for as long as she could.

THE END

Note: If you haven't already guessed it, I used the infamous theory about the kids of Ed, Edd n Eddy being dead and stuck in purgatory as a hook to make this crossover work. For the Daria fans, yes Daria is eight years old in this and yes the Morgendorffers moved to Peach Creek rather than Lawndale during Daria's sophomore year of High School. As you can see it didn't end too well, or maybe it ended rather well. Depends on how you look at it doesn't it? ;)