A/N

Hi there and welcome to my first long fanfiction story. I haven't written fiction in more than 20 years, but all these fantastic J/E-stories, made me want to try.

I was actually going to finish another story first, but then these two boys would not leave me alone until I began their story.

I have already written most of it (11 chapters / around 28.000 words), so I hope I will be able to update once or maybe twice a week in the beginning. The length of the chapters varies, depending on how much Edward has to say. It is an EPOV story, but maybe Jasper will tell his version of some events later on… let me know if you would be interested.

English is not my mother tongue, but I read a lot in English, and I use a spelling and grammar programme on my computer, and hope the writing is bearable. Please let me know, if I continuously make some errors... I would like to keep them as few as possible.

I do not have a beta, so all errors are my own.

...

This story in not suitable for readers under 18, as it contains strong language and lemons. So please find your entertainment elsewhere.

I do not own Twilight or its characters, Stephenie Meyer does. I just like to take them out to play.

Flashbacks are written in italic.

Chapter One

July 2010

My mother never understands why I prefer the 4½ hour train ride to Scotland when we can easily afford the plane; but it is part of my childhood memories, taking the train, when going on my summer visits to aunt Esme and uncle Carlisle. I also like to have the time to prepare myself for the rather different life style up there compared to the one I lead here in London. The non-stressful train ride, give me that.

I find myself seated in a compartment next to single travellers, amongst them an elderly woman. She reminds me of Miss Marple, and I hope she is not as chatty as she looks. It turns out she is, but she is actually rather sweet. She informs me, she is paying her daughter and grandchildren in Glasgow a visit.

When she is about to show me the pictures she has in her purse, I curse myself for getting involved, but I am utterly amazed when she names the people and points to the second woman in the photo.

"… and that's my daughter in law Tanya. People were a little against it when they first found out about my daughter being a lesbian, but I just gained another wonderful daughter," she says. I smile at her and tell her the family look nice and figure she is not as old fashioned as she looks.

We keep talking, and she even offers me some of her home baked scones. I rarely get homemade food in London, so I appreciate it.

My thoughts wander to Jasper, whom I am about to see in only a few hours from now. Maybe Mary, as her name is, can give me some advice regarding my blonde angel. She hears my story and tells me to follow my heart – even if it gets broken along the way.

I am none the wiser how true those words will become at the end of my annual summer stay.

...

When we arrive at the station where I need to get off, I say my goodbyes to Mary and she wishes me good luck.

I search the platform for a familiar face – one in particular. I am never sure who will pick me up and drive me to my aunt's home. When I was a kid, it was always Esme and Carlisle themselves, later on, it was Mr Whitlock and Jasper, but last year, it had been Charlie, their manager and his daughter Bella. I spot Charlie and the rover at once, it being a very small station. There is no sign of Jasper or Bella this year…just Charlie.

"Good to have you back Edward," he greets me while reaching out for my bags.

"Good to see you too Charlie," I reply.

Charlie doesn't speak much, which is sometimes a blessing, since I don't really know what to talk with him about besides his interest in fishing.

"Bella's back at the house…trouble with one of the foals…but, she's looking forward to seeing you," he says.

I just smile back. Charlie doesn't mention anything about Jasper, but I hope the reason why he is not here in the car with us, is because he is helping out with said foal.

I cannot wait to see him again. He wasn't here last summer when I stayed, because he was visiting his father's family back at their ranch in Texas.

Charlie stays quiet for the rest of our ride, and I try to calm the butterflies occupying my stomach.

"Edward, my darling boy, how you have grown…let me look at you…oh, you look quite like a young man now…I must stop calling you my darling boy. Has anyone caught your heart yet…tell me all about what you've been up to. How's your mother?" Esme continues to babble and hugs me while leading me into the heart of their home - the kitchen.

Esme is my mother's sister, and she is everything my mother Elizabeth is not: patient, loving, funny but most of all, she has that special mother gene; needing to look out for everyone!

As a child, I always dreamed of being Esme and Carlisle's son, instead of Elizabeth and John's.

My father died when I was only five years old and my mother went through boyfriends and husbands like there is no tomorrow.

When I was six, she sent me to boarding school, and even though I felt lonely and unloved, I figured it was better than living with my flight mother.

She is now into husband number five, Aro, an Italian businessman. They live in Florence, and she rarely leaves now. I visit now and then, but what makes my year, is the annual summer months I spend up here with the people I really love.

Esme and Carlisle have modernized the house, or rather mansion, over the years, and their small businesses earn them enough money to maintain the place. Esme raises horses and Carlisle makes scotch.

The house is huge, and there are enough rooms for me to have my own.

Apart from Charlie, the manager of the grounds, there is Sue, the cook and housekeeper. I think Charlie has a thing for her, and I cannot blame him, since everyone knows, the way to win a man's heart is through good home cooking. Sue is the best cook I have ever come across. I speak from experience; having wined and dined all the fancy places, my mother has taken me.

I always gain a few pounds during my summer stays up here.

To help Esme with the horses, they hired Mr Whitlock 12 years ago. He origins from Texas, but took his six year old son, Jasper, and his sweetheart, the au pair of his family, back home to Scotland when she got homesick.

The last couple of years, they have added more staff to the household or as Esme would say: her family.

A few years ago, Jacob came to help with the horses. He is in his early twenties and has had a rough youth, but he is very good around horses. It seems like he has some kind of secret way to communicate with them.

I have never really been comfortable around horses, and as a child, I preferred following Carlisle in the distillery instead. I still love the smell of oak and malted barley. The taste is a different matter. Even though I turned 18 this spring, and am allowed to buy and drink the stuff, it doesn't really appeal to me. However, Carlisle always tells me, it will come to me when I get older and appreciates old things!

Some years I see new faces around the place, but it is the regular people, I love and consider my family.

After greeting Sue, who is preparing our dinner, I hug Esme and tell her we can chat later, and I excuse myself.

...

I find my room ready for me. The bed is made, and I spot a new patchwork throw Esme must have made since my last stay. I drop my bags on the floor, and go to the open window and inhale the fresh air. I take deep breaths to calm my nerves.

I still haven't seen or even heard Jasper's name mentioned. It worries me, and I think back at my miserable stay last year without seeing him at all.

I try to think positive thoughts since I haven't seen Bella either. They are probably tending the horse I heard about, I reassure myself.

After I have freshened up in the en suite bathroom, I head downstairs. I will go looking for my friends, my only real friends, in a moment, but first I go to greet Carlisle and find him together with Esme in their living room. He gives me a fatherly hug and we talk about what I have been up to the last year. I tell them about my new flat in London and the courses I am taking at the university.

I study to take a BA in English and American literature in some years. I love to read, so that's why I chose literature and not law as Aro and my mother strongly suggested.

It feels like coming home talking to the sweetest people I know, and I never find myself as happy as I am when visiting. I have even made some secret research about transferring to the University of Glasgow next semester in order to be closer to the people I love.

Before I found Alice, I was very lonely in London. She has become my confident and a close friend during our short friendship, and I would miss her tremendously if I leave London, but then again…she could always follow me. I bet they have a fashion line op here, like in London.

During my talk with Carlisle and Esme, the door suddenly springs open and I find myself jumped by Bella.

"Edward, you're back," she wines.

I swirl her around and she grips hold of my upper arms, "… and you've muscles. Do you work out now?"

I admit to lift some weights at home, but that's about it. I always loose interest in running after a few weeks.

She grabs my hand and drags me out of the room while my aunt and uncle laugh at her outbursts.

I have known Bella all my life, her living at the house with her father Charlie. She always hung around when Jasper and I played as kids. In the beginning, we were not keen on her wanting to play along, her being a girl. However, we soon found out, she was more of a tom girl than a girlie girl. She never wore dresses – always jeans and sneakers like Jasper and I.

Still holding my hand, she drags me out of the house and down to the small lake behind the house. During my stays, this is the place we all used to hang out. We find our favourite tree and sit down on the soft grass.

"Wow, you've really grown this year," she says while rumpling my hair.

"…but the hair's still a bloody mess," she continues.

I laugh and reply, "Well, I still haven't found a styling product to deal with this hay stack."

"…or a person it would seem?" she adds laughing, but I see her searching for some answers in my eyes while joking.

If I was into girls and she did not feel more like the sister I never had, I would without a doubt, be into Bella. Apart from Alice, she is the only girl with whom I feel myself at ease.

We lay ourselves down on the grass and stare up in the clear blue sky. We are both quiet for a moment, but I cannot wait any longer. I need to know why Jasper hasn't joined us.

"Where's Jasper?" I ask her, dreading the answer.

"He's not here, and I'm not sure if he'll be back before you return to London."

I turn my head to look at her, and can tell she sees I am devastated.

"He's in Texas again, working at his uncle's ranch. Ed, if I didn't know better, I would think he's avoiding you, him being away last summer too. What happened between the two of you two years ago?"

I have never told anyone, apart from Alice this spring, about my feelings for Jasper, but I think Bella might know I feel more than just friendship towards our mutual friend.

I close my eyes and take some deep breaths trying to cope with the unhappy news. Is he avoiding me? – Well he must be…and there is nothing I can do about it when there is an ocean between us!

"You love him, don't you?" She asks.

"Yeah, like I love you Bells," I joke.

"No, not like you love me Eddie!" I hate when she uses my childhood nickname.

She continues, "You're IN love with him, and I bet he doesn't know, or he might suspect since he's avoiding seeing you."

I don't answer.

"Does he know…have you talked to him?"

I look at her and shake my head. I am afraid if I speak, I will start crying. Bella hugs me for several minutes, and my breathing becomes steady, but we still don't talk. She leaves and tells me to call for her when I am ready to talk.

I go up to my room and bury my head in the pillows. Fuck, is it that obvious? Who else know about my feelings towards Jasper? Maybe it is only Bella, since she knows me better than anyone, apart from Jasper, of course.

There are two hours until dinner, so I take a nap and hope I will be feeling better when I wake up. At least there is Sue's cooking to looking forward to.

...

When I wake up an hour later, I unpack my bags and place my clothes in the closet.

I have brought some books and personal items along with me, and I open a drawer to place them there.

In the bottom of one of the drawers, I find a photo album – the one with pictures from all my summer stays. On the cover is printed My Childhood Memories, in gold letters.

Every summer, Esme takes many photos while I stay. She even sends copies to my mother, but I have never seen them around her place.

Esme selects what she calls the highlights of my stay, inserts around 10 pictures from each year and write some comments on the 2-3 pages they occupy in the album.

There is only a few empty pages left…two or three more years of snap shots, and then it is full.

The first pages contain photographs of my early visits when my mother and father came to show me to Esme and Carlisle. Esme, not able to have any children herself, adored me. That is more than you could say about my mother.

I eagerly turn the pages until I reach the ones from the summer I first met Jasper.

A/N

That's the first chapter. Next chapter will be up in the weekend or maybe even before that.