I don't know what penetrated my mind to cause me to act the way I did to him on that day. I don't know why I invited Feliciano and Ludwig over, knowing about his self-consciousness. I don't remember when I ran out after hearing the crash. I don't remember who ran him over. But I most definitely do not want to believe that Lovino is gone.

But... just because I don't want to believe it, doesn't mean every little thing will go back to the way it was before. It doesn't mean I'll stop feeling guilty. It doesn't mean Feliciano will cease his mourning. It doesn't mean no one will stop regretting never second guessing the bandages on his arm. But it most definitely won't bring him back.

Of course, everyone knew that. We were all just too stupid to even consider the fact that maybe one of us was hurting more than we thought. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe we overlooked Lovino, always adoring Feliciano, who because of that, feels terrible. We, or at least I knew that that was Lovino's greatest fear. To be forgotten in favor of his younger brother, the one who every nation envisioned as perfect at the time. No one even took into mind that maybe yet another Italian, though externally harsh and feisty, needed some love. Then again, how were the others to know?

The only one to blame is me. This isn't just that phase of self-blame after someone dies. No, this death was truly my fault. I knew for a fact that Lovino loved me. I also was aware that he was terrified of me leaving him, as every one else did, but refused to acknowledge it. I'm sure his words were something saying that he knew that every one wouldn't care, but that I was who he'd leave his last lingering hope with. He had never even thought of me doing so. He strongly held on to the words of love I'd proclaim, taking them to his heart, though in secret. They were what he lived on, because no one else ever said it directed to him. Not even his brother.

I took it upon myself to do the deed. Don't get me wrong though. I was and still am in deep, deep love with Lovino. It was no burden to tell him so. Yes, it bothered me at times when I got a 'bastard' shouted at me in reply, but I knew that it was Lovino's way of returning the phrase. He wasn't a very good expressant with the way he felt. He'd held his true thoughts in, not daring to let down his walls for anyone besides me.

That's the thing. Besides me. Out of every one Lovino could've chosen to open up to, it was me. I was the special one. I was the only person able to get Lovino Vargas to reveal his true feelings, even if it was to an extent. But I'd gone and ruined that. I had to blow up at him that day. I had to invite Feliciano and Ludwig. I had to run out after he'd been hit. I had to stand by him after he left this world.

I can only hope he's happy now. Or at least content. That's all I want for him, since I know he didn't exactly enjoy his time on Earth. Especially after the unification of Italy, when he was supposed to have faded, but was saved by myself. They had broken the news on him that only one Italy was needed, and that one Italy would be North Italy Veneziano and not South Italy Romano. I was the only one to witness the quick flash of pain in his eyes that immediately vanished when he started cursing at his bosses, putting up his usual front. That night, he cried in my arms. I lulled him to sleep, tears dry on his tanned face.

I know now that he won't have to suffer anymore. He won't have to hide himself. He won't have to lock his heart away. He won't have to slit his wrists anymore. But he most definitely won't have to feel unloved anymore. After all, he's got the whole world in misery over him. I can only want him to know that.

A door slammed shut behind me, alerting me of my current surroundings.

"Antonio," Francis called, voice low and full of depression. Just another proof of everyone's sorrow.

"I know," I answered with my head down, leaving my flowers beside the grave and standing from the ground, where I knelt. Slowly, I slid a hand down the engravements on the tomb, feeling every dent in the
cool stone, slick from rain.

How fitting, hm? For it to rain at a funeral. I'm pretty sure it was wet the day the accident happened. The car driver slammed on his brakes, but it skidded anyways and hit Lovino. I hated the rain after. Never mind that, we shouldn't dwell on it. Especially since Lovino wouldn't want us to do so.

I pressed my forehead to the grave, and with one last kiss, whispered, "You'll always be on my mind, my love,"

I left the cemetery with a heavy heart and many things unclear in my head, but I knew one thing. I'd never forget the miracle in my life named Lovino Vargas.

XXX

Well, that was a huge disappointment. So yes, I finally wrote a second part to NFNS after so many requests for another. Like I said before, I was struggling to think up anything for this, and tried multiple times to write. But I felt suddenly inspired after reading one of my favorite RPer's writing. Somehow, this was produced as Spain's after thoughts.

So before you go all crazy on me, let me apologize. I know how terrible this is. It's jumpy and doesn't flow well. It's not thoroughly though out either. Plus, it's eight in the morning and I stayed up all night. Please forgive me for this horrible work. Also, if this seems repetitive to you, that is just my style of writing, so...

On another note, this is it. I will not be writing anything else for NFNS. It was not going to be continued, but too many people asked for another for me to ignore that. However, this will be it, and that's final.

Thank you guys. Salamat!