Belly

Benito picks me up a few minutes late and I am so thankful for it. My dorm was a complete mess just looking for something to wear. As soon as he knocks on the door, I swing it open and step out so he wouldn't have to suffer the pain of looking at my disaster in my room.

"Bella, you look beautiful!" Benito gives me the traditional once over, admiring my one-sleeved fitted black dress.

I thank him for being so nice and we make our way to his scooter. Yes, he drives a red scooter. Must be a European thing I guess. He lifts one leg to straddle the seat and looks at me to tell me to climb on behind him. I reluctantly climb on and put my arms around his middle. My mind can't help but remember the time I went on a motorcycle with he-who-shall-not-be-named.

"Belly, you better finish your dinner quickly if you expect to leave the house tonight," my mom randomly tells me as we're eating dinner together.

I stare at her for a few seconds before saying, "What do you mean?"

My mom's eyes widen, smiling just a bit, and she leaves the room. Um, okay then?

Not two minutes after, my phone lights up with a text from Conrad.

rumor has it theres a scary biker outside your house maybe you should check it out

I practically lose my voice from screaming of excitement. I run over to the window to see if it's real and to my surprise, I see Conrad on a motorcycle just across the street from my house. I watch him as he walks into my house and throw my arms around his neck as he lifts me off the ground and spins me.

"I can't believe you're here," I say into his neck.

He inhales deeply in my hair and says, "I've missed spending time with you."

My heart seems to be beating as fast as his heart is and it just felt so right. For that second, all the doubts of us making it through all our problems slipped away. We were invincible. If we could have this relationship living hours away from each other, if we both accepted this strong connection between us, and if we held onto it, we would be titanium. I believe in it. My heart won't let me feel otherwise.

I pull away from him and look up smiling, hoping that he would think it too. He gives me a small peck on the cheek when we hear a cough from behind us.

"I expect her home by midnight, Connie. You better sleepover too just so I know you'll be safe," my mom says with a small smile.

After agreeing to her conditions, we walk ourselves to the motorcycle outside of my house.

"Um, Con. When'd you get that? I'm pretty sure you would have raved about it if you did," I say as we come closer to it.

"It's my buddy, Josh's. He knows how much I want one and he knew I was coming down to your place today. He let me borrow it for the night as long as I paid for gas and made sure nothing happened to it."

He put on his helmet and grabbed the extra in the back.

"I know you're going to hate this, but I have to keep you safe so you're wearing it," Conrad tells me with a playful smirk.

He steps closer to me and I not only can hear his breath but feel it on me. After carefully placing the ugly helmet on my head, and clipping it under my chin, he lifts it and plants a slow and hypnotizing kiss on my lips. So gentle, it almost feels as if it wasn't real. But it was. Oh God it was. My whole body was on a natural high from Conrad's lips. He pulls away and says, "God, I've missed you."

He gets on the seat of the motorcycle as I stand there shocked. It was the first time he kissed me after we left Cousins Beach. I follow him onto the bike and wrap my hands around his middle. I melt right into him. Leaning my head onto his back, I think I really didn't have to wear the helmet because holding him like this made me feel safer than I have ever been in my life.

"Don't let go, Bells," Conrad silently mutters. It almost seemed like there was a double meaning. And if I'm right, then it would definitely not be me letting go.

With Conrad, everything seemed to just feel right. When I put my arms around Benito, it was awkward with this tension that made me think about what he thought about us. He might think of us as more than friends. But with these memories of Conrad flowing back to me, I can't even consider him as anything more. It's just not fair for him. I don't know why memories of Conrad are coming back to me so often but that's something I can't take right now.

We get to the club and I immediately see Taylor sitting with her boyfriend and a few of our friends in a booth. They all looked buzzed already and Benito and I came only 30 minutes after everyone else. Empty shot glasses fill up the table and I'm jealous that I haven't taken any yet. We walk up to the group, say our hello's and scoot into the booth with them. I immediately take the three shots on the table and when those are done, I walk over to the bar and ask for some more. That's when Benito comes up next to me and tries to talk to me. The alcohol seems to hit me faster than it usually does because by this time, I'm already tipsy,

"Why are you drrinking so much, Bella?" Benito asks me.

"I'm trying to have fun! It's been a long week."

The bartender hands me my vodka and I down it like it's nothing. I grab Benito's hand and go to the dance floor having the sudden need to move around. Ever since I've been in Spain and went to clubs with my friends, I've acquired the name "Belly Dancer" only because 1) when I get intoxicated enough, I start to move my hips like one and 2) because whenever I wear jeans and a shirt, I always fold my shirt so I really do look like one. I start dancing with him and out of nowhere, my drunken state of mind thinks it's a good idea to kiss him. I grab the back of his head and give him a kiss and at first he doesn't kiss back. Once he does though, nothing feels right. And right when I pull away, I realize there are tears on my face.

I run out of the club. I'm breathing hard with my hands on knees, bent over against the brick wall. I puke from all the alcohol I drank and walk a little to my right. As I slowly slump onto the ground, Benito emerges from the backdoor I just ran out of. He sits down next to me.

"What is wrrong?" He asks reluctantly.

"I'm so sorry. I am so sorry for everything." I'm word vomiting and saying everything that comes to mind.

"Benito, I like you but I don't feel that way with you."

"What's his name?" Benito asks, "I looked at the box and you have been differrent since then."

He looks at my face now and says, "Do not worry. I understand. I can help you with this..this man. You can trust me."

I take a deep breath and out of nowhere, I spill everything. From how I fell in love with Conrad since when we were little, how everything went down when we finally were together, the ditch we hit when Susanna died, to what happened from Jere and my wedding to now. For at least an hour, we sat there as I tell him my story. And as I end, he looks up and says, "oh Dios mio...I will help you with this Conrad and we can stay amigos."

His eyes burn into my soul when he says, "I can tell you still love him, Bella. Am I right?"

I nod so slightly, I almost believe I didn't even do it.

"In time you will be with him, Bella. I will help. I promise."

I start to cry. I cry for the mess I created when I let myself love him in the first place. But mostly, I cry because I'm grateful for Benito's acceptance. He doesn't say that Conrad and I are toxic, he doesn't say I shouldn't get myself into this mess again. He accepts love for what it is and encourages it. He comforts me and I can sense a new best friend coming along.