Rori's Corner: Oh hey guys, look, an update! Haha. Thanks for waiting and all the awesome support. Make sure to check your inbox if you left a rev, dearies! And for the faves and alerts, you know I love those too! So without further ado, here 'tis!

Over Before It Began

05. Doors

"See these?"

The photos scattered, fluttering onto the cement, and Gray watched them fall, just as his heart fell. He knew what he was seeing, but his mind took control, and he was reflexively not seeing them, even though they were here, lying around his feet. Cornering him in, trapping him in this humiliating madness.

"Look at them carefully."

A hand tugged at his hair, bringing his head down, forcing him to take in the pictures, forcing him to see through his bleared vision, the truth that was laid, making him feel like a complete fool.

His head was spinning.

No, no, no, no, I don't want to see this, stop, I don't want - it's not true, why, why, why.

"Aren't they so perfect together? Aren't you jealous? That you can never be her? That you can never be the one in these photos?"

The soft fingers in his hair were harsh; they weren't soft at all. They sank into his scalp, biting into his head, and he winced, as the grip shook him, causing his vision to blur and his neck to ache. "S-stop," he gasped in pain.

Girly laughter rang all around on the rooftop, circling him, and he felt like a caged animal. He was their involuntary entertainment. He wanted to cry. His head throbbed, but it was nothing compared to how suffocated he felt, internally.

His heart was sinking, sinking, and he tried to breathe, but he couldn't, and he realized that he was crying. He couldn't help it - he was crying.

He was snot, tears, ugly.

He was hopeless, stupid, weak.

He broke down.

"Oh my god, are you really crying? Ahahah, oh my gosh, Cana, look, he's crying!"

"Tch."

"Hey, fatty, did you really think you and Natsu were something? No way! I mean, look at yourself, you're ridiculous!" the taunting voice broke off into deranged laughter.

I know. You don't have to tell me, I know I'm stupid. I'm stupid, okay? What more do you want from me? Why do you all like to torment me so much? Why me?

"You know Natsu never backs down from bets. He's so competitive."

"You're just as competitive, Mira. You and Erza both."

"Well, what can I say? That's just me. So anyway, I can't believe he kept it up for so long. He could've ended it anytime."

A bet?... Is that what it is? Is that it? That's all it is, huh.

That's all it was, and I fell for it.

"Natsu doesn't know when to stop when he's toying with something interesting. He's always been immature like that. Let's go, Mira. It's not safe to stay here any longer."

"Don't boss me around, Cana, hmph."

"Suit yourself. Don't come to me when you get your ass checked by the principal."

"Eww, Cana, what the hell!"

"Bye."

"Hey, don't just leave me here!"

"Oh please. And, leave the poor gay boy alone. The way he's crying just makes me feel like I raped him or something. I'll meet you at the tavern, Mira."

"Ugh. Don't tell Lis what happened, okay? She's just going to flip out at me, even though I'm doing this for her. You better not tell her, Cana, or else! Oh, and..."

Stop it, Gray. Stop being a crybaby. Just, stop. You should've known this would happen.

Stop being such a damn weakling.

I hate myself.

I hate me more than anyone else.

Isn't that enough?

"Here's a piece of advice: if you don't want to get treated like you're worth shit, you better man up, Milkovich. This world isn't kind. With the way you are now, you'll end up dead give and take a few years, if you even last that long."

The soft, deadly fingers were in his hair again, and he braced for the torturous pull, tears leaking from his tightly shut eyelids profusely.

Instead of the harsh tug he was expecting, the hand just patted his head. He slowly opened his eyes, scared and confused, and found himself looking at a photo of Natsu. The boy he had grown so close to was grinning that bright, warm grin that made his heart pound. All he could feel now was a stinging numbness.

"Open your eyes and look. This is reality."

He sniffled, but the stream of tears ran, unstoppable. Reality stared back at him. Reality was too bright, too sunny, too out of his reach. He had hidden from reality long enough.

"Natsu lives in a completely different world. And you? You're just a normal, below average boy."

The soft hand was petting his head, gentle and comforting, so different from the edgy tone of the girl holding him in mental captivity.

"You know nothing about Natsu. You know nothing about the dark world we live in. Cower in the light, Milkovich. It's better there, on the side where the sun shines."

The warm touch disappeared.

Gray took in a shuttered breath and watched as the photo of Natsu dropped to the floor, landing atop the scattered pictures starring the pink head and an unfamiliar albino in various intimate poses.

"They're set to self-destruct in twenty minutes. Plenty of time for you to make good use of them. I'm pretty sure you're the type of shameless boy that finishes in thirty seconds. See you around, Milkovich! If you'd lose the ten layers of clothes covering your skin, you wouldn't be the school's harassment toilet."

The door to the rooftop banged shut.

Gray bent down, gathered the photos in his hands, and went to the perimeter. The railing stopped him from going farther. One more step, and he would have lost the ground he was standing on.

He looked down from the roof, seeing figures of students and teachers going about their business. They were all absorbed in their everyday routines. Did any of them get humiliated on a daily basis? Did any of them know how it felt to be betrayed? Did any of them know just how painful it was to live?

His hands clutched the photos, and before he knew what he was doing, he was hurling them flimsily into the air. They flew, scattering, and all he saw was flamingo pink, before they exploded in the blue sky. The figures below looked up at the sound, and ashes rained down.

No.

None of them knew.

If the side where the sun shone was destroyed by his own hands, then that must mean that he had always lived in the dark.

He knew now that Ul was the only one who mattered in this world.

Nothing else came close.

One betrayal was enough.

Don't trust anyone.

Bzz. Bzz.

Gray woke up to the pitter patter of rain drumming against the window. He was groggy and tired, the signs of an uneventful sleep. He felt his phone vibrate underneath the pillow. The bed was bigger than his bed back in the crappy one room apartment he rented, and he realized it was because he was staying overnight at the Fairy Tail headquarter.

The thought instantly made him become alert, and he peered around suspiciously at the dark room, taking in his surrounding and trying to get his bearings.

Bzz. Bzz.

He felt under the pillow for the mobile, his dilating eyes making out the silhouette of a drawer next to the bed, a closet in front of him, and the window to the left. It was still dark outside. How long did he sleep?

What was he dreaming about?

Photos...?

Bzz. Bzz.

It was about photos...on the rooftop...white hair...Mira...Jane?

Bzz. Bzz.

He tore his mind away from the disoriented trail of thought and answered the unknown number.

"Gray."

Cobalt eyes widened slightly. He leaned into the phone, recognizing the voice immediately. "Lyon, why're you calling me?" he asked, keeping himself low and quiet, toned to a whisper.

"Is there a rule stating that I can't call my baby brother when I want to?"

Gray felt himself warm up, and he snapped into the phone, "Screw you, Lyon! I told you not to call me your 'baby' brother! Do you know how embarrassing - "

"Where are you right now?"

Upset that his rightful rant was cut off, Gray frowned, miffed. "Magnolia."

"You do realize that the Council is on a Raid right now?"

"Yeah, of course I know. I'm not totally out of it, big brother."

A small chuckle. "Save the endearments for later. I want you to stay put. Don't make a move. The members of the IT are saying that the reason the Raid is conducted is due to a direct assault on a Commander. Did you do something, Gray?"

"I happened to pass by one during my mission," the brunet replied. He heard Lyon make a frustrated noise with his tongue. He sat up, back against the wall. "I got her with an avalanche. What, did she survive?"

"Let me ask you something."

He knew the tone of an angry Lyon, and that tone was being reciprocated right now. He ran a hand through his dark hair, meeting tangles in a few strands.

"Are you stupid?"

Gray rolled his eyes. "Lyon, if I didn't put her under, the mission was going to be compromised. I had to kill her."

"Maybe I haven't mentioned this enough, but touching a Council Commander equates getting your head offed. You may or may not have noticed, but I care enough about you and your stupid ass to not appreciate you dying before my time. You're not invincible. You're extremely lucky that you're still alive. I'm worried sick right now. If you even move a muscle and get yourself into more trouble, I will personally hunt you down."

The comment about him being a 'stupid ass' got to him before the sentimentality, and Gray groaned. "For the last time, Lyon, stop referring to me like I'm an idiot. Even though I could be one. Shit, I might be one, but that doesn't mean I can't do my damn job right!"

"Oh? If that's the case, what is the need for a Raid? The Council is aware that someone targeted one of the Commanders. Now if the Commander is dead, they would just turn it to the Special Ops to investigate the death quietly. But, they decided to conduct a Raid, instead. Meaning, the Council Commander must be alive. They only perform a Raid when they have some evidence or clue of the assassin. They have soldiers stationed all the way from Magnolia to the Waas Forest, including Mt. Hakobe, with no news of the Raid Lift. Leaving Magnolia is basically impossible for the duration of the Raid, especially when we don't know how long it'll last."

"...Fuck." Gray covered his eyes with his arms, thumping his head back on the wall tiredly. "Just, fuck. How the hell am I going to get away?"

"In the meantime, figure out how the hell you're going to. Not. Get. Caught."

"Thanks, Lyon. Thanks. I'll try not to get my head offed. You're so helpful."

"Even I'm amazed that you constantly get in situations like these and not be dead. Perhaps Zeref himself is on your side."

"Lyon, I'm going to cut you off before you start on the religious talk. I'm not ready to commit my soul to the devil. Plus, I don't have unlimited minutes on this phone, unlike someone," he accused, hearing Lyon snort at the remark. "So, I'll see you when the Raid's lifted. Bye."

"Hmp, you sure talk big. I'll take you up on that promise. I believe I don't have to mention what happens if you die."

"I got it already. Ciao."

"What a little brat. Ciao, Gray."

Smiling just a little, he disconnected and checked the time. 2:39 AM. He somehow only managed to sleep for one hour. No wonder he felt so wrecked. Sleeping the bare minimum was worse than not sleeping at all. But it couldn't be helped; he was in an unfamiliar territory. The anxiety was too big for him to simply to brush it off.

The life of a hitman groomed him into a cautious individual, causing him to always be on guard. He had to be on guard. If he wasn't, he'd be dead long ago.

He laid back down, taking the soft cotton blanket off and allowed the cushiony mattress to calm his nerves. When was the last time he slept in such a comfy bed?

He couldn't remember.

"Aren't they so perfect together?"

That voice...that was Mirajane. He wasn't wrong. It was Mirajane Strauss, ten years ago. She was a demon, back in high school. She was the girl that no sane person would mess with, and at the same time, she was the girl every normal boy fantasized about behind closed doors at night. Gray was her favorite victim before he even became friends with Natsu, and after becoming friends with him, he started to learn about his friends, too. Mirajane was one of them. She was a nightmare itself. The teasing, the taunting, and the bullying escalated, but they were executed in a way that Natsu wouldn't find out.

Or maybe he just pretended not to know.

"Natsu doesn't know when to stop when he's toying with something interesting. He's always been immature like that."

Cana Alberona. Another one of Natsu's friends, part of the "Clique," the group of popular teens that all the students either wanted to be, or bashed, because they were envious of their popularity. High school was a playground for stupid, hormonal teens. Drama was everywhere. Petty bickering, popular and unpopular teens, rumors, gossips, and what else? Ah, "love."

Gray laughed humorlessly, hands behind his head as he watched the trees sway outside the window.

He was no different. He had fallen for something unrealistic, that he named "love," just like those other stupid, hormonal teens.

"Aren't you jealous? That you can never be her? That you can never be the one in these photos?"

Mirajane always knew how to dig into raw wounds, was always great at antagonizing others by simply using words.

With the dark memories surfacing one after another, Gray couldn't recall a time where he stood up to Mirajane, or one instance where he didn't feel like a piece of shit in her presence.

Because, in spite of it all, she was right. She was always right.

He was jealous. He couldn't answer her, because he knew she was right. He was envious of the girl in the photos, the albino who had her arms around Natsu, who was kissing his cheek, who was doing all the things he wanted to do with Natsu, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And the worst part was that that girl - Lisanna, he realized, it was - and Natsu together looked so perfect, happy, and natural that he didn't even have the right to intrude. That when he tried to put himself in her shoes, he felt like throwing up.

Because he just wasn't meant to play that part. He was just Gray. Gray Milkovich, Natsu's toy. Nothing else. That was really all he was, wasn't it?

"This world isn't kind," he whispered, repeating Mirajane's advice to him, from all those years ago. "I know that. I've known that for a long time now. You don't have to tell me."

"You know nothing about Natsu. You know nothing about the dark world we live in. Cower in the light, Milkovich. It's better there, on the side where the sun shines."

"That's where you're wrong, Mira," he told her, the Mirajane in his memory, the snarky albino with the big cerulean eyes, and he thought about catching the Mirajane of Fairy Tail and telling her the same thing. "My world was black to begin with. Ul was my only light. And Natsu...he was too bright. I don't belong there. I never belonged there."

He'd given up his sanity ever since he pursued the path of a hitman. He might be making sense, or he might be losing sense.

But did any of it matter? He was going to die either way, and it was okay, as long as he died holding the Glass Lancer.

None of it mattered.

Besides Lyon. And Lamia Scale. But they were prepared to die at any time, just like he was prepared. They were in the same boat.

"Ugh, too much philosophy," he groaned, burying his face into the soft pillow. Honest to god, when was the last time he slept in such a comfortable bed? Maybe six months ago, when he was at Lamia Scale, visiting Lyon. Time passed so fast.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

His ears perked, and he turned his attention to the door, wary. The light in the hallway was dim, and he thought he saw something pass under the door crack. That something wasn't moving, now standing right in front of his room.

Who...

Knock. Knock.

"Gray, you're awake, aren't you?"

That voice...without a doubt, it was him.

Gray laid there, still. Damn it. As soon as possible, he was going to pack his shit and leave. He'd find a way to escape, even if he had to hide from the soldiers like the lowlife he was. For now, just bear with it, he chided himself.

Knock. Knock.

"Gray, I know you're awake. Your room's next to mine, you know? I could hear you talking and stuff. Can I come in?"

No, you can't fucking come in.

He kept quiet, frozen on the bed and desperately playing dead.

Go away, go away, go away.

"Don't ignore me, Gray! I'm asking to be nice, you know."

Go away, go away, damn it. Don't want to talk, don't want to see, don't want to know, don't want to have anything to do with you. Get it?

"Gray, I have the master key. I have access to every room in the HQ, so there's really no point in pretending that you don't hear me."

...Fuck.

Alarmed, he sat up, and as soon as he heard the sound of a key being jammed into the doorknob, he jumped out of bed and leaped over in what must be a record-breaking leap and planted his whole body against the wooden frame. Gritting his teeth, he pushed himself on the door, forcing it to close just as Natsu managed to open it from the other side.

Click.

"What the hell!"

Gray smirked to himself, sweat forming over his skin, and then the victorious smile was wiped off when Natsu started Attempt No.2 at opening the door. He held it back with his shoulder and used the carpet to keep his balance. He could hear Natsu grunting as they engaged in the petty door fight. No matter how immature this looked, he was going to win it. Natsu was not going to have his way. Over my dead fucking body.

"Gray. Stop. Closing. The. Door," the mafioso panted.

Over my dead fucking body! Gray responded mentally.

He bit his lip and clenched his teeth, holding back the grunts of exertion. Natsu wasn't holding back anything, and he could hear the man's every noise, each and every one of his pants and grunts. Five minutes in, and neither gave an inch. The door was fixedly stuck between opening a centimeter and slamming closed right after.

Gray might have trained and underwent great physical labor and exercise, but fighting against another man with similar muscle mass and potentially greater strength was downright exhausting. The only thing keeping him going was his willpower.

And even that was nearing depletion. Any moment now, any second now, he was going to run out of everything that was keeping him going. He thought he was going to die, when, suddenly, movement from the other side ceased, as were Natsu's pants and grunts.

Not that he was paying any special attention to them or anything.

He didn't question it. He just flopped down on the carpet, stamina thoroughly drained. That had to count as the exercise of the week, or something. He gasped for breath, body sore and aching. Damn him.

"Hey, Gray," the muffled pants of Natsu sounded from the other side.

He said nothing, fully content with just laying like a sack of lifeless potatoes on the floor.

"I...I'm really...I'm really happy."

He's...what? Gray paused his harsh panting, Natsu's abrupt statement catching him off guard. He listened closely.

"Because...all this time, they've been telling me..." Natsu sounded out of breath, wheezing and all, but even so, Gray heard that indescribable happiness in his voice, which only left him feeling confused, "they've been saying things like, 'he's dead,' and that 'he died during the outbreak of Civil War,' and...I never believed them. And I...I've been...searching...for years and years. I've been...looking for you all this time, Gray. All these years, and you're right here. I don't want to go through it again, I don't want to let you go ever again, I just...I'm happy. I'm really, really, really, really, fucking really, happy, I don't know how else to explain it. I don't know what to do."

Natsu started laughing a breathless laugh, a laugh in relief, a laugh like he just succeeded in world domination, a laugh like he found an oasis in the desert, a laugh like he found out his terminal illness had a cure, a laugh that Gray had never heard before, a laugh that had Gray feeling weaker than the physical exertion just now.

A laugh that had him unable to do anything but look under the crack and see the flamingo strands of hair on the other side.

And when he breathed in a shaky breath, he had no idea why when the laugh faded into chuckles, and then into nothing but the calm inhales and exhales from the other side, he wanted to hear it again.

Damn it.

He pressed his face into the carpet, smothering himself with the ticklish fur.

I hate him.

Rori's Corner: Can we get a clap for the dumb bois

I originally intended to make this chapter longer. When I thought about writing this chap, I was planning on including Gray leaving the FT HQ, but then I started writing, and it got so long, so I just ended it here. I mean, who wants to read 9k words in one chap -coughcough-

So who won the door fight