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Authors Notes: Konichiwa minna!! Gomen, I've been gone a long time again haven't I?? Well my only really pathetic excuse I can offer you (I've used up all my others remember?) is that sometimes I can write like there's no tomorrow, other times... Well it takes me a day just to write "once upon a time". Sooooo..... there's my excuse!! ^_~ Anyway, this is my first Duo Maxwell/Hilde Schwiker(? sp) romance so don't kill me when it sucks!! ^.~
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters (don't I WISH!), I just used them to make a hopefully decent story. So please don't sue, I lost my pennies in the washer... ::sniff:: Dumb thing....! ;P
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"Lost"
A Gundam Wing Romance Fanfic
Copyright 00' By Jadet
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Soft snowflakes fell gently to earth from their nest in the clouds, bathing the ground in a blanket of white fluff. Everywhere children laughed and played in the soft snow, tilting their heads up to catch the snowflakes on their tongue's before throwing themselves head first into the white sea, creating snow angels of white dust. Mothers sat watching their children play, bundled up tight in winter coats and hats, their breath a ghost white mist as it escaped their mouths to float high in the sky. A slight fog swirled around lazily, making it hard to tell where the sky, enveloped in gray clouds, ended and the ground began. Couples walked along mitten in mitten, their cheeks rosy, bitten by the nip in the air.
The nip that was no end of torture to Duo.
Hilde couldn't help but laugh as Duo once again shivered visibly under three layers of coats, not to mention hundreds of layers of clothes, as they walked down the street hand in hand. Duo furiously glared at her mirth and growled through the slits between his two hats and four turtle necks, violet eyes flashing.
"What?!"
Hilde shook her head and chuckled. "It's not THAT cold Duo."
Hilde could hear Duo snort and watched amused as he removed his free gloved hand from its safe haven in his coat pocket and wave it around, motioning at the falling snow.
"You don't call -this- cold?" Another chuckle escaped Hilde's lips when Duo hurriedly put his hand back in its designated pocket, hunching his shoulders but still glaring at her for all he was worth.
With a sly smile, she removed her hood to her parka from her head and shook out her chin length blue hair, winking at her fiancee and controlling the laughter that was bubbling at the back of her throat.
"Nope!"
"Well... then you're just weird! It's freezing out here!" Duo grumbled and removed his hand from his pocket, grabbing his braid (the part he had access to that wasn't covered by hundreds of hats) and staring at it. Cocking an eyebrow, Hilde watched as Duo abstemiously petted it, glaring at its end. Before Hilde could ask about that he shoved the braid in her face, waving it around angrily. "See it's so cold its frozen my braid!" It had too, the end of it was covered in ice.
This time Hilde couldn't hold back her laughter. It felt so good to laugh after such an awful week of stress and wondering if she should tell Duo about her news. She still hadn't decided if she wanted to tell him, after all he DID have a five year plan or something like that that wouldn't allow any disruptions, and Hilde was worried how Duo would take the news. But pretty soon he would find out, she wouldn't be this small forever unfortunately.
[Think about that later, this is a vacation. And on vacations you're supposed to have fun!] She scolded herself, releasing Duo's hand and slipping her arm around his waist, sharing his warmth. Duo, accordingly, put his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to kiss her lightly on the head. Hilde sighed and leaned her head into his arm, wondering briefly how Duo would react.
Would he be happy? Would he be as apprehensive and scared as she was, or would he take after Heero's example and be the calm one? Or would he be angry? Hilde wondered unhappily. He had that five year plan he always went on and on about, how important it was and how it would be great once it was done, and how they just had to watch it till then. Hilde sighed and pushed back the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. He HAD to be happy about all this, it was part of him too! He wouldn't just ignore her and the soon to be child, not like her father, Duo would be happy and supportive. Duo would be a good father. He would, he would, he would!
Hilde almost wished, for a second, that she wasn't pregnant. That the stress depriving her of her needed sleep and causing her to not to eat, would just disappear. She quickly pushed it aside however. That was a horrible thought, how could she think anything like that? She was growing hers and Duo's child within her, a mixture of his humor and looks and Hilde's smarts and spirit. The baby would be beautiful and full of light. How could she wish its existence away?
[You're just stressed, and this vacation will help tremendously] She convinced herself, and squeezed Duo's waist a bit, smiling. [You might as well as enjoy yourself]
And I will, Hilde decided and tilted her head up to look at Duo.
"Duo?"
Duo inclined his head slightly, gently steering Hilde away from a patch of ice. "Yeah?"
"How do you think Heero's going to react to Relena inviting us so soon after their kid was born?"
Duo grinned wryly. "Well since I bet he's had no sleep since the kid was born, and he already gets annoyed real easy, he'll probably kill us."
Hilde's laughter melded with the snow cascading down on them lightly, and Hilde hugged Duo closer to her, enjoying the scenery and him.
"Then it's a good thing we brought your gun."
Duo's laughter joined hers and danced along side the snow.
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Hilde yawned and blinked sleepily. It took her a minute to realize she wasn't in her own bedroom. Panic almost overwhelmed her until she noticed her and Duo's luggage across the room, finally reminding her where she was.
She was at Heero and Relena's, visiting for a week. They had arrived last night to a joyous Relena and a very grumpy Heero holding the most adorable baby girl in his arms. A baby that had made Hilde think it wouldn't be so bad after all. Even Duo had been overjoyed to meet Aiko Yuy, claiming that she was beautiful. Especially since she didn't take after her father too much except for the hair color. Hilde still couldn't help wincing over the memory of Heero's punch that barely moved his daughter but certainly sent Duo flying. To the far wall to be precise. They had had a good laugh over that to the obvious agitation to Duo.
Then Relena had showed them a room and as soon as Hilde's head had touched the pillow she had fallen asleep. She almost felt guilty she had fallen asleep so fast. Right before they went to sleep Duo usually liked to talk to her about matters that concerned him, how the business was going, ect. It was their time together, alone and not rushed. And Hilde didn't mind doing it for him, he enjoyed it and she found that he usually slept better afterward. It was worth the long nights. But she had been so tired, she didn't think she could have stayed up anyway.
Hilde smiled when Duo let out a loud snore and turned on his back, one of his well muscled arms falling onto his chest, coming to close on Hilde's hand and instinctively squeezing it. His braid, usually well kept and neat, had become a bit frazzled during the night and looked forlorn yet beautiful lying beside him. Thick locks of chestnut gold fell lightly over his forehead, and with his mouth hanging open, he looked like a sleeping child rather than a 21 year old man. Hilde could barely resist removing her hand from his hold and brushing the stubborn locks back, even though she knew it wouldn't do any good for they always went back to where they were. But she didn't mind because she considered it heaven, his hair always felt like silk under her fingers, golden silk of heaven as she called it. And the stubborn locks always gave her another reason to push back the silk because they never stayed where she put them. She didn't want to wake him though, so she stayed her hand where it was. She could fiddle with his hair later.
He was the most beautiful thing she could wake up to. He was everything she envisioned when she was imaging her future husband as a child. She loved him with all her heart and more, and she knew he did the same. She couldn't be happier.
[Well I could actually] Hilde thought, and frowned. [He's cutting off the circulation to my arm] That brought out a smile to her lips and she set out to removing her arm from his weight.
Carefully extracting her arms from where they were encircled around Duo's bare chest, Hilde yawned again and stretched her arms over her head, muffling a groan of pleasure that escaped her lips. Still blinking sleepily, she smiled and replaced her head on Duo's chest, running a light finger along his jaw line.
"Wake up sleepy head." She whispered, running her finger up to his nose and twiking it. Duo woke up with a grunt and sat up with a start, staring sleepily around the room. Hilde, thrown off when he sat up so quickly, sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, lying her head on her arm. "Good morning Duo."
"Wha..." Duo turned slightly and blinked through heavily laden eyelids, lifting a hand to rub it over his eyes tiredly. "Hilde? Where are we?"
Hilde snorted and smacked him on the back of the head lightly, gingerly getting out of bed so as to avoid Duo noticing the slight bulging of her stomach through the fabric. "We're at Heero and Relena's remember?"
Duo cocked his head and scratched his head. "We are?"
Hilde sighed and nodded, leaning to grab her slippers she had kicked under the bed the night before. "Yes Duo, we are. Don't you remember Heero punching you last night?"
The braided pilot smiled and smacked his hand against his other hand. "Oh yeah!" He suddenly became glum and rubbed a tender hand over his head where a bump had risen. "Heero didn't have to hit me so hard, ya know."
Hilde giggled and pulled on a robe that was sitting on the chair beside their bed. "You shouldn't have made that comment then."
"Well it's true, that'd be one ugly girl if she looked like Heero!" Duo exclaimed, following Hilde's example and putting on a robe over his boxers. "All I said though was that it was a good thing she didn't look like him, meaning she didn't look like a guy."
Hilde sighed and turned to face him, lying a cool hand on his cheek. "Do me one favor next time you decide to say something like that next time to Heero?"
Duo raised his eye brows but nodded. "What?"
"Don't."
Duo glowered and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well EX-CUSE me!" Hilde giggled and turned to head into the bathroom but was held up by Duo's soft but firm hand. "Hey wait a minute here!"
Hilde turned confused. "What?"
"You forgot my good morning kiss," Duo whined, trying very hard to look the act of a sad little boy. Hilde shook her head in amusement and leaned up on her tip toes to stare in his eyes, a wicked gleam in her eye.
"Too bad."
Duo pretended mock anger and seized her by the arms. "Now, now, that's not very nice. I want my morning kiss," he growled and looked up and down Hilde, grinning and licking his lips. "And I always get what I want." Hilde just glared and Duo's shoulders shrunk. "Please?"
Hilde held in her laughter and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well OK, but just because you said please." She leaned in and gave Duo a passionate kiss, pulling back slowly and staring affectionately into his eyes.
Duo grinned. "Guess I'll have to say please more often huh?"
Hilde smiled and nodded, leaning in close to his ear. "You should see what I do when you say pretty please."
Duo grinned wickedly and opened his mouth to be cut off by a loud cry followed by a muttered curse from what sounded like Heero. Duo quickly closed his mouth and smirked at Hilde.
"Looks like our host just got up." Hilde also grinned.
"And his kid."
Duo and Hilde both laughed, Duo stopping first to kiss Hilde before jerking his head toward the door.
"Should we?"
Hilde sighed and removed her arms from around Duo's neck, grudgingly nodding.
"Suppose so."
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Hilde blinked in surprise at Relena's request. "Shopping?"
Relena nodded and shifted baby Aiko to her other arm, cleaning up a mess with the other. "Uh huh."
Hilde turned her head to the side and considered it. She could use a shopping trip seeing as she hadn't gotten anything for Duo yet for Christmas. This would be the time to do it since it was only her and Relena. The guys had offered to watch the baby in exchange for not having to be dragged along. Hilde smiled. Yes this was the perfect idea and time. Nodding, Hilde took the last sip of her coffee and rose to go put it in the sink.
"Sounds great Relena, when do you want to go?"
Relena frowned and handed the baby to Hilde so she could clean up the mess a bit better. "Well how 'bout right after I clean this up? Heero and Duo are watching football right now so we could sneak into their wallets and grab some extra cash before we go." Relena whispered, a wicked twinkle in her eye. Hilde laughed and rocked Aiko slightly.
"You're evil Relena."
They both laughed and talked about what they would do while they were out.
In the family room, Duo looked uneasily at Heero who looked almost as uneasy as himself. Gulping, Duo managed a strangled laugh.
"Wha... what do you think they're talking about?" Duo squeaked, running a hand through his hair. Heero shrugged but a nervous light came into his normal impassive eyes.
"Probably about how they're going to steal our money."
Duo glumly nodded and looked back at the TV miserably.
"Right."
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The shopping trip was a success.
They both had just enough money to spend shopping for themselves, their friends, their family. They both even managed to find something for their finicky husbands.
Hilde smiled and admired Duo's gift again. Gold gleamed dully under the gray sky and the clock's hands moved almost slowly to Hilde's eyes. She grinned and flipped the watch over and read the inscription for the hundredth time. Duo was going to love this, no doubt!
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Relena also admiring Heero's gift of a gold pen and very nice stationary. Relena had said Heero always complained about their pens at home and how the paper was too thin. This, Relena said, would make him happy. The paper was just right in thickness and the pen was guaranteed a life time, never to run out or break. All in all a very successful shopping trip.
Well except when Relena noticed Hilde's ever changing form and loudly demanded to know what was up. Very loudly which was why Hilde had to tell her so as to avoid the store owner kicking them out.
"I still can't believe Duo hasn't noticed!" Relena exclaimed for the hundredth time, grinning like an idiot. Hilde sighed and for the hundredth time nodded, smiling wryly.
"Well he's not the most observant guy out there...."
"But you're 6 months pregnant!" Relena screeched. "You LOOK pregnant, hasn't he noticed anything?"
Hilde blushed. "Well most of the time I have baggy clothes on, the other times Duo's a little... occupied."
Relena grinned. "Ahh, I see. So when are you going to tell him?"
Hilde winced and stepped carefully off the sidewalk onto the street they were about to cross. Relena's limousine was about a block away and to get there they had to tread carefully on the ice that coated the ground all around them. Hilde especially did not want to slip, it was said just the slightest jar to the baby in the final trimester could determine whether it would be normal or not. Hilde would not take that chance.
"Actually I was thinking about telling him tonight," Hilde ventured hesitantly, watching her footing and not Relena's face. She did not see the amusement on her face and therefore did not understand her laughter. Frazzled, Hilde took her eyes away from the ground to glare at her friend. "What's so funny?"
Relena shook her head, and wiped a tear from her eye, grinning at Hilde. "I'm just wondering if Duo's reaction will be like my Heero's. I swear he looked like he was ready to faint!"
Hilde laughed along with Relena, readjusting her grip on her packages. "I can't imagine Heero looking..." A sudden sharp wind whipped Hilde's hat off and made her stop mid-sentence and sigh. "Damn it." Looking at Relena she shrugged and gently set her stuff on the snow beside the road. "Gotta go get my hat, be right back."
Relena nodded and gratefully also put her packages down, rubbing her shoulders stiffly, squinting. When she spotted the hat, she pointed it out to Hilde. "It's right in the middle of that snow drift Hilde."
Hilde nodded and looked both ways across the street. "Thanks Relena, I'll only be a minute." Stepping cautiously off the curb, Hilde quickly made her way across the street and picked up her hat, brushing off stray snow flakes that had attached themselves to it. Satisfied nothing was wrong with it, she gently placed it on her head and began walking back towards Relena.
"Hilde, hurry!" Relena shouted anxiously, pointing toward a truck speeding down the street towards her. Hilde frowned and hurried a bit faster, a bit nervous at how fast the driver was going. Didn't he know it wasn't smart to go that fast on ice? He wouldn't be able to stop if need be, Hilde thought while keeping an eye on her footing. What if some little girl were to run across the street after a hat like her own? The truck wouldn't be able to stop in time and...
"HILDE!" Hilde jerked her head up at the terror in Relena's voice and tripped over a hidden notch in the ice. She fell the her knees and swore when a jagged piece cut her knee, anger flooding her mind. What in bloody hell was scaring Relena so much? She would have been across the street long before the truck could reach her and being distracted didn't help matters much... A trucks blaring horn was her warning and Hilde turned horror stuck to see the truck swerving to avoid a dog that had bounded into the street, sideswiping right at her. Terror filled every pore of her body and Hilde found herself unable to move as the truck came closer and closer.
Subconsciously she knew she should move and get out of the way but her body was frozen. It wouldn't move at all, no matter how much her mind yelled at it. The only thing she could do was turn her back to the truck and wrap her arms protectively around her midriff. The screeching got louder in her ears till that was the only thing she could hear besides her heart beat. And the baby's. Tears sprang to Hilde's eyes and she unconsciously held tighter to the watch she had forgotten to drop off with all her other stuff.
[Oh God Duo, I'm so sorry...]
And all there was was darkness.
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Duo groaned and hopped off his motor cycle he had borrowed from Heero, taking extreme care not to squash the burgers and fries any more than he already had. It was well known neither one of them could really cook so they decided not to torture themselves, electing Duo (he didn't want to try and take care of the baby by himself) to go get some good food. Well he got the good food, he just didn't know what condition it was in. That jump he attempted didn't go as smoothly as he had planned and the food, well, lets just say it had an interesting ride.
"DUO!"
Duo jerked violently and almost dropped the food, catching it just in time so it wouldn't be introduced to the snow again, and looked up confused as Heero came running towards him, Aiko tucked securely in his arms.
Something in Heero's eyes instantly made Duo forget his annoyance at the scare and feel a deep dread work its way into his heart. Something was wrong...
[Oh God, Hilde?]
Heero stopped in a skid in front of Duo, a serious look in his eyes. Duo took a reflexive step back and looked at Heero cautiously.
[Please God no...]
"Duo, there's been an accident," Heero explained, a concerned frown plastered on his face. "Hilde was hit by a truck when crossing a street and has been taken to the Saint Vincient Hospital, Relena's..."
Duo didn't wait to hear the rest of the story, hearing only accident and Hilde in the same sentence. Terror began tearing at his heart as he threw the bag of barely distinguishable food at Heero and mounted the bike again. Without a second glance at Heero, he gunned the bike and left in a explosion of snow, wind whipping his braid back behind his head.
No, no, no, no, no! Hilde was fine, she was just fine! He couldn't loose her too, not her. He had lost too many people in his life, too many important people to him. She was his wife, his love, his life, his soul. She kept the demons away, she cared for him knowing his past. She was the light in his dismal world. He couldn't loose her now, not when he had only found her!
Duo felt something burn at the back of his eyes and recognized the sensation as tears. Surprise invaded him, but anguish soon took over. He had cried over Father Maxwell and Sister Helen that many years ago but hadn't since, promising Sister Helen he wouldn't anymore. Now tears once again spilled over his cheeks in hot waves, a shock against his cold, clammy skin.
The ride over to the hospital took no time at all because of Duo's reckless riding and dangerous short cuts, and not bothering to park the bike, rather just throw it down, Duo raced inside. Pushing aside some old ladies that were about to go up to the desk, Duo pounded on the desk harshly attracting the attention of the nurse.
The nurse, an attractive young woman, fluttered her eyebrows prettily at Duo and sauntered over to him, talking in a silky voice. "Yes? May I help you?"
Duo ignored her flirtations and looked wildly at her, anger bubbling over his terror. "Where is my fiancee?!" The nurse crinkled her nose and sat dejectedly in the chair. The good looking ones were ALWAYS taken!
Taking a calming breath, the nurse looked at Duo. "What is your fiancée's name sir?"
Duo growled at the condescending tone in the nurses voice. "Hilde Schwiker, but she might be in under Maxwell."
The nurse lazily typed in the name and scanned the list, stopping to read a line before looking at Duo with hooded eyelids. "There is a Hilde Schwiker here, she's in room 203 in IC. I do need a form of identification before you go...."
But Duo was gone, racing down a hallway full speed. All he could think about was Hilde lying in a hospital bed, tubes attached everywhere to her and her small form swallowed up in the bed. Duo forced down a cry of surprise when he rammed head long into Relena who was quietly exiting a room, sending them both flying.
Relena was the first to recover and quickly scrambled up, pulling Duo to his feet, tears of relief and guilt running down her face.
"Oh Duo! Thank God you're here!" Relena threw herself into Duo's arms and began sobbing uncontrollably. "She lost him Duo, she lost him! Oh God, she lost him Duo and she's hurt so bad! I don't know what to do!"
Duo was speechless. Lost who? Pushing back Relena, he held her at arms length and raised her head with his hand, staring intently into her face. "Lost who Relena?"
The tears coursing down Relena's face began to grow in volume and she threw her face into her hands, her shoulders shaking. "The baby! She lost the baby!" She muffled scream said and Duo was rooted to the ground. Baby? What baby? An even deeper dread worked it's way into his heart and he took hold of Relena's shoulders, shaking her harshly.
"What baby, Relena? What baby?" He demanded. Relena removed her head from her hands and sniffed, a frightened look flashing across her face.
"Your baby, Duo." she whispered fearfully, looking over his shoulder and spotting Heero's tall form running towards them. Tearing herself from Duo's hold, she ran to meet Heero, fresh tears falling from her eyes.
Duo couldn't breathe. His baby. His fiancee was going to have his baby but she lost him? His fiancee... His FIANCEE!
"Hilde!" Duo jerked open the door and ran inside. The door clicked shut softly behind him and for a minute he was plunged into darkness before his eyes adjusted. Scanning the room he found a small body lying in a bed, tubes snaking up from various machine's to embed themselves in the occupants skin. Dark hair fanned over the pillow and while her face was hidden in the shadows, Duo could make out cuts and bruises decorating her face. The once vibrant skin was now a deathly pale white color and her lips, usually a blood red, were a pale blue-red color. She looked the vision of death.
Duo had never been so scared for someone else in his life.
Walking quietly over to the bed he took one of Hilde's cold hands in his own, rubbing his thumb over her fingers, trying to put some warmth back into them. In the back ground a steady beep blended in with the sound of dripping liquid that was hooked to a tube embedded in her arm. As soon as he touched her hand, Hilde forced her eyes open and smiled at Duo, looker even paler at the effort.
"Duo," Hilde whispered, her voice barley audible. "I knew... you would... come."
"Shhhhh," Duo whispered, pressing a light finger to her lips. "It's okay now, just rest."
Tears began forming in the corners of her eyes and Duo felt a tide of anguish and pain race up to eat at his heart. Gulping, Hilde squeezed his hand and blinked at the tears.
"I'm... sorry... Duo... that I... didn't tell... you," Hilde forced out, a fresh wave of tears running down her face. Duo gulped hastily and squeezed her hand.
"It's okay baby, it's okay."
"No... it's not. I should have... told you. But I was... scared Duo, scared... you wouldn't want... him... or me anymore."
Duo felt his own tears begin to slide down his face but he made no effort to wipe them away or control them. He needed these tears, if only to show Hilde he cared. That he wasn't callous. That he loved her.
"You shouldn't have worried about that Hilde, I would love you no matter what and any child of ours would be part of you and a part of me. Don't ever think I wouldn't love you or our kids, Hilde, I always have and always will."
More tears ran down Hilde's face. "Really? But... what about... your plan?"
Hot anger at himself for making her think he wouldn't love her or their kids shocked him, but he didn't let it show. She would think he was made at her when it was just the opposite. He didn't deserve someone like her, she was too caring, too good for him. But he didn't want to loose her. Never.
"Never mind the plan, you're the most important thing to me Hilde, I thought you knew that." Duo took a deep breath and smiled shakily. "I am so sorry Hilde, I should have gone with you. This is all my fault."
A hoarse laugh erupted from Hilde's lips. "Nonsense... Duo. You had nothing... to do with... this."
Pain flared in Duo's eyes. "But if I had been there with you..."
"No... buts... Maxwell." Duo nodded reluctantly. Hilde smiled slightly and tugged lightly on his hand. "Hold me please... Duo, I'm cold."
Duo let out a shuddered sigh and nodded, climbing over her to lay next to her. Taking care to avoid her tubes, Duo gathered her in his arms and rested his chin on her head, taking a deep breath. She always amazed him that she always smelled like flowers and honey on a warm day, no matter when or where she was.
Hilde let out a contented sigh and snuggled deeper into Duo's arms. "Duo?"
"Hmmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Hilde."
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She died in his arms that night. The doctors explained to him that a bunch of internal injuries, as well as a burst blood vessel in her brain, caused her death. Duo knew better. It wasn't the truck, or the internal injuries, or even the burst vessel. It was him. He killed her.
Duo attended the funeral dressed in all black, the only other color on him was the watch meant for him from Hilde. Relena had handed it to him the morning after her death, crying water falls of tears. Duo wished he could have joined her but he wasn't capable. The only thing that was alive in him had died with Hilde that night when she lay in his arms. He could not cry tears of sorrow nor feel anything but the pain of his empty heart. He was dead. Not on the outside, he wasn't that lucky. No he was dead inside, where it mattered.
The watch hadn't left Duo's side since that day a week ago. He never let it out of his sight, afraid anything of her he had left would disappear if he didn't hold onto it as if his life beat in the little clock. The clock wasn't the part he treasured or depended on though, it was the inscription.
"Forever Yours
Until the End of Time
Hilde"
He read it over and over again, trying to see why she would love someone who killed her. But she did and she left him proof. Damnable proof.
They buried his son, Zachary Maxwell, with her. The little infant, not even fully developed, had died upon impact of the truck, heedless to his mothers attempts to protect him. Yet another life Duo had taken. Yet another cruel blow to an already shattered heart.
Duo had ignored everyone during the funeral. He didn't want their pity or sympathy or condolences, he wanted nothing but his wife and his son back. Yet even as Shinigami he couldn't bring them back, couldn't stop the pain killing him from the inside out. Duo long stayed after the funeral was over, telling everyone to leave him be. Even Heero, stubborn Heero, understood what he was saying and ushered his wife away, only a touch to the shoulder to tell Duo how sorry he was. Surprisingly it was enough, and Duo calmly stared at the headstone in front of him, reading again what it said. It was enough he supposed. Crouching over the freshly built grave, Duo thought about his life with Hilde.
Duo had once said to Hilde that without her he'd be lost. He didn't know what he would do without her and truthfully didn't know how he got along without her. He still didn't, but it didn't matter. He was without her again, and like he said he would be, he was lost. He didn't know where to go now, what to do. His love for her and her undying love for him had kept him alive this long, but he now only had one of the two. And one was not enough to endure this hard life.
Duo brought out the gun he had hidden in the folds of his outfit and stared at it like he had never seen it before. This gun had taken so many lives already, what was another one?
A gentle hand took the gun from Duo's grasp and Duo looked up confused to see Heero standing over him, a thoughtful look on his face. Glancing at the gun, Heero quickly threw it into the shrubs and crouched down next to the Duo and stared at the grave.
"Don't make her life a waste Duo. She made you human and taught you to live, don't kill her last present to you."
Duo nodded solemnly and traced a finger over the writing on the headstone, his mouth following the words.
"A beloved woman and mother, never forgotten and never not loved. Will always be missed." Duo turned bloodshot eyes to Heero, and swallowed a sob that was threatening to envelope him. "What am I supposed to do, Heero? She was my life."
Heero nodded and stared into Duo's eyes, no longer impassive but filled with emotion. "Live Duo, she wouldn't want it any other way."
Duo turned back to the stone. "Live."
Heero grunted and stood up. "Live," he confirmed.
Duo sighed and joined Heero standing. "I will, for now."
And he would, Duo promised following Heero to a car that was waiting. He would live only because she wanted him to live.
But he would be forever lost without her, his life would have no direction or purpose other than to fulfill her last wish. He was lost before her and now lost again without her.
He would always be lost.
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Owari
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::hides her head:: GOMEN!!! GOMEN!! I really didn't mean for it to end like that but my evil muse wouldn't let me finish it any other way. It actually told me to kill off Duo too but I put my foot down on that. That would just make the story suck even more than it does now. ::peeks out from between arms:: I know you all hate me, but would you all still review?? Please?? And I know it wasn't the best, but I warned you at the beginning This was my first attempt and well ::blush:: probably my last. I'm already cruel enough to Heero and Relena, why add another couple I can't do very well and torture? NEway, sorry for the ending but I hope it was SOMEWHAT good. Thank you for reading too!! ^.~
Authors Notes: Konichiwa minna!! Gomen, I've been gone a long time again haven't I?? Well my only really pathetic excuse I can offer you (I've used up all my others remember?) is that sometimes I can write like there's no tomorrow, other times... Well it takes me a day just to write "once upon a time". Sooooo..... there's my excuse!! ^_~ Anyway, this is my first Duo Maxwell/Hilde Schwiker(? sp) romance so don't kill me when it sucks!! ^.~
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of it's characters (don't I WISH!), I just used them to make a hopefully decent story. So please don't sue, I lost my pennies in the washer... ::sniff:: Dumb thing....! ;P
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"Lost"
A Gundam Wing Romance Fanfic
Copyright 00' By Jadet
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Soft snowflakes fell gently to earth from their nest in the clouds, bathing the ground in a blanket of white fluff. Everywhere children laughed and played in the soft snow, tilting their heads up to catch the snowflakes on their tongue's before throwing themselves head first into the white sea, creating snow angels of white dust. Mothers sat watching their children play, bundled up tight in winter coats and hats, their breath a ghost white mist as it escaped their mouths to float high in the sky. A slight fog swirled around lazily, making it hard to tell where the sky, enveloped in gray clouds, ended and the ground began. Couples walked along mitten in mitten, their cheeks rosy, bitten by the nip in the air.
The nip that was no end of torture to Duo.
Hilde couldn't help but laugh as Duo once again shivered visibly under three layers of coats, not to mention hundreds of layers of clothes, as they walked down the street hand in hand. Duo furiously glared at her mirth and growled through the slits between his two hats and four turtle necks, violet eyes flashing.
"What?!"
Hilde shook her head and chuckled. "It's not THAT cold Duo."
Hilde could hear Duo snort and watched amused as he removed his free gloved hand from its safe haven in his coat pocket and wave it around, motioning at the falling snow.
"You don't call -this- cold?" Another chuckle escaped Hilde's lips when Duo hurriedly put his hand back in its designated pocket, hunching his shoulders but still glaring at her for all he was worth.
With a sly smile, she removed her hood to her parka from her head and shook out her chin length blue hair, winking at her fiancee and controlling the laughter that was bubbling at the back of her throat.
"Nope!"
"Well... then you're just weird! It's freezing out here!" Duo grumbled and removed his hand from his pocket, grabbing his braid (the part he had access to that wasn't covered by hundreds of hats) and staring at it. Cocking an eyebrow, Hilde watched as Duo abstemiously petted it, glaring at its end. Before Hilde could ask about that he shoved the braid in her face, waving it around angrily. "See it's so cold its frozen my braid!" It had too, the end of it was covered in ice.
This time Hilde couldn't hold back her laughter. It felt so good to laugh after such an awful week of stress and wondering if she should tell Duo about her news. She still hadn't decided if she wanted to tell him, after all he DID have a five year plan or something like that that wouldn't allow any disruptions, and Hilde was worried how Duo would take the news. But pretty soon he would find out, she wouldn't be this small forever unfortunately.
[Think about that later, this is a vacation. And on vacations you're supposed to have fun!] She scolded herself, releasing Duo's hand and slipping her arm around his waist, sharing his warmth. Duo, accordingly, put his arm around her shoulders and leaned over to kiss her lightly on the head. Hilde sighed and leaned her head into his arm, wondering briefly how Duo would react.
Would he be happy? Would he be as apprehensive and scared as she was, or would he take after Heero's example and be the calm one? Or would he be angry? Hilde wondered unhappily. He had that five year plan he always went on and on about, how important it was and how it would be great once it was done, and how they just had to watch it till then. Hilde sighed and pushed back the tears threatening to roll down her cheeks. He HAD to be happy about all this, it was part of him too! He wouldn't just ignore her and the soon to be child, not like her father, Duo would be happy and supportive. Duo would be a good father. He would, he would, he would!
Hilde almost wished, for a second, that she wasn't pregnant. That the stress depriving her of her needed sleep and causing her to not to eat, would just disappear. She quickly pushed it aside however. That was a horrible thought, how could she think anything like that? She was growing hers and Duo's child within her, a mixture of his humor and looks and Hilde's smarts and spirit. The baby would be beautiful and full of light. How could she wish its existence away?
[You're just stressed, and this vacation will help tremendously] She convinced herself, and squeezed Duo's waist a bit, smiling. [You might as well as enjoy yourself]
And I will, Hilde decided and tilted her head up to look at Duo.
"Duo?"
Duo inclined his head slightly, gently steering Hilde away from a patch of ice. "Yeah?"
"How do you think Heero's going to react to Relena inviting us so soon after their kid was born?"
Duo grinned wryly. "Well since I bet he's had no sleep since the kid was born, and he already gets annoyed real easy, he'll probably kill us."
Hilde's laughter melded with the snow cascading down on them lightly, and Hilde hugged Duo closer to her, enjoying the scenery and him.
"Then it's a good thing we brought your gun."
Duo's laughter joined hers and danced along side the snow.
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Hilde yawned and blinked sleepily. It took her a minute to realize she wasn't in her own bedroom. Panic almost overwhelmed her until she noticed her and Duo's luggage across the room, finally reminding her where she was.
She was at Heero and Relena's, visiting for a week. They had arrived last night to a joyous Relena and a very grumpy Heero holding the most adorable baby girl in his arms. A baby that had made Hilde think it wouldn't be so bad after all. Even Duo had been overjoyed to meet Aiko Yuy, claiming that she was beautiful. Especially since she didn't take after her father too much except for the hair color. Hilde still couldn't help wincing over the memory of Heero's punch that barely moved his daughter but certainly sent Duo flying. To the far wall to be precise. They had had a good laugh over that to the obvious agitation to Duo.
Then Relena had showed them a room and as soon as Hilde's head had touched the pillow she had fallen asleep. She almost felt guilty she had fallen asleep so fast. Right before they went to sleep Duo usually liked to talk to her about matters that concerned him, how the business was going, ect. It was their time together, alone and not rushed. And Hilde didn't mind doing it for him, he enjoyed it and she found that he usually slept better afterward. It was worth the long nights. But she had been so tired, she didn't think she could have stayed up anyway.
Hilde smiled when Duo let out a loud snore and turned on his back, one of his well muscled arms falling onto his chest, coming to close on Hilde's hand and instinctively squeezing it. His braid, usually well kept and neat, had become a bit frazzled during the night and looked forlorn yet beautiful lying beside him. Thick locks of chestnut gold fell lightly over his forehead, and with his mouth hanging open, he looked like a sleeping child rather than a 21 year old man. Hilde could barely resist removing her hand from his hold and brushing the stubborn locks back, even though she knew it wouldn't do any good for they always went back to where they were. But she didn't mind because she considered it heaven, his hair always felt like silk under her fingers, golden silk of heaven as she called it. And the stubborn locks always gave her another reason to push back the silk because they never stayed where she put them. She didn't want to wake him though, so she stayed her hand where it was. She could fiddle with his hair later.
He was the most beautiful thing she could wake up to. He was everything she envisioned when she was imaging her future husband as a child. She loved him with all her heart and more, and she knew he did the same. She couldn't be happier.
[Well I could actually] Hilde thought, and frowned. [He's cutting off the circulation to my arm] That brought out a smile to her lips and she set out to removing her arm from his weight.
Carefully extracting her arms from where they were encircled around Duo's bare chest, Hilde yawned again and stretched her arms over her head, muffling a groan of pleasure that escaped her lips. Still blinking sleepily, she smiled and replaced her head on Duo's chest, running a light finger along his jaw line.
"Wake up sleepy head." She whispered, running her finger up to his nose and twiking it. Duo woke up with a grunt and sat up with a start, staring sleepily around the room. Hilde, thrown off when he sat up so quickly, sat up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, lying her head on her arm. "Good morning Duo."
"Wha..." Duo turned slightly and blinked through heavily laden eyelids, lifting a hand to rub it over his eyes tiredly. "Hilde? Where are we?"
Hilde snorted and smacked him on the back of the head lightly, gingerly getting out of bed so as to avoid Duo noticing the slight bulging of her stomach through the fabric. "We're at Heero and Relena's remember?"
Duo cocked his head and scratched his head. "We are?"
Hilde sighed and nodded, leaning to grab her slippers she had kicked under the bed the night before. "Yes Duo, we are. Don't you remember Heero punching you last night?"
The braided pilot smiled and smacked his hand against his other hand. "Oh yeah!" He suddenly became glum and rubbed a tender hand over his head where a bump had risen. "Heero didn't have to hit me so hard, ya know."
Hilde giggled and pulled on a robe that was sitting on the chair beside their bed. "You shouldn't have made that comment then."
"Well it's true, that'd be one ugly girl if she looked like Heero!" Duo exclaimed, following Hilde's example and putting on a robe over his boxers. "All I said though was that it was a good thing she didn't look like him, meaning she didn't look like a guy."
Hilde sighed and turned to face him, lying a cool hand on his cheek. "Do me one favor next time you decide to say something like that next time to Heero?"
Duo raised his eye brows but nodded. "What?"
"Don't."
Duo glowered and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well EX-CUSE me!" Hilde giggled and turned to head into the bathroom but was held up by Duo's soft but firm hand. "Hey wait a minute here!"
Hilde turned confused. "What?"
"You forgot my good morning kiss," Duo whined, trying very hard to look the act of a sad little boy. Hilde shook her head in amusement and leaned up on her tip toes to stare in his eyes, a wicked gleam in her eye.
"Too bad."
Duo pretended mock anger and seized her by the arms. "Now, now, that's not very nice. I want my morning kiss," he growled and looked up and down Hilde, grinning and licking his lips. "And I always get what I want." Hilde just glared and Duo's shoulders shrunk. "Please?"
Hilde held in her laughter and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Well OK, but just because you said please." She leaned in and gave Duo a passionate kiss, pulling back slowly and staring affectionately into his eyes.
Duo grinned. "Guess I'll have to say please more often huh?"
Hilde smiled and nodded, leaning in close to his ear. "You should see what I do when you say pretty please."
Duo grinned wickedly and opened his mouth to be cut off by a loud cry followed by a muttered curse from what sounded like Heero. Duo quickly closed his mouth and smirked at Hilde.
"Looks like our host just got up." Hilde also grinned.
"And his kid."
Duo and Hilde both laughed, Duo stopping first to kiss Hilde before jerking his head toward the door.
"Should we?"
Hilde sighed and removed her arms from around Duo's neck, grudgingly nodding.
"Suppose so."
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Hilde blinked in surprise at Relena's request. "Shopping?"
Relena nodded and shifted baby Aiko to her other arm, cleaning up a mess with the other. "Uh huh."
Hilde turned her head to the side and considered it. She could use a shopping trip seeing as she hadn't gotten anything for Duo yet for Christmas. This would be the time to do it since it was only her and Relena. The guys had offered to watch the baby in exchange for not having to be dragged along. Hilde smiled. Yes this was the perfect idea and time. Nodding, Hilde took the last sip of her coffee and rose to go put it in the sink.
"Sounds great Relena, when do you want to go?"
Relena frowned and handed the baby to Hilde so she could clean up the mess a bit better. "Well how 'bout right after I clean this up? Heero and Duo are watching football right now so we could sneak into their wallets and grab some extra cash before we go." Relena whispered, a wicked twinkle in her eye. Hilde laughed and rocked Aiko slightly.
"You're evil Relena."
They both laughed and talked about what they would do while they were out.
In the family room, Duo looked uneasily at Heero who looked almost as uneasy as himself. Gulping, Duo managed a strangled laugh.
"Wha... what do you think they're talking about?" Duo squeaked, running a hand through his hair. Heero shrugged but a nervous light came into his normal impassive eyes.
"Probably about how they're going to steal our money."
Duo glumly nodded and looked back at the TV miserably.
"Right."
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The shopping trip was a success.
They both had just enough money to spend shopping for themselves, their friends, their family. They both even managed to find something for their finicky husbands.
Hilde smiled and admired Duo's gift again. Gold gleamed dully under the gray sky and the clock's hands moved almost slowly to Hilde's eyes. She grinned and flipped the watch over and read the inscription for the hundredth time. Duo was going to love this, no doubt!
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Relena also admiring Heero's gift of a gold pen and very nice stationary. Relena had said Heero always complained about their pens at home and how the paper was too thin. This, Relena said, would make him happy. The paper was just right in thickness and the pen was guaranteed a life time, never to run out or break. All in all a very successful shopping trip.
Well except when Relena noticed Hilde's ever changing form and loudly demanded to know what was up. Very loudly which was why Hilde had to tell her so as to avoid the store owner kicking them out.
"I still can't believe Duo hasn't noticed!" Relena exclaimed for the hundredth time, grinning like an idiot. Hilde sighed and for the hundredth time nodded, smiling wryly.
"Well he's not the most observant guy out there...."
"But you're 6 months pregnant!" Relena screeched. "You LOOK pregnant, hasn't he noticed anything?"
Hilde blushed. "Well most of the time I have baggy clothes on, the other times Duo's a little... occupied."
Relena grinned. "Ahh, I see. So when are you going to tell him?"
Hilde winced and stepped carefully off the sidewalk onto the street they were about to cross. Relena's limousine was about a block away and to get there they had to tread carefully on the ice that coated the ground all around them. Hilde especially did not want to slip, it was said just the slightest jar to the baby in the final trimester could determine whether it would be normal or not. Hilde would not take that chance.
"Actually I was thinking about telling him tonight," Hilde ventured hesitantly, watching her footing and not Relena's face. She did not see the amusement on her face and therefore did not understand her laughter. Frazzled, Hilde took her eyes away from the ground to glare at her friend. "What's so funny?"
Relena shook her head, and wiped a tear from her eye, grinning at Hilde. "I'm just wondering if Duo's reaction will be like my Heero's. I swear he looked like he was ready to faint!"
Hilde laughed along with Relena, readjusting her grip on her packages. "I can't imagine Heero looking..." A sudden sharp wind whipped Hilde's hat off and made her stop mid-sentence and sigh. "Damn it." Looking at Relena she shrugged and gently set her stuff on the snow beside the road. "Gotta go get my hat, be right back."
Relena nodded and gratefully also put her packages down, rubbing her shoulders stiffly, squinting. When she spotted the hat, she pointed it out to Hilde. "It's right in the middle of that snow drift Hilde."
Hilde nodded and looked both ways across the street. "Thanks Relena, I'll only be a minute." Stepping cautiously off the curb, Hilde quickly made her way across the street and picked up her hat, brushing off stray snow flakes that had attached themselves to it. Satisfied nothing was wrong with it, she gently placed it on her head and began walking back towards Relena.
"Hilde, hurry!" Relena shouted anxiously, pointing toward a truck speeding down the street towards her. Hilde frowned and hurried a bit faster, a bit nervous at how fast the driver was going. Didn't he know it wasn't smart to go that fast on ice? He wouldn't be able to stop if need be, Hilde thought while keeping an eye on her footing. What if some little girl were to run across the street after a hat like her own? The truck wouldn't be able to stop in time and...
"HILDE!" Hilde jerked her head up at the terror in Relena's voice and tripped over a hidden notch in the ice. She fell the her knees and swore when a jagged piece cut her knee, anger flooding her mind. What in bloody hell was scaring Relena so much? She would have been across the street long before the truck could reach her and being distracted didn't help matters much... A trucks blaring horn was her warning and Hilde turned horror stuck to see the truck swerving to avoid a dog that had bounded into the street, sideswiping right at her. Terror filled every pore of her body and Hilde found herself unable to move as the truck came closer and closer.
Subconsciously she knew she should move and get out of the way but her body was frozen. It wouldn't move at all, no matter how much her mind yelled at it. The only thing she could do was turn her back to the truck and wrap her arms protectively around her midriff. The screeching got louder in her ears till that was the only thing she could hear besides her heart beat. And the baby's. Tears sprang to Hilde's eyes and she unconsciously held tighter to the watch she had forgotten to drop off with all her other stuff.
[Oh God Duo, I'm so sorry...]
And all there was was darkness.
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Duo groaned and hopped off his motor cycle he had borrowed from Heero, taking extreme care not to squash the burgers and fries any more than he already had. It was well known neither one of them could really cook so they decided not to torture themselves, electing Duo (he didn't want to try and take care of the baby by himself) to go get some good food. Well he got the good food, he just didn't know what condition it was in. That jump he attempted didn't go as smoothly as he had planned and the food, well, lets just say it had an interesting ride.
"DUO!"
Duo jerked violently and almost dropped the food, catching it just in time so it wouldn't be introduced to the snow again, and looked up confused as Heero came running towards him, Aiko tucked securely in his arms.
Something in Heero's eyes instantly made Duo forget his annoyance at the scare and feel a deep dread work its way into his heart. Something was wrong...
[Oh God, Hilde?]
Heero stopped in a skid in front of Duo, a serious look in his eyes. Duo took a reflexive step back and looked at Heero cautiously.
[Please God no...]
"Duo, there's been an accident," Heero explained, a concerned frown plastered on his face. "Hilde was hit by a truck when crossing a street and has been taken to the Saint Vincient Hospital, Relena's..."
Duo didn't wait to hear the rest of the story, hearing only accident and Hilde in the same sentence. Terror began tearing at his heart as he threw the bag of barely distinguishable food at Heero and mounted the bike again. Without a second glance at Heero, he gunned the bike and left in a explosion of snow, wind whipping his braid back behind his head.
No, no, no, no, no! Hilde was fine, she was just fine! He couldn't loose her too, not her. He had lost too many people in his life, too many important people to him. She was his wife, his love, his life, his soul. She kept the demons away, she cared for him knowing his past. She was the light in his dismal world. He couldn't loose her now, not when he had only found her!
Duo felt something burn at the back of his eyes and recognized the sensation as tears. Surprise invaded him, but anguish soon took over. He had cried over Father Maxwell and Sister Helen that many years ago but hadn't since, promising Sister Helen he wouldn't anymore. Now tears once again spilled over his cheeks in hot waves, a shock against his cold, clammy skin.
The ride over to the hospital took no time at all because of Duo's reckless riding and dangerous short cuts, and not bothering to park the bike, rather just throw it down, Duo raced inside. Pushing aside some old ladies that were about to go up to the desk, Duo pounded on the desk harshly attracting the attention of the nurse.
The nurse, an attractive young woman, fluttered her eyebrows prettily at Duo and sauntered over to him, talking in a silky voice. "Yes? May I help you?"
Duo ignored her flirtations and looked wildly at her, anger bubbling over his terror. "Where is my fiancee?!" The nurse crinkled her nose and sat dejectedly in the chair. The good looking ones were ALWAYS taken!
Taking a calming breath, the nurse looked at Duo. "What is your fiancée's name sir?"
Duo growled at the condescending tone in the nurses voice. "Hilde Schwiker, but she might be in under Maxwell."
The nurse lazily typed in the name and scanned the list, stopping to read a line before looking at Duo with hooded eyelids. "There is a Hilde Schwiker here, she's in room 203 in IC. I do need a form of identification before you go...."
But Duo was gone, racing down a hallway full speed. All he could think about was Hilde lying in a hospital bed, tubes attached everywhere to her and her small form swallowed up in the bed. Duo forced down a cry of surprise when he rammed head long into Relena who was quietly exiting a room, sending them both flying.
Relena was the first to recover and quickly scrambled up, pulling Duo to his feet, tears of relief and guilt running down her face.
"Oh Duo! Thank God you're here!" Relena threw herself into Duo's arms and began sobbing uncontrollably. "She lost him Duo, she lost him! Oh God, she lost him Duo and she's hurt so bad! I don't know what to do!"
Duo was speechless. Lost who? Pushing back Relena, he held her at arms length and raised her head with his hand, staring intently into her face. "Lost who Relena?"
The tears coursing down Relena's face began to grow in volume and she threw her face into her hands, her shoulders shaking. "The baby! She lost the baby!" She muffled scream said and Duo was rooted to the ground. Baby? What baby? An even deeper dread worked it's way into his heart and he took hold of Relena's shoulders, shaking her harshly.
"What baby, Relena? What baby?" He demanded. Relena removed her head from her hands and sniffed, a frightened look flashing across her face.
"Your baby, Duo." she whispered fearfully, looking over his shoulder and spotting Heero's tall form running towards them. Tearing herself from Duo's hold, she ran to meet Heero, fresh tears falling from her eyes.
Duo couldn't breathe. His baby. His fiancee was going to have his baby but she lost him? His fiancee... His FIANCEE!
"Hilde!" Duo jerked open the door and ran inside. The door clicked shut softly behind him and for a minute he was plunged into darkness before his eyes adjusted. Scanning the room he found a small body lying in a bed, tubes snaking up from various machine's to embed themselves in the occupants skin. Dark hair fanned over the pillow and while her face was hidden in the shadows, Duo could make out cuts and bruises decorating her face. The once vibrant skin was now a deathly pale white color and her lips, usually a blood red, were a pale blue-red color. She looked the vision of death.
Duo had never been so scared for someone else in his life.
Walking quietly over to the bed he took one of Hilde's cold hands in his own, rubbing his thumb over her fingers, trying to put some warmth back into them. In the back ground a steady beep blended in with the sound of dripping liquid that was hooked to a tube embedded in her arm. As soon as he touched her hand, Hilde forced her eyes open and smiled at Duo, looker even paler at the effort.
"Duo," Hilde whispered, her voice barley audible. "I knew... you would... come."
"Shhhhh," Duo whispered, pressing a light finger to her lips. "It's okay now, just rest."
Tears began forming in the corners of her eyes and Duo felt a tide of anguish and pain race up to eat at his heart. Gulping, Hilde squeezed his hand and blinked at the tears.
"I'm... sorry... Duo... that I... didn't tell... you," Hilde forced out, a fresh wave of tears running down her face. Duo gulped hastily and squeezed her hand.
"It's okay baby, it's okay."
"No... it's not. I should have... told you. But I was... scared Duo, scared... you wouldn't want... him... or me anymore."
Duo felt his own tears begin to slide down his face but he made no effort to wipe them away or control them. He needed these tears, if only to show Hilde he cared. That he wasn't callous. That he loved her.
"You shouldn't have worried about that Hilde, I would love you no matter what and any child of ours would be part of you and a part of me. Don't ever think I wouldn't love you or our kids, Hilde, I always have and always will."
More tears ran down Hilde's face. "Really? But... what about... your plan?"
Hot anger at himself for making her think he wouldn't love her or their kids shocked him, but he didn't let it show. She would think he was made at her when it was just the opposite. He didn't deserve someone like her, she was too caring, too good for him. But he didn't want to loose her. Never.
"Never mind the plan, you're the most important thing to me Hilde, I thought you knew that." Duo took a deep breath and smiled shakily. "I am so sorry Hilde, I should have gone with you. This is all my fault."
A hoarse laugh erupted from Hilde's lips. "Nonsense... Duo. You had nothing... to do with... this."
Pain flared in Duo's eyes. "But if I had been there with you..."
"No... buts... Maxwell." Duo nodded reluctantly. Hilde smiled slightly and tugged lightly on his hand. "Hold me please... Duo, I'm cold."
Duo let out a shuddered sigh and nodded, climbing over her to lay next to her. Taking care to avoid her tubes, Duo gathered her in his arms and rested his chin on her head, taking a deep breath. She always amazed him that she always smelled like flowers and honey on a warm day, no matter when or where she was.
Hilde let out a contented sigh and snuggled deeper into Duo's arms. "Duo?"
"Hmmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too Hilde."
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She died in his arms that night. The doctors explained to him that a bunch of internal injuries, as well as a burst blood vessel in her brain, caused her death. Duo knew better. It wasn't the truck, or the internal injuries, or even the burst vessel. It was him. He killed her.
Duo attended the funeral dressed in all black, the only other color on him was the watch meant for him from Hilde. Relena had handed it to him the morning after her death, crying water falls of tears. Duo wished he could have joined her but he wasn't capable. The only thing that was alive in him had died with Hilde that night when she lay in his arms. He could not cry tears of sorrow nor feel anything but the pain of his empty heart. He was dead. Not on the outside, he wasn't that lucky. No he was dead inside, where it mattered.
The watch hadn't left Duo's side since that day a week ago. He never let it out of his sight, afraid anything of her he had left would disappear if he didn't hold onto it as if his life beat in the little clock. The clock wasn't the part he treasured or depended on though, it was the inscription.
"Forever Yours
Until the End of Time
Hilde"
He read it over and over again, trying to see why she would love someone who killed her. But she did and she left him proof. Damnable proof.
They buried his son, Zachary Maxwell, with her. The little infant, not even fully developed, had died upon impact of the truck, heedless to his mothers attempts to protect him. Yet another life Duo had taken. Yet another cruel blow to an already shattered heart.
Duo had ignored everyone during the funeral. He didn't want their pity or sympathy or condolences, he wanted nothing but his wife and his son back. Yet even as Shinigami he couldn't bring them back, couldn't stop the pain killing him from the inside out. Duo long stayed after the funeral was over, telling everyone to leave him be. Even Heero, stubborn Heero, understood what he was saying and ushered his wife away, only a touch to the shoulder to tell Duo how sorry he was. Surprisingly it was enough, and Duo calmly stared at the headstone in front of him, reading again what it said. It was enough he supposed. Crouching over the freshly built grave, Duo thought about his life with Hilde.
Duo had once said to Hilde that without her he'd be lost. He didn't know what he would do without her and truthfully didn't know how he got along without her. He still didn't, but it didn't matter. He was without her again, and like he said he would be, he was lost. He didn't know where to go now, what to do. His love for her and her undying love for him had kept him alive this long, but he now only had one of the two. And one was not enough to endure this hard life.
Duo brought out the gun he had hidden in the folds of his outfit and stared at it like he had never seen it before. This gun had taken so many lives already, what was another one?
A gentle hand took the gun from Duo's grasp and Duo looked up confused to see Heero standing over him, a thoughtful look on his face. Glancing at the gun, Heero quickly threw it into the shrubs and crouched down next to the Duo and stared at the grave.
"Don't make her life a waste Duo. She made you human and taught you to live, don't kill her last present to you."
Duo nodded solemnly and traced a finger over the writing on the headstone, his mouth following the words.
"A beloved woman and mother, never forgotten and never not loved. Will always be missed." Duo turned bloodshot eyes to Heero, and swallowed a sob that was threatening to envelope him. "What am I supposed to do, Heero? She was my life."
Heero nodded and stared into Duo's eyes, no longer impassive but filled with emotion. "Live Duo, she wouldn't want it any other way."
Duo turned back to the stone. "Live."
Heero grunted and stood up. "Live," he confirmed.
Duo sighed and joined Heero standing. "I will, for now."
And he would, Duo promised following Heero to a car that was waiting. He would live only because she wanted him to live.
But he would be forever lost without her, his life would have no direction or purpose other than to fulfill her last wish. He was lost before her and now lost again without her.
He would always be lost.
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Owari
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::hides her head:: GOMEN!!! GOMEN!! I really didn't mean for it to end like that but my evil muse wouldn't let me finish it any other way. It actually told me to kill off Duo too but I put my foot down on that. That would just make the story suck even more than it does now. ::peeks out from between arms:: I know you all hate me, but would you all still review?? Please?? And I know it wasn't the best, but I warned you at the beginning This was my first attempt and well ::blush:: probably my last. I'm already cruel enough to Heero and Relena, why add another couple I can't do very well and torture? NEway, sorry for the ending but I hope it was SOMEWHAT good. Thank you for reading too!! ^.~