One Month after the Battle of the Five Armies

Thorin woke from a troubled sleep that mainly consisted of muffled faraway screams and heart wrenching cries. As he blinked in the sunlight that shone through his window the pain in his chest made itself known to him through searing jabs across his skin. He inhaled sharply as he lifted himself from the bed into a sitting position and held his wounds tenderly; the holes the arrows made still raw from the battle.

Birds chirped happily outside declaring the start of a new perfect day but for Thorin it was another day to face unwanted attention, questions, answers, bigger responsibilities and more than he could even imagine. He just wanted to leave it all behind and fall back to sleep and hope his dreams will be gentle and sympathetic to him.

He sighed and stood from the bed and slowly made his way to the bathroom and washed and dressed himself as fitting as a King should be. His hair was combed, his beard trimmed, his nails clipped, his hands clean but as Thorin stared at himself in the looking class, he saw everything else but what his title was describing him to be. He had to admit to himself he looked awful. His dark blue eyes were heavier than usual with exhaustion; his complexion had not regained its colour and his face had grown slightly thinner along with the rest of him due to a lack of appetite, making the gash on the side of his face more perceptible. Disgusted with himself he looked away and stormed out of his chamber do get on with his wretched Kingly duties.

Letters had to be answered, enquires from other Kingdoms had to be looked over, signing, re-reading over rules and regulations, meetings with the counsel; tedious tasks that will take up most of his time. He had been a King for one month; his coronation was two months away and even thinking of that made him want to throw up so he tried not to.

As he made his way along the long mountain path of the royal quarters he suddenly stopped outside a door to his right and stepped slightly closer. A soft agonising whimper sounded through the thick oak door and a lump in his throat pained him. Dis cried night and day for hours on end since she found out her youngest was killed. Pushing that thought out of his mind, Thorin quickly moved away and entered the entrance parlour of the royal chambers and there he met Balin standing in a corner with his hands folded in front of him as though waiting on someone.

"Good morning sire" he bowed but Thorin made a clicking sound with his tongue and refused his politeness.

"Please Balin" Thorin said slightly curling his lips into a smile, "we are friends."

Balin returned a warmer smile; a smile much welcomed, "As you wish lad"

Thorin nodded, "Are you waiting for someone?"

"You actually."

They began to walk through the mountain paths that connected with other winding ways that could take you on an adventure of your own. Thorin walked alongside Balin with his hands behind his back, his head down and eyes fixed on the stone floor.

"I have received a letter from your cousin Dain this morning"

"What does he say?"

"He seems to have invited you to stay-"

"In the Iron Hills?"

"I would seem so" Balin replied

"But he will be here for the coronation, why not ask then?" Thorin seemed puzzled, wondering why his cousin would invite him to the Iron Hills when knowing they would be able to meet in person in just two months.

"He's requested you visit before then for a few weeks; two at the most considering the preparations that need done. You know Dain, always organized and impatient. I suppose he wanted to invite you before you officially became King because when you do, the invites you will receive will be monstrous!"

Thorin's dark eyebrows grew together at the thought of it.

"But that's not really why I wanted to talk to you"

Thorin's eyes met Balin's.

"Well," Balin began and found it suddenly quite necessary to study a crack in the wall; considering his words carefully, "you know, Fili is your heir and if you are invited to the Iron Hills, Fill will need to go with you."

Thorin sighed and began to study a crack in the wall of his own, "He has not spoken to me since-" Thorin's words died suddenly when thinking about Kili. The image of his youngest nephew dead swam tauntingly in his mind; lying motionless in the dirt, pierced with arrows, pale and lifeless; his smile gone forever. He shut his eyes tight to push the image away.

"You need to talk to him-"

"I've tried" Thorin said quietly

"I think you need to try harder-"Balin said carefully.

"I am trying Balin!" Thorin snapped; suddenly angry at Balin telling him what he needed to do, as if he had not tried to speak to his nephew or sister for that matter. It was a difficult task to speak to people who wanted nothing more than your head on a spike. But it was also for the fact that Thorin just didn't want to see their accusing eyes glaring at him with hate and disappointment; glares he received far too often from his parents. He sighed again and dropped his head, "Forgive me, I-"

"I understand Thorin, I do."

Thorin nodded stiffly.

"Fili just misses his brother and adjusting to this new life without him will be extremely challenging for him. He's just grieving..."

Thorin stared fixedly at the crack on the wall again seeing nothing.

"...and you need to grieve too Thorin" Balin said softly

Thorin's eyebrows knitted together and he suddenly turned to Balin not knowing what to say. He opened his mouth slightly but nothing came out, so he turned back to the crack on the wall.

"I think there are many things you have not grieved for Thorin when you should have. I have watched you grow into the man you are today and whether you like it or not I know when you are struggling. I'm looking at you now lad and see that you are not coping. You're thinner, paler and honestly, you're lifeless. You're just walking around this mountain doing your duties as though you were a ghost. You are not ready to sit on the throne yet-"

"I have a duty-!"

"You have a duty to take care of yourself before you try and look after a bloody Kingdom!"

Thorin stared at Balin suddenly feeling like a little boy. Balin saw this vulnerability and put a hand on Thorin's shoulder for comfort.

"You are not well. Your wounds are not healing the way they should. You are not grieving and that scares me lad. If it was another other Tom, Dick or Harry I would not give two pickings but because it is you, because of the things you have been through, I'm scared you'll bottle it up and when it gets too much you'll crack"

"I'm fine Balin" Thorin whispered unconvincingly.

"And how many times have you told me that throughout the years? Hm? How many times have you told me you're fine when your own blood has been seeping from your body, when you have just woken from unconsciousness after your father had beaten you, are he cursed and humiliated you? When I know too damn well that you're not fine and you're just trying to protect everyone else but yourself?"

Thorin looked away trying to force back the tears from his eyes.

Breathless from his passionate and caring outburst Balin inhaled then exhaled to calm himself. He then reminded himself that he was standing before a young King who has and still is going through hell. He sighed and his words he spoke next were soft and gentle, "If you don't start to look after yourself Thorin you'll meet Aule long before your time."

Thorin stood there in silence thinking that maybe meeting Aule would not be so bad but as he looked at Balin and saw the old Dwarf's wise blue eyes fill with tears he felt guilty for even thinking it.

"I'll delegate some of my duties to others if that'll make you happy."

"Make yourself happy lad and healthy, that's all I ask."

Thorin stared at the fire embers that danced lazily in the hearth. He had been staring at them for ages and lost track of time. Night had fallen and the mountain had fallen quiet. He had considered Dain's request and decided it would be rude not to go to the Iron Hills, after all, Dain was his cousin and to a Dwarf, family was at the top of the hierarchy of priorities.

Family.

Thorin also decided that it would be rude not to bring Fili along. Dain was probably eager to meet Durin's heir but what was troubling Thorin about this thought was not actually asking Fili, but asking Dis. His sister had not spoken to him since she found out Kili had been killed. The moment Thorin told her, she collapsed in his arms and screamed the most heart wrenching scream Thorin had ever heard. He carried her to her room and had not seen her since then. He had tried of course to visit her, but her maids insisted that she wanted to be left alone. However Thorin was not unaware of the daily visits of others. He had a feeling his sister just didn't want to see him.

As for Fili, the young Dwarf made it very clear he did not want anything to do with his uncle. Lying and crying over Kili's cleaned and dressed body, Fili swore at Thorin and cursed him. At the time Thorin thought it was just overwhelming grief talking but as the days wore on, Fili still refused to see him and Thorin was beginning to suspect Fili had a hatred for him.

But hatred or not, Fili was his heir and he, Thorin, his King.

He placed his head in his hands at the thought of facing Dis. It will be tomorrow. I will ask her tomorrow.

Standing outside his sisters door Thorin breathed deeply in and out to try and compose himself. He felt nervous and the lack of sleep he had the night before did not help matters. He looked worse and the pain in his chest felt like a thousand daggers ripping through him. It was a month since the battle and he could not understand why his wounds were not healing properly.

He flexed his fingers and with one last deep breath he knocked the door three times. He pasted a firm mask on his features and waited.

A dwarf maid opened the door, clearly not expecting to see the King standing in front of her by the look on her face. She sounded a little yelp of surprise and quickly composed herself and did a little bow.

"My Lord"

Thorin respectively nodded and then spoke, "I wish to see my sister. Is she here?"

"Um- no, my Lord, Lady Dis is not"

"Where is she?"

"She- well- she" the dwarf-maid dropped eye contact then bit her lip. It was obvious to Thorin that Dis had instructed her maids to not tell anyone where she was but the dwarf maid knew that to lie to the King would be treason, she sighed in defeat, "she's in the forest, by the winding stream"

Thorin knew it well as they used to go there as Dwarflings. He thanked the Dwarf-maid for her honesty and left for the forest. On his way there he thought over and over about how he was going to ask her, how he was going to greet her. Should I smile at her? Should I not? He just did not know what to do. But before he could even think about it any more, he found himself just a few feet away from the destination and could see his sister sitting by the stream.

He waited a moment swallowing his courage. For a man who had fought in many battles and killed many souls; the challenge he faced now topped them all. He sighed and finally stepped forward.

Dis heard a ruffling sound and turned quickly to see her brother, the mighty King Thorin approach her. Her heart quickened in anger and she stood facing him; distancing herself. Thorin noticed how she stepped back a little and decided to stay put. The distance between them caused the atmosphere that surrounded them to grow tense; Thorin swallowed hard and was about to speak.

"What do you want?" she spoke first; her words sounding so hateful towards him. Thorin was taken aback by her hot glare that bore holes in him that for a moment his mind went blank.

He finally recovered and began to speak, "I- I just wanted to talk to you."

"Talk!" she spat.

"Dis" Thorin stepped forward but his sister backed away further.

"I swear Thorin, if you step one more foot towards me, I will hurt you. What do you want?"

Thorin stared at her then decided to get straight to the point, "I received a letter from Dain."

"So?"

"He wishes that I visit him in the Iron Hills."

"And why are you telling me this? As if I care?"

Thorin's heart started to beat a little faster with nerves, "I- I think it would be- fitting- if Fili would come with me" He brought his eyes slowly to meet hers and noticed a flash of anger in them.

"How dare you ask me this! How dare you!" she yelled and stepped closer. Thorin did not move.

"He is my heir and Dain-"

"He is my son! And he is not going anywhere with you!" Dis stepped closer; her fists bawled with rage at her sides and tears welling up in her eyes that so resembled Thorin's.

"Fili-" Thorin began but his sister was so engulfed with fury that she over spoke him.

"You have already taken one of my sons... you will not take another!"

Thorin felt a stab in his chest and a pain like no other he had ever felt ripped through him. Bewilderment roamed his features as he stared at his sister.

"I-" he was lost for words but Dis advanced further still; her presence growing more and more aggressive with anger and grief.

"Kili died because of you! My son died because of YOU! And I hate you for it! I hate you! And I almost lost Fili!" she cried hard as she screamed at Thorin.

Thorin stood fixed not knowing what to do or think. His breathing became quicker and a panic rose within. Dis was close now that if she reached her hand out slightly she could touch him. Her voice grew quiet as though in a whisper but it was malicious and full of spite.

"I blame you for Kili's death, just like I blame you for Frerin's."

This time the pain in Thorin's chest stabbed deeper and the hurt was almost unbearable but Dis kept going.

"I can't even look at you just like mother could not look at you after our little brother was killed, just like father could not look at you and now Fili can't even look at you!"

Dis turned and laughed hysterically then rounded back on Thorin and looked him up and down, "Look at you, King," she spat, "Your Highness, Majesty. Are you happy now Thorin? That you have got everything you have ever wanted? Even though my son had to die just so you could get your throne?"

For the life of him Thorin tried to keep his tears at bay. He swallowed hard and pasted a protective mask on, "Fili and Kili wanted to come on the quest" but unfortunately he could not control the hurt in his voice and it broke when he said Kili's name, "I forced no one."

"They were young; of course they would have wanted to go on this amazing adventure with their uncle to reclaim their true home. To them it sounded heroic and I begged you to not take them!" The viciousness disappeared from her voice and a pained desperation sounded from her instead but the anger in her eyes still flamed, "And I hate you!"

She stormed past Thorin and he spun around and grabbed her wrist, "Dis please-" But that was a mistake, for Dis slammed her fist into Thorin's chest. He yelled in pain, let go of her and doubled over holding his wounded body. The pain escalated and unable to support his weight he dropped to his knees. Dis did not turn back and Thorin was alone.

His protective mask vanished and the hurt exploded within him. He wept hard as his shaking hands held his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he wept, his words of apologies for Dis, for Kili, for Frerin and for Fili.

A/N Hey everyone again :) So what do you think? Did you like it? Poor Thorin... How are you feeling about Dis' anger towards him? Should she blame him? :'( So this is my new story and I'm sorry; I know you all love the Durin Trio but don't ask why I haven't included Kili in this :/ because I don't know either. Just bare with me and hopefully I'll develop something along the lines of enjoyable :) Thanks for reading :)