Hi! I just thought of this one. enjoy!

I don't own Artemis Fowl, if I did, Minerva would be dead, dying in some horrible morbid way.

Setting is sometime after the series.

The war with Opal was over, and Artemis had his memories back. And now what does a genius do with his life since his saving the world days are over? That's right, go to the library. So here he was, at the library. He thought he saw a book with his name, by a man named Eoin Colfer. But he quickly forgot about that when a little boy came up to him and gave him a lollipop.

"But I don't like lollipops." Artemis said

But the little boy was nowhere in sight. Well, I'll just give it to someone, thought Artemis. He spotted 3 girls, and one of hem was wearing shirt that said 'give me your lollipops minions!' And even though Artemis knew he certainly was not a minion, he walked over. The lollipop shirt girl looked up at Artemis and the lollipop in his hand and said to her friends,

"I told you this shirt would bring me more lollipops!"

Artemis stopped in front of the 3 girls and said "Would you like this lollipop?"

"NO! I DON'T LIKE LOLLIPOPS!" The girl with the 'bring me lollipops shirt'.

"Yep, and I don't like the number four." Her friend on her left said.

This time the girl on the right spoke up. "And you both don't like," she cleared her throat, took a deep breath and said, "demon-kidnapping, Nobel-piece-prize-winning, blonde-corkscrew-curls-having, Quantum-and-psychology-degree-having, winner-of-national-spelling-bee-at-age-4,nice-glasses-having,French-girls-named-Minrerva-Paradizo-who-ran-off-with-a-skier-in-the-Alps-Maritime*."

The 3 girls smiled at him innocently.

Artemis was furious, and his protective side was showing.*

"Who. Are. You. And. What. Do. You. Know. About. Minerva. Paradizo?" He said through gritted teeth.

"Tsk, tsk. Well we'll break down your splendid question, and answer it step-by-step!" The way the girl on the left said it, Artemis thought she sounded like some character in Juliet's favorite book series. Ellen or something...Effie, that's it.

"Right then." said lollipop girl, "'Who are you?!' Who are we? People! Who are you? Artemis Fowl, obviously very protective of Minerva, though you shouldn't be. 'I'm Minerva and I'm so great because my IQ is sooo high! And I'm so pretty, I'm so great because won the national spelling bee at age four. Minerva this, Minerva that, Minerva Paradizo is crap!" She said mockingly.

The girl on the right said, "'What do you know?' Well a lot, we know the conservation of energy, how to do algebra, who the freakin' frond, Osiris is. 'What to you know about Minerva Paradizo?' Oh! More specific! well enough for blackmail!"

Artemis glared at her. And frond is his glare scary.

"Yep. We know her life story...how her mother ran off with the gardener, how Justin Timber-guy plays at her birthday parties, how her father technically called her a care bear, and so much more!" She said, the end sounding exactly like Effie, Artemis thought to himself.

"Oh and you! Well we know so much about you too! Now how could you get a 99% on a test. A petty decimal rounding? Oh come on Artemis! You're better that that. Or are you?"

"Checkmate Mr. Fowl, oh now you lost at chess too." The 3 girls stood up and walked out of the library, but not before lollipop girl took Artemis's Lollipop.

Deep underground, Foaly sat in the OPs booth laughing his hooves off.

"Holly! Commander Kelp!", he shouted, "I think I got a video to show at the LEP's annual party!"

How was that?

*I went ot the wiki to finf information on Minerva, and it said that Colfer revealed that she wouldn't be in the Atlantis Complex because she was involved with a skier in the Alps Maritime.

*I know Artemis probably doesn't have a protective side, but this time he does!

Artemis Fowl forever!

-Randomosity4arty