EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED

by Mia Desiree

Author's Note:

Welcome! I posted this story few months ago but my stories got accidentally deleted and when I realized it, they're already gone from the recovery. Moreover I also lost my laptop along with all chapters I've written. But here we are again. I know the story might start as Dean/OC but rest assured she will end up with Castiel. She also might appear as borderline Mary Sue to some of you but there will be explanation for that. After all, with great powers come with great responsibilities and consequences. Just stay tune and you'll find out! ;)

This story will follow closely to the general cannon story line but there will be changes because of her presence and some episodes might not be covered in this story or just mentioned in passing. There will be lots of other original characters as well appearing in the story.

Disclaimer: Supernatural and its associated characters is sadly not mine.

Readers, I do hope you enjoy the story and when you do, please don't forget to drop a review. I'd loved to hear your opinion. It really motivates me to keep writing.

Happy reading!

All Lives Must End, All Hearts Are Broken

Death was not a strange matter for Elaine. Not a day had gone by without her soaking her hands with blood of the monsters she killed and the victim she failed to save. After all she had been a hunter for a very long time. She had survived the death of her close fellow hunters, her best friends. There were griefs but it was always brief. It passed away so quickly that it never bothered her or clouded her judgement during hunting. Naturally she thought she could handle it. She had witnessed the outcome of people who made a deal with demons, knowing what the inevitable would be.

Then Dean died and everything changed.

She should have realized that she was not as strong and stubborn she thought she was. The forewarning was everywhere around her, following her in forms of other hunters. She had witnessed how blinded they were for revenge sometimes, how deep they fell after losing someone very important to them. But she was too stubborn, too caught up in her denials. Elaine thought she could save him. She put too much faith on her agreement with demons, thinking she could push them to drop the deal.

How stupid she sounded that time. This was Dean Winchester. How could she even think they would just let him go because she asked nicely?

So she tried every single thing she could think of, because this was Dean. He was the one existence she could never be able to run away from─ the only one that could distract her from anything. From the first time she met him until his imminent death─ no matter what he had done, how he hurt her until the end─ Dean always occupied a large portion of her heart. He was her first love, her only weakness.

Not that there was something official between them. Elaine could count days when they were actually spending time together properly without any case or secret questioning. Just them enjoying a break off of hunting life. After all Dean Winchester didn't do relationship. He never believed in commitment outside his family. No matter if she was also a hunter and didn't need protection. For him, it was more of a string of convenient hook ups, where he didn't need to come up with fake identity or poor excuse to leave in the morning. She knew who he was and what he did for living.

'They' started on the night of 'house warming party' they set up to eliminate suspects of their case. It was in a close tight suburban neighborhood and the only way to get in was them working together and pretended to be newlyweds moving in together. Somehow they ended up drinking together out of frustration from dealing with their too shiny neighbors and that led to a proper christening of their new master bedroom. Oh she could still remember how awkward it was on the next morning without alcohol influence and they agreed not to speak of it again even if it was the best sex they both had.

They hooked up again after they found and killed the shape shifter. And again when they accidentally run into each other again, tailing after the same case again, a week after that. They were arguing on who deserved to get the case and it ended up with them having sex on the back of his Impala.

That was how it was between them. In a twisted way, yes they did have a relationship. There were nights when they only cuddled in bed, told each other about their latest hunts. If she was lucky, Dean would start talking about his family and she knew new thing about him. Sometimes it astound her how the ruthless, aggressive hunter like Dean Winchester who had obvious distaste against 'chick-flick moment' was able to give her comfort and peace when holding her on his arm. But she never voiced it out loud to him. He would jump out of the window faster than lightning if she did that. There was no commitment between them but they knew not to flirt with other people when the other was around. Jealousy was never a good thing for them to come up during their hunting. They fought, made love, went out on a date, and even celebrated Christmas and New Year together.

Those were the best memories for her, something to hold on every day, even after they got into a huge fight and ended up not talking to each other for two years. But now she would give out everything just to erase those memories. Anything to stop those nightmares from attacking her nights. Anything to remove the guilt and regret that had been eating her from inside. She couldn't sleep without thinking what Dean had to endure in Hell, things that could destroy a human soul and transformed them into a demon, and how no one held the power to save a human soul from Hell.

Even the possible scenarios to reunite with Dean sounded far too stretched. The chance to find Dean herself in Hell when her time came was slim to none. There were demons in there out for her blood, gleeful to have a chance to torture her, and too many souls resided in Hell. Even when she had eternity in Hell to find Dean, she highly doubted she could sneak around as she wishes. Waiting for Dean's soul transformed into a demon and was let out of Hell was impossible. It took years─ hundred even─ for a human soul to mutate and she would already be dead by then.

Dean died and what once part of her life she treasured most turned into something that haunted her forever.

When she joined a group of hunter in Colorado, Elaine never thought her life would turn upside down by a low level demon. The group called her in, telling that they had a demon trapped under their Devil's Trap but still didn't budge from their interrogation. They didn't want to exorcise him, not yet. At least until he spilled out what the hell was going on right now. "I need a moment alone with the demon," she immediately said while stepping into the room, halting the interrogation. The demon was grinning and enjoying how the hunters did not have enough means to make him talk. Holy water was painful but it wouldn't fatally hurt him and exorcism only imprisoned him in Hell for a bit. With so many demons walk freely on Earth, it was easy to summon another demon in here. In the end, all these threats the hunters sending out to him were useless. There was nothing they could do to scare him and even they came to realize it now.

"He won't budge, even under you, Corbett."

Elaine glanced at their prisoner whose eyes lit up in recognition when the hunter called her name, before turning to face the hunter who just spoke to her. "Just because you have more years on experience, O'Donnell, doesn't mean I'm not better than you. Who did you always call when you're stuck, hm?" She watched as he struggled not to say anything because both of them knew how true it was. He grudgingly stepped away from the smirking demon and signaled his team members to do the same. "Now leave me alone. I'll get what you need to know."

"The famous Elaine Corbett decides to grace me with her presence," the demon drawled. "Am I supposed to be scared now?"

"Oh you can choose not to," she pulled out an engraved blade from inside her jacket. "but I suppose you might recognize this." she added when she noticed the narrowed look from him. "You demons had been trying to hide these weapons away from hunters for centuries, I heard."

The demon growled. Gone was the pretense smirk on his face. "You lied!" he snarled. That woman might be well known among his kind for various reason─ he had heard whispers of how she managed to snag important knowledge about demons in exchange of almost nothing. Surely his fellow demon wouldn't be so stupid to let her have that weapon. Those things were heavily guarded down there and only few could enter the treasury as they pleased. He didn't believe any of those few willingly gave it to her. She must be bluffing. That blade- no matter how strikingly familiar it was- couldn't be an original.

"Am I?"

She twirled the blade before slashing at his shoulder, causing him to scream in pain. He didn't need to look at his wound to find sparks of his demonic energy there. Fuck. How did that weapon ended up in her hand, of all people? And why didn't he hear of this before? He glared at her, while trying to control his breathing. With that weapon on her hand, the game had changed tide. If he made a wrong move, he would lose the upper hand and possibly his own life. He had to think quickly, how to make her hesitate on killing him. The other hunters seemed to be clueless on why demons suddenly roamed freely on earth, but he doubt so did she. If she was also clueless, she wouldn't send other hunters away. No, she knew what happened but there was something she wanted to know. Something that she was afraid to let others to know.

"Who lead you now?"

He stared at her, disbelief on what she said, and then snorted. "Are you that clueless?" He asked, sneering. "What makes you think we have a leader?"

"Maybe because I know Azazel is the one behind this scheme and the Winchesters already killed him. He planned to raise a demon army, for whatever reason, and I know his golden child refused to take over his responsibility. So who is your general now? Is it Lilith? Is she going to continue what Azazel planned?"

His expression morphed into a scowl, hearing the name of the first demon. "How did you know about her?"

Elaine sighed. "When did you demons ever learn? I always know everything." She circled the demon around before settling down behind him and pressed the blade on his neck. "I'm really cranky lately so I advise you: don't play games with me right now. One stupid move, one wrong answer," she leaned to him and whispered lowly, "and you're a dead demon. Who. Is. Your. Leader?"

He hissed in pain when she pressed her blade closer, drawing blood slightly. "And even if you know who our leader is, if there is one, do you think you can save him?" he snapped, "there's nothing on Earth that could save him from his fate. Dean Winchester is already a dead man walking!"

"What?" Her blood ran cold hearing his name mentioned. Her grip on the blade slightly faltered but she managed to keep it steady. Why did the demon associate Dean with death? Did something happen to him? Bobby didn't even mention something wrong with Dean on their last call. "What did you just say?" Her voice slightly trembled as she tried to ignore the instinct to just run him through with her blade.

His eyes widened in horrid realization. Cursed his brain for not thinking right! How could he even speak about him? The demon closed his eyes in resignation for that blade to plunge through his chest... but nothing happened. That was weird. He should be dead right now, unless... His smirk returned and posture straightened. She had no idea what happened to Dean Winchester few days ago. "How about that," he drawled, "there's actually something Elaine Corbett doesn't know about Dean─" he screamed out in pain when Elaine stabbed him on his stomach. "You fucking bitch!"

"Don't even think you can play yourself out of this," she hissed, "What the hell did you just say about Dean Winchester?" When he hesitated for few seconds, Elaine stabbed him again on his knee, eliciting another scream of pain from him. "What did you do to him?!"

"He made a deal, okay?! He made a fucking deal to bring back Sam Winchester from death! He will die in a year and there's nothing you can do to save him!"

Her eyes widened in shock. Elaine could feel her insides turned cold and her heart clenched painfully as she heard his answer. What did he just say? Dean did what? That couldn't be true. How did it─ no, the demon must be lying. Dean couldn't have only a year to live. This was just a trick to distract her and buy more time to save himself. She glanced at the demon who started to regain his composure. For a small fry demon, he sure knew a lot about her and Dean. But he wouldn't dare to lie about it. He did seem shock at himself for blurting out earlier. She still remembered his pale expression matched with hers just as he mentioned Dean's name.

But… if he really was telling the truth then… then why didn't Bobby tell her before? He had many chances to tell her without Dean knowing. He, of all people, know about her and Dean, how she always kept a track on Dean. Why did he keep it away from her? Did he think she couldn't handle the news? "Who hold his contract?" Her voice trembled slightly mixed with anger and fear.

This time she didn't need to use her blade again because he quickly answered, "I don't know! I swear! But I think it's Lilith. She has all the crossroads contract last time I heard. That's all I know!" He heaved out a relieved sigh when Elaine seemed to believe him and took a step away from him again. Just when he started to calm down and gained confidence on his plan, the female hunter spun around quickly and plunged her blade right into his heart.

Elaine stared down the demon corpse coldly before stalking out of the room and the bunker. She ignored the other hunters' enraged shouting when they found out she killed their hostage, and frantically dialed down Bobby's number. "Tell me it isn't true," she begged right after the line connected. "Tell me Dean is fine and the demon is just baiting on me," she stopped him in the middle of his babbling. The similar pain on her gut she felt earlier when the demon spoke of Dean's deal returned again when there was only silence from the other side. It was really the truth. The demon didn't lie to her. Dean was really going to die. A sob escaped her lips as she spoke again, "what the hell happened there, Bobby?"

The first few weeks after Dean died, she blamed everything on him. He caused this to himself. Not her or Bobby or Sam. Hell, not even Ruby who messed up everything in the end. It was all his. He died. He left her. She had tried everything to save him and every single time he shot down all of her idea. He never believed in her. Ever since she found out about his deal, when she decided to help them out on a case to reconnect with him, he avoided her completely, like she was a plague. The words that came out from his mouth since then were out of hatred and anger─ as if in his eyes, she was nothing more than a monster.

Elaine admitted that what happened that night in Seattle was partially her fault. She should have told Dean to see what he wanted, instead of making the decision herself. But at least he should understand that all she wanted was to protect him. At the very least, he should give her the benefit of doubt instead of accusing her for being involved in his dad's disappearance. He always voiced out his disgust that she was willing to work with demons and monster, but to use that as a base to blame everything on her... he should have known better.

Everything was different now that she knew what was on stake if she failed. It was easier in the past to play both sides and manage to stay afloat when she had no personal vendetta to accomplish. Now she had to hunt down more demons but carefully. She had to find out who actually held Dean's deal. Few demons said it was Lilith but she didn't believe them. At least not until she could find out why that demon wanted Dean's soul really badly that she ordered her lackey to give him only one year. But Elaine knew if she made a wrong move, both Dean and Sam died. Every day she had to handle pressures from the other hunters who wanted to know what the hell was going on, from Sam who always checked on her if she already found a loophole or not, and from Dean who demanded her to stop trying to help him out.

Imagine her surprise when she stepped out of the elevator and found a familiar back barely hidden inside her apartment. Her face immediately lit up, complete with a smile for the first time in weeks. The tiredness she felt earlier and her desire to draw herself a long, relaxing bath instantly disappeared. This was the first time he approached her... on his own term. She was finally able to be alone with him again after two years without any interruption.

"Let me guess," Elaine spoke out, causing him to turn around, "Bobby?"

"He's the only one I know who keep tabs on you," Dean walked out of the shadow, looking around, "I see you kept the layout and furniture."

Her smile widened with a slight blush, knowing that he still remembered her old apartment, "well, I was feeling a bit nostalgic at the moment." She took off her heels and put down her bag. Then she approached him─ causing Dean stiffened at their close proximity─ and sighed before stepping away to keep a distance. "You're not here to rekindle memories, I guess."

"What the hell do you want from me, Corbett?"

Now he always avoided calling out her first name and his tone always filled with anger and distrust. She even noticed him looking around her apartment in wary, as if he believed she was hiding a demon inside to jump on him.

"What makes you think I want something from you, Dean?" she asked, feeling the weariness returned again. How foolish of her to think that he was here to forgive her.

Dean trained his eyes on her as he moved closer to her until they were few inches apart. "You were literally gone from my life since Seattle two years ago and suddenly you dazzle in as if nothing happened? You know I'm not going to do anything with my deal yet you keep giving hope to Sam. I know when someone needs something from us and I can smell it from you miles away," he hissed, "so tell me what the hell you want and leave us alone."

There it was again. It always came back to two years ago for Dean. She had been careful not to mention that night, not even to Bobby, in hope they could make a fresh start again. Yet it kept haunting her back. "Dean─" she raised her hand to touch his cheek when his hand shot up and grabbed her wrist in place, and sighed. He always went to his defense mode whenever she tried to touch him. How could she change his mind if even her touch was disgusting for him? "Believe it or not, Dean, I really don't want anything from you. I just want to help."

"Is that it now? You come back because you heard my deal and now you take a pity on me?" He asked, sounding angrier every second, "I don't need it, Corbett!" He slapped her hand away, a bit more forceful. "Stay away from my deal!"

"I don't pity you, Dean. For God's sake, let me help you! You know I can help. I knew demons, Dean, you know that. I can─"

"You can what, huh? What makes you think your friends," he spat out the last word in distaste, "will help you willingly? If someone messes up this deal, Sam dies. I'm not going to let my brother dies because some idiot refuses to get that SHE IS NOT NEEDED!"

Elaine flinched when hearing that. "Then what about me, Dean?" she whispered, choking in her tears, "Am I supposed to just take a step back and let you die just like that? Are you expecting me to watch the man I lo─" she stopped abruptly, knowing what she almost confessed. "I know that you do this because of Sam, but Dean, please─ For God's sake, please think of yourself first sometimes."

Apparently her plea didn't work anymore to him because now his jaw was clenched tight, a sign that he tried not to release his anger. "Sam is the only family I have left and you want me to think of myself above him?"

"Fine!" she shouted back, the feelings she held back for weeks had been unleashed. She had done everything, anything to make him understand his situation affected everyone around him. "Then think of Sam if you left him! Think of him living a life that cost his brother's life! Do you think he can just move on like that, Dean? Do you think he can just accept you died and do nothing? What if those demons taunt him or Bobby or me about your doomed life in Hell? What if they tricked us in hope we can save you from Hell? There are demons out there, out for Sam's blood! Not to mentions hunters didn't trust you and Bobby anymore. You saw what Gordon tried to do to him. So yes Dean, I want you to think of yourself. I want you to be selfish!"

Her breaths labored and short as she stared at him with wide eyes and her tears streaked face. When Dean didn't make any move to either reject her or something else, Elaine stepped forward and touched his hand slightly while watching his reaction. He glanced towards their touching hands but no other response so she curled her hands around him. "We'll find a way," her voice dropped down, slightly hoarse from shouting just now, "please, for you and Sam. We can save both of you." Just as she thought he would agree with her, Dean seemed to snap out of his stupor and stepped away from her. Desperate to hold him back, to make sure he wouldn't slip away from her again, Elaine reached out for his hand again, "Dean─" but he grabbed her hair instead and twisted it painfully.

"Listen to me carefully, Corbett. I don't want your help and you are not going to do anything with my contract." He grabbed her other hand who tried to struggle her away from him, "you mess it up and I'm going to hunt you down. I will torture you worse than any demons or monsters ever done to you and I will enjoy it. Got that?" When she refused to answer, he shook her body, "Corbett!"

"No! I told you I'm not going to just let you die like that!"

"You─!" His hand itched to grab the gun hidden on his back and shot her so he could be done with it but being on this apartment with identical layout as the one two years ago, it clouded his mind. It reminded him of times he spent in there, the time before his father missing and all he worried about was his father finding out his secret adventures with Elaine. In one side he was actually happy to know someone outside his family cared for him but on the other side, he couldn't forget what she had done two years ago. Seeing her tears, how she seemed to genuinely want to help him, only made him doubting his decision. Did he do the right thing to keep pushing her away? But then he remembered what happened, why they never saw each other again, and his resolution was returned. This had to stop."Keep away from us. You don't want to mess up with me, Corbett. Trust me." And he quickly stormed away from the apartment, before he changed his mind about her. Again.

"Dean! Don't leave, Dean!"

Yet she couldn't walk away that night and leave him to his fate. Not this time. She let him leave her door that night in Seattle and it almost ate her alive. Elaine didn't want to imagine how she would feel when he left her forever. He wasn't ready to leave and she wasn't ready to lose him and nor did Sam. Even though every fact screamed out that it was impossible. No one ever broke a soul contract, not completely and never on their term. There was always a catch if one wanted to change term on their contract. Other than her, she had never heard anyone who managed to have enough leverage to bargain with the crossroads demon. Dean, especially, would rather die thousand times than become a demon's lackey, as he graciously pointed at her numerous time before.

At least this time she had Sam and Bobby on her side, each having their own research to find a way. More people to work out how to keep him here. This time she would not let Dean slip away from her fingers. She would not let any demons took him away from her.

Elaine was not going to lose him.

Or so she believed. Despite everything she had done, she couldn't save Dean. Until his last day, Dean still didn't trust her and decided on his own way to confront Lilith. Did she deserve a cold shoulder after what she had done three years ago? Elaine couldn't believe how completely blinded and stubborn Dean was. She had tried to prove it to him, over the year, that she really had no hidden agenda other than trying to protect him. Was it so wrong to accept her help that she had to beg it to him?

"You okay?" Bobby asked quietly, almost startling her.

Elaine only shrugged her shoulder. Her watery eyes still fixated on the fresh hole they just dug up for Dean. This was it. Few more minutes after this and she wouldn't be able to look at his face. There wouldn't be any miracle to come, not that she believed in God. Dean was gone. His soul was probably sent to Hell already and the torture had started by now. He would become a demon after hundred years of endless tortures, give or take few tortures.

She had lost him.

"I still believe we should burn and salt him." He spoke out again, still upset that the other two went against his advice. It was a common sense among hunters. Never to let an unattended corpse since it could return as a ghost or something else.

"It's Sam's decision, Bobby. He's the real family in here." Not that her opinion would matter to Sam. That boy had ignored her completely after throwing tantrum on how useless she was. Had it not been for Bobby, she doubted she would be allowed to stand few feet away from Dean's body or even touch it. "Six months are long enough for him to give up."

Bobby heaved out a sigh, "yeah still..."

None of them wanted to make a burial ceremony for Dean─ the sooner they couldn't see his body anymore, the better. Sam was very bristled when she approached the coffin for her final farewell. Bobby had to make sure he had a strong grip on the boy when Elaine kissed Dean's cold lips because Sam looked like he was ready to snap her neck with his bare hand. Not that she blamed him. She had promised him so many times over the year that she would save Dean, elevating his hope so high and she just slammed it down to pieces. When Elaine finally stepped away from the coffin, Sam shrugged Bobby's grip on him away and pushed her out of way before crouching down to close the coffin.

The burial process ended fairly quickly─ they gave him a simple grave without any fancy stone or anything, only a wooden cross to mark where they could dig up his body later, and Sam immediately walked to the Impala and drove away without saying any words, not even goodbye, to them. Elaine didn't have any will anymore to turn around and follow him. If Sam didn't want to spend time with them anymore, then let him be. She had had enough to save anyone without her consent anymore. If Sam wanted to be on suicide mission, then she wouldn't make a protest against it. She was too exhausted already, physically and mentally.

Everything she had done and sacrificed this past year had gone to waste.

"Aren't you going to chase him?"

"I don't care."

Bobby stared at her full of worry. Her tone was hollow and her eyes were vacant─ the signs were too familiar for him. He had seen it in the mirror for days after his wife died, right before he fell into depression. "You wanna talk about it?" He would be damned if he let her go down to the same path with him.

"No."

"El..." Bobby sighed.

"I said no, Bobby."

Elaine kept her gaze trained at his grave even though she had no idea why she was still standing here. Was she expecting Dean to return alive this soon so she could help him out? That was some miracle that could never happen. Not to her. Dean was gone and left nothing behind for her─ no goodbyes or even a closure, only a gaping hole in her broken heart. Nothing in this world could take this numbness away from her. Now she had to carry this regret and anger with herself forever.

She would never see his loop sided grin or rile him up until he spluttered out and leave. There would be no point on keeping a pack of beer on her fridge or making a pie once a while, hoping for him to visit her apartment. He would never come back anymore. She heard what Lilith said when that demon tortured her. Lilith needed Dean in Hell. There was no way Lilith would let him go that easily. Even if Dean managed to somehow get out from Hell, then what? Would she even able to see him, to be with him again? Would he even forgive her and let her stay? But deep inside, she knew she didn't care about that. She didn't care if Dean returned with his hatred on her intact.

Oh how she would give anything as long as he was alive. She didn't even care if she wasn't allowed to see him again. All she wanted was for him to not dead.

"Don't leave me, Dean..." she whispered, "please don't leave me alone in here."

Please tell me what you think :)