Dear Mother in heaven,

you told me to abide in Him.

you don't bring me flowers anymore

A Kanako Miyamae fanfiction

Chapter 2

8:47 pm

"Ah...?"

Tonomura-sensei looked over at Kanako's medical certificate, looking a bit shocked as she reread the contents again. It was accompanied with a letter from Kanako's doctor, to which Kanako couldn't really understand due to all the medical terms that he had used. Of course, being Ame no Kisaki's infirmary nurse, Tonomura-sensei knew much, and her face was crestfallen.

"High blood pressure...it's a symptom, I see," Tonomura-sensei frowned. "No wonder you nosebleed easily."

"I-Isn't it because I'm a bit too extreme in imagining things...?" Kanako nervously laughed.

The nurse shook her head, putting the sheets of paper on her desk as she relaxed into her chair. "Not at all. Extreme imagination merely contributes to your high blood pressure. And your doctor limits your clopidogrel specifically because of your pressure."

Kanako bit her lip. So she has another thing. High blood pressure. It's like a contributing condition. Kanako might as well be a doctor's dream, or a nightmare.

"Well, Takayasu's Arteritis can't be helped. You'll have to come to the infirmary each day so that I can monitor your health. Don't get too flustered when it comes to shocking experiences, or if it can't be helped, have a friend next to you so she can help. Maybe Shidou-san-"

Tonamura-sensei's sentence was harshly interrupted by Kanako's sudden voice.

"No."

"...No?" Tonamura-sensei repeated, arching an eyebrow.

"...Don't tell Shidou-san," Kanako said, clenching her fists. "She...She doesn't deserve to know. Don't tell anybody. Please."

The nurse merely smiled.

"Are you worried about Shidou-san worrying about you, Miyamae-san?"

Lie through your teeth, Kanako.

"Yes."

A frown crossed the older woman's face, prompting her to turn on her chair to face Kanako properly. "You're not alone, Miyamae-san. You have friends, you have the teachers and you have the Dorm Leader as well. Don't think that you can do this on your own. Accept the help that's around you."

"Please keep my condition private and confidential," was all Kanako said, no more, no less.

This wasn't getting anywhere. Tonamura-sensei knew that, and she decided to stop right there.

That was what happened yesterday night, right before curfew.

There were a thousand things that no one ever knew about Kanako Miyamae. Kanako even took the time to laugh to herself while walking to school from the dorms, thinking of a few things that she unintentionally deceived people about.

She knew what a rosary was.

She always knew how to operate computers well.

She did love ethics; it was her favorite subject, and she didn't intentionally switch her mindset when taking the exam.

Mornings were bleak. Her days were painful routines. At times like these, Kanako actually wished that she could share a dorm with Ryuuken-sama for further privacy and a more genuine concern from a roommate, however Ryuuken-sama had already long graduated. Age does catch up. Age waits for no one. Age serves as a grouping system, a silent indicator of relationships not yet formed and a legal indicator of consent.

Age, however, is disregarded whenever there was a terminal illness involved. Illnesses don't discriminate.

If anything else, this illness had indeed woken Kanako up from a long, meaningless dream.

Life had reminded her that it was real; it was indeed as real as it could be. High school wasn't fun. Her life wasn't fun. Kanako Miyamae reminded herself silently that she is the second child, the middle child of Professor Miyamae, and thus she has certain responsibilities. Sad as it was, she was the only child who never cried during her mother's death; when the casket was lowered and when her two sisters cried for their mother's passing, Kanako merely looked on silently, as if she completely comprehended death itself.

At times, her elder sister did notice that she was indeed more mature than the rest of the family, and to an extend, most like their late mother.

Kanako never thought of herself that way.

What made her snap out of thinking alone was the presence of quite an obnoxious soul; an attractive priest to most of her schoolmates, but a constant annoyance to her alone. Kanako had viewed Father Kanae as anything but serious, but the somber expression that he wore made her think twice. The throng of girls who usually flocked to him in the pretenses of asking him curricular questions did not follow him today, for he specifically chose this time, this intimate time to speak to Kanako herself in front of the girl's dormitory.

"...Father Kanae," Kanako said, giving him an attempt of a light smile.

"Miyamae-kun," Father Kanae bowed. Ah, the gentleman. If he kissed the back of her hand right then and there, she'd most likely scream and slap the living hell out of the poor man of God. "Do you have time today after classes? Tonamura-sensei wants to monitor your condition in the afternoons."

...Did the entire faculty of Ame no Kisaki know already?

As if Father Kanae could read her mind, or rather, since her expressive face gave away her thoughts, he held up a hand and shook his head.

"I assure you, Miyamae-kun, that only Tonamura-sensei and I know of your condition."

Kanako nodded silently. If Tonamura-sensei had trusted Father Kanae with her condition, then surely he was trustworthy enough. She remained on the steps, staring at the priest's palm as she thought on how much has changed ever since she was diagnosed. How much has her perception changed, if she could view Father Kanae seriously?

Father Kanae wasn't very well known to be serious to observant people, and even if Kanako wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, she too could catch on fairly quick. His martyr-like behavior towards pretty women (and scandalously, younger students) were actually thinly veiled somehow, so for him to actually initiate a normal conversation with someone he had deemed a troubled student certainly surprised Kanako in more ways than one. A serious, normal conversation, in which Kanako, in her stupor, noticed that the man before her looked at her as if she was his young ward, or a lady to protect.

"...I'm free," she answered. "Will...you come with me to the nurse's office?"

A ghost of a smile crossed Father Kanae's face. "Yes. But before that, we're going somewhere else."

"Where are we-"

"Ah, Kanako-san!"

The elder girl's free hand was instantly taken by another, eliciting a shameful, girlish scream from the former out of habit. The atmosphere was instantly broken and replaced with another one; the familiar zaniness that Kanako knew all too well. In a split second, despite her natural hives, Kanako wondered whether to go along with Mariya's interruption and get along with the day as usual, or to slap that hand away and smartly retort that she was busy, she was in a conversation, and that the high and mighty Mariya Shidou should've noticed that, as a proper lady should.

Father Kanae's response automatically made Kanako choose the first choice, much to her chagrin.

What started out as a serious conversation, a conversation that Kanako actually wanted to stay in, was changed to the dream that she was woken up from; the laughter, the ridicule, the humor of the priest wanting unattainable women, and that one of them was hilariously as male as he was. As Father Kanae and Mariya spoke pleasantly, Kanako could only keep mum, smile, and will her legs to walk away.

Far, far away.

Mariya Shidou did notice something wrong; he wasn't stupid.

Kanako's behavioral patterns were worse for wear, or maybe they had changed for the better. Earlier, he caught her deep in conversation with Father Kanae, which was incredibly rare and utterly impossible; how could Kanako Miyamae, who had hated men with a burning passion, bear to speak with a man with much seriousness and tact? He mulled over the silent details as he looked at his unfinished work in class, the equations staring back at him as if to tell him to solve them first, then solve the dilemma of his roommate.

Yes, of course. Of course. Solve the coordinates first, then solve the problem of Kanako Miyamae.

Bullshit.

He was well-known in the family to be a rash individual, especially if his sister, Shizu were to confirm it. But being rash in this situation would get him nowhere. Kanako was as distant as winter to summer, as autumn to spring, and it seemed that this time, it would be very hard to pry out anything from her. Did a family member pass away? Did something happen at home?

No, no. Those questions could be answered later. The million dollar question in his mind was this:

What did Father Kanae even tell Kanako that morning?

"The sky doesn't look so good..." Kanako mused, standing beside the priest who would eventually escort her to god knows where.

It wasn't easy evading Mariya; only with the help of Father Kanae did she manage to actually make a painstaking detour around the school to meet up with the teacher at the back of the school. Indeed, the sky was cloudy, but it did not perturb the anointed man of God one bit. With a small comforting smile, he looked at his concerned student and shook his head reassuringly, wanting her to feel at ease before he led her to the place where most would least expect.

"It's alright," Father Kanae said gently. "It won't rain now. It might rain after an hour, more like."

"How do you know?" Kanako asked inquisitively. "How is it that people can tell precisely when it might rain, and they end up being right?"

They walked; past the intricately trimmed hedges, past the beautiful flowers, past the greenery of the school's walkway as Father Kanae mused on her question. Tonamura-sensei did tell him that she had always been inquisitive, just like how her mother and father had been, and that it would be right to indulge her with answers to her questions. She would ask more questions as time passes by, but not all the answers would be answered whenever she wills it. Right now, right now was the start of it all, the first stone to be thrown into the waters, and from there, her choices and theirs might align, coincide, or completely go out of course altogether.

"Ah...it's something that you can tell as you get older, Miyamae-kun," he said, settling for that answer. Father Kanae took a deep breath, then observed the blue-haired student's expression at the fact that yes, Father Kanae did lead her to a cemetery.

The cemetery where only a few select people could be buried in. The school's cemetery.

"...The...cemetery?" Kanako breathed out.

Without a word, Father Kanae placed a hand over the cold metal of the gates, unlocking the lock as he pushed one door open for Kanako to enter. Hesitantly, she did, and as he closed the gate behind them, he beckoned her to follow him to see one particular grave; the most infamous grave in all of Ame no Kisaki and Mihashi no Mori. A crucifix stuck into the ground, a name engraved in stone, a body that might have been decayed or cremated prior, a woman with the power of a man.

The late Chairman Irene's grave.

"...Father Kanae, what does this-"

So it begins.

"Miyamae-kun, were you not curious as to how your mother died?" he began, treading on dangerous territory immediately.

Almost instantly, he saw her alarmed eyes widen, her arms stiff, her face contorted into a look of horror and questioning. Indeed, the mother of three girls was a precious woman to her daughters, but even more so to Kanako, the child who understood her best. Kanako whirled around as she pleadingly looked at Father Kanae, as if that gaze alone could bring out all the answers to all her questions. Didn't her mother die due to a heart attack? Wasn't her mother as sickly as she was?

"Father Kanae, what happened to my mother?" Kanako frantically asked, but he shook his head. He couldn't tell her yet, and even so, he didn't have all the answers. Speculations were in the air, arguing among each other as their two human mediums retained the suffocating tension.

"Not now, not now," Father Kanae coaxed. "...But learn this, Miyamae-kun. You see this grave? This grave that the whole school revers, this dead woman who had brought an impact on many people's lives?"

"Yes, I see it, but my mother-"

"Listen, Miyamae-kun," the man said, looking bitterly at the deceased, delivering the ultimatum. Kanako's eyes widened at the phrase; it was an impossible thing to do, only a heretic could bring themselves to do what Father Kanae had said next. But the intensity of the phrase shocked her to silence, shocked her to disbelief, and worse, made her think of things that she too couldn't comprehend.

"...You see this grave?" he repeated. "...Never, in any circumstances, pay respects to this woman."

Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

-Hail Mary

A/N: It's not dead! It's alive! It has a conspiracy! Keep the reviews coming, and thank you!

-Densetsu-no-Maguro.