"Nearly all trolls can stand adversity. If you want a true test of a troll's character, give them power."
- The Sufferer

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS, and today is your SEVENTH WRIGGLING DAY. You have ONE FRIEND in total, and NO ENEMIES of note, unless you count yourself, which at this point you think you might. You spend most of your time starting arguments with other trolls online. You usually lose said arguments, but nonetheless you argue with great fervor and reckless abandon, cursing such up a storm that, if unleashed upon the unsuspecting galaxy at large, could possibly bring down the Empire itself. Well, not really. But that doesn't mean you wouldn't want it to. If it was possible hate trolls to death, you would be a very dangerous troll.

Still, your hatred of the Empire is meager by comparison to your self-hatred. It is approaching kismessitude territory at a rapid pace, which KIND OF FREAKS YOU OUT.

Your one friend is KANAYA MARYAM. She is pretty much the only troll you can stand interacting with consistently. But this is NOT HER INTRO PAGE, we're saving that for later.

One other thing to note about you is a secret you've hidden all your life. You are NOT ON THE HEMOSPECTRUM, the blood color coded caste system of your race. Instead, you are below it, with the mutant, impossibly low-class blood color of CANDY RED. This fact is the one that destroyed your hopes of joining the THRESHECUTIONER ORDER, the most deadly members of Troll society. Well, that and the fact that, hard as you try, you ARE TERRIBLE AT FIGHTING WITH SICKLES, but you'd prefer think of yourself as a persecuted mutant than a mediocre fighter.

In fact, you think the chances of you being culled for having mutant blood upon reaching adulthood are exceedingly high, if not a TOTAL CERTAINTY.

Your trolltag is carcinoGeneticist and you speak in a manner that is ALMOST EXCLUSIVELY ORNERY, ALL THE TIME.

Tonight is the most important night of your life. But you don't know it yet.

What will you do?